The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Season 1
by Zim'sMostLoyalServant
Summary: The Invader Zim gang are back! Joined by allies and enemies old and new, Zim, Dib, and the others are off on exciting, epic new adventures. Hop on board and join the fun! Newest: As Halloween comes to Doomsville, Norlock unleashes hell.
1. The Horrible Test Flight of Doom

**A/N: Hello, one and all, and welcome, to my newest project. This is something I've had planned for a long time, but have kept on the backburner until such time as I broke my writer's block on, and completed, Galactic Armageddon… but since that hasn't happened, and doesn't look to be happening any time soon, I decided to finally get to work on this. Especially with the pending release of the new IZ comic from Oni Press, which I now consider the uploading of this story as a celebration of.**

 **Speaking of said comic, as of this writing, all I've seen of it are the preview images. As such, it is highly unlikely that anything from the comics will influence this story in any way. Going in, just assume that this story takes place after the original series, excluding the unproduced final episodes, except for "Nubs of Doom", "Day of Da Spookies", and "The Trial". The former two because Minimoose and Skoodge will be playing parts in this, and the latter just because I like the backstory it gives.**

 **And on a final note, I'd like to thank my good friend Eduard Kassel for all his help in planning out this story.**

 **With all that out of the way, let's get this party started!**

 **Disclaimer: As always, Invader Zim and all related characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon. Oh, and Oni Press now too, I suppose. But the OCs are mine.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **Zim'sMostLoyalServant proudly presents**

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 1: The Horrible Test Flight of Doom**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

It was yet another grueling, soul-crushing day for the students of Doomsville Middle Skool. The teachers filled their heads with useless, or downright depressing in some cases, information that would be of no true use to them in their later lives; they choked down disgusting, semi-toxic cafeteria food; and anyone who stepped out of line in any way was quickly dumped into the Underground Classrooms, never to be seen again. But for one particular class, they had to endure even more – the regular rambling rants of a genuinely-accepted-to-be-insane fellow classmate, who would simply not stop talking.

"…And this is Zim tricking people into buying boxes full of rabid mutant gerbils," Dib explained, using a pointer stick to gesture to one of the spy photos he'd tacked to the corkboard he'd set up for his latest attempt at convincing his classmates of the truth they were all blind to. He moved the pointer to the next picture and continued, "And here is Zim's robot dog juggling several of said mutant gerbils, for no apparent reason-"

"Enough slander, worm-baby!" Zim shouted from his desk, "Zim was raising money to support, um, orphaned baby piranhas! Yes, I was thinking only of those poor, flesh-eating birds."

"Piranhas are fish!" Dib snapped back.

"You lie!"

"Geez, Dib, when are you gonna knock it off with the crazy stuff already?" Zita asked.

"Yeah, so he wanted to raise money to feed fish," Torque commented, "Who cares? You're really going to stalk him over that?"

"I wasn't stalking him, I was observing him for proof that he's an alien," Dib defended, "Which, incidentally, I shouldn't even need. For crying out loud, he's always shouting about taking over the planet, and that's not even getting into his horrible disguise!"

"Here we go again," The Letter M said with an eye roll, "It's just a skin condition, Dib. Why can't you accept that? Is Skoodge an alien too?"

Everyone's attention turned to the chubby, green-skinned, red-haired boy sitting next to Zim. He'd joined the class several weeks earlier, and to say that Dib was not happy to have another alien around was a vast understatement. And he was not shy about sharing that fact.

"Yes, he is!" Dib shouted, waving his arms frantically, "He's an alien too! He's Zim's minion! What, you think he just happens to have the same so-called skin condition that just happens to somehow result in no nose or ears? What are the odds of that, huh?"

"Insolent fool boy!" Zim once again cut in, "Of course Skoodge shares Zim's skin condition. He's… my cousin!"

"I am?" Skoodge asked; Zim leaned over and kicked him in the leg, "Ow! I mean, yeah, I'm Zim's cousin. That's what it is."

Dib's eye began to twitch as the rest of the class made sounds of agreement, buying into that ridiculous, clearly spur-of-the-moment excuse. However, before he could dispute it – or, more likely, have a brief breakdown – there was a familiar hissing sound, as Miss Bitters appeared above him and leaned down to glare him down at eye level. Dib winced and stepped away nervously, as his creepy teacher started talking.

"Dib, you've now used up the five minutes a day that the Skool Board insists all teachers set aside so that their students can engage in pointless blather," Miss Bitters rasped, "Now stop speaking and sit back down."

Dib opened his mouth to object, but shut it as Miss Bitters gave a warning hiss. He quickly grabbed his corkboard and trudged back to his seat, ignoring the snickers coming from the rest of the class. He proceeded to spend the rest of the day sharing glares across the room with Zim, and after class was dismissed, the two inevitably confronted each other on the Skool steps.

Dib's glare deepened as Zim stood in front of him, arms crossed and smirking, while Skoodge hovered nervously behind his friend/superior.

"Nice try, Dib-Stink," Zim sneered, "But you should have realized by now that your fellow pitiful humans are incapable of seeing through superior Irken disguises."

"Superior? Tak's disguise was way better than yours," Dib shot back, "It actually made her look human. In fact, _all_ of her tech was better than yours."

"Was not!"

Now Dib was the one smirking, as he pressed his point. "Oh yeah? Her robot only went crazy when Gaz and your computer hacked it, as opposed to GIR, who's always insane. And her ship was easily able to hack your base, remember?"

"And then Zim made it almost kill you, remember _that_?" Zim snapped, gritting his teeth, "And _then,_ your foolish attempts at reprogramming it merely made it think it was you."

"Really?" Skoodge cut in, "How'd that happen?"

"Stay out of this!" Dib and Zim shouted at Skoodge simultaneously, before turning back to each other.

"Point is, Zim, Tak's technology is obviously better than yours, and I've got it," Dib said, planting his hands on his hips triumphantly, "So it's only a matter of time before I use it to beat you."

"Too bad then that you can't use it," Zim snorted.

"Oh, we'll see about that," Dib said smugly. Seeing the confused look on Zim's face, he decided this was a good time to leave while he had the upper hand.

Zim merely stood there with his eyes squinted in confusion as he watched his archenemy practically strut away. He scratched his chin in thought.

"Hmm, now what was that about?"

"Beats me," Skoodge shrugged. Zim smacked him upside the head. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Zim was being rhetorical!"

 _Later, Membrane Household_

Dib was pacing in the living room in front of a disinterested looking Gaz, who was attempting to shut him out and focus on her Game Slave. Dib was oblivious to this, however. He was too wrapped up in his latest monologue, still fired up from his earlier argument with Zim.

"It's taken me months, Gaz, but I've finally, _finally_ , managed to properly reprogram the central computer on Tak's ship," he stated, gesturing excitedly with his hands, "Now, it can function at full operational capacity without an A.I. that will either try to kill me, or end up thinking it's me, only to then delete itself out of depression. Which is pretty depressing itself, when you stop and think about it…"

"Will you shut up already?" Gaz snapped, "Your voice is annoying me."

"But Gaz, don't you realize how important this is?" Dib asked, "With the ship under my control, I can finally fight Zim on even ground. With that kind of technology, there'll be no threat I can't counter, no attack I can't fight off, no-"

Gaz grabbed him by the collar, and with impressive strength, lifted him up and tossed him across the room, where he landed head first in a trashcan. While he struggled to get the can off his head, Gaz snorted and sat back down to continue her game. As such, neither of the siblings noticed the fairly obviously robotic bug hovering outside the window, observing everything going on.

XXXXX

Zim sat hunched in his command chair, Skoodge beside him, as live footage from his spy bug played out on the monitors in front of him. While he didn't hesitate to laugh at the abuse Dib took from his sister, that didn't distract him from the thoughts provoked by both Dib's earlier comments and his current monologue.

"Curse the Dib! Curse him!" Zim screeched, slamming his fists on the chair's armrests.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much, Zim," Skoodge said, "I mean, I'm sure you've upgraded your cyber-security since the last time the Dib-Human used that ship to hack your base, right? It shouldn't be that much of a problem."

"Of course I've upgraded my security, you fool!" Zim snapped.

"Actually, you haven't," the computer interjected.

"Do not interrupt Zim!" Zim replied, before turning back to Skoodge, "And that's not the point, Skoodge. Don't you see? That stinking pile of human stink is using our superior Irken technology as if it were his own. That is an insult to our entire species!"

"Don't you think you're overreacting a little?" Skoodge asked.

"Zim does not overreact!" Zim shouted in Skoodge's face, standing up in the chair and leaning over in order to get the full effect.

Before Skoodge could respond, the Irkens' attention was pulled back to the monitors. On the screen, Dib finally managed to pull his head free of the trashcan, stumbling a bit from the momentum. Shaking his head to reorient himself, he turned back to Gaz and opened his mouth to say something, but clearly thought better of it and shut his mouth.

" _So_ ," he said after a few moments of quiet, " _I'm going to go take the ship for a test flight. You know, if you wanted to watch, or anything…_ "

Gaz merely growled, and Dib wisely left the room in response.

"Hmm," Zim muttered, a small smirk coming to his face, "A test flight, eh? Well, we'll just have to see about that, won't we?"

Sitting back down properly, Zim reached over and pressed a button on the console.

"GIR! Minimoose! Come!" he commanded.

A moment later, a hatch in the ceiling opened up, and GIR slammed down into the floor; oddly, he was covered in what appeared to be chocolate pudding. A few seconds after this, Minimoose lazily wafted down out of the hatch as well, coming to a rest hovering over his dim-witted companion.

"…What's with the pudding?" Skoodge asked.

"Squeak!" Minimoose responded.

"Oh, that makes sense."

Zim ignored them, marching over to pick up GIR by his antenna and look him in the eye.

"GIR, go prepare the Voot for immediate takeoff. We'll meet this arrogant Earth-Monkey in the air and teach him what happens when he tries to use our own technology against us!"

"Oooh, we gonna 'splode him?" GIR asked excitedly.

"Yes, so much exploding shall we do!" Zim exclaimed, and then blinked, thought about what he'd just said, and quickly added, "To him. We will make the Dib explode, not us… just go get the Voot ready!"

"Yes, sir!" GIR said, eyes flashing red for a moment as he saluted, before he hopped out of his master's grip and ran off.

"Should I get my ship ready too?" Skoodge asked.

"That won't be necessary, Skoodge," Zim said, absently waving him off, "Zim can handle this alone. In the meantime, you stay here and help Minimoose clean out the base. I think some of the mutant gerbils got into the ventilation system and have started breeding. Make yourself useful and exterminate them."

"Err, isn't that dangerous?"

"Yes," Zim said bluntly, as he started to walk away, "You'll probably need to replace most of your skin by the time you're done, but in any case, I expect the vermin gone by the time I get back."

"You got it, Zim! You can count on me!" Skoodge said, saluting Zim's retreating back. But Zim paid him no attention. He was already thinking ahead to what he was going to do to Dib.

Oh, yes. This was going to be fun.

 _An Hour Later, Somewhere Above The Atlantic Ocean_

Tak's Spittle Runner – or rather, Dib's Spittle Runner now – zoomed through the air over the ocean, cutting through clouds and skipping along over the water's surface. Sitting at the controls, Dib was grinning ear-to-ear. This was by far the most exhilarating moment of his life; the only possible way it could get better would be if he were actually flying in space, but it seemed just a little too early to try that. He wanted to be sure everything was working right before he risked the dangers of space flight.

Still, this was pretty awesome. And he could not wait to rub Zim's nonexistent nose in the fact that he, a "pathetic human", managed to get an advanced piece of alien technology like this up and running. And it'd be even sweeter when he used said technology to finally defeat Zim once and for all…

 _BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

Dib's gleeful thoughts were suddenly cut off, as flashing warning lights and blaring sirens filled the cockpit. Before he could even try to understand what was happening, the ship suddenly rocked, hard, and he was flung into the wall as the ship started spinning. Pulling himself back up, he quickly grabbed the controls and pulled the ship out of the spin and stabilized it. Checking the console, Dib saw a holographic image of the Spittle Runner appear, a section of the starboard side flashing red, indicating damage.

"What the hell just happened?" he asked aloud, not expecting an answer. He still got one, however, as a familiar maniacal laugh boomed from the communication panel, Zim's Voot Cruiser dropping into view to hover in front of the Spittle Runner.

"Hello, Dib," Zim sneered, his face appearing on a holo-screen that popped up from the console.

"Hi, Big Head!" GIR added, sticking his face into view, before Zim shoved him aside.

"My head's not big!" Dib snapped, instinctively, before refocusing on the more important matters at hand, "Zim! How'd you find me out here?"

"Oh, it wasn't hard," Zim said, smugly inspecting his gloved fingers, "I was already monitoring your home; when I learned you were taking Tak's ship for a test flight, I simply tracked your movements."

"…So why didn't you just shoot me down when I first took off?" Dib asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Do not question my methods!" Zim replied, "For now, I will blow you up before you can corrupt that ship with your stinking human-ness, and dump what's left of you in this _filthy_ ocean."

"We'll see about that, spaceboy!" Dib said, reaching for the weapons controls… only to freeze as he realized a serious flaw with his plan. Zim noticed Dib's actions, and a smirk blossomed on his face.

"You don't know how to use the weapons, do you?" he asked.

"Uh…" Dib grasped for a response, before grabbing the controls, "Okaynicetoseeyougottagobye!"

With that, he made the Spittle Runner zoom off, as far and fast away from Zim's Voot as he could.

"Ha! That's right, human! Run away and cry, cry tears of dread from your big head of doomed stink!" Zim cried out triumphantly, until he remembered his purpose for being there, "I mean, get back here so I can destroy you!"

With that, Zim charged his ship after Dib's, firing off blasts from the Voot's plasma cannons. Dib did his best to weave and bob the Spittle Runner through the air in order to avoid the attacks, but it seemed that every third or fourth shot connected. The shields were holding for now, but it didn't take a genius to realize that they'd fail soon enough, and then he'd be pretty much screwed.

"C'mon, c'mon," Dib muttered, alternating between tugging on the flight controls and frantically hitting every other button and switch on the console, trying to find the firing control for the ship's weapons. He was so wrapped up in this, that he barely noticed where he was going, passing through the day/night divider and soon after once again zooming over land instead of water. Ordinarily this would have fascinated him, but given that he was currently trying not to die, he was understandably distracted.

"For crying out loud, it's an _Irken_ ship! Irkens love blowing stuff up! There should be a million buttons for weapons!" Dib groused, continuing to hit everything on the console, "I mean, why can't there just be a big red button – oh."

Dib cut off as he noticed the rather large button in the middle of the console, right above the flight controls, marked "Emergency Use" in the Irken letters he'd gained a basic understanding of.

"…I need to start paying more attention to these things," he muttered, before raising a hand over the button, "Okay Zim, try this!"

He slammed his hand down on the button… and the Spittle Runner came to an immediate dead stop, hanging in midair.

"What the-?"

Once again, Dib was cut off by a jarring shock, this time as the Voot suddenly slammed into the stationary Spittle Runner at full speed. There was a small explosion, and both ships went flying, spinning uncontrollably through the air. Dib desperately grabbed at the flight controls, trying to regain control, but it wasn't working. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Voot crash into the forested region they were flying over. That would have pleased him, if it weren't for the fact that he was about ten seconds away from having the same thing happen to him.

The Spittle Runner skimmed across the top of the trees, managing to fly just high enough to avoid hitting them. For a moment, it looked like Dib might regain control of the ship, but then it passed over a clearing, over which towered a ridiculously tall billboard that read "Welcome To Bransloatia, Home Of The World's Biggest Signs". The Spittle Runner slammed directly into, and through, the sign, at which point the engines finally gave out altogether. The ship flipped over several times as it dropped from the air, finally slamming into the ground, bouncing a few times, and then coming to a halt.

For a few more moments, there was silence. Then the Spittle Runner's cockpit canopy opened with a groan, and a bruised and dazed Dib crawled out of the ship. He stumbled away a bit, before stopping to adjust his disheveled coat and cracked glasses.

"Well, any crash you can walk away from," he muttered woozily, before promptly passing out and collapsing. His unconscious form lay there for several more minutes, before a shadow passed over him. The figure casting it observed Dib a moment, and then a pale, clawed hand grabbed his leg, and started dragging him away.

XXXXX

A few miles away, the Voot Cruiser sat in a small crater, smoke curling up from several points along its body. Suddenly, the cracked canopy was kicked out, and Zim jumped out, rapidly pounding on his uniform in order to put out the patches that had caught fire. GIR hopped out after him, nearly his entire metal body somehow on fire.

"Yay, it burns!" the robot said cheerfully, before dropping to the ground and rolling around to put out the flames.

"Stupid, idiotic, _fragging_ human smeet!" Zim cursed, as he finished putting out the flames, "Who hits the emergency stop brake in the middle of a dogfight? Is he insane? And look at this mess! It'll take hours for the auto-repair systems to get the Voot flying again!"

"Oooh, what's that?" GIR asked, popping up to point off in the distance. Zim frowned at his minion's interruption of his angry rant, but followed his pointing finger. His antennae arched in surprise at the sight that greeted him: a sprawling Gothic castle sat in the middle distance, towers jutting into the sky like jagged teeth, gargoyles on every ledge glaring down from their perches. The already creepy image was made even worse for a moment as it was illuminated by a sudden flash of lightning… which was odd, given that the sky was completely free of clouds.

"Hmm, some sort of human dwelling," Zim commented, not really noticing the overall disturbing nature of the place, "Dib will no doubt go there to heal from whatever injuries his inferior body must have taken from the crash."

Zim reached into the still smoldering Voot and pulled out GIR's disguise. Tossing the dog suit to his robot, Zim pulled out his own disguise and slapped it on.

"Come, GIR. We'll infiltrate this place, find the Dib, and finally doom him once and for all!"

"I'm gonna sing the Doom Song now!" GIR said in response, "Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom…"

Zim's eye twitched as memories of his initial six-month trip to Earth flashed before his eyes in a sudden burst of horror. But he steeled himself, reminding himself that this would be a much shorter trip, and much more rewarding. With that, he started marching towards the castle, GIR skipping along beside him.

 _A While Later, Inside The Castle_

Dib groaned as he slowly regained consciousness. His head was pounding, and he had an odd sense of vertigo. As his memory of what had happened slowly came back to him, he tried to reach up to rub his throbbing head, only to find that he couldn't move his arms.

"Wha…?" he muttered, his eyes fluttering open. As his vision focused and he took in his surroundings, he realized two very important things. First of all, despite remembering passing out in a field, he was currently in a stone-brick room, with crude, bare light fixtures in the ceiling, and a single plain wooden door directly across from him. Secondly, and more importantly, the reason for his various discomforts was that he was hanging suspended upside-down from the ceiling via a length of chain that was wrapped tightly around his body below (above?) the neck, and looped through a base bolted into the ceiling.

"Oh, now what?" he groaned, "This just isn't my day."

Before he could even begin to try and struggle against the chains, the door suddenly swung open. From his upside-down vantage point, Dib watched as a tall figure entered the room, rolling in an antique metal tub, which had been fitted onto a gurney.

"Oh, good, you're awake," the figure greeted, with a voice like dried leaves rustling.

Dib didn't immediately respond. In fact, the only reason he wasn't staring slack-jawed was that gravity was working against that particular action at the moment. The figure who had entered the room – whom Dib distractedly noticed was wearing a rather fine-looking black suit with a red button-down shirt underneath, and a black cape thrown over the shoulders – was deathly pale, the skin almost looking to be cracking off in some places. His ears were drawn back in points that tapered off in the wispy remnants of white hair that clung to the sides of his otherwise bald head. His nose was shriveled back against his skull, and his eyes provided the only real color in his face, the iris and sclera both being blood red.

Most frightening of all, however, was the disturbingly wide grin, which was displaying blackened gums, yellowed teeth… and a pair of very, _very_ sharp looking fangs.

"So," Dib finally said, swallowing nervously, "I'm going to take a wild guess here. Vampire?"

"Well, aren't you clever?" the vampire chuckled, which sounded like bones cracking, as he rolled the tub over so that it was sitting directly under Dib. He had a very bad idea where this was going.

"Ah, but where are my manners?" the vampire continued, giving a melodramatic bow, "A host should always introduce himself properly. I am Norlock, lord of this castle. And you are?"

"Uh, I'm Dib," he replied hesitantly, trying desperately to think a way out this.

Norlock, meanwhile, scratched his chin in thought; Dib was fairly sure he saw skin flake off and fall away with each movement of the clawed nails. Then the vampire suddenly snapped his fingers, causing Dib to jolt in surprise as the sound echoed loudly off the stone walls.

"That's where I know you from!" Norlock said excitedly, "You're Professor Membrane's son – I recognize you from that last televised publicity stunt he did. He dragged you and your creepy sister out for the cameras to make himself look better."

Dib blinked. "Wait… you have a TV?"

"I have a satellite dish on the roof," Norlock replied, "Internet too. Both pirated, of course – I don't need people knowing where I live. And why pay for what you can take, am I right?"

"Er," Dib struggled for something to say in response. If he could keep Norlock talking, he'd hopefully forget about eating him long enough to find a way to escape. "I, uh, didn't think vampires bothered keeping up to date with stuff like that."

"Most don't. But I learned a long time ago that it's always best to maintain at least a basic knowledge of the times. I may spend most of my time here in this castle now, but I do travel a bit every few decades. It comes in handy to keep up with pop culture and news. Speaking of the latter, I don't recall hearing anything about your old man developing any aircraft like the one you crashed on my lawn. Mind explaining that?"

"Would you believe I took if from an alien?" Dib asked, "Or that another alien shot me down in a dog fight?"

Norlock arched an eyebrow. "Really? That's your story? Little green men?"

"Oh, come on!" Dib complained, "You're a freaking _vampire!_ But not even _you_ can believe in aliens? Seriously?"

"Well, _someone_ has anger issues," Norlock chuckled, "But that's good. Get your blood boiling – it'll taste better."

Crap. So much for distracting him.

"Speaking of which, let's get a taste test."

Before Dib could respond, Norlock's arm lashed out at whiplash speeds, and Dib yelped at a sudden jarring pain in his left cheek. Norlock, meanwhile, raised the clawed finger that had opened a small cut on Dib's face to his own and examined the small bit of blood collected on it. He sniffed it, then lashed his tongue out like a lizard and lapped it up. He closed his eyes and pursed his lips in thought as he processed the taste, and then let out a surprised gasp.

"Oh, my, my, you _are_ full of surprises, aren't you? This is quite a rare blood type. I think the last time I tasted this was… 1665? No, wait; it was '66. That's right – I was living in London at the time, and it was the night before the Great Fire. Very tasty. Oh, I am really going to enjoy this."

"I'm so happy to hear that," Dib spat, blinking away tears of pain as he felt blood trickling down his cheek, "It's great to know that the third-rate Dracula knockoff who's about to eat me thinks I taste good."

"Please," Norlock snorted, "Dracula was a hack with a good publicist. Tell me he's not the only vampire you've ever heard of."

"I dunno. Do you count the ones from _Twilig_ -GAK!"

Dib was cut off as Norlock grabbed him by the throat and twisted him around so that he was upright again and looking directly into the vampire's eyes, which were glowing with rage.

"I. _Hate_. Those books," he hissed, "They are a mockery of everything my kind stand for. We do not _sparkle._ "

With that, he let go, and Dib swung like a pendulum for a moment, before settling back into his original position. Norlock, meanwhile, reached into an interior pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out an object wrapped in dark cloth, which he slowly unwrapped. And despite all the blood rushing to his head, Dib still felt his face go pale as Norlock revealed the object in question to be old-fashioned, but still quite sharp looking, hunting knife.

"You know, I _was_ considering keeping you alive, draw out the feeding process, really make a feast of you. But, that last crack really pissed me off, so I think I'll just stick to my original plan – cut your throat and empty you into the tub now, to drink from later. Now then, try to lean your head back. If I cut you just right and sever the main arteries, you'll bleed out fast enough to not feel too much pain. Silver lining, and all that."

As he reared back and prepared to strike with the knife, Dib struggled insistently but futilely with the chains holding him, his life flashing before his eyes… and wow, but it had _sucked_. Still, he didn't want it to end, not here and now. So he struggled all the harder as Norlock lashed out…

…And stopped short as Chopin's Funeral March rang out. Dib blinked in sudden shock and confusion, adrenaline still pumping, as Norlock, with a confused and annoyed look crossing his face, lowered the knife and reached into a pocket with his free hand. He pulled out a smartphone, of all things, which was flashing something on its screen.

"Hmm, good thing I installed that new security system. Looks like I've got another visitor," the vampire muttered. With a shrug, he put the phone away, and a moment later wrapped the knife back up, putting it away as well. "Well, looks like you're in luck. I like to feed fresh, so draining you will have to wait until I deal with whoever this is. Don't go anywhere."

"Yeah, not a problem," Dib muttered, heart still pounding from the near-death experience. Norlock, snickering at his own bad joke, flung back his cape melodramatically as he turned on his heel and swept out the door into the corridor beyond.

As Dib calmed down, he suddenly realized two things. First, he'd just been given a golden chance to escape with his life. Secondly, considering how he'd ended up here in the first place, there was really only one person who would be entering the castle right now. And he did not want Zim finding him helpless like this.

Being pretty much screwed no matter who found him, Dib redoubled his efforts to escape the chains.

 _Elsewhere In The Castle_

Zim walked carefully down the corridor, GIR skipping along beside him. When no one had answered at the doors of this human dwelling, he had simply cut open a door in them and entered on his own. Now, several minutes later, he was beginning to think he was wasting his time. He hadn't encountered anyone so far, least of all Dib, and in fact, there were rooms and entire corridors that looked as if they hadn't been used in years. It looked like this place was abandoned; maybe Dib hadn't come here, and was long gone by now.

"Stupid Dib-Monkey, sending me on a wild goose chase," Zim muttered, "When I do find him, I'm going to turn him into a cockroach, put him in a box, and mail him to myself so I can crush him!"

Any further ramblings were cut off by a sudden strong burst of wind rushing down the corridor, followed swiftly by large columns of black smoke. The smoke collected in the middle of the corridor in front of Zim, shooting upwards in a spinning pillar, which dispersed with a bang, revealing Norlock, who was standing with his cape thrown back and his arms outstretched to the sides. He opened his mouth to say something no doubt as dramatic as his entrance, but froze as he got a good look at Zim. The alien and the vampire just stared at each other for a moment, until the latter broke the silence, arching an eyebrow as he spoke.

"Huh. Little green man. The big-headed boy was telling the truth after all."

"Uh, no, no," Zim said quickly, "Whatever Dib told you is filthy lies! Zim is a perfectly normal human, just like you!"

"…Do I look human to you?" Norlock asked, "For that matter, do people actually think that _you_ look human? I mean, I know world IQ levels were going down, but that's just _sad_."

"Uh, um – GIR, attack!"

GIR, who had been licking some moss on the wall, snapped to attention. He jumped up and out of his disguise, eyes and panels flashing red, as he flipped through the air, pulling a few faux-karate moves as he did so. He landed on Norlock's shoulder, and the vampire prepared to defend himself, when GIR's lights went back to blue, and he leaned into Norlock's face with a wide grin.

"Hi!" he greeted, "You smell really bad!"

Norlock frowned in annoyance at the comment, and backhanded the robot off of his shoulder. GIR landed on his side on the floor, and from that position started running around in circles, giggling all the while.

"Well, that was annoying," Norlock muttered, turning his attention back to Zim, "Now then, where were we?"

"AAAHHH!" Zim gave off a wordless battle cry (which from him sounded more like a high-pitched shriek) as he charged at Norlock, PAK spider legs deployed. However, the vampire easily dodged the deadly appendages, ducked down, and uppercut Zim in the chin, sending the Irken flying across the corridor, and nicking his chin with one of his claws in the process.

Zim hit the wall hard enough that his wig flew off and one of his contacts popped out. Norlock made a thoughtful humming noise as he noticed that, then looked down to inspect the green blood collected on his claw.

"Well, that's different," he commented, "Hmm, wonder what alien blood tastes like?"

As he had with his sampling of Dib's blood, he raised the claw to his face and licked Zim's blood off his claw… and then immediately spat it out.

"Gah!" he gagged, retching slightly, "That's awful! I mean, I accidentally fed on a plague victim once, and he didn't taste that bad!"

"You dare insult Zim's mighty blood?!" Zim demanded, getting back to his feet and ignoring his remaining contact popping out, "I will teach you to respect every molecule of me, old disgusting human!"

"Again, I'm not human," Norlock said, spitting again to clear his mouth of the foul taste, "I'm a vampire, you idiot."

Zim squinted in confusion. "Eh? You mean like those shiny stink-beasts in those awful movies?"

Norlock's eye twitched at the comment. "I'm nothing like those Hollywood abominations, thank you very much. But, that aside, let's start over. I am Norlock, lord of this castle. And you are?"

"I am Zim!" the Irken declared, unable to resist a chance to talk about himself without worry of exposure, "I am an Invader of the almighty Irken Empire, and I have come to conquer this miserable ball of dirt! And if you get in my way, undead worm baby, I shall crush you into nothingness just as I will all others foolish enough to stand against me!"

"Is that right?" Norlock asked, crossing his arms in contemplation, "Please, go on."

XXXXX

Dib sighed as, after what felt like 10-15 minutes of struggling against the chains, all he had to show for it was sore muscles, as he continued to hang from the ceiling. He was starting to think that there really wasn't a way out of this.

"Come on, think of something," he muttered angrily, "I got sucked into a nightmare dimension inside my own head once and walked away from that. There's no way I'm letting myself die _here_."

He tried to think of some way to free himself, when he froze. He thought he'd heard… yes, there were footsteps in the hallway, just outside the door that had partially closed from the wind generated by Norlock's sudden departure.

"Hey!" he called out, "Hello? Is there someone out there? Someone who isn't Zim or Norlock? I could use some help in here!"

There was a moment of quiet as the steps paused outside the door, then Dib's hopes soared as they turned, and the door was nudged open… and then his eyes practically popped out of his head as a wolf the size of a small horse, and built like a silverback gorilla, entered the room. Its muscles bulged under its dark grey fur, and a spiked collar was wrapped around its neck, adding to its intimidating appearance.

It was also cross-eyed and drooling buckets from the tongue hanging from its panting mouth, however. That distracted from the intimidation slightly. Not a lot, but just enough to be off-putting.

"Uh, hi," Dib greeted, as the direwolf cocked its head to stare at him inquisitively, "I'm going to guess you're Norlock's pet, right?"

In response, the direwolf leaned forward and sniffed at Dib experimentally, and then gave him a long lick with its massive tongue. Dib shuddered in disgust and mentally added "take a shower" to the list of things he'd do if he made it out of here alive. Speaking of which, he decided to draw on his experiences with GIR – and frankly, the wolf seemed to have the same intelligence level – and see if he couldn't trick it into helping him. Scanning the collar, he spotted a nametag dangling from the side.

"So, listen Phil, you think… Phil? Seriously? That's the best he could come up with?" Dib asked, before shaking his head and continuing, "You think maybe you could be a good boy and get me out of here?"

Phil cocked his head again, but Dib thought he saw understanding in those mismatched eyes.

"Hey, if you let me out, I'll, uh, give you some ham!" Dib said, suddenly remembering that time he'd randomly found ham in his pockets. And it seemed to pay off, as Phil's eyes lit up, and his tail started wagging. "Yeah, you like ham, don't you? Well, let me out, and you can have all you want. What do you say, huh?"

In response, Phil opened his mouth wide – showing off rows of truly enormous teeth – and before Dib could properly process that rather terrifying sight, he reached forward and clamped down on the length of chain between the ceiling base and Dib's legs. After applying pressure for a few moments, there was the very rewarding sound of breaking metal as Phil's jaws ripped the chain links apart.

"Yes! Now, just slowly put me dow-AAHHHH!"

Dib was cut off as Phil threw his head back and started rotating it, spinning the chain – and Dib – around repeatedly. With each complete circle, another length of the chain binding Dib was unwound, until finally he was freed completely. At which point his momentum sent him flying, to smack into the nearest wall, after which he slid to the floor.

"It figures," he muttered. The sound of metal hitting the floor caught his attention, and he looked up to see Phil dropping the chain from his mouth, and turning to look at Dib expectantly. Remembering his promise, Dib quickly patted himself down but found that, no, he didn't magically have any ham on him. Just his luck, of course, that when he _needed_ weird random stuff to happen to him, it didn't. And now he had a hungry wolf big enough to ride on looking at him anxiously.

"Uh, so, Phil… hey, look at that thing over there!" he suddenly shouted, pointing behind the direwolf. When Phil turned around to look, Dib bolted out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He then took off down the corridor. All he had to do now was find a way out of here, and he was home free.

Meanwhile, back in the room, Phil was still staring at the blank wall Dib had pointed at. Five minutes later, it finally occurred to him that he was looking at nothing, and he turned around to look back at Dib, only to find himself alone. It was at this point he realized that the big-headed boy had lied about having ham, and that made him angry. A tremor ran through the direwolf's body, and his eyes realigned themselves so that they were focused properly, before narrowing in anger, while his tongue pulled back into his mouth as his teeth clenched.

Growling deeply, Phil charged forward, barely noticing as he smashed through the door. Once in the corridor, he briefly paused, long enough to pick up Dib's scent. Once he had it, he threw his head back and let out a bellowing howl, before rushing down the corridor after Dib.

 _A Few Minutes Earlier, Back With Zim And Norlock_

"…And then, once Zim has reduced every city on this planet to burning rubble, I will force my new human slaves into work gangs to collect all the scrap metal they can find in the ruins," Zim said, continuing the motive rant he'd had going for the past several minutes. For his part, Norlock was still standing in the same position and giving Zim his full attention, the only divergence in this being to politely decline an offer to share the popcorn GIR pulled out of his head at some point while listening to his master's monologue.

"Let me guess. So you can put them to work building statues of yourself?" he asked, soundly only slightly bored.

"Well, a few, of course," Zim said, waving a hand dismissively, "But as for the rest of the scrap, I'll force half the humans into factories to use it to create machines I don't need, and then ship them to other factories to have the other humans tear them back down into scrap."

"So you'll be forcing them into slave labor for no reason other than to make them suffer?" Norlock asked.

"Of course!"

Norlock was silent for a moment, but then nodded in approval. "Cruelty for the sake of cruelty is a bit petty, but what the hell, it's fun, isn't it?"

The alien and the vampire shared a cackle then, just two unrepentedly evil figures bonding over their shared love of other people's suffering. But this twistedly joyful moment was cut short as a howl echoed throughout the castle. Norlock tensed, while Zim screeched and grabbed his antennae in pain.

"Gah! What the _frag_ was that?" he demanded.

"Excuse me, won't you?" Norlock replied, "I do believe my dinner is escaping."

With that, Norlock dramatically twirled his cape around himself. Shadows danced up and around him, and when they parted, a massive, demonic bat hovered in the air. It flapped its wings twice, and then darted down the corridor, in the direction that the howl had come from. Zim stood there, blinking in confusion, before it occurred to him what Norlock meant.

"The Dib!" Zim shouted, "No! No one kills Dib but me! GIR, let's go!"

Zim grabbed his robot by the antenna and ran off after the retreating vampire.

XXXXX

Dib ducked into a room, breathing heavily, exhaustion from everything he'd been through already today catching up to him. Unfortunately, he couldn't stop now; he'd heard the howl, and even now could hear the sound of an angry direwolf chasing him echoing through the corridors. Looking around, he saw that he was in a storage room of some kind, and spotted a large pile of old chairs stacked off to one side. Seeing no other decent hiding places, and hearing Phil approach, Dib dove under the chairs and shuffled to the back of the stack, hoping the shadows would hide him.

A minute later, Phil entered the room, ears tapered back dangerously, head held low as he sniffed the ground. Dib hoped there was enough dust and mold in the room to hide his scent, but he was also starting to think this was a _really_ stupid hiding place.

However, before Phil could find him, there was the sound of flapping leather as a giant bat swooped into the room, and with a flash of black light, it transformed into Norlock. As if a switch had been flicked, the wolf's demeanor returned to its previous state, eyes crossing and mouth flopping open in a grin. With a happy bark, the wolf trotted over to greet his master, who looked quite annoyed.

"Phil! Did you let a prisoner escape again?" Norlock demanded, "You know you're not supposed to do that!"

The wolf's ears drooped, his tail curling up between his legs as he let out a whine, like a puppy being scolded for going on the carpet.

"…Oh, I can't stay mad at you. Come here," Norlock said, pulling Phil in for a hug. The wolf happily nuzzled him in return, tail wagging, as his master continued, "Who's Daddy's favorite direwolf? Yes you are, yes you are."

From his hiding place, Dib watched with a raised eyebrow. He couldn't tell if what he was seeing was touching, disturbing, or both.

"By the way, I can hear your heart beating from here, Dib," Norlock said, still hugging his pet, "And oops, there we go, it just started pounding even faster, like a maraca. But really, what were you thinking? That's the best hiding place you could find? Here, let me show how poor a choice that was."

Norlock raised a hand, extending the middle and fore fingers to point at the chair pile. He then said something in a language Dib didn't understand, and a bolt of black energy shot out from the fingers, hitting the chairs and exploding. When the smoke cleared, Dib found himself in the middle of a pile of charred and shattered wood.

"So, you know magic, too," Dib said, deadpan, "Of course you do. What next, hypnotism?"

"Yes, but I doubt it'd work on you," Norlock said, detaching from Phil to stalk over to Dib, "It really only works on simple minds, and you seem too clever for that. In fact, you're just too plain clever in general. It's been quite some time since someone escaped from the holding room. That's impressive, but also dangerous. Forget draining you into the tub, I'm just going to eat you the old fashioned way, here and now."

By this point, Norlock was now standing directly in front of Dib, who scrambled backwards in a desperate attempt to get away from the vampire looming over him. As he did so, his hand brushed against something. Eyes zipping to the side, Dib saw a particularly large, long fragment of wood, which ended in a jagged point…

Eyes widening in sudden inspiration, Dib steeled his resolve and gripped the wood. He then turned back to Norlock, baring his teeth in challenge.

"Yeah? Well, eat _this!_ "

With that, he shot his arm out, sending the makeshift stake flying. It hit target dead on, striking Norlock in the chest, right in the heart. Norlock gaped down at the wood sticking out of his chest… and then, to Dib's shock, rather than dropping dead or poofing into dust, merely scowled and glared down at him.

"You little bastard! This was my favorite shirt!"

"…Come on!" Dib complained, anger and frustration overwhelming fear, "I just staked you in the heart!"

"Correction," Norlock said, ripping the stake out of his chest in a spray of black ichor that may have once been blood and tossing it aside, "You just staked me in the _chest_. But I have this wonderful thing called a _rib cage_ , genius. Why do you think all the old movies show vampire hunters using hammers to drive the stakes in? You can't just stab someone in the chest with a piece of wood and expect it break through bone to the heart on the first try. The lungs, maybe, but not the heart. So, nice try there, Buffy, but now just sit still and let me eat you already."

"STOP!"

Dib and Norlock turned to look towards the doorway, where Zim now stood.

"No one kills the Dib-Monkey but me!" he declared, "He has stood in the way of Zim's conquest of Earth long enough! Only I shall have the pleasure of ending his pitiful existence!"

Norlock arched an eyebrow. "Wait. You mean to tell me that you, a – according to you – highly-trained elite soldier of a galaxy conquering empire, haven't been able to take over this relatively undeveloped planet, because of a single kid who hasn't even hit puberty yet?"

"Silence! You do not understand the complexities of our rivalry, foolish bloodsucker! And that is why you will not be the one who kills him instead of Zim!"

As Zim and Norlock descended into an argument over who would get to kill him, Dib saw that, meanwhile, GIR and Phil were distracted by each other, the robot poking the wolf in the side repeatedly and the wolf in turn sniffing the robot all over. So, everyone else was distracted by each other, meaning he had a chance of getting away, if he could just find one. Looking around desperately, he saw that there was just the one door, which the others were in the way of. Looking further, all he saw was more old furniture, suits of armor, rugs, a window…

Dib did a double take. Two feet away, and five feet up the wall, was a window, which from the look of things led directly outside the castle. Had that been there the whole time? Wow, he _really_ did need to start more attention to his surroundings.

"I can respect your history," Norlock said, "But this is my home, and he is my prey. And as dangerous as you may think you are, don't think that I am someone you can trifle with."

"Zim isn't afraid of you, bat creature! And if you try to deny me my rightful vengeance, I'll remove your limbs and replace them with dookie!"

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

"Lies!"

 _SMASH_

The sound of breaking glass caught both Zim and Norlock by surprise, and they turned in time to see Dib jumping out of a window that he had apparently broken with another piece of a broken chair.

"…Did he not realize we're on the fourth floor?" Norlock asked.

Outside, and about twenty feet down, Dib painfully pulled himself out of the bushes that had broken his fall. That being said, it still wasn't his most graceful landing.

"Ow. I'm going to be feeling that tomorrow," he muttered, but then perked up as he saw the Spittle Runner not too far away. "Wow, I really did land on his lawn. I'd feel worse about that if he weren't trying to eat me. And in any case, I am out of here!"

Dib took off running, and as such just barely avoided a laser blast that hit the ground where he had been standing. Yelping in surprise, he looked up to see Zim leaning out of the broken window he'd jumped out of, a PAK leg pointing in his direction and still smoking from the energy discharge.

"You're not going anywhere, Dib!" he shouted, as he deployed his other PAK legs and started to climb down the castle wall, "I finally have a chance to get rid of you without anyone noticing, and I'm not letting you get away! GIR! Stop playing with the dog beast and let's go!"

"Hi ho Silver!" GIR responded, jumping out the window to land on and straddle his master's back. Unfortunately for Zim, he wasn't prepared for this, causing him to lose his balance and fall into the bushes below with a crash. Norlock peered out the window and took in the scene below.

"I knew I should have planted those thorn bushes," he muttered, "Oh well, might as well see how this plays out. Then I'll deal with whoever wins."

Dib, meanwhile, had taken off at a sprint towards the Spittle Runner, even though he felt like he was about to collapse from exhaustion. Still, he made it to the Runner and jumped in, the canopy closing after him. He grabbed the flight controls, only to receive nothing but flickering console lights and a groan from the engines in return.

"Oh, come on already!" he moaned, "Can't I get just _one_ break today?"

Looking up from the controls, Dib saw that Zim had freed himself from the bushes and was now skittering towards the Spittle Runner on his PAK legs. Panicking, Dib started pounding on the console, hoping to jumpstart a reaction from the engines. Instead, there was a sudden thrumming sound, as a hatch on the roof of the Spittle Runner opened up, and a large bazooka shaped device popped out. It glowed for a moment, and then fired a large orb of dark purple energy.

"Ah!" Zim screamed, jumping aside and barely avoiding the attack, which continued on towards the castle. Up in the window, Norlock's eyes bugged out in alarm.

"Satan's hemorrhoids!" he cursed, likewise dodging to the side, just before the plasma sphere hit the castle. There was a massive explosion as the sphere detonated, taking out roughly a third of the structure in the initial explosion, before the resulting shockwave spread out, causing the rest of the castle to very quickly collapse. The cloud of smoke, dust, and debris spread out over several miles, covering everything in the area, before dying down after several minutes. Safely ensconced inside the Spittle Runner, Dib watched all this occur, view occasionally blocked as debris impacted and bounced on the canopy.

"Wow," he muttered, stunned and awed. He then perked up as something suddenly occurred to him. "Hey, I finally figured out how to use the weapons! Sweet! But, wait, which button did I hit?"

Dib looked at the console, but couldn't tell which button had triggered the destruction of Norlock's castle, and hopefully the vampire himself. Dib planted his face in his hands at this.

"Oh, it figures… Well, nuts to this. This has been a long enough day as is. I'm going home; I'll figure this out later."

With that, he tried the flight controls again, and was relieved when this time they responded. While somewhat sluggish, the Spittle Runner did lift into the air, and soon took off, heading back home. Shortly after, a particularly large pile of debris in the field shifted, and Zim and GIR emerged from it. Spitting out a mouthful of dust, Zim looked around and growled.

"Damn that human! This was a complete and utter waste of my time. I'll make him pay for this. Come, GIR, let's go-"

"Hi puppy!" GIR said happily, waving at something behind Zim.

"Eh?" Zim asked, beginning to turn around, only to be tackled to the ground by something that felt like a steamroller. When his vision cleared from the resulting stars, he found himself pinned down by Phil, whose lips were peeled back dangerously, as he glared down at Zim.

"Heel," a familiar voice said calmly. As Phil backed off, switching back into his friendlier attitude, Norlock stepped into view. The vampire was disheveled, but otherwise looked no worse for wear for having just been inside an exploding building. He ignored Zim for a moment, choosing instead to look around at the devastation.

"I've had this castle since the Third Crusade," he commented morosely, "No matter where I would travel, this was my refuge. I held it against armies, plagues, and the ravages of time. And now it's all gone, because of that child."

"Yes, the Dib-Worm has a habit of ruining things," Zim replied, as he got up and brushed himself off, not really caring about the vampire's complaints, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get going. I need to make plans for my next encounter with him."

"You mean _our_ next encounter with him," Norlock corrected, glancing down at Zim. It took the Irken a moment, but then he realized what was being suggested.

"You want to serve Zim?" he asked. Norlock snorted.

"Please. Nothing quite so simple," he said, turning to give Zim his full attention, "Let me explain something to you, Zim. I've been around a long, long time. Eternal life, even as a member of the undead, does have plenty of perks. But in the long run, it is just _so_ boring. Things just lose their appeal after a while. You become desperate to find new ways of keeping yourself entertained."

"Is there a point to this?" Zim demanded.

"Yes," Norlock replied, crossing his arms, "You see, my method of coping with the slow, endless count of years is to find mortal agents of evil, and encourage their growth. For centuries, I have mentored conquerors, warlords, and dictators of all stripes. I have watched them rise to greatness that has made the world shake in fear. And I think that, in you, I've found my next project."

"Zim needs no advice!" The Irken stated, offended, "I am highly trained Invader-"

"Who's been stopped in his tracks time and again by a child," Norlock interrupted. He paused, looked around, and then added under his breath, "Albeit an annoyingly lucky one."

"Regardless, Zim doesn't need the help of some musty humanoid leech."

"Not even one who's virtually unkillable and has access to vast magical powers that your precious human enemy couldn't possibly stand against?" Norlock asked, eyebrow arched in challenge. Zim opened his mouth to respond, but found he didn't have a good counter-argument to that. Sensing an opportunity, the vampire moved in for the kill.

"Look, I'm bored, I despise Dib too, now, and frankly, you sound like you could use the help. Your little speech earlier, while impressively energetic and having a few creative points, was mostly boring and cliché. You could use some pointers.

"I'm not going to say that you'll have to take orders from me, but nor will I let myself be reduced to the role of minion. No, what I'm suggesting is a partnership. I provide my services and advice, and in exchange you allow me to bask in the glory of standing by your side as you rise to power. And while I hate that infuriating little big-headed child who just destroyed my home, I won't contest you being the one to end him. So, what do you say? Partners?" Norlock asked, extending a hand.

Zim stared at the clawed appendage for a moment, chewing on what Norlock had said. True, he really didn't think he needed help from anyone, let alone some _skaatel_. But, he was obviously quite dangerous, and that made him a potential useful weapon to aim at Dib. And wouldn't it be so fitting to destroy Dib with one of the paranormal things he liked to investigate so much? And if worst came to worst, Zim was certain he could eliminate Norlock if he became a threat.

Ultimately seeing no reason not to, Zim nodded, and shook Norlock's hand.

"Very well. Zim shall make use of your services. Partner."

"Excellent," Norlock said, grinning, "Now, invite me into your home."

"Eh?"

"It's a vampire thing. I can't enter someone's home unless they invite me."

"But we're nowhere near my base," Zim pointed out.

"Yes, I know. But as long as you make the invite, it still works. Anyway, it'll take me a few days to salvage things from the ruins here, and make preparations to travel to your base. Since I'm assuming you don't want to wait here with me while I do that, we'll just get the invite out of the way now, and I'll meet up with you later."

"Oh, okay then," Zim said, clearly not really getting it, but going along anyway, "Fine then. Zim invites you into his home base."

"Good," Norlock was really grinning now, "Well, with all the formalities out of the way, give me your address. I'll see you in about a week or so."

Zim quickly jotted down the address of his base and handed it to Norlock, then grabbed GIR and started marching towards the Voot, which should have been almost fully repaired by now. Norlock watched him go, stroking his chin in thought. Yes, this promised to be the most interesting thing that had happened to him in decades. And he was going to enjoy it.

With a maniacal laugh, he turned with a sweep of his cape and marched towards the main ruins of his castle to being salvaging what he could.

Let the games begin.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 1**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: And there we go. The first New Adventure episode is done and… wow, this turned out a** _ **lot**_ **longer than I was expecting. Seriously, even excluding the opening and closing notes, this chapter is still close to 10,000 words. I have never written a single chapter this long; hell, this is longer than most of my oneshots.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this opening chapter. Zim has gained a new ally and Dib a new enemy, and next chapter we'll see how this new dynamic plays out in their normal setting.**

 **On the subject of Norlock: for fans of** _ **The Dresden Files**_ **, think of him as a Black Court vampire. For non-fans who have no idea what that means, he's a walking corpse with the traditional strengths (including magic) and weaknesses.**

 **To fans of the** _ **Twilight**_ **series, I apologize if I've offended you, but I don't apologize for the jokes themselves, especially since they're going to be a running gag. I have nothing against the concept of vampires as angst-driven sex symbols, but Joss Whedon and Anne Rice did it first, and without perverting the core mythology.**

 **As for Phil, yeah, I know he's basically GIR as a wolf, but I needed to give Norlock a minion of his own, and this is the best I could come up with. But I will be trying to flesh him out a bit more, alongside Skoodge, who'll be given more to do than he was here.**

 **Also, here's a fun game – see if you can spot all the shout outs I wrote in this chapter.**

 **Next time: Norlock moves into the base, meets the rest of Team Zim, and receives his first mission.**

 **Until then, read and review!**


	2. Parent Teacher Redux

**A/N: Here we go, episode two. And I'm glad to see that this story got such a positive reaction from the get-go. Though that being said, I'd appreciate it if the review count was a little higher (hint, hint). Anyway, I'm not going to promise that all updates will be this fast, or even that my muse won't wither up and die, like what happened with the Destiny Trilogy. But I figured that working on this as often as possible will help keep momentum going as long as possible.**

 **Oh, and small note for everyone who's seen Gaz's new outfit from the comics, just presume I'm going with the classic Goth look from the show instead. I just like it better.**

 **So, all of that out of the way, let's move on.**

 **Last time, on The New Adventures Of Invader Zim: Dib finally managed to get Tak's ship flyable again. Zim, infuriated at the idea of his enemy actually using Irken technology effectively, engaged him in a dogfight, which led to them both crashing in the territory of a vampire named Norlock. When the resulting sequence of events led to Dib accidentally destroying Norlock's home, the enraged vampire struck an alliance with Zim, offering to mentor and aid him in his plans in exchange for gaining revenge by proxy on Dib.**

 **And now, we'll see what happens when Norlock officially joins Team Zim.**

 **Disclaimer: Jhonen Vasquez is the undisputed owner of all things Invader Zim. Norlock and Phil are the only characters I own (so far).**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 2: Parent Teacher Redux**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Dib grumbled obscenities to himself from where he sat on his back underneath the Spittle Runner, tinkering with the cables running to its engines. After it had managed to limp him all the way home on his return from Norlock's lair, it had suddenly died completely… while it had still been in the air. The good news was that it had only resulted in a cracked driveway. The bad news was that Dib hadn't been able to get it flying again since.

"Just my luck," he muttered, "All that effort in getting the ship flying again, and Zim has to go and mess it up. And on top of everything else, I almost get eaten by a vampire! Well, who cares? I got this ship up and running almost from scratch before, I can do it again. And this time, I'll actually work out how to use the weapons! And then I'll finally beat Zim in a fair fight, and then-"

"DIB!"

"Gah!" Dib shot up in surprise, his head smacking into and rebounding off of the undercarriage of the Spittle Runner. Cursing incoherently and rubbing at the new lump on his forehead, Dib crawled out from under the ship. Looking up, he saw Gaz standing over him, arms crossed and a book bag slung over one shoulder.

"Get your lazy ass out of here and grab your stuff," she said, glaring down at him, "It's time for Skool, and I'm not going to be late because Dad makes us walk together and you're not ready yet."

"Okay, okay," Dib commented, still rubbing his head and standing, "You know, you could maybe show a little sympathy here. I _did_ almost get eaten by a vampire last week. And right after crashing in a dogfight, too."

"Shame he didn't," Gaz smirked, "If he _had_ sucked on you, maybe your head would have shrunk to a normal size."

"Ha, ha, very funny," Dib scowled, "I just hope you remember, once I'm famous for saving the world from Zim, how unsupportive and sarcastic you were about everything I did."

"Whatever," Gaz said with an eye roll, "Just get your stuff already. I _will_ knock you out and drag you to Skool if I have to."

Knowing that she wasn't bluffing, Dib quickly started walking into the house to grab his supplies for the day. Hopefully the day would go by quickly, and he could come back here and get back to work on repairing the ship.

Then he'd be in a better position to deal with the nefarious plot Zim was no doubt hatching right now.

 _Zim's Base, Roughly The Same Time_

Zim shoveled the remainder of GIR's – thankfully soap-free – waffles into his mouth. For all his SIR unit's many, many flaws, he was quite good at cooking human food. Sure, Zim would kill for a Vort dog, but waffles weren't bad. He'd have to be sure to keep them around after he destroyed the rest of Earth's disgusting culture.

"So, isn't that vampire guy supposed to have shown up by now?" Skoodge asked, from where he was finishing his own waffles across the table.

"Meh," Zim said, shoving his plate aside, "The undead bat-monkey said it would take him a few days. If he doesn't show up this week, I guess we'll have to call it a wash. Shame – I was looking forward to having a minion with superpowers."

"Minion?" Skoodge asked, blinking, "I thought he was going to be your partner?"

"Zim has no partners!" Zim snapped, "He would give me aid when I asked for it and fight when I required it, but we would not be equals. He would serve me, as you do."

Skoodge was tempted to comment that he thought that he and Zim were friends, but thought better of it. Zim seemed a little too worked up for that at the moment. And in any case, any response was cut off by a sudden pounding sound.

 _THUD! THUD! THUD!_

The two Irkens turned to look at the front door, which was shaking from what appeared to be someone large knocking on it. As they watched, it happened again, shaking the door hinges in their sockets.

"Go see who that is," Zim said nonchalantly, turning to finish his coffee, "If it's another sales-human, shoot them in the face."

"You got it," Skoodge said, throwing on his disguise and walking towards the door. As he adjusted his wig, the door continued to pound.

"Hold on, I'm coming," he said, loudly enough for whoever was on the other side to hear, "For your sake, I hope you're just delivering for GIR. Otherwise, this isn't going to end we-GAH!"

Skoodge was cut off with a cry of pain as the door was suddenly violently knocked off its hinges, slamming into him hard enough to send him crashing to the floor. Zim leapt to his feet in response, PAK legs deploying and arming, but he calmed down when he saw the cause of the commotion.

"Oh, it's you," he commented. Phil the direwolf stood in the now empty doorway, mouth hanging open in a happy pant as he looked down at the door he had knocked down. Looking up at the sound of Zim's voice, his unaligned eyes lit up with recognition, and he leaned forward to – just barely, actually – squeeze through the doorway. It was at this point that Zim noticed the large, long wooden box secured to the giant wolf's back by a harness of nylon ropes.

Having made it into the house, Phil moved further towards Zim, stepping on the downed door in the process and eliciting another yelp of pain from Skoodge, who was still stuck underneath it. Once he reached Zim, Phil stopped and turned his head to the side, revealing an envelope with Zim's name on it tucked into his collar. Reaching out and being careful to avoid the spikes on said collar, Zim pulled out the envelope and opened it, pulling out the letter inside. It read,

 _Zim,_

 _If my estimates are correct, Phil should have arrived at your house sometime in the morning. In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm in the coffin strapped to his back._

 _I apologize for not arriving of my own accord, but the shipping freighter I smuggled us into the country on arrived earlier than expected, and I couldn't risk staying aboard and potentially being discovered (I have not lasted as long as I have by taking risks). So I gave Phil directions to your home (he's smarter than he looks), and strapped myself onto him._

 _I'll awaken at nightfall. In the meantime, please place my coffin someplace dark and away from any potential sources of sunlight._

 _Looking forward to speaking to you in person again,_

 _Norlock._

"Well, at least he finally arrived," Zim muttered, looking up at an expectant Phil, "Though he didn't say he'd be bringing _you_ along, dog-beast."

"Puppy!" A sudden screech from behind him made Zim jump, and a silver blur shot past him, resolving into GIR as he latched onto Phil's leg. For his part, the direwolf barked happily at the attention, tail wagging excitedly.

"Can we keep him, Master?" GIR asked.

"…Sadly, it appears we'll have to," Zim said, balling up the letter and tossing it over his shoulder. He then pulled out and put on his disguise, beginning to walk towards the doorway, adding over his shoulder, "Computer, let Phil into the lower levels and help him find someplace to keep Norlock's coffin for the time being."

"How?" the computer asked, sounding perplexed, "He's too big for any of the entrances."

"Find a way!" Zim snapped, "And while you're at it, fix the door while I'm gone. Which reminds me – Skoodge, stop messing around, we have to get to Skool!"

"Ergh… right behind you, Zim," Skoodge muttered, as he painfully crawled out from under the door and started after his friend/superior.

 _Later That Day, Doomsville Middle Skool_

Zim was up to something; Dib just knew it. The Irken had been in a good mood all day, which was never a good sign. And whatever it was, it didn't seem to be something based here at Skool either, as he hadn't seen any sign of Zim or Skoodge planting devices or experimenting on the students. And while that didn't rule out that something was occurring where he couldn't see, Dib had a gut feeling that _something_ was going on, and whatever it was, he wasn't going to let the alien scum get away with it.

So, here he sat, in the last class of the day, watching Zim sit at his desk, a smug smirk plastered on his face. Finally reaching his breaking point, he got up and marched over to Zim's desk. Zim, seeing him coming, lost his smug façade, glaring back at his rival.

"I don't know what you're planning, Zim," Dib said, matching the glare with one of his own, "But whatever it is, I'm going to stop it. You can count on that."

"Zim has no idea what you're talking about, worm-baby," the Irken replied, regaining his smug aura, "I am simply sitting here and getting my boring education, just like all the other normal humans."

"Don't give me that garbage," Dib said, "You might fool everyone else, but I know what you are, Zim. And I know that you're never this happy around Skool unless you're planning something. And I'm not going to rest until I find out what it is and stop you."

"Joke's on you, Dib-Human" Skoodge said from his own desk, doing a poor imitation of Zim's smug look, "We haven't actually come up with a plan yet! …That sounded more like a boast in my head."

"Skoodge, be silent and leave the evil gloating to the professionals!" Zim snapped, before turning his attention back to Dib, "As for you, Dib, don't get cocky. Skoodge is only half-wrong – I may not have a new devious plan in place yet, but I _do_ have a new weapon, which will utterly destroy you. But you'll never figure that out in time!"

"…You just told me," Dib commented, with a raised eyebrow.

"You lie!"

"Zim, Dib, quiet!" Miss Bitters hissed from the front of the room, "Your pointless arguments are disruptive. And more importantly, annoying to me. So shut up, and Dib, sit back down."

Knowing better than to argue with her, Dib quickly walked back over to his desk. Fortunately, the class was almost over, so he only had to put up with Zim's continued smugness and Miss Bitters' usual "doom" rant for a few more minutes, before the bell rang, ending the Skool day. But as everyone started packing up their stuff and leaving, Miss Bitters made an announcement.

"And everyone remember, tonight is Parent Teacher Night."

"Again?!" Zim screeched, "Didn't that just happen?"

"That was six months ago, Zim," Miss Bitters rasped, "We're required to have at least two a year, or the Skool Board cuts back on our funding. And while we're on the subject, Zim, the PTA Board has asked me to inform you that _your_ parents are not invited."

"Why not?" Skoodge asked.

"Because, Skoodge, when your aunt and uncle attended the last Parent Teacher Night, they completely disrupted the entire event, and assaulted one of the other parents," Miss Bitters explained, before shrugging, "Personally, I thought it was hilarious, but apparently my opinion doesn't matter. The Board doesn't want your parents anywhere near the building tonight, Zim. So while you and your cousin still have to come, you will have to be accompanied by some other adult family members. Or else."

Zim looked panicked for a moment, much to Dib's amusement. But then, an evil grin spread across his face, and the Invader started chuckling, which then evolved into a full-blown evil cackle. This lasted for a few moments, before Skoodge tapped him on the shoulder. Annoyed at being interrupted, Zim glared at the chubbier Irken, who merely gestured at Dib and the other remaining students in the room, who were staring at him in confusion. Coughing in slight embarrassment, Zim grabbed Skoodge by the collar and dragged him out of the room.

Frowning in thought, Dib followed them into the hallway, only to find them long gone by the time he got there. Now he was actually concerned – Zim being in a good mood was bad enough, but being excited enough to actually laugh maniacally like that was a definite sign that bad things were going to happen. Besides which, Zim seemed to have quickly come up with a work around to not being allowed to bring his Robo-Parents, which meant he probably had some kind of horrendous new robot minions to unleash.

He'd have to be extra vigilante tonight. It wasn't like anyone else was going to notice if Zim brought horrible robots of death; they hadn't noticed that his "parents" were ordinary, rather subpar, robots, after all. In the meantime, he'd focus on getting ready for the night.

He'd be ready for Zim, no matter what.

 _That Evening, Zim's Base_

Norlock awoke, eyes snapping open, as he instinctively felt the sun fall below the horizon. Finally, he could safely arise and properly begin his new alliance. He had to admit, he was very much looking forward to this. It had been quite some time since his last mentorship, and he'd forgotten the thrill of it, of taking a bad soul and helping it grow into true evil. And this time it would be with a genuine alien invader, which would no doubt provide all sorts new experiences.

Yes, this was going to be fun. And, as it was time to get the party started, he might as well make a good entrance. So, with a wave of his hand, he made his coffin lid creak open, and dramatically rose up to his full height… at which point his head slammed against a low-hanging pipe.

"Gah! Mother of Hell!" he cursed, stumbling and nearly falling back into the coffin. Rubbing his head, he looked around, and saw that his coffin was sitting in the middle of a relatively small space, filled with boxes of various sizes, most of which were coated with a thin layer of dust. It was at this point that Norlock realized where he was, and his eye twitched in annoyance.

"A storage closet? He stuck me in a damned _storage closet?!_ " he snarled, "Oh, Zim, we are going to have words about this."

Grumbling, the vampire stepped fully out of his coffin and made his way over to a nearby door, which thankfully slid open on its own before he had to waste time figuring out how to do so. Stepping out of the closet, Norlock looked around and saw that he was in a long, empty corridor.

"Well, can't say much for his interior decorating," Norlock chuckled, "Now, where the Hell is he?"

"Surface level," a deep voice responded, echoing off the walls. Norlock tensed, looking around for its source.

"Who said that?"

"Irken Operating Unit THX-1138," the voice responded, "You can just call me Computer; everyone else does."

Norlock relaxed. "Well then, Computer, would you be so kind as to tell me how to reach this surface level, so that I may speak with Zim?"

"There's a lift pad at the end of the corridor that leads right into the living room."

"Thank you," Norlock replied, before making his way down the corridor. Upon finding a large disk hovering a few inches off the ground inside a large open tube, he assumed this was the "lift pad" that Computer had been referring to, and stepped onto it. With a thrumming sound, it started moving up the tube, and few moments later, Norlock was passing through an opening hatch and found himself standing off to the side of a living room.

Ignoring the tacky and unusual decorating (was that a painting of a monkey?), Norlock took in the other inhabitants of the room. Zim was sitting on the couch next to another, fatter, Irken, while glaring at Phil, who sat on the floor in front of the couch, next to GIR, who was watching the TV. And floating above them was… a purple moose? Well, that was definitely something different, though it hardly cracked his personal top ten list of weird things he'd seen over the centuries. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Norlock cleared his throat, gaining the room's attention. Phil popped up with a happy bark and trotted over to his master, who absently started petting him.

"You put me in a storage closet? Really?" Norlock asked, reigning in his annoyance as best he could.

"You said to put you somewhere away from the sun," Zim responded, not bothering to return the favor regarding his own annoyance, "Besides which, you didn't say you'd be bringing your disgusting pet with you, so we're even."

"He gets lonely," Norlock said defensively, while scratching Phil's ears, "Besides, I can't imagine he'll be much of a burden."

"Well, you imagine wrong!" Zim snapped, "First, he wouldn't stop whining until we figured out he was hungry, and then he wouldn't eat anything we gave him, so finally we gave him one of the cows from the herd we keep in the basement-"

"You keep cows in your basement?"

"Yes, to experiment on, and don't interrupt me! So, we fed him one of the cows, and watching him eat it was _disgusting!_ But not nearly so much as having to clean up the… results, later!"

"On the plus side, the yard should be _really_ fertile now," the other Irken commented.

"Well, you'll get used to that," Norlock laughed. Ignoring Zim's glare, he hooked a thumb in the direction of the room's other occupants, "GIR I know, but who are the fat guy and the moose?"

"Invader Skoodge, at your service!" the other Irken, Skoodge apparently, replied with a salute, "And that's Minimoose."

"Squeak!" the moose said in reply.

"Yes, yes, that's all very interesting," Zim said flippantly, "But we have a more important matter to deal. I have your first assignment for you to fulfill as my minion."

"Partner," Norlock corrected, annoyed.

"Whatever. The point is, this is of the utmost importance, and it must be done _tonight._ "

"Oh, sounds fun," Norlock said, rubbing his hands together in excitement, "What do you need? An assassination? Arson? Theft?"

"I need you to pose as our grandfather!"

"…Beg pardon?" Norlock asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Tonight is Parent Teacher Night at the skool we attend as part of our cover," Skoodge explained, "And since the robot parents Zim uses as decoys were banned after last time, and I don't have any of my own, we need someone else to pose as an adult family member for us to attend with."

"You're joking, right?" Norlock asked, "You have at your disposal a multi-millennium old vampire, with – and forgive the immodesty – massive magical powers at his disposal, and you just want to use me to attend a _PTA meeting?_ You know, I didn't have to come here. I could be in Central America, helping some cartel boss build a drug empire. Why not, Pablo and I had some good times together…"

"If I'd had more warning, I'd have built Skoodge his own Robo-Parents that we could use, but we have no time for that," Zim said, cutting off Norlock's rambling.

"So just disguise yours to look different, then."

"I can't do that! Their faulty programming is what got them banned in the first place!" Zim said, "Here, let me demonstrate."

He walked over to a closet door and opened it, unleashing two robots that, barely, looked like a couple of adult humans. Norlock had just enough time to ponder how they in any way managed to fool people, when the father robot rolled up to stand right in front of him.

"Hello son," it greeted, "Did you have a nice trip to the potato factory?"

Norlock blinked, while the mother robot rolled up to stand next to her counterpart.

"Here dear, have some meatloaf," she said, before backhanding the other robot in the face with a frying pan, sending him flying back to slam into the wall. "Well, I'm going to go put on my face."

With that, she dropped the frying pan, and then rolled into the kitchen, where she shoved herself face first into the toilet at the other end of the room.

"Okay, I see why you can't use them," Norlock admitted, "But I still say this is a waste of my talents and time. And why do you have a toilet in your kitchen?"

"That's not important! And besides, look at it this way – the Dib will be there, and he's not expecting you to show up," Zim smirked.

"Hmm," Norlock rubbed at his chin in thought, "Well, terrorizing him after what he did to my castle _is_ an entertaining thought. Fine, against my better judgment, I'm in."

"Excellent," Zim said, "Now come, we have to get you suited for a brilliant disguise to fool the humans. Like mine!"

Norlock was already regretting this.

 _Later That Night, At The Skool Cafeteria_

"…And that is how I invented Super Toast!" Professor Membrane cried dramatically, electricity crackling between the fingers of a hand he was clenching dramatically. He then pointed a finger at his enraptured audience, mostly composed of teachers and fellow parents, though there were a few students mixed in as well. "But if you repeat that story to anyone, or attempt to duplicate my process, without my consent, I will sue you all so hard that your great-grandchildren will still be paying off my preserved head in a jar!"

"I can't tell if Dad coming in person is better or worse than him using a screen," Gaz commented from where she and Dib stood a few feet away, watching the spectacle. Membrane had been working from his home lab for the past few days, and after several hours of debate with Dib (Gaz hadn't cared either way), he had agreed to actually attend Parent Teacher Night in person – though he had reserved the right to leave the minute any of his assistants called with news on his work.

Gaz noticed that Dib hadn't responded to her comment, and was instead frantically looking around the room, eyes darting all over the place. Annoyed at being ignored, Gaz reached over and smacked him upside the head.

"Ow!" Dib yelped, drawing momentary looks from several in the nearby crowd, before they ignored him and went back to admiring his father, "What was that for?"

"Ignoring me," she replied, "What is with you, anyway? I'd say you were acting weirder than normal, but I don't think that's possible."

"I'm just keeping an eye out for Zim," Dib replied, returning to scanning the room, "I know he's planning something for tonight, and I can't let that happen. So he's not getting the drop on me-"

"Hello, Dib," Zim said from directly behind Dib. Dib jumped in surprise, but quickly recovered (ignoring Gaz's snickering in the process), and turned around to face his enemy. Any snappy remarks, however, were cut off when he noticed the black-clad pair of legs standing next to the Invader. Following the legs up, Dib's jaw dropped, and his eyes bugged out, as he made eye contact with the face that had haunted his most recent nightmares.

Despite the usual horrible Zim-brand disguise he was wearing – in this case, a longhaired white wig and a pair of Groucho glasses – Norlock's face was still unmistakable, and unmistakably terrifying, as he shot an evil smirk down at Dib. His lips pulled back, revealing his black gums and yellow fangs, and he hissed down at Dib in his dry-leaf-rustling voice.

"Boo."

Dib gave an inarticulate cry, sounding something like a startled monkey, before falling to the ground and frantically crawling backwards, away from the vampire. The nearby crowd, and quite a few others in the room, turned to look at the display. And while a few of the kids followed Gaz and Zim's example and laughed at him, the rest, along with the adults, merely shook their heads and looked away.

"My poor, insane son," Membrane muttered, before looking to see what had set Dib off, "Oh look! It's the little foreign boy."

"…You didn't bring your parents, did you?" Billy Slunchy asked, while his mother twitched in remembered shock.

"Oh no, they weren't allowed to come," Zim said nonchalantly, "So Skoodge and I brought our grandfather instead."

That statement snapped Dib out of his shock.

"Your grandfather?" he asked, incredulously.

"Yes, our grandfather," Zim replied, "That is why he is so old and ugly and smelly!"

Norlock turned from smirking at Dib to glaring at Zim. He made a mental note to add that comment to the list of things he was going to make the Irken pay for later, right on top of making him wear this stupid disguise. But in the meantime, he should focus on maintaining their cover story.

"Hello, everyone, a pleasure to meet you," he addressed the room at large, "And what a pleasant surprise, the famous Professor Membrane. How nice to meet you in person."

"Well, it's always nice to meet a fan of Real Science," Membrane replied, shaking Norlock's hand.

"Oh, I don't care about the science. I just like the parts of your show when you experiment on audience members and do horrible things to them."

"I'll have you know they all sign waivers before being allowed in the audience," Membrane said, sounding only slightly annoyed at the inferences about his morals, or lack thereof.

"Dad, stop making small talk with him!" Dib cut in, "He's not human!"

"Oh, here we go," Jessica, who was standing off to the edge of the main group, said with a roll of her eyes, "Let me guess, Dib. He's an alien too?"

"No, he's a vampire!"

"So Zim and Skoodge are aliens, but their granddad's a vampire?"

"Ye-no, he's not even really their grandfather!"

"My, what an active imagination you have," Norlock said with a smirk. He didn't know why everyone was buying this lousy disguise so easily, but he wasn't going to complain about it. And as long as they were, he may as well do whatever he could to dismiss the one person who could see through it.

"I know he's a vampire, he tried to eat me last week!" Dib exclaimed, doing his best to ignore both Norlock's comments and Zim's own gloating smirk, as the Irken watched the spectacle, "Why can't you people see this? You can see his fangs, for crying out loud!"

"I have an overbite," Norlock replied dryly.

"And his eyes are red! And look how pale he is; that's not normal!"

"I'm an albino. Is he always this excitable?"

There was a chorus of general agreement from the kids in the crowd, while the adults all tactfully looked away and avoided making comment.

"I apologize for my son, he's a little insane," Membrane said, "I think I may have dropped him on his head a few too many times as an infant."

Norlock arched an eyebrow at the casual admission that that had apparently been a regular occurrence, but shrugged it off. As entertaining as this was, it was probably for the best to disperse the crowd and let the night continue on.

"Well, this has been fun, but we should all probably circulate some more, shouldn't we? I believe that's rather the point of nights like tonight."

The small audience mumbled in agreement and started breaking up, separating to different parts of the room; Membrane, for example, wandered off to another small group and began regaling them with another tale of his scientific genius. Dib merely face-palmed at all of this – how could people be so blind as to not see a hideous undead monster standing right in front of them?

Dib's internal pondering of human obliviousness was cut off as he realized that said hideous undead monster was suddenly standing in front of him, crouching down so that his scowling face was only about a foot away from his own.

"My castle survived a dozen assaults by the Inquisition and the chaos of both World Wars, Dib," he hissed, quietly enough that no one else could hear him, "And then you came along and destroyed it in a night. I may have agreed to Zim's demand that only he be allowed to end you, but mark my words, I can and will make you _suffer_. Now run along."

Dib complied, running away until he was safely on the other side of the room and hiding behind the refreshment table. Even from there, however, he could see Norlock calmly standing across the room, red eyes seeming to glow as he watched him like a lion stalking a gazelle. Dib shuddered; until recently, Zim was the most evil being he'd ever met, but he was mostly cartoony evil. Norlock was something else altogether, and now he had a grudge against Dib. This was a serious problem.

A familiar chuckle broke Dib out of his worried reflections, and he turned to see Zim leaning against the table, Skoodge standing nearby and munching on a brownie. Zim casually took a sip of punch from the cup in his hand, savored it, and then turned to smirk at Dib.

"I imagine, Dib-Stink, that right about now, you're wishing that you'd brought a change of underwear?"

"Are you crazy, Zim?" Dib asked. He paused and blinked, thinking about what he'd just said, and then added, "More than usual, I mean? Teaming up with a vampire? Don't you realize that that's going to blow up in your face?"

Zim snorted. "Please. Zim has total control of the situation. My new minion-"

"Partner," Skoodge corrected. At Zim's glare, he held up his hands defensively, "I'm just trying to keep the terminology straight."

"My new _minion,_ " Zim continued, emphasizing the term, "Desires nothing more than to see you suffer, and me triumphant. He will help me finally defeat you, and claim my rightful victory of this world. And I must say, I am enjoying the way this is arranged. Since the day I arrived on this pathetic little dirtball, you've stood in my way. A constant squak in my shmoopsquizz."

"A what in your huh?"

"But now, now I finally have the means to crush you once and for all. And it is one of the very paranormal creatures you've dedicated your life to studying! The irony is delicious! It tastes like nachos!"

"…Irony tastes like nachos?" Dib asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"I always thought it tasted more like doughnuts," Skoodge commented idly, "But I'm more partial to them than nachos any way, so maybe that's just me."

"Enjoy the following days while you can, Dib, for soon you shall meet your end, and I shall claim my delicious, cheesy and spicy victory!" Zim proclaimed, before marching off. Dib watched him go, and then turned to Skoodge.

"Okay, seriously – does he even listen to himself when he talks?" he asked.

"Honestly I think he tunes in and out," Skoodge admitted, finishing off his brownie and brushing his shirt clean of crumbs, "Well, it's been nice knowing you, Dib. I'll say something nice at your funeral."

Dib blinked as Skoodge walked away as well, following his fellow Invader. There were times like this that reminded him that, despite his more personable personality, Skoodge was also an alien invader who was working towards conquering the Earth. It was just easy to forget, in light of how non-threatening he was compared to Zim. And now Norlock as well, who was worse than the both of them.

Speaking of which, Dib returned his attention to the vampire, and was relieved to find that he had broken off his death glare and was now walking off to circulate with the rest of the crowd. Still, as terrifying as Norlock was, Dib probably should try and keep an eye on him. He wouldn't be doing his duty as humanity's defender if he let a bloodsucking monster roam loose among all these innocent, unsuspecting people.

Even if they _were_ a bunch of oblivious jerks.

XXXXX

Norlock moved around the edges of the room, eyeing the people milling about, feeling like a wolf among the sheep. Admittedly, a very large wolf among a bunch of sheep who all appeared to be blind and deaf, and probably collectively lacking a sense of smell too… where was he going with this again? Oh, right, thinking about how ridiculously easy blending in was. Seriously, he hadn't even needed to use a glamour or any hypnosis in order to boost this idiotic disguise. Had humans always been this stupid? He could have sworn it was harder to disguise himself back during The Middle Ages. Maybe television and modern media really were that bad for the brain.

Really, if this was what Dib had to put up with on a regular basis with trying to expose Zim, Norlock almost felt bad for him. Not enough that he wouldn't live up to his threat, however. He really had meant that. Hmm, he knew he'd promised Zim he wouldn't kill Dib, but Zim hadn't specified anything about causing bodily harm. Would he mind if Norlock removed an organ or three?

"Hey, vampire guy," a voice interrupted his train of thought. Blinking, Norlock looked down to lock eyes with a purple-haired girl in a black dress with a skull necklace. Oh, Dib's sister – this could be a problem.

Clearing his throat, Norlock slipped back into his genial grandfather persona. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, little girl. That bigheaded child must have confused you. I'm not-"

"Save it. Your disguise is as stupid as Zim's, so it might fool all these idiots, but it won't work on anyone with a brain."

Norlock frowned. "Okay, so you're as observant as your brother, big deal, very impressive. Are you going to make a futile attempt at exposing me as well?"

"Pft, like I care," Gaz snorted, "If these lemmings can't see the obvious when it's right in front of them, that's their problem. No, I was wondering what you'd want in exchange for eating my teacher. He's annoying."

Norlock followed Gaz's pointing finger towards a blonde man in a sweater vest who was happily chatting up several other adults.

"…Tempting offer, but I'll pass," Norlock commented, "That much cheerfulness might make me burst into flame."

"Or you might just puke, like I always want to after listening to him for more than five minutes," Gaz added.

"Mhm," Norlock mumbled noncommittally, before arching an eyebrow at her, "And seriously, you not only don't mind that I'm an undead monster, but you're actually willing to sacrifice someone to me just because you don't like them?"

"I'm misanthropic," she replied with a shrug, "But can you blame me?"

"Not really, no," Norlock replied, chuckling, "You know, I rather like you. If I didn't already have an accord with Zim, I'd offer to mentor that dark heart of yours. Hmm, maybe in a few years; we'll have to see how things play out."

"Years? Considering it's _Zim_ we're talking about, you'll probably decide to back out of whatever deal you've got in a couple of weeks, tops."

"Well, I won't deny he can be rather… aggravating, most of the time. But he has potential for greatness in him."

"Greatness?" Gaz asked, incredulous, "He's an idiot. And on top of that, he's completely insane."

"So was Caligula, and he was always good for a laugh."

Gaz blinked. "Caligula? As in, the Roman Emperor, that Caligula? You knew him?"

"Knew him? Hell, it was my idea for him to make his horse a Senator!" Norlock said, happily. He then paused, scratched his chin in thought, and added under his breath, "Of course, we were both blind drunk at the time. I didn't think he'd actually _do_ it."

"Huh," Gaz muttered, giving him a look up and down before asking, "Just how old _are_ you, exactly?"

"Let me put it to you this way. When I was human, I made a decent living designing pyramids," he replied with a laugh, before clasping his hands together, "Well, this has been nice. But your earlier offer has left me feeling a tad hungry. I need to find a nice wandering sheep to lure away from this flock to snack on. See you around."

With that, Norlock walked off, cape fluttering behind him. Gaz watched him go. Frankly, by this point her brother's stupid, pointless war with Zim had grown boring and repetitive to the point of annoying her just by existing (though to be fair, that could be said of most things). But this vampire's addition to the mix… things might just get interesting around here again.

"Gaz!"

Dib's stupid voice snapped Gaz out of her reverie, and she turned to scowl at him as he ran up to her.

"What do you want?" she snarled.

"Are you okay?" he asked, unfazed, "I saw you talking to Norlock. He didn't try to hurt you, did he?"

"I'm fine, moron," she said, crossing her arms in annoyance, "Unlike you, I can handle myself."

"Gaz, he's a _vampire_. You're tough and, quite frankly, a little scary," Dib admitted, "But you can't stand up against something like that!"

"Yeah, well apparently I don't have to," Gaz replied, "Apparently I impress him. Let that sink in."

Dib's mouth opened and closed several times as he tried to come up with a good comeback to that. Then he noticed something that disturbed him more than his sister's casual interactions with an unholy abomination.

"Hey, where'd he go, anyway?"

XXXXX

Mrs. Slunchy walked down the hallway, returning to the cafeteria after a quick trip to the restroom, which was more to calm her nerves in private than a need to relieve herself. She had practically needed to be dragged here by her family after what had happened last time, even after the Skool Board had assured her that the green kid's insane parents wouldn't be allowed to attend. She was just still so traumatized after what had happened last time.

So much poking…

Then the green kid still showed up, and she almost had a heart attack. Fortunately, his parents hadn't come with him, and his grandfather seemed like a nice enough person. A little weird looking, but that seemed to run in the family.

Well, now that she was calmed down from her panic attack, she should get back to the meeting. After all, there were still plenty of people she hadn't spoken to yet, and she had all of those wonderful new pictures of her boys to show off…

And then she was suddenly grabbed by the throat and spun around, finding herself staring into a pair of terrifying red eyes.

"See only my eyes," a voice hissed, "Hear only my voice. Let your consciousness slowly slip away-"

Mrs. Slunchy passed out and went limp. Norlock, sans disguise, blinked at the woman in his grasp. Usually it took several minutes straight of hypnosis to break down mental defenses and knock his victims out. It was never this easy.

"If everyone here is like this, I think I might start to like it here," he muttered, before throwing Mrs. Slunchy over his shoulder, and looking around for someplace private to feed on her. Sure, there was no one around, but he'd like to have some privacy, just in case anyone wandered into the hallway. Spotting what looked like a janitor's closet nearby, he carried his meal over and opened the door…

…And froze in shock and confusion at the sight that greeted him. There was a tall, skeletally thin figure with short, dirty black hair standing there, wearing a stripped black-and-white shirt with a "Z?" logo on the front, next to which was plastered a name tag that read "Janitor: NNY". He was also holding a bloody knife, and standing next to what appeared to be a medieval rack, onto which was strapped another man, who was gagged and appeared to have been partially skinned.

"Do you mind?" the man, Nny apparently, commented, "I'm busy here."

"Uh, sorry," Norlock said, surprised at finding himself disturbed by the sight. He didn't think anything could shock him anymore. "I, uh, was looking for somewhere private…"

"You a vampire?" Nny asked, looking him over.

"Yes, and congratulations for being the only adult I've met so far, and only the third person in this city in general, to realize that," Norlock replied, "We're not going to get into some kind of fight over it though, are we? Because I had other plans for the night."

"Nah, we're cool," Nny said, waving him off, "The world's overpopulated as is, and most people are idiots, or assholes, or both. So if you're gonna get rid of some, more power to you."

Nny paused, and then gestured his knife at Norlock threateningly, "That being said, you go after any kids, like this pervert, and I'll go all Van Helsing on you. We understand each other?"

Nny illustrated his point by burying his knife in his victim's skinned thigh. The man screamed into his gag, which dissolved into whimpering, which Norlock mostly ignored. That sort of thing was background noise to him by now, anyway.

"Don't worry, I hear you perfectly," Norlock replied, making a mental note to only go after Dib in situations far away from the Skool, "And now that that is done with, do you know somewhere other than this, rather lovely, torture chamber of yours where I can feed with privacy?"

"Well, the boy's bathroom on this floor is out of order… well, not really, but I'm not touching the mess in those toilets with a twenty-foot pole, so I just put the sign up. Anyway, the stalls are disgusting, but the main area's mostly clean, and no one will bother you in there, so bon appétit."

"Thanks. So, I'll just leave you to get back to all this," Norlock said, gesturing to the bloody mess on the rack, "Have fun."

"Oh, I will," Nny said, turning to look at the shelves full of weapons mounted on the walls, "Now, where did I put that potato peeler?"

Norlock left the homicidal maniac of a janitor to his business, shutting the door behind him as he went. While that was certainly an interesting diversion, he'd better hurry up and eat quickly, then get back to the meeting before he was missed.

XXXXX

Zim tugged nervously at his shirt collar as Miss Bitters loomed over him and Skoodge. His eyes darted around the cafeteria, looking for any sign of Norlock. Sadly, the closest he found was Dib, who also appeared to be looking for the vampire. The two paused for a moment to glare at each other, and then went back to their individual searches.

"Well, Zim?" Miss Bitters asked, snapping Zim out of his search, "Where is your substitute adult relative?"

"Uh, he, uh, must be in the bathroom," Zim said quickly, not realizing how right he was, "After all, old people have weak bladders and constantly have to relieve themselves, as I'm sure you yourself are well aware."

Miss Bitters hissed in response, but before Zim could backtrack and try to rephrase that last comment, Skoodge spoke up.

"Oh look, there he is," he said, pointing towards the cafeteria entrance. Zim followed his finger and saw Norlock reentering the room, adjusting his wig with one hand. Zim frowned and ran over to him.

"Where have you been?" he hissed, "Are you trying to blow our cover?"

"Just needed to grab a bite to eat," Norlock replied quietly, "So relax."

Zim grit his teeth at the insolence. "Just… come on, already. Meet my teacher-drone, and then we can get out of here."

"Fine by me," Norlock said, as he followed Zim over to where Skoodge and Miss Bitters were still standing. When they reached them, Norlock gave the old crone a look over, while Zim cleared his throat.

"Miss Bitters-Beast, this Norlock, mine and Skoodge's grandfather. Grandfather, this is Miss Bitters, our teacher."

"Well, hello, beautiful!" Norlock said suddenly, Zim and Skoodge blinking in surprise, "I must say, it is a pleasure to meet you. Though my grandsons failed to mention how absolutely lovely you are."

Miss Bitters arched an eyebrow at him. "My, aren't you a charmer."

"Well, I try," he replied, gently grabbing her hand and kissing it, the affected skin smoking and twitching for a moment, "I do appear to be making your skin tremble."

"More like crawling," she replied dryly, "But keep it up and you might make other parts of me tremble."

Zim gagged, swallowing the bile that had risen in his throat at the display. Skoodge showed less restraint, turning a darker shade of green as he clutched both hands to his mouth, before darting over to a nearby trashcan and vomiting into it.

"Pleasantries aside," Norlock said, ignoring the actions of the two Irkens, "We should get the formalities of the evening out of the way. So, how have my grandchildren been doing in your class?"

"Skoodge is a sycophantic idiot, and Zim is moronic lunatic," she responded bluntly.

"Fair points, but I meant aside from that," Norlock said, while Zim glared at him.

"Well, their grades aren't great, but they're no worse than the usual amount of failure you see coming from these pathetic little wastes of flesh."

Norlock was about to comment on that, when the cafeteria doors were forcibly swung open, to slam into the walls. Everyone turned to see the source of the noise, and most gasped at the sight that greeted them.

Mrs. Slunchy stood in the doorway, deathly pale and shaking, clearly having used up most of her strength just to open the doors. And there were, quite obviously, two gaping, bloody wounds on her neck.

She stumbled into the room, moaning incoherently. She made it a few steps, before finally collapsing. The room was filled with shocked muttering as most of the room crowded around her. Zim's group held back and watched the display, the Invader himself jumping up to grab Norlock by the collar and get in his face.

"You fed on a human and didn't finish them off?!" he hissed, for once keeping his voice at a low level.

"I was hungry, not starving," Norlock replied in the same tone, "Besides which, a body, or a disappearance if I disposed of her completely, would have raised even more alarm. This is manageable."

"You see?! You see?!" Dib shouted, cutting off any retort Zim had for his ally. They turned to see him standing between them and the main crowd, which he was looking at while pointing at them. "You see, I told you he was a vampire! He must have attacked her when she left the room!"

"Son, don't try to start a panic with your crazy talk," Membrane said, from where he was examining Mrs. Slunchy, "There's no such thing as vampires. Clearly, this woman is suffering anaphylaxic shock brought about by a food allergy!"

"Food allergy?" Dib sputtered in disbelief, "Dad, what about the two holes on her neck? Those are bite marks!"

"Clearly, she fell on a fork," Norlock commented, while grabbing Zim and pulling him off. When the crowd mumbled in agreement, he added, "And I'd hate to say it, but this sad situation is something of a party killer. I think my grandsons and I will be calling it a night."

With that, the vampire strolled out of the room, the two aliens following close behind. Dib watched them go, sparing a look at the crowd, which had gone back to focusing on Mrs. Slunchy. He groaned and buried his face in his hands.

Oh well, at least he wasn't getting blamed for anything this time.

XXXXX

"How'd you know the humans would come up with an excuse on their own?" Skoodge asked, as the inhuman trio made their way towards the Skool's front entrance.

"I've found that most humans have a remarkable tendency to find excuses and justifications for the supernatural which allow them to ignore its existence," Norlock replied, "It's one of the things that's enabled me to last as long as I have. Though it seems that here, that habit's been dialed up to eleven. Seriously, that 'food allergy' thing was just sad, and I didn't even need to use any magical skill to back it up so that they'd accept it."

"Yes, yes, the humans are all idiots easily fooled by my genius and your somewhat impressive intelligence," Zim said, ignoring the glare that Norlock sent his way, "But all that aside, tonight went fairly well."

"And the night's still young," Norlock said, "So, unless you have anything else – preferably something not pointlessly mundane like this – that you need me for tonight, I'll be out familiarizing myself with the city."

"Actually," Zim said after a moment of thought, an evil smirk appearing on his face, "I do have a task in mind. One that I think you might just enjoy…"

Zim explained what he was thinking, and Norlock soon found himself smirking as well.

 _Even Later That Night, Membrane Household_

Dib sighed as he shut his bedroom door. The Parent Teacher meeting had pretty much withered up after the ambulance had shown up for Mrs. Slunchy, and people had started trickling out and heading home. Membrane had been one of the first to do so, hopping on the chance to return to his lab and get back to work.

For his part, Dib was exhausted. Norlock showing up had been a shock to his system, even without the threats the vampire had made against him. And on top of that, there was the usual emotional exhaustion that came from his failed attempts to get people to see the truth of the supernatural; seriously, a food allergy and she fell on a fork? How oblivious were these people?

And now, on top of all the usual crap he had to put up with, there was a freaking vampire with a grudge against him working with his archenemy, who everyone was completely blind to, even though he was barely trying to disguise himself or his actions. Why couldn't he catch a break, huh? And who knew what those two were up to. Zim's insanity and technology plus Norlock's experience and power… Dib shuddered to think at what would come up that union.

Hmm, should he risk going over to Zim's base and install more spy cameras? No, not tonight – he'd have to wait until daytime, when Norlock would be sleeping. Plus, it would give him time to gather together supplies for properly fending off a vampire. Garlic, holy wafers, maybe some holy water if he could track it down…

Dib nearly jumped as his cellphone rang, interrupting his train of thought. Picking it up, he arched an eyebrow, seeing that the caller ID was listed as unknown. Hesitantly, he answered it.

"Hello?" he asked.

" _Hello, Dib,_ " Norlock's voice greeted cheerfully, causing Dib to freeze in place, " _You know, you really shouldn't post your personal contact information online. Though given how bland your MyFace account was, I suppose you really needed_ something _to pad it out._ "

Dib mentally kicked himself. He _knew_ that social media stuff was a mistake, but everyone else had been doing it, so why not?

"What do you want?" he asked, trying to not let his fear show.

" _Take a look out your window. Across the street._ "

Dib obliged, and his eyes widened in alarm as he saw Norlock perched in the branches of a tree across the street, in the neighbor's lawn. The vampire smirked and gave a faux-friendly wave with the hand that wasn't holding a phone.

Oh, this was bad. Norlock knew where he lived. He was _right outside_. He could just come in here, and-

Something clicked, and Dib suddenly calmed down, his eyes narrowing as he regained some of his bravado.

"You can't come in here, can you?" he asked.

" _Not without your invitation, no,_ " Norlock admitted, " _But I can just as easily make sure you don't come_ out _either. Zim's orders – he's apparently tired of you breaking in to his base. Can't blame him for that. So, I'm here to keep an eye on you and make sure you don't go anywhere._ "

"I could call the cops and report you for trespassing and just being a creep."

" _First of all, you think I can't handle a couple of mundane cops? Secondly, given what I've seen so far, I could probably just tell them I'm a tree inspector or something stupid like that, and they'd leave. Face it, Dib, you've got no counter move for this. And I really am rather enjoying the psychological warfare aspect of this. I mean, the terror you must be experiencing, just thinking about what I might do…_ "

"You just said you can't come in here," Dib said, "So I have nothing to worry about."

" _True, I can't come in myself. But maybe I toss a bomb through your window. Or summon Phil to come and break in to maul you in your sleep. Or maybe I just burn your house down and drive you out so I can deal with you in the open. So many possibilities. Sweet dreams, Dib._ "

With that and an evil chuckle, Norlock hung up. Dib, who had gone pale during that final monologue, dropped his phone. As the vampire gave him another sarcastic wave from across the street, Dib locked his window and pulled the shades shut. He then grabbed the nearest heavy object he could find, in this case a desk lamp, and crawled into bed, scooting back as far away from the window as possible.

Well, he definitely wasn't getting any sleep tonight.

XXXXX

Norlock smirked as he watched Dib practically seal himself up in his room. Of course he hadn't meant any of those threats, but Dib didn't know that, and the fear those comments had generated would eat away at him, depriving him of sleep, which would degrade his efficiency as a threat in the future. Zim had just wanted Norlock to watch Dib and attack him if he showed signs of approaching the base tonight, but after Norlock had explained – repeatedly, as Zim clearly wasn't much of a listener – the benefits of this strategy, he had been all for it.

Reaching into a pocket, Norlock pulled out a flask, and took a sip from its contents, excess blood he'd drained from Mrs. Slunchy that he hadn't consumed at the time (waste not, want not). While he did so, he looked back at the night's events. True, he still thought it had been a waste to use him and his skills to facilitate such a meaningless ruse, but ego aside, it had been a productive evening. He now had a cover story in place in case he ever needed to appear in public in the coming months, he'd had multiple confirmations of the general public's utter stupidity and gullibility, and he'd been able to indulging a little terrorizing of the irritant who had destroyed his home.

Yes, overall a good start to his new arrangement with Zim. Give it a little time, and he was certain that this would turn out be the exciting period of his life in centuries.

With a final laugh, Norlock pocketed the flask and, transforming into his bat form, flew off to explore the city. Behind him, he left Dib, cowering in his bed, but mind rushing to come up with countermeasures for this latest development.

Norlock and Zim had won this round, but the war had only just begun.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 2**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: Okay, so, this chapter was not as easy to put together as the last one. Some sections just flowed out, while others hit jams and blocks all the way through. Still don't think it came out as good as it could have, but I'll leave the final verdict up to all of you.**

 **I'm also aware that Norlock seems to be taking a lot of the spotlight from the canon characters right now. I apologize for that, but it's simply the way the chapter came together. We'll see how things develop in the future.**

 **And in case it wasn't quite obvious, yes, that was Johnny the Homicidal Maniac as the Skool janitor. I got that idea from ngrey651's** _ **Invader Zim The Series**_ **. The idea just struck me as darkly, hilariously fitting of how screwed up that school is, so I decided to adapt it. As for whether Nny will show up again, maybe. I make no promises, but if I can make it fit, I'll do it.**

 **Also, brownie points to anyone who caught the other, more recent, historical figure that Norlock namedropped as a prior associate this chapter, in addition to Caligula.**

 **Next time: A familiar face returns, and complicates Dib's battle with Zim and Norlock.**

 **Until then, read and review.**


	3. The Hideous Returning Girl

**A/N: Here we go, new chapter. And now, a familiar face returns to join our little ongoing drama. Sorry to disappoint those of you who thought that meant some adversary of Norlock's. Some more OCs** _ **will**_ **show up later on down the road, but not quite yet.**

 **I'm surprised no one picked up on Norlock's passing reference to Pablo Escobar last chapter. Those historical mentions of his are going to be half the fun of the character; pay attention.**

 **All that said, let's move on.**

 **Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Norlock, with his pet wolf Phil in tow, arrived in Zim's base. He was then quickly drafted to attend Parent Teacher Night in the guise of Zim and Skoodge's grandfather. This accomplished, he also took the time to psychologically torment Dib, with promises of harm that could come at any time, before ruminating on the battle he's taken a side in.**

 **And now, that battle's about to get a bit more complicated.**

 **Disclaimer: The OCs and plot are mine. Everything else is the intellectual property of Jhonen Vasquez.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 3: The Hideous Returning Girl**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

It was a late night in the city of Doomsville. In fact, it was so late, it was early, the eastern horizon already starting to tinge with the colors of the fast approaching dawn. And aside from a certain vampire, who was quickly making his way back to his current home to take refuge from the harsh light of day, there was no one out and about, leaving the city in a still quiet.

As such, there was no one to notice a shooting star appear in the night sky. And more importantly, there was no one to notice said "shooting star" suddenly change course, veering away from the horizon to come streaking over the city in a ball of fire. The flaming object zoomed just barely above the tallest skyscrapers, a sonic boom accompanying another course change that sent the object heading directly towards the city park.

The ground shook, trashcans being knocked over and car alarms being triggered, as the object hit, carving a trench as its momentum continued it moving for several more yards. It finally came to a halt, obscured by a column of smoke, which dissipated after a few minutes, to reveal a large, purple metal, spheroid object. It sat there in the trench that it had dug, hull creaking and crackling from the excess heat of re-entry, but otherwise motionless and quiet.

Then, a few moments later, a hatch was forced open, and a figure leapt from the pod to land in a crouch a few feet outside of the trench. Straightening up, the figure looked around, purple eyes narrowing as they took in their surroundings. Seemingly satisfied with what they saw, the figure turned back to the pod and whistled, and a smaller, red-eyed figure hopped out of the pod, rushing over to join the first.

The first figure then reached into a pocket and pulled out a small metal object. They then pressed a button, triggering a small flashing light and beeping alarm, before tossing the object to land expertly in the pod. The two figures then turned and walked away, not looking back, even as the pod exploded, utterly vaporizing, leaving nothing but smoke.

And when that smoke cleared, the park was empty, the figures having disappeared into the unaware and unsuspecting city.

 _The Next Morning, Doomsville Middle Skool_

Dib stifled a yawn as he slumped against his desk. Thankfully, Miss Bitters was giving another "doom" rant, so no one really noticed that he was barely awake. Not that they would have cared if they _had_ noticed; hell, he could take a nap right here and now and he doubted anyone would be bothered by it.

He was tempted, too. He was _exhausted_ – every night for the last week, Norlock had made his presence known outside Dib's room, threats included. Dib knew Norlock couldn't actually carry out most of those threats, and he wasn't even entirely sure that the vampire was spending the whole night watching him, but the whole thing still left him too unnerved to get any decent sleep.

So, yeah, he was seriously considering just face planting on the desk and getting some sleep. Really, the only reason he wasn't doing so was because he refused to give Zim the satisfaction of knowing that his psychological warfare was getting to him.

Speaking of said alien, he was sitting at his own desk, twirling a pencil around the fingers of one hand, while he smirked at the visibly exhausted Dib.

"Pitiful worm-baby," he said, just loudly enough for Skoodge alone to hear him, "See how reliant they are on sleep? A few days without it, and the Dib is already ready to collapse. My strategy is working perfectly."

"What strategy?" Skoodge asked, "I thought that this was something Norlock came up with on his own?"

Zim glared at him. "Norlock is Zim's minion, no matter what he says. Therefore, any good ideas he has are mine."

Skoodge scratched under his wig as he thought about that statement for a moment.

"Doesn't that mean that any of his bad ideas are yours too?" he asked.

"Don't be ridiculous," Zim snapped, pausing in twirling the pencil as his irritation grew, "Zim is not responsible for other people's bad ideas."

Any further comments Skoodge had on the subject were preempted, as a ringing filled the air. The class's eyes collectively turned to Miss Bitters' desk, where a phone had popped out of a hidden panel. The crone herself paused in her rant to glare at the phone, before grabbing it and pulling it up to her ear.

"What?!" she hissed. The response was only audible to the students as a series of rather pig-like squeals. Miss Bitters' frown deepened at whatever she was hearing.

"Why would anyone want to come _back_ to this cesspool?" she asked. There was another inaudible response, and she growled. "Fine. Send her up, but I doubt she'll last any longer this time."

With that, she slammed the phone back into its cradle, which sank back into the desk, and then turned to address the class.

"Students, it would appear that a former classmate of yours, who decided to up and disappear in the middle of the Skool year, has now decided to just as quickly come back. While I think this flip-flopping is a waste of time and energy, I've still been instructed to follow through on this. Therefore, please welcome her back and don't make a fuss over it."

Alarm bells were going off in Zim's head. There was something _very_ familiar about what Miss Bitters was saying, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. And that was when the door swung open.

"Hello, everyone. It's so good to see you all again," a familiar British accented voice spoke up.

Zim's pencil snapped in half as his hand clenched in shock. He didn't notice, however, as he was too busy staring, slack-jawed and wide-eyed, at the figure standing in front of the class. The very familiar, blue-haired, pale-skinned, female figure in black pants and a striped, dark-colored shirt.

"I'm so sorry for just up and vanishing like that all those months ago," Tak continued, "But my father had an important business exchange to take care of overseas, and he didn't feel like leaving me behind on my own, so he dragged me along while the negotiations went on."

"What about that huge column of lava that shot out of your hot dog building?" Zita asked.

Tak's eye twitched, before she answered with a forced smile, "That was a fire caused by a gas leak."

"That doesn't make any-"

"You know, it's rude to interrupt people when they're talking," Tak cut in, a spark of light shooting past her eyes as she triggered her mind control implant, "You should stop talking. And knock yourself out."

Zita's eyes glazed over as the implant took effect.

"Yes, Tak. I'm sorry," she said in a monotone, before grabbing a large textbook and hitting herself in the head with it. She promptly collapsed in a heap; everyone stared at her for a moment, and then turned back to face Tak.

"Anyway, I'm back now, and I'm not planning on going anywhere again any time soon," the Irken female said, a note of malice entering her voice at that last comment as she glared at Zim, who was still staring at her in shock, and at a now wide-awake Dib, who was matching Zim's expression.

"Thank you, Tak," Miss Bitters said dryly, "Now, as for where you can sit… Poonchy! I've grown tired of looking at you. You can go to the Underground Classrooms now."

Before the red-haired Drinker of Hate could process this, the floor gave out from under him, and he fell with a scream into the depths of the Skool. As the floor closed up again with a new chair in place, Tak calmly walked over to her new desk and sat down, pointedly ignoring the continued shocked looks from her two enemies.

A smirk spread on her face.

Now the fun could start.

 _A Few Hours Later, Lunch Recess_

Tak sat perched on the ledge surrounding the Skool courtyard, experimentally poking at the so-called food in the tray on her lap. Unsurprisingly, the quality had not improved while she had been gone. She was fairly certain that the supposed "lamp chop" hissed at her when her fork prodded it. Honestly, no wonder the human race was so physically and mentally degraded if they kept feeding _this_ to their young…

Her musings on what the human children were forced to eat were interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps. Looking up, she glared at the sight of her hated rival marching up to her, followed closely by, she belatedly recognized under the disguise just as horrid as Zim's, Invader Skoodge, the conqueror of Blorch. Huh, hadn't the Tallest shot him out of a cannon? Shouldn't he be dead? Clearly, he was better than his choice of company would indicate.

She didn't get a chance to think on that any more, as Zim stopped right in front of her, with a glare of his own. Setting the tray aside, she looked down and locked eyes with him.

"Tak," he hissed.

"Hello, Zim. Surprised to see-"

"Tak," he hissed again, this time pointing at her dramatically.

"Yes, we already established th-"

"Tak!" he snarled this time, waving his hands in clawing gestures.

" _Oh, not this again,_ " she thought with a roll of her eyes. She decided to wait a few moments to let him get it out of his system, crossing her arms and looking down at him with a raised holographic eyebrow. A few minutes later, Zim finally calmed down, and returned to just glaring at her.

"Finished?" she asked.

"What are you doing back here? Trying to steal my mission again?"

Tak snorted. "You know, I could comment on how your mission is a total joke, but I know you're too delusional to listen to me. How about you, chubby? You tell your friend yet that he's a galactic laughingstock?"

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about," Skoodge responded, blinking in confusion, "Zim's got a great and important mission. That's why the Tallest sent me here to assist him."

Well, so much for him being better than he looked. Were the Tallest just using this planet as a dumping ground for worthless Invaders?

"Skoodge, stop talking to the wannabe!" Zim snapped at his companion, before turning back to Tak, "And as for you-"

Zim was cut off as Tak whipped out a bottle of BBQ sauce. Remembering what happened (repeatedly) the last time Tak was around, he quickly ducked and dodged the stream of sauce sprayed at him. Skoodge was less fortunate, and was hit direct in the face. Yelling in pain, he fell to the ground, smoke rising from his burning flesh.

"Ha! Missed!" Zim gloated. And then he was cut off again, as Tak's booted foot shot out and hit him in the throat. Gagging, he was disoriented long enough for Tak's hand to snap out and grab his wig, and the antennae underneath it, in a hard grasp. Ignoring Zim's yelp of pain, Tak pulled him close and leaned down to glare at him directly.

"Wannabe?" she hissed, "I am a thousand times better an Invader than you could _ever_ be, Zim. And I am going to prove it by taking over this pitiful planet even _with_ your presence, and thus proving the mistake that the Control Brains made in not making me an Invader all those years ago."

"Aha!" Zim croaked, "So it _is_ about revenge!"

Tak blinked. "What? No, you idiot, for once in your life, listen to what someone else has to say! I don't care about taking revenge on an insignificant Defective like you. I just want to claim what is rightfully mine. Though while we're on the subject of revenge…"

As she said that, Tak popped a leg out of her PAK. It hovered menacingly in the air for a moment, before shooting down… into the shrubbery on the other side of the ledge. There was a surprised yelp, and when the leg lifted back up, it revealed Dib hanging from his coat, which the leg had pierced the collar of.

"Hello, Dib," Tak said, voice thick with sarcasm, " _So_ nice of you to join us."

"How'd you know I was there?" Dib asked, fidgeting as he hung in the air.

"Please, you were making so much noise back there, anyone could tell they were being spied on."

"Er, right," Zim said hastily, still struggling to free himself from Tak's grip, "Of course Zim realized you were spying on us, Dib-Monkey. But this doesn't concern you, so go away!"

"Actually, it does," Tak said turning to give Dib her full attention, "You see, Dib, for you, I'll settle for mere revenge."

"What?! Why is the stupid human worthy of getting revenge on, but Zim is not?" Zim demanded, stopping his struggle long enough to glare at her.

"Are you _seriously_ upset about something like that?" Dib asked, deadpan.

"Zim is superior in all things! Therefore, no one should hate anyone more than they hate Zim!"

Tak cleared her throat loudly, saving the bewildered Dib the trouble of having to come up with a comeback to that idiotic statement. When both males were paying attention to her again, she continued.

"You see, Dib, my plan last time went off perfectly. And yet it didn't succeed. And why? Not because of Zim; he wasn't in any position to beat me on his own-"

"I was too!" Zim complained, before yelping again as Tak gave his antennae another harsh tug.

"As I was saying, he couldn't beat me on his own. More to the point, he wouldn't have been in any position to stop my magma pump, since he was too busy having his _c'horta_ handed to him in orbit by me. And yet, it was shut down and reversed. Now then, given that I know that you and your sister were helping Zim during that little escapade, it was a mere matter of simple deduction that one or both of you was responsible for the failure of fifty years worth of planning. And since Gaz didn't strike me as someone who would particularly care if the world were ending, that leaves you."

"Ha! That shows what you know!" Zim gloated, "The Dib-Sister is the one who hacked your SIR unit and made it insane, leading to you getting launched in that pod to float in space!"

"Hey, leave my sister out of this!" Dib complained, while Tak frowned.

"Hmm, in that case, I'll have to destroy her too," she muttered, before refocusing on the duo in her grasp, "But that can wait until after I've dealt with you and beaten Zim."

"Enough of this pointless rambling!" Zim shouted, "You will never conquer the Earth, Tak! This planet is mine, and you'll never beat me, even if you did manage to destroy Dib and take your ship back from him!"

Dib face-palmed. "Don't tell her _that_ , you idiot!"

"You have _my_ ship?!" Tak snarled, turning her full attention to Dib, who paled, while Zim smirked.

"That's right," he continued, "He somehow got a hold of it after I defeated you, and has been using it ever since. It's a disgrace to our whole species that you would allow your technology to be used by an inferior like this."

"Hey, you messed with her ship too," Dib snapped, "You hacked it – _twice_ – and just a couple of weeks ago tried to blow it up when I was flying it!"

"Zim is at least still Irken, Earth-Monkey! You have no right-"

The argument was cut off as a growling Tak suddenly lifted the two of them up, Zim shouting in pain at the pressure on his antennae was increased, and then she tossed them both across the courtyard. Skoodge, who was just getting back to his feet and rubbing at his still smoking flesh, was knocked back to the ground with a grunt of surprised pain as Dib and Zim slammed into him, the two of them bouncing off of him and continuing to skip across the yard for a few feet, before coming to a halt.

Tak watched this for a moment, before walking away, leaving the three of them groaning on the ground. Zim recovered first, getting to his feet and massaging his scalp through his wig. Even as he did so, he managed to smirk as he turned to glare at Dib, who was also getting to his feet, and inspecting the new hole in his jacket with a frown.

"Well, as annoying as it is for that _tishani_ to be back, Zim is happy to see there's someone else who will be making your life miserable, Dib-Stink."

"Were you even listening to her, Zim?" Dib asked, frowning, "She's clearly still planning to take over the planet, and that makes her a threat to both of us. And since she's way better at the whole Invader thing than you are-"

"She is not!" Zim snarled, "Zim is the greatest Invader who ever lived! Tak only got the upper hand last time because she took me by surprise. But this time, I'm on to her little tricks. And I will crush her beneath my mighty boots of doomy Zimness! Meanwhile, Dib, try not to die when she shows up to steal back her ship – it'd be embarrassing for both of us."

With that, Zim marched off, Skoodge quickly following behind, while Dib stared after them.

So, to sum up – Tak was back, and wanted to kill him, something she would probably attempt to do while trying to steal back her ship from him. And upon seeing the condition it was in, she'd probably make his death even more painful. And even if she _didn't_ kill him, that still didn't change the fact that there was now another alien trying to take over the planet, one who was actually competent without the aid of an ancient undead monster who also wanted him dead.

"Oh, this last month has just sucked way more than usual," Dib muttered, before yawning heavily. Trudging back towards the building, he decided to risk taking a power nap or two during the remainder of the Skool day. He had a feeling he was going to need all the rest he could get.

 _Several Hours Later, Tak's Base, Delishus Weenie Building_

The rest of the Skool day had passed fairly quickly after Tak's encounter with her two nemeses. Aside from more death glares from Zim, and Dib trying and failing to sleep in class with no one noticing, nothing more of note had occurred. So, when the final bell had rung, she had quickly and quietly slipped out of the building and returned to her old base.

She hadn't had much time, when she'd first returned the previous night, to properly examine the state that the facility had been left in since her previous defeat. She'd been too busy putting her cover story in place and ensuring that she'd be able to reenter Skool without any difficulty. Now that she'd had time to look around, however…

To be frank, her base was a mess. The feedback from the magma pump being thrown into reverse while in the middle of the draining process had overloaded multiple systems, which, combined with some of the magma slipping free while within the building, had literally fried much of her lab spaces, and utterly destroyed the pumping mechanisms. And while the auto-repair systems had been running to undo the damage ever since, the base still wasn't back to full capacity.

Still, at the very least, it was better than the pod she'd been stuck in, floating through the outer edges of the Solar System for the past several months. And even the loss of the magma pump wasn't something to get too upset about – after all, that plan was clearly flawed, if a human smeet could so easily sabotage it. So, it would be for the best to cut her losses, scrap that plan, and come up with some other way to conquer the planet.

For the time being, however, everything was operational enough to at least have a functioning stronghold to work out of. And once she got her ship and its more advanced technology back, she'd be in an even better position to work with.

First thing's first, though. Ensuring that she still had formal support from the Empire would mean that her eventual victory would guarantee her gaining of the status and renown she deserved. So, her examinations of the base complete, she brought the communications system online and contacted the _Massive_. After a few minutes of being kept on standby, the link was established, and she was greeted by the image of the Almighty Tallest.

"What is it now, Zi- hey, you're not Zim," Tallest Red said, snapping out of his bored monotone when he realized he wasn't speaking to whom he was expecting.

"Greetings, my Tallest," Tak saluted, "Invader Tak reporting in. Despite what Zim no doubt told you, I am still very much alive and well."

"…Who?" Tallest Purple asked, blinking in confusion. Tak's eye twitched at the lack of recognition, but fortunately for both her ego and the overall situation, Red seemed to have been paying more attention than his violet counterpart.

"Wait, I remember you," he said, "You're that Janitorial Drone who was upset that she didn't become an Invader, and was going to conquer that planet Zim's on to prove herself."

"Oh, yeah!" Purple piped up, "You were going to hollow out the planet and fill it with snacks!"

" _Leave it to him to only remember the food-related portion of my plan,_ "Tak thought bitterly, before pushing it aside and continuing, "Yes, that is correct, my Tallest."

"And then you were defeated in battle. By _Zim_ ," Red continued, sounding incredulous as he made that final comment.

Tak flushed as Purple snorted.

"He had outside help!" she snapped, before remembering whom she was speaking to, and adding in a calmer tone, "With all due respect, my Tallest, such interference was unforeseeable, and thus should not reflect on my skills as an Invader."

"Except you're _not_ an Invader," Red pointed out, as he grabbed a soda from a nearby Service Drone, "Unless the Control Brains say otherwise. We just went along with your proposal last time because it would mess with Zim."

"And for the snacks!" Purple added, shoving a handful of curly fries into his mouth.

"Right, that too," Red said, nodding in agreement.

Tak frowned, but then smirked as she realized that her leaders had given her the perfect excuse to get what she wanted.

"Well then, why not endorse my continued efforts here on Earth?" she asked. At their confused expressions, she continued, "I encountered Zim earlier today, and he was _not_ pleased to see me. I imagine my continued presence will only irritate him further. And just imagine what'll happen when I beat him at his own supposed mission by conquering this miserable planet before he does… You know, before I kill him for you."

Red quirked an antenna at her. "You do know that literally ever attempt we've made at killing him has failed stupendously, right?"

Tak shrugged. "A chance I'm willing to take, my Tallest. And at no risk to anyone or anything the Empire deems valuable."

"But wait a minute," Purple cut in, "Zim thinks he's a real Invader, right? How are we going to justify having another Invader on the same planet?"

"I don't know. How did you explain to him about Invader Skoodge being here?" she asked.

Both Tallest blinked at that.

"Oh, right, him," Red said, scratching at his forehead, "Honestly, I forgot that guy existed. Well, if he's there, we'll just use his presence as an excuse. Not like Zim is hard to convince."

"Okay, but I have one more important question," Purple said, "Can we still do the planet full of snacks thing?"

Red face-palmed, and Tak sniggered.

"I'm afraid my magma pump was damaged beyond repair, my Tallest. But I'm sure that once I've conquered Earth, the Armada can still hollow it out. Not like this planet is worth much for anything else…" she responded, trailing off in an annoyed mutter at the end.

Purple gave a childish cry of joy, while Red rolled his eyes.

"Yes, okay, that's great," he said, "Fine, we'll tell Zim some _caragash_ about some loophole that lets you be assigned to the same planet. Conquer it, and deal with that little pain in the squeedlyspooch, and we'll see about getting you properly registered as an Invader. Fail, and you'll _beg_ to go back to Planet Dirt."

"Thank you, my Tallest. I promise, I shall-"

"Incoming transmission from Earth!" some bridge technician announced from offscreen.

"Hmm, speak of the devil," Red commented, his and Purple's attitudes souring, "Well, we better get this over with."

With that, they unceremoniously cut the transmission. Tak frowned, but focused on the positives. She now had a formal, proper chance to gain what was rightfully hers, with the full blessings of the Tallest, which meant that Zim, technically, couldn't interfere with her plans. Of course, that hadn't stopped him last time. But still, she now had an opportunity.

And the first step towards fulfilling the promise of that opportunity was getting her ship and its tech back from that irritating little human.

"MIMI!" she called. When her summons wasn't immediately responded to, she frowned and looked around. The sight that greeted her made her groan and face-palm. Her custom SIR unit, eyes having turned blue, was painting childish cartoons along one wall of the lower level of the base's main chamber, bouncing in place in beat to some song only she could hear.

That was the other reason it had taken her so long to get back to Earth. Whatever Zim – or Dib, or Dib's sister, or whoever was responsible – had done to MIMI to make her malfunction hadn't gone away, and as such, she had kept messing up Tak's attempts to get the escape pod in working order and sending it on course back to Earth. Tak had finally managed to enact repairs, but a reboot of MIMI's software had somehow failed to purge her system of the corrupted programming. So, she was now like a mirror version of Zim's own junky bot – most of the time she was a fully functioning SIR, but sometimes she would just slip into random nonsense like this.

"MIMI, snap out of it!" she snarled, the robot jumping in surprise, "Go and recon Dib's home, determine its defenses and weaknesses, and find where he's keeping my ship. Understood?"

MIMI's eyes returned to their normal red, and she snapped a salute, before shifting into her cat camouflage and zooming off. Tak watched her go and sighed, wishing she had a nice bottle of Vortian firewhiskey right now.

But no matter. It would all be worth it in the end.

 _A Couple Of Hours Later, Zim's Base_

"…And she is utterly inferior to me in all ways! She probably barely qualified as a Janitorial Drone, let alone being an Invader! She has no right to be anywhere near this planet, let alone trying to conquer it before me! She must be removed immediately!" Zim screeched at the screen displaying the Tallest, as he had been doing for the past several hours.

Hmm, had he perhaps let his rage at Tak's interloping into his mission overwhelm him and make him go overboard on complaining about her? Well, Tallest Red _did_ look a little annoyed, and Tallest Purple… was sleeping standing up? No, of course not – one of the Tallest would _never_ ignore Zim like that. He was probably just deep in thought. Or maybe there was a bug on his eye, and he was trying to crush it. Yeah, that was probably it.

"Well," Red said in the resulting silence, as Zim caught his breath, "I'm glad to see you finally stopped talking, Zim. Thank you for wasting another three hours of my life."

"More like two and a half," a voice piped up from behind Zim, making him jump. Turning around, he saw Norlock leaning casually against the chamber doorway, offhandedly inspecting the claws on one hand. Zim frowned.

"How long have you been standing there?" he demanded.

"Well, let's see," Norlock responded, "I woke up at sundown, which was apparently shortly after you phoned home, and I've been listening to you rant about this Tak person ever since."

Red, meanwhile, had arched an antenna at the vampire's arrival and his interaction with Zim, intrigued by what he saw. Turning to his co-ruler, he frowned, and elbowed Purple hard in the side.

"Potato dumplings!" Purple snorted as he came awake. Noticing Red's mild glare, he pouted, "What? I was paying attention… hey, who's the pale guy?"

Huffing in derision, Zim turned from Norlock back to the screen. "My Tallest, this is Norlock, my new vampire minion."

"Partner," Norlock cut in, frowning, "Seriously, do you have a hearing disability? That's like the fifth time I've had to repeat that to you."

"Partner implies that we are equal. You are merely an asset of Zim's, to be used when I see fit. Get that through your rotted head, undead bat-monkey!"

"Not to interrupt," the computer said as it did exactly that, "But you might want to take a look at this."

"Oh, now what?" Zim snapped. Turning his attention to a side screen, he blinked as he saw a security view of the surface level, where a screaming Skoodge was running around the house, being chased by a heavily drooling Phil, while GIR rode on his back waving a cowboy hat, and Minimoose was dragged behind as he bit down on the direwolf's tail, trying desperately to stop him.

"…Why is your wolf trying to eat Skoodge?" Zim asked, not so much concerned as he was confused by the situation.

Norlock shrugged, similarly nonchalant. "I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he smells like BBQ ribs for some reason?"

"Oh, right. That," Zim said, still rather uncaring about his only real friend being chased by a bloodthirsty animal, "Well, Skoodge is more useful alive. Go put a stop to this."

"Actually, Zim, why don't you take care of that?" Red spoke up, "I'd like to have a word in private with your new… friend, here."

Zim frowned, but acquiesced to his leader's request.

"As you wish, my Tallest," he said with a salute, before turning and marching out of the chamber towards the nearest surface lift. Norlock arched an eyebrow as he watched him go, and then turned to face the Tallest.

"Pleasure to finally meet you. I am Norlock, vampire and evil mentor extraordinaire. So, what did you want to discuss?"

"Well, aside from finding out what the heck you are – which you just answered – I was curious about your situation with Zim," Red commented, "I mean, first and foremost, why would anyone want to work with _him_?"

"Yeah! He's annoying and crazy and has a stupid voice!" Purple added, his own pitch jumping an octave at that last comment. Norlock chose to ignore that, and carefully contemplated his response before voicing it.

"True, his ego, shortsightedness, and rather delusional world view are altogether quite irritating," he admitted, "However, I've worked with his type before – strip all that away, and underneath is, above all else, a desire for power and willingness to destroy all that stands in his way."

"Oh, you don't have to tell _us_ about him being willing to destroy stuff," Red muttered bitterly.

"Yeah, he's the reason we had to delay Operation Impending Doom," Purple said, "He was so eager to blow stuff up, he blew up all the other Invaders!"

"Okay, so, imagine those destructive tendencies focused and directed," Norlock interjected, "He'd be an unstoppable, living weapon. You must have at least partially realized that, however. I mean, why would you have given him such an important mission if you didn't respect his abilities?"

To Norlock's surprise, both Tallest burst out laughing at that. This lasted for a few moments, before they noticed the confused look on his face.

"Oh, you're serious?" Purple asked.

"Forget anything Zim's told you," Red said, "He's not on any mission. He's not even really an Invader – we stripped him of that rank decades ago and banished him to Foodcourtia. But then he quit that and showed up at the Great Assigning anyway."

"Wait – he _quit_ being banished?" Norlock asked incredulously.

"That was my reaction," Purple said, nodding in sympathy.

"So we sent him in some random direction, with promises of some mysterious, forbidden planet," Red continued, looking quite weary, "We didn't think he'd actually _find_ one."

"So now we just hope he stays there, and never actually conquers anything," Purple added, "Plus, he's good for a laugh on occasion."

"…Well, that's just a waste of potential," Norlock said, as he processed this, "Such capacity for destruction and wanton cruelty. I've mentored many over the centuries, but I think he may be one of the best. He just lacks focus and the proper drive."

He paused as he considered something, and then smirked at the Tallest.

"Tell me, what are you planning on doing regarding this Tak person?" he asked.

Red shrugged. "We already talked to her. We're going to give her a chance to take over the planet before Zim does, and just give him some made up excuse to justify her being there. Why?"

"I find that competition and rivalry can help to bring out someone's more dominating and aggressive personality traits," Norlock explained, "So by all means, do force Zim to accept Tak's presence. Their frustration and determination to outdo each other will drive them to greater heights in their attempts to conquer Earth, until one of them succeeds. And even if Zim is the one who does so, then fine. Appoint him planetary governor or some such, and use Earth as a prison for everyone you don't want. Thus, he's given a chance to prove himself, but he's out of your way."

"I like that!" Purple said, excitedly, "Either Tak kills Zim, and we get a new, competent Invader, or Zim wins, and we have an excuse to shuffle him off someplace without him complaining about it! We can't lose!"

"But what do _you_ get out of this arrangement?" Red asked, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Like I told Zim, immortality is boring," Norlock replied, "What could be more exciting than enabling an alien invasion? And besides, I imagine that my services would be well rewarded in the new regime."

"Oh, so you're just a collaborator?" Red asked, his tone somewhere between disgust and admiration.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Norlock admitted with a shrug, "There was this one time, I was in France a few years after the Revolution, and I met this charming Italian soldier named Napoleon…"

XXXXX

"Bad dog-beast! Stop chewing on my minion!" Zim demanded, as he sprayed Phil down with a hose. Phil whined in discomfort, while Skoodge, who was caught between Phil's jaws, cried out in further pain as the water burned him. Eventually, Phil let go, and Skoodge dropped to the floor, landing in a smoking, groaning lump.

"From now on, if you want to eat something, stick to the basement cows," Zim scolded the visibly upset wolf, "Or at least eat the ugly neighbor humans; no one's going to miss them. And you Skoodge – if you get covered in human food substances again, wash them off. I'm not dealing with this again. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," Skoodge replied weakly, from where he was still lying on the floor.

Zim barely paid him any attention, tossing the hose away and heading for the toilet elevator in the kitchen. Flushing himself down to the main level, he quickly walked back to the communications chamber. He only hoped that Norlock's irreverent nature hadn't led to him insulting the Tallest. Then Zim would have to kill him, and that would be a total waste, when the vampire was only just starting to prove himself useful…

Zim paused as he heard laughter emanating from the chamber. Quirking an antenna in confusion, he entered the chamber.

"…And then I said, 'Hey, Nappy. If you want to invade Russia in winter, that's your problem. I'll be here hanging out in the sauna'," Norlock said, finishing up a story as he and the Tallest broke up in uproarious laughter.

"Hahahahahahahaha- I don't get it," Purple laughed, before breaking off in an aside to Red.

"He's saying that guy was being stupid, that's all the humor I need," Red replied through his own chuckles.

"Yeah, he just would not listen to me on that one," Norlock mused, "Shame too – we were having some good times."

Zim cleared his throat in irritation, regaining the attention of the room.

"Well, I'm glad that you and my minion are getting along so well, my Tallest," he said, "But there's still the matter of Tak's interloping in my mission. So if you just order her to leave, or better yet send someone to blow her up…"

"Nope, sorry Zim, can't do that," Red said, "Our hands are tied in this."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, it says so right here in the, uh, Tallest Law Book," Purple said, holding up what looked suspiciously like a fast food takeout menu, "That any Irken that has shown, um, aptitudes of Elite status, outside of training, have the right to prove themselves as Invaders via undertaking an invasion of an enemy planet. And since Tak did so well last time, she counts."

"B-but, this is _my_ mission!" Zim complained, "Make her go get her own!"

"What's wrong, Zim?" Red asked with a smirk, "Can't stand a little competition?"

Zim huffed indignantly. "Of course Zim can stand it! And Zim shall win! But it will merely be a distraction from the mission, wasting valuable time that could otherwise be dedicated to finding ways to crush the humans!"

"Well, just think of her presence as all the more reason to conquer that planet soon, Zim," Red said, "Whichever one of you does so first, gets control of it in the Empire's name. Got it?"

"Yes, my Tallest," Zim said with a salute, "I promise you, I will not fail you!"

"That's great, Zim," Purple said halfheartedly, "Now that that's done with – someone get us some doughnuts!"

The link cut off, the screen going to static for a moment before turning off completely. Zim's façade of control slipped then, and with an angry shout he kicked the console. He then yelped in pain and bounced back, clutching his foot, until he collapsed into his chair.

"Done?" Norlock asked calmly. Zim glared at him.

"This is all your fault!" he snarled.

"In what possible way?"

"Well, it's either your fault or the Tallest's, and they're never wrong, so it must be yours!"

"Sound logic, as always," Norlock replied dryly, rolling his eyes, "But, moving past the pointing of fingers stage, might I make a suggestion, as your trusted advisor, what you do next?"

"You might as well," Zim snorted, "It's what you're supposed to be here for."

"In that case, here it is – team up with Tak."

"What?!" Zim screeched, shooting to his feet, "Have you the brain worms? _Why_ would Zim _ever_ team up with that witch?!"

"Simple pragmatism," Norlock replied, "Combine resources, use her to get what you want… and then stab her in the back and eliminate her as soon as she's of no further use to you. It worked for the Borgias, and it can work for you too."

Zim looked tempted for a moment, but then he frowned and shook his head.

"No," he said firmly, "Zim cannot even be in the same room as Tak for a few minutes at a time without wanting to kill her, and I know that the feeling is mutual. We could never work together long enough to take over the Earth, and then she'd probably double-cross me before I could double-cross her. No, we'll have to do something else."

"Oh? And what would you recommend then?"

"Destroy her," Zim said simply. At Norlock's look of surprise, he continued, "Dib is my archenemy, and I will not allow you to rob me the glory of defeating him. Tak, however, is a mere annoyance and a thorn in my side. You will make yourself useful and dispose of her for me."

"And what will you tell the Tallest?" Norlock asked, "I can't imagine they'd be too happy with you for eliminating your fellow Invader like that, in defiance of their orders."

"I am certain that the Tallest would have gotten rid of her themselves if they could have," Zim responded casually, "I am simply doing us all a favor. And I'm sure I can convince them that this was for the best."

As he said that, he wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Norlock.

"That's where her base was located last time. If she's still there-"

"You do remember I can't enter a home without invitation, right?"

"Then merely watch and wait until she leaves, and then get rid of her in the open!" Zim snapped, "It's not that hard! Now go!"

As Zim spun his chair around to glare at the deactivated screen, Norlock smirked. Already his plan was working – sure, Zim wasn't willing to take the long-term approach, but he was being more proactive in eliminating a threat and already planning how to spin events in his favor. True, it appeared that Tak wouldn't be around to inspire Zim via rivalry for much longer after all, but at least she'd lit a fire under him. And she'd probably give Norlock a decent fight before he finished her off.

With that thought in mind, Norlock spun on his heel, and with a flourish of his cape, disappeared down the hall.

Time to go to work.

 _Membrane Residence, Several Hours Later_

Dib repressed a yawn as he trudged into his bedroom. He hadn't gotten as much sleep as he'd hoped for earlier, being too worried about the various threats he was facing. As such, he'd been driven to try and beef up the house's defenses in preparation for an attack by Tak, digging out the Anti-Santa weapon emplacements his father put up every Christmas, figuring that it should be just the right amount of overkill to deal with her. And then he'd also taken the time to start putting up measures to ward off Norlock, more for his sound of mind than out of any belief that the vampire would actually try anything.

Still, while it'd be worth it in the long run, he'd gotten a little too into the activity; it was now the middle of the night, and he was even more exhausted than he'd been beforehand. But at least on the plus side, the next day was a Saturday, so he wouldn't have to worry about Skool, and could actually sleep in. Assuming, of course, that Tak didn't attack, get past the defenses, and kill him.

Shaking his head in order to clear it of those depressing thoughts, Dib prepared to make his way to his bed, when the lights in his room suddenly went out. Blinking as much in surprise as in an attempt to readjust his eyes to the change in lighting, Dib reached over and flicked the light switch repeatedly, only to get no result. At that point, a thought – rather terrifying given the circumstances – crossed his mind. He quickly rushed over to his window and glanced outside, hoping his concerns wouldn't be confirmed. Unfortunately, they were.

"Damn it," he muttered, as he saw that every light on the block – not just the house lights, which was to be expected, but the streetlights as well – had gone dark. Clearly, there had been a power outage of some kind, which had blacked out the whole neighborhood. And the worst part of that was that that meant that all of the defenses he'd spent all night setting up were now dead, along with even the house's electric fences, leaving the house totally vulnerable. He knew he should have found a way to tap into the emergency generators his father kept in his basement lab, but the Professor was pretty adamant that they were only for their stated use of preserving his work; anything and everything else in the house was on its own, power wise.

As Dib was contemplating just how screwed he'd become in the likelihood of an emergency, something flashed by the window. And before he had a chance to register it fully, something then smashed through the window and grabbed his collar.

"What the- AAAAHHHH!" Dib's exclamation of surprise quickly morphed into a scream of panic as he found himself being forcibly pulled out of the window and tossed through the air. He bounced off the edge of the roof, before hitting the ground below. Thankfully, he hit the lawn rather than the driveway, so while he'd be bruised for weeks and hurt like Hell in the morning, he hadn't sustained any serious injuries.

As the stars cleared from his eyes, he looked up and was greeted by the sight of his attacker – MIMI, sans her holographic disguise, was sitting a few feet away and staring at him, her oversized and extendable right arm snaking back into place. Clearly, that was what had grabbed him. And if she was there…

The sound of approaching footsteps caught his attention, and Dib turned to see Tak, also out of her disguise, walking towards him. She stopped a few feet away, crossing her arms to smirk down at him.

"Have a nasty tumble?" she asked, condescendingly.

Dib ignored her for a moment, crawling to his hands and knees and pulling himself to his feet, ignoring the pain radiating through his body. Yep, he was going to be sore later. Assuming, of course, that he lived through the next few minutes.

"What's this, the silent treatment?" Tak asked, faking sounding upset at his silence. Dib just glared at her, while trying to keep both her and MIMI in his sight, in case either one tried to jump him while he wasn't looking.

"You seriously had to attack _now_?" he asked, exasperated, "The middle of the night? You couldn't have attacked earlier, or at least waited until tomorrow, or something?"

"MIMI got distracted when she was supposed to be examining your defenses," Tak replied, sounding somewhat embarrassed, to Dib's confusion, "It took her forever to get back, and by that point, my patience for reclaiming my ship was rather expired. But believe me, Dib, I really have no desire to being here at this ungodly hour either."

"Well, that makes it unanimous, doesn't it?" another voice suddenly cut in. Dib and Tak turned to face it, and were greeted by the sight of Norlock sitting perched on top of one of the deactivated security fence poles like the world's most terrifying bird. Tak arched an antenna in confusion, while Dib groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"Oh, come on!" he exclaimed, "There is no way that my luck is _this_ bad!"

"…And you are?" Tak asked, looking the vampire up and down. In response, Norlock grinned, hopping off of the pole to land in a crouch, before standing up fully so that he could give Tak a proper bow.

"I am Norlock," he replied, straightening up, "Vampire, sorcerer, and current ally to Zim."

"Oh," Tak said flatly, frowning, "I was almost impressed for a moment, but if you'd willingly work for that idiot, then you really can't be all that much, now can you?"

Norlock chuckled slightly. "Everyone really underestimates him, don't they? Is he delusional and shortsighted? Sure. But an idiot? Hardly."

"I'd disagree on that, but I didn't come here in the middle of the night to argue with someone I don't even know," Tak said dismissively, "I'm here to exact revenge and reclaim what's mine. So if Zim sent you here on some ridiculous errand, or to interfere-"

"Well, you could say that. I'm here to kill you," Norlock cut in, tone completely casual.

"What?!" Tak exclaimed.

"To be perfectly honest, I don't really care about you either way. I don't know you well enough to _want_ to kill you," Norlock said, still quite casual despite the intent of his words, "But, Zim does, and he wants you dead. He's staked a claim on this planet, and he sees you as a threat and me as a resource to use, so he's ordered me to eliminate you. And while I personally wouldn't mind sitting back and letting you thrash Dib a bit, Zim's also adamant that he alone gets that privilege. So, I do believe this is the part where I step in and deal with you. But don't worry, it'll be quick – I've wasted enough of the night waiting for you to get out in the open."

That last part was muttered, as the vampire glanced at the eastern horizon. It was still dark, but if one looked carefully, they could just make out the beginnings of gray pre-dawn. Norlock's eye twitched slightly as he took that in, before he returned his attention to Tak.

For her part, the Irken clearly wasn't taking Norlock's announcement lying down. Her PAK legs deployed, plasmatic energy gathering at the tips, as she fell into a fighting stance, glaring down the rather unimpressed vampire.

"You picked the wrong side, vampire," she snarled, "If Zim thinks an undead freak like you can take down a true Irken Elite like myself, he's even more of a fool than I thought. And you're not much smarter for trying it."

"Confident, aren't we?" Norlock asked, idly flexing his claws, "Well, let's put that to the test."

Faster than Dib could blink, Norlock shot one hand out, a ball of black fire launching from the extended palm towards Tak. With instincts faster than those of any human, Tak jumped to the side, simultaneously dropping into a roll, and then firing plasma blasts from all four PAK legs as she landed in a kneel. Norlock, however, pulled a series of contortionist-like twists, dodging all four blasts with ease. He then rushed forward and lashed out with several lightning-fast punches, which Tak just barely managed to block, rapidly scuttling backwards to avoid being overwhelmed.

"MIMI, engage!" Tak snapped, as she countered with a few rapid jabs of her own, which the vampire easily dodged and blocked. The modified SIR responded immediately, darting forward and launching her enlarged arm. The attack caught Norlock off guard, hitting him upside the head with enough force to send him flying. However, he recovered quickly, twisting in midair to land on the ground on all fours. MIMI retracted her arm and darted forward to strike again… only for her eyes to turn blue, at which point she stopped dead and fell on her face. She then hopped up, so that she was sitting on her head, and started spinning around. Norlock, who had started to drop into a defensive posture, stopped halfway and stared in confusion, while Tak face-palmed with an annoyed groan.

"Are all Irken robots like this, or did you and Zim just get old models?" Norlock asked after a moment. Snarling, Tak launched herself forward, PAK legs extended, only for Norlock to duck to the side. And then, before Tak could even land, the vampire's arms snapped out, and he grabbed hold of the legs, two in each hand. Using the remaining momentum from Tak's last leap, Norlock spun, slamming the Irken face first into one of the fence poles, and then swung her up through the air to slam hard into the ground.

Norlock let go, and the PAK legs went limp, while Tak groaned on the ground, utterly disoriented, and bleeding from a gash on her forehead. She weakly attempted to push herself to her feet, only for Norlock to place a foot on her PAK and press down, forcing her back to the ground.

"Well, you are skilled, I'll give you that," the vampire stated, "And you do have a fire in you. It's almost a pity that I met Zim first – you would be such a pleasure to train. But, it just wouldn't do to betray a contract that's not even a month old, so I'm afraid there'll be no double-dealing here."

Norlock raised one hand over his head, fingers curled and claws extended, poised to strike. Tak attempted to use her PAK legs to stab or slash at him, but her head was still spinning too much for her to send the mental command.

"For what it's worth, you fought well. Now, die the sa-GARRGH!"

Norlock's threat was cut off with a screech of pain, as something splashed against his face. He fell back, clutching at his now smoking face, while Tak finally regained her senses and quickly stumbled back to her feet. Risking a glance away from the wounded vampire, she looked in the direction that the attack had come from, and was greeted by three sights: the Membrane garage door was open, she could see her (rather beat up) ship, and Dib was standing in the open doorway, holding what looked almost like a military grade water gun, which was still dripping from what had obviously been its use.

"You're actually helping me, when I was just going to kill you before he showed up?" she asked, arching an antenna, to which she received a shrug.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're the lesser of two evils here," he responded. Any reply Tak had to that, in her view, comment on her effectiveness was prevented, as Norlock suddenly lurched back to his feet and dropped his hands. His face was covered in burns, the pale flesh in many spots red, bubbling, and blistering, and his red eyes glowed with hatred as he glared at Dib.

"Where did you get holy water?" he hissed.

"Internet," Dib replied. At Norlock's incredulous look, he added, "You'd be amazed what you can find online."

Norlock's lips curled in disgust, even as the burns on his face began to heal. With a snarl of rage, he darted forward towards the pair. Dib fired another stream of water, which Norlock ducked to the side to avoid, only to be hit with a plasma blast, which sent him flying back across the yard. He came to a landing next to MIMI, who, while not on her head anymore, was still blue-eyed and clearly not interested in attacking the downed vampire. In fact, she had somehow acquired a bucket of popcorn, and was shoving it in her face (the fact that she had no mouth and it was subsequently spilling everywhere apparently wasn't discouraging her).

Tak ran forward and attempted to follow up the previous attack by stabbing Norlock with her PAK legs. However, he rolled out of the way at the last moment, and the legs impacted the ground. Before Tak could pull herself free, Norlock lashed out, grabbed MIMI and threw her at her mistress, sending them both tumbling away. He then got to his feet, only to twist out of the way of another water attack, before darting towards where Dib was still standing in the garage doorway. Dib scuttled back through the doorway… and his eyes widened in surprise, as Norlock didn't even hesitate before passing through it as well, before knocking the water gun from his hand and lifting him into the air by his throat.

"I… thought… you couldn't…" he choked out, as he desperately struggled against the literal stranglehold.

"I can't enter your _home_ ," Norlock explained coldly, "This is your _garage_. It's a fine line, I know, but the devil is in the details. For example, Zim has only ever said I couldn't _kill_ you, not that I couldn't _maim_ you. So, which do you want to lose first, your eyes or your tongue? Or perhaps something further down-YAARRGGH!"

For the second time in half-again as many minutes, Norlock's threats were interrupted by a cry of pain. This time, it was due to Tak leaping onto his back and impaling all four PAK legs into his back. The vampire screeched in agony as he dropped Dib and began spinning around in an attempt to dislodge the Irken from his back. Dib scuttled across the floor to where the water gun was lying and grabbed it. However, before he could turn and fire, Norlock managed to reach back and grab hold of Tak. With large sprays of black ichor and chunks of dead flesh, he pulled her hard enough to rip the PAK legs out of his back, and then tossed her at Dib.

As the two collided and went tumbling out of the garage, Norlock slowly stalked after them, leaving a trail of ichor behind him, leaking from the closing wounds on his back. Dark energy crackled around his clawed hands as he approached the duo, who were desperately attempting escape the tangle they'd landed in.

"Enough of this," he growled, his face twisting in hate, "This ends now. And I am really going every moment of this."

Norlock raised his arms over his head, a sphere of dark energy forming between his hands. However, just before he could bring it down on Dib and Tak, he froze. Eyes widening in shock, he dropped his hands, the energy dissipating, as he spun around to face the horizon. Which, to his horror, was starting to lighten with the first rays of the morning sun.

Giving an animalistic mix of a roar and hiss, Norlock backed away from the approaching sunlight, arms crossed protectively in front of his face. A moment later, with a twirl of his cape, he'd changed into his demonic bat form and taken off, rapidly flying in the direction of Zim's base, smoke already trailing from his form. Dib got to his feet and watched the vampire flee while he brushed dirt from his clothes.

"Well, that worked out okay," he said, "Would have been nice if the sun had risen sooner and fried him, but at least he'll have that smug grin wiped off his face for a while, right?"

Tak's only response was a spin kick, which connected with Dib's chest and knocked him back to the ground.

"Gah! What the hell?" he asked. Tak meanwhile, turned and ran into the garage, running up to her ship. Pausing only momentarily, she yanked the canopy open and easily leapt inside. Only once she was comfortably perched in the operator's chair did she return her attention to Dib, who was staring at her in alarm.

"Oh, what did you expect, Dib?" she laughed evilly, "That having just fought a battle together, that suddenly makes us friends? You're just an obstacle in my way, and just happened to be of minimal use for a few minutes. But now, what's mine is returned to me, and you now get the honor of being the first person I destroy with it!"

With that, a tentacle shot out of Tak's PAK and interlocked with the Spittle Runner's control board, which lit up as she activated the ship. The Runner's prongs extended and raised it into a standing position, while Tak laughed maniacally… and then was cut off as the control board sparked.

"What…?" Was all Tak managed to get out, before the control panel started sparking even more violently, error messages flashed on the screens and alarms flashed and blared. Then a massive electrical surge ran through the connector tentacle, causing Tak to spasm wildly, slamming into the console, the chair, and the sides of the cockpit. And then, with a final burst of electricity, Tak was ejected from the Spittle Runner like a cannonball. She went flying over Dib, and then over the roof of the house across the street, disappearing into the distance.

Dib blinked as he watched this, while MIMI finally switched back into red-eyed mode and, after glaring at Dib for a moment, activated her cat hologram and zoomed off after her mistress. Dib watched her go, before turning back to the ship, just as its prongs gave out with a groan and it collapsed back to the garage floor, the lights in its cockpit going out.

"…Well, I'm going to just go ahead and take this one as a win," Dib muttered, before yawning widely. With the adrenaline rush of battle and potential death over with, his previous exhaustion was catching up with him. Deciding he'd clean up the mess later, he started trudging back into the house so that he could crawl into bed.

XXXXX

Meanwhile, a few miles away, Tak painfully crawled out of the dumpster she'd landed in. As MIMI zoomed up, Tak weakly got to her feet and spat out a mouthful of garbage.

"Damn that human!" she cursed, "The ship's operations cores are completely fried. The ship's useless now!"

MIMI merely stared up at her. Tak sighed, the soreness from the recent fight catching up with her.

"Well, this was a complete waste of my time. Come, MIMI, let's return to base; we'll have to start everything up from scratch."

With that, she activated her own holographic disguise and started making her way back towards her base, MIMI dutifully following behind.

 _Zim's Base, Shortly After_

"What happened to you?" Skoodge asked in shock.

The reason for this was Norlock, who was sitting on the floor of the spare lab room they were in, leaning against his coffin. More specifically, he was shocked by the fact that half of Norlock's face, as well as his hands, were burned black and covered in cracks caked in dried black ichor, while one of his eyes was discolored, the red sclera having turned a pale pink, and the red iris/black pupil having gone white. This was the same state, minus the smoke rising from his burned flesh, that he'd been in when he'd come bursting through base's front windows, screeching like a wounded animal, before he'd crawled down one of the tunnels to the lower levels and to his coffin.

Norlock ignored the fat Irken, instead opening the electronic cooler marked "In Case of Emergency" that he'd pulled out of a hidden compartment at the end of his coffin and flipped it open, revealing plastic IV bags filled with blood. Pulling one out, he hastily ripped one open with his fangs and sucked it dry in moments. As he did so, his damaged eye regained its normal color, while most of the cracks in his skin closed and the burns began to recede. Tossing the blood bag aside, he grabbed another one, and began draining this one more slowly and carefully. At this point, Zim, who had been standing next to Skoodge with his arms crossed and foot tapping impatiently, finally snapped.

"Well? Is Tak dead or not?!"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Norlock replied, voice thick with sarcasm, as he wiped his mouth clean with a handkerchief.

"Zim asked you a question!"

Scowling, Norlock tossed aside the second empty blood bag, ignoring Zim for the moment to reach up and gingerly feel the remaining burns on his face. Scowling at what he felt, he finally turned to face Zim.

"If you must know, no, she's not dead. She went after Dib, I intervened, we three of us fought, and I was distracted long enough that the sun came up and did this to me. Happy?"

Zim gave a scowl of his own at this. Skoodge, seeking to diffuse the situation, spoke up again.

"So, uh, when do you think you can try again?" he asked.

"Don't answer that!" Zim snapped, "Clearly, you're not competent enough to carry out a simple assassination, so consider Tak now off limits as well. When the time comes, Zim alone shall crush her, and the Dib as well, and prove who is the true Invader and master of this world!"

With that, Zim turned on his heel and marched out of the room, Norlock glaring at his back as he did so. Skoodge nervously looked between the two of them before clearing his throat to regain the vampire's attention.

"Do you need anything else, like some balm for those burns or something?"

"Get out before I make you eat your own face," Norlock hissed. Paling, Skoodge quickly backed out of the room without taking his eyes off of Norlock, and then took off down the hallway. Snorting in disgust, Norlock turned to his emergency supply of blood, closing the cooler and placing it back in its hiding place. He then dragged himself up and crawled into the coffin, letting the lid shut behind him.

This had been a failure, one of his own making, he could admit to himself. He should have attacked Tak when she first left her base, and then been able to return here with time to spare; instead, he'd let first desire for a hunt, and then the thrill of his first real fight in a long time, distract him. Losing track of the time and being burned by the sun? That was an amateur's mistake, and he was no amateur.

It had been too long since he'd faced a true challenge, and he'd gotten complacent and lazy, that much was clear. He would have to truly call upon his countless centuries of experience in order to get back on his A-game. He was part of a more complex battle than he'd anticipated, and he couldn't afford to be sloppy.

As he let the healing darkness of slumber overcome him, he had only one last thought on the matter.

" _This is just the beginning._ "

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 3**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: Wow, this chapter simply did** _ **not**_ **want to come together. The last stretch, from the start of the fight scene onwards, that was pretty easy, but everything else came in brief bursts and spurts. But, in the end, it was worth it, as here we are.**

 **So, yeah, Tak is sticking around for the foreseeable future. I thought a three-sided conflict would make things more interesting. We'll see what happens.**

 **Oh, and if anyone's wondering why no one was woken up by the fight, I figure that between Dib and his father, the neighbors have all gotten use to weird stuff happening in that house 24/7, and have learned to ignore it. And Gaz, well, she probably wears earplugs.**

 **Next time: A lighter diversion from the main action, featuring a few characters not quite in the spotlight.**

 **Until then, read and review.**


	4. GIR And Phil's Excellent Adventure

**A/N: Well, good news/bad news time – with the important setup stuff established with the first few chapters, we can now pause for a lighter romp before moving on to more plot developments. I** _ **am**_ **working towards a story arc, but even real shows take breaks from their arcs for filler, and this seems like a good point for some. We'll get back to developing the overall story in a bit, but for now, enjoy some classic IZ fun.**

 **Read on!**

 **Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Tak returned to Earth in order to seek revenge and a chance to finally prove herself as an Invader. As a result, the Tallest – at some prodding from both Norlock and Tak herself – declared the conquest of Earth a competition between the two Irkens, turning the battle for the planet into a three-way war.**

 **Now, let's take a look at a day on the sidelines of that war.**

 **Disclaimer: I own only the OCs. All canonical characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 4: GIR and Phil's (and Minimoose's) Excellent Adventure**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

GIR sat on the couch, sans disguise, sipping a Suck Monkey and watching the Scary Monkey Show. Minimoose drifted lazily through the air above him, only vaguely paying attention to the TV.

"I love this show," GIR said, though whether to himself or Minimoose, the latter couldn't tell. Still, just to be safe, he'd better respond. Besides, he was curious about something.

"Squeak!"

"Because it's awesome!" GIR responded.

"Squeak!"

"Cos it's a monkey!" This time, GIR sounded ever so annoyed, as if the answer should have been obvious.

Before Minimoose could respond to that, there was a muffled explosion, and the base shook. The two robots turned their attention towards the kitchen, where smoke was rising from the toilet and trashcan lab entrances. A few moments later, both were forced open as Zim and Skoodge came scrambling out frantically, coughing desperately as smoke rose from their bodies as well.

"You're on fire!" GIR pointed out unhelpfully, while Minimoose floated over, fire extinguisher balanced on his head/body.

"I'm aware of that!" Zim snapped, while Minimoose doused him and Skoodge in retardant, "Computer! List the exploding suicide cobra project as an official failure."

"You know, in hindsight, storing them right next to the laser mongooses was probably a bad idea," Skoodge commented, as he brushed off the foam and patted out the last embers on his uniform.

"Silence!" Zim snapped, "Now then, GIR, listen closely."

"You gonna get me a pony?!" GIR asked happily, Zim blinking in surprise at the question.

"What? No, pay attention! I need you to go down to the pet store for some more test subjects while Skoodge and I repair the lab."

"Wait, which experiment are we going to be continuing?" Skoodge asked.

"Neither," Zim explained, "We will move on to an even more ingenious plan – cyborg assassin marmosets!"

"…What's a marmoset?"

"I dunno," Zim shrugged, "I think it's some kind of monkey…"

"Monkey!" GIR shouted, jumping up into Zim's face, "I want a monkey!"

"Gah, alright! You can have one of the disgusting things! Just go get them!" Zim shouted, grabbing GIR by the antenna and pulling him off.

Any further conversation was cut off by a loud scratching sound. The Irkens and robots turned to see Phil, who had – rather remarkably, given his size – gone unnoticed during the entire conversation. The sound was coming from the direwolf leaning up and scratching at the front door with his forepaws, leaving deep grooves in the wood. Sensing the attention, Phil paused and looked over his shoulder at his audience, whining audibly.

"What are you doing, you filthy animal?" Zim demanded.

"Uh, I think he has to, you know, _go_ ," Skoodge suggested. Zim merely blinked in confusion for a moment, and then shuddered in disgust when he realized what Skoodge meant.

"Ugh, I'm not going through _that_ again," he muttered, before shaking off his disgust, "Use the Robo-Parents; they should be useful for something for once."

At that command, the closet door opened, and the Robo-Dad rolled out, stopping in front of Phil, who sat back down and cocked his head at the robot.

"Hey there, pooch!" the Robo-Dad greeted, "Let's go get you fixed!"

Phil tensed at that, before his eyes uncrossed and he bared his teeth with an angry growl. Faster than either Irken could blink, the wolf lunged forward and wrapped his jaws around the Robo-Dad's torso with a crunch of crushed metal. He then lifted the robot into the air and shook it for several moments before tossing it away hard enough that it flew back into the closet. The resulting crash indicated that it had slammed into its counterpart.

"Oh, honey, you shouldn't have!" the Robo-Mom could be heard saying, before the door closed. Zim face-palmed, while Phil went back to his normal demeanor, and resumed giving pleading looks at the others.

"Worthless, pointless garbage," Zim muttered, before pulling his hand away, "Fine – GIR! Take the dog-beast for a walk while you're out getting those test subjects!"

"Okie-dokie!" the insane SIR unit replied, pulling on his disguise and grabbing a leash from seemingly nowhere, walking over and attaching it to Phil's collar, "Come on, puppy, let's go for a walk!"

"Maybe he should go in his human disguise instead?" Skoodge suggested, "I mean, won't the humans find it weird that a dog is walking a dog?"

"Good idea, I'm glad I thought of it," Zim offhandedly, "GIR, use your other disguise. Now then, enough delays Skoodge. We have work to do."

Minimoose watched his master and Skoodge grab some shovels and make their way back towards the lab, while GIR switched out of his dog disguise and into his little boy disguise. Mentally shrugging – since he couldn't exactly do that with his actual body – the purple robot decided to follow his counterpart out the door. Sure, it was a simple errand, but knowing GIR, it'd probably end up being at least slightly interesting.

Besides, what was the worst that could happen?

 _Tak's Base, Same Time_

Tak squinted behind her goggles as she carefully welded the circuitry of her latest project, a device designed to release a concussive plasma wave, which at its maximum strength would level the city and most of the surrounding countryside. Of course, that was only if she could get it to work right. She _was_ still working with equipment that was sub-standard at best, after all. She'd put in orders to Planet Callnowia for new supplies, but they were backlogged, and it would take a while before they arrived. But she couldn't pause in her work, on the _extremely_ slim chance that Zim might conquer the planet before her, so she had to make do with what she had in the meantime.

Tak brushed those thoughts aside as she moved her tools across the circuit board. Now was not the time to waste her energy ruminating on how poor her situation was, and besides which, she needed absolute focus on what she was doing. One spark on the wrong circuit at the wrong moment would cause a power surge and chain reaction that would detonate the device.

So naturally, in keeping with Murphy's Law, it was just as Tak's tools touched the circuits again, that a loud crashing noise broke her concentration. Jolting straight up at the sudden interruption, Tak accidentally slammed her tools into the circuit board, unleashing a shower of sparks. Eyes widening behind her goggles in sudden panic, she leapt backward and threw up a force field from her PAK legs. Even then, the sudden blast of energy from the detonating plasma bomb knocked her off her feet and sent her flying across the room to slam into the wall.

When her vision stopped spinning, Tak sat up and ripped her goggles off. Scowling, she quickly looked around the room for the source of the noise, which was still ongoing, and when she found it, she was sadly not as surprised as she felt she should have been.

MIMI, having once again slid into blue-eyed mode, was clanging together a pair of frying pans, apparently oblivious to how her mistress was reacting to the racket she was making. Where had she even gotten those things, anyway? They didn't even have a kitchen – all Tak's food came from an automated processor.

"MIMI! Knock it off!" Tak commanded.

The shouted order caused MIMI to snap out of her insanity, her eyes switching back to their normal red. Dropping the frying pans, she leapt over to Tak, snapping a crisp salute upon landing. Tak sighed, rubbing a hand over her eyes in an attempt to ward off a headache that had nothing to do with her recent meeting with the wall.

"This is starting to happen far too often," she muttered. Looking down at her companion, who was staring at her attentively, she shook her head, "Well, here's hoping that when the new repair equipment gets it, we can get you fixed. In the meantime, go scout the city or something. Just… keep out of the way."

If MIMI was offended by the dismissal, she didn't show it. Instead, she merely snapped another salute, switched on her cat hologram, and zoomed out of the base. Tak watched her go, shook her head again, and returned to her work. At which point her scowl returned, as she saw that the premature detonation had reduced the plasma bomb to worthless slag.

"Irk damn it," she cursed, kicking the debris and ignoring the sting of pain in her foot, "Well, that's a total waste of resources. Ugh, maybe I should try to see if I can get that hypnotic weenie advertisement plan up to viable levels instead."

Muttering more curses under her breath, the female Invader stalked off, to find some of her other remaining functioning equipment.

 _Doomsville City Center, Some Time Later_

GIR, wearing the oversized headed disguise Zim had first designed for him during that door-to-door candy incident, cheerfully skipped his way down the sidewalk, Phil's leash in one hand as the wolf trotted after the robot, panting happily. Minimoose, meanwhile, was doing a fairly good imitation of a balloon, floating listlessly through the air while being dragged along by a string tied around GIR's free hand. So, as far as any of the humans watching were concerned, GIR was just an average boy with a giant head walking his horse-sized dog and carrying a balloon shaped like a purple moose.

Yep, nothing out of the ordinary there.

Anyway, having taken care of Phil's "business", GIR had now moved on towards handling the task Zim had given him. Or at least, he claimed he had – Minimoose was fairly certain that GIR had already forgotten what they were supposed to be doing, since rather than heading for the pet store, he had instead started randomly wandering around the city, helping himself to every food cart he came across. Minimoose honestly had no idea where the other robot was putting it all.

But, he was getting off track. Their master would be very annoyed (well, moreso than usual) if they didn't complete what he'd sent them out to do. And knowing GIR, that wasn't going to happen unless he was redirected back on course. So, Minimoose floated down in front of GIR, making sure that the SIR was actually listening to him before speaking up.

"Squeak!"

"Oh yeah!" GIR said, pausing and tilting his head to the side, "I remember now! We's supposed to get the monkeys for Master! Let's go- ooh, what's that?!"

Following GIR's pointing finger across the street, Minimoose saw the city park, the entrance to which was bearing a banner that read "Semi-Annual Rock Festival". The park itself was packed full of humans of various ages, gathered around a large central stage, which was currently hosting a band. Obnoxiously loud music was blaring from said band, and from speakers spread throughout the park, while many in the crowd were singing along and waving around sparklers, glow sticks, and other concert paraphernalia, with food and drinks being passed around all over the place.

Minimoose frankly found the whole spectacle annoying and disgusting, but sadly for him, GIR was of a different opinion.

"Party! Woo-hoo!" GIR shouted, taking off towards the park, Phil excitedly following him and Minimoose being dragged along by the string. The latter barely got out an annoyed squeak before he was smacked into the archway over the park entrance; this caused his weapons to trigger, the resulting blast taking out a nearby hot dog cart. Minimoose probably would have found that funny, if his vision wasn't spinning and GIR wasn't still dragging him through the air.

By the time the world stabilized again, Minimoose found that their group was now standing in the middle of the crowd, many of whom had stopped and were turning to stare at them. Minimoose felt a moment of panic, wondering if this was going to be one of the rare times that the humans actually noticed something unusual. But those fears were quickly dispelled when one young woman with far too many facial piercings spoke up.

"Oh my gosh… what an adorable dog!" she shouted, pointing at Phil. The crowd "ooh'd" in agreement, and converged on the direwolf, covering him in hugs and petting. Phil's tongue and tail wagged happily at the attention, while Minimoose rolled his eyes at the humans' collective stupidity. GIR, on the other hand, was apparently oblivious to what was going on, ignoring the humans and dancing badly to the music, which only gained more positive attention from the onlookers.

"Oh, you're so cute!" the same girl said, leaning down to smile at GIR's fake face, "Is this your dog, little boy?"

"He ate a hobo last week!" GIR replied ecstatically. Rather than being shocked at this, the crowd merely "aww'd" again, laughing at "the cute little boy's imagination", as Minimoose heard several of them put it.

As the band on stage finished its set and was replaced by another one, GIR hopped up on Phil's back.

"Let's party!" he declared, beginning to dance even more energetically than before. The crowd cheered and began dancing as well. Minimoose let out a mournful sigh of a squeak, resigning himself to a _long_ day lying ahead.

XXXXX

Meanwhile, MIMI sat perched up a tree elsewhere in the park, observing the mass of humans moving about. She personally found the entire thing an utter waste of time, but she decided that it couldn't hurt to record any and all large-scale examples of human social behavior. You never knew what might prove to be the key to undermining the humans' power and conquering this planet, after all.

And honestly, she was really hoping she'd find something useful to report back to her mistress. She was well aware of the glitches in her personality software, and the frequent disturbances they caused to Tak's mission. While she knew that she was, given current circumstances, indispensible to her mistress, she was self-aware enough to be afraid of what Tak might do to her if she continued to degrade their work any further. So, some good news to successfully bring back to base would be a definite boon.

Still, it seemed that she had gotten everything she could from this location. After all, she could only watch so much drunken frolicking to bad music before it passed from boring to irritating. And any information actually worth anything could probably be gleaned from what she'd gathered so far. So, she might as well move on.

However, before she could, a commotion near the park entrance caught her attention. Turning her telescopic gaze in that direction, she froze in shock at the sight that greeted her. A group of the human partygoers had gathered around the largest canine MIMI had ever seen, besides which was floating a purple moose-shaped object that her scanners told her was a robot of Vortian design. And standing next to them both was a "child" that she didn't need to scan to know was GIR in an awful disguise. She'd recognize the defective SIR unit who had infected her with his insanity anywhere.

By deduction, if GIR was here, then the moose robot was probably another one of Zim's robots as well. And as for the giant wolf… well, odds were even that it was either another of Zim's creations, or belonged to that vampire that was working with him now. Either way, this was a golden opportunity – if she could eliminate any or all of this trio, she'd deny Zim some powerful assets. Her mistress would _have_ to be pleased with her after something like that.

Discreetly zooming from tree to tree, MIMI soon found herself positioned directly above the oblivious robots and wolf, who were still being admired by the throng of partying humans. Arming the lasers in her eyes, MIMI set her targeting systems on GIR, determined to take him out first for what he'd done to her. And he was so unsuspecting, just standing there dancing… dancing… dance, party, dance-party, party-

PARTY!

The power flow to MIMI's optical lasers cut off as the eyes themselves turned blue, and she began dancing in place, imitating the humans below. This went on for several minutes before an impulse overcame her, and with a last happy jump, she leapt out of the tree to land a few feet away from GIR, continuing to dance happily. Naturally, this caught the crowd's attention, and just as naturally, their collective stupidity thought nothing odd of this.

"Look, now there's a dancing cat too!" someone exclaimed.

"This concert rocks!" someone else added.

As for Zim's minions, MIMI's sudden arrival and the loud proclamations of the crowd had caught their attention. GIR reacted first, being the only one who had actually met MIMI previously. Though, that being said, his reaction wasn't what you'd expect for encountering an enemy who had previously tried to destroy you.

"Kitty!" GIR cried happily, running up and hugging MIMI tightly, garnering another round of adoration from the crowd. Meanwhile, Minimoose rapidly analyzed the situation, and quickly identified Tak's SIR unit from the files on her that Zim had forced all his minions who weren't present during his first encounter with her to read. Well, maybe the term "files" was a bit generous; they had mostly just been page after page of rants and insulting doodles of her, with a few worthwhile nuggets of information spread throughout.

Anyway, the point was that one of those useful bits of information had been describing MIMI, and how to deal with her if it ever came up. And since GIR was clearly not going to do so, Minimoose was going to have to handle things. So, he began to power up the lasers prongs in his antlers and locked on target, only to be interrupted by what sounded like a truck engine rumbling. Surprised, the robotic moose turned to the source of the sound, which as it turned out was Phil.

The giant wolf had tensed up, his hackles raised, ears flattened against his skull, lips pulled back to bare his teeth, and his eyes uncrossed and narrowed. Said narrowed eyes were focused on MIMI, who looked back at him, holographic feline head tilted in confusion. Phil responded with another deep growl and a loud bark, before he took a single step forward. The evident threat was apparently enough to snap MIMI out of chaotic mode; eyes flashing back to red, she threw GIR aside and fired off an optic blast, aimed square in the middle of Phil's face.

The lasers hit Phil right between the eyes… and to both MIMI and Minimoose's surprise, bounced right off, leaving only a slight scorch mark behind. Not that Minimoose had much time to notice that, as the deflected laser blast hit him instead. And while it wasn't enough to actually damage him, it was enough to send him spinning through the air, and he reflexively fired his own weapons. Due to his spinning, as it happened, the blast ended up hitting the stage, obliterating it in a massive burst of flame and debris. By this point, Minimoose wasn't even surprised when the humans' only reaction was to cheer even more.

Phil, meanwhile, had stopped in confusion, eyes crossing again to stare at the still slightly smoking mark on his forehead, while MIMI stared at him in shock. After a moment, Phil refocused on MIMI, another warning bark erupting from his throat. MIMI rapidly analyzed her situation, debating whether she should risk switching off her disguise so she could use her attack arm, and quickly decided against it – not because she thought she'd be exposing herself to the humans (clearly, they'd just think it was part of the show), but because if the wolf's skin could deflect lasers, she probably didn't want to see what his teeth might do to her body.

So, MIMI zoomed off, which proved to be a wise move, as seconds later, Phil pounced forward and brought his teeth snapping closed over where she had just been standing. The teeth clashed together with a sound like a bear trap, and MIMI revised her initial assessment – she _definitely_ didn't want to see what the wolf's jaws could do her if given a chance.

Phil looked up, watching MIMI run away. Logically speaking, there was no reason for him to pursue her; she'd proven she was no real threat to him or his companions, and he'd already proven his dominance by chasing her off. But, Phil wasn't a creature of logic, or all that much intellect, for that matter. He was a creature of instinct, and right now he was being driven by one of his most primal urges:

He was a dog. She was a cat. Must chase.

With a series of loud barks, Phil charged after MIMI, knocking aside the crowd of humans in his way as if they were bowling pins. GIR and a dizzy Minimoose watched him go, blinking in confusion for a moment before what had just happened fully registered. And when it did, GIR gasped and started running after Phil.

"Puppy, come back! Don't eat the kitty!" he shouted as he ran, "If you do, her mistress will get mad and tell Master, and Master will tell Mr. Vampire, and Mr. Vampire will say 'not now, I just got home from work'!"

Minimoose, being dragged along by the string still tied around GIR's wrist, briefly wondered where GIR came up with the stuff that came out of his mouth. Then he decided he really didn't want to know, and instead started trying to figure out a way to handle the current mess before it got any worse.

Meanwhile, MIMI was also trying to find a solution. Simply outrunning the wolf didn't seem like it was going to work – mostly because, as fast as she was moving, he was easily matching her, judging by the wave of thrown humans moving through the crowd marking his advance. And given the proven inefficiency of her weapons against him, making a stand and fighting clearly wasn't an option either. So, she'd have to find another way to eliminate him.

She was snapped out of her train of thought by the sounds of squealing brakes and honking horns. Looking up, she saw that she had exited the park altogether without even noticing, and was now in the middle of the street, cars swerving to avoid her. Hmm, that gave her an idea…

Zooming ahead to the other sidewalk, MIMI paused and looked back. Phil came charging out of the park, and seeing her, continued forward, heading straight into traffic without hesitation. If she had a mouth, MIMI would have smirked as she watched the wolf run right into the path of a large muscle car, which hit its brakes but clearly wasn't going to stop in time.

And then her mouth would have dropped wide open in shock as the car hit Phil, only to crumple like a tin can and bounce back to a stop a full yard away, while Phil simply stopped short and rocked in place. His eyes re-crossed and he blinked in evident confusion, but other than that seemed perfectly unharmed.

…What in the six hells of Vort was this thing?!

While Phil shook his head to clear it, GIR ran up to him, Minimoose still being dragged along behind.

"Puppy! Are you alright? Did the munchkins get you?" the robot asked. Phil responded by licking GIR's fake head and panting happily… until one of his crossed eyes drifted in MIMI's direction and noticed her still standing there in shock. All of a sudden, his eyes uncrossed and he tensed up again, another growl rumbling from his throat.

Oh, _flirk_ …

MIMI zoomed off again, with a howling Phil resuming his pursuit. Except this time, GIR had grabbed the leash still attached to the wolf's collar, so he found himself being dragged along. Minimoose had about two seconds to be frustrated about this, before he remembered he was still attached to GIR by the string.

Which had just gone taut.

"…Squeak," Minimoose sighed in defeat, before he found himself once again being dragged through the air, albeit this time at speeds more akin to a small rocket.

MIMI zoomed through the crowd that had gathered on the sidewalk, and squeezing through a set of recycling bins, hoping that the minor barricade would slow Phil down. Instead, he just plowed through the humans and sent the bins flying, again seeming to take no damage. In fact, if anything, the only person to suffer from this maneuver was Minimoose, who was smacked by one of the flying bins. The impact spun him around and once again triggered his weapons.

"I'm okay!" the driver of the car that had hit Phil announced, sticking his head out of the window, "The airbags worked!"

Then the stray blast from Minimoose hit the car, exploding it and sending the driver flying. He landed a few yards away, smoking and face down.

"Less okay!" he announced, weakly raising one hand and waving it before dropping it back down.

Meanwhile, with the characters that actually matter, MIMI was zigzagging her way through the city trying desperately to throw Phil off her track, only for the wolf to easily match her pace, even while dragging both robots behind him. Speaking of whom, while Minimoose was flailing hopelessly in the air, GIR was basically skiing with his metal feet, exposed by the friction burning away the legs of his costume. He was clinging to the leash with both hands, giggling happily as Phil weaved them through crowds, across streets, and around buildings.

"Feel the wind!" he shouted happily, Minimoose doing his best to glare at him from his current position.

MIMI was, understandably, utterly desperate by this point, and was quickly analyzing events to try and find a way out. She'd tried everything she could to get rid of Phil out here in the open, and nothing had worked. Logically speaking, then, her best bet was probably to lead him inside a building and try to lose or eliminate him there. But where could she go that would provide her sufficient room to work with?

She quickly activated her long-range scanners, hoping to find something other than the cramped and confining office buildings and small stores she was seeing… oh, wait a minute. That looked promising.

Executing a sharp turn that momentarily sent her pursuers sliding into the side of a building, MIMI zoomed off towards her new destination.

 _Doomsville Middle Skool, Same Time_

Miss Bitters floated down one of the skool's empty hallways, feeling a sense of contentment that was as close as the old hag ever came to being happy. Weekends were her favorite part of the week, as it was the only time she was guaranteed to be free of the annoying little brats she had to deal with every day, and just about everyone else for that matter. Sure, there were the occasional hiccup, like the cafeteria food delivery today, but they were small interferences in an otherwise blissful period of isolation.

Which is why Bitters' natural frown grew even deeper at the sound of clanging metal, indicating that someone else was in the building. Snarling, she swooped down the hallway, following the noise, until she found herself outside the janitor's closet.

Ah, that explained it. The new janitor was practically the only person she'd met in recent decades that actually had the spine to stand up to her, probably because he was a soulless, sociopathic monster – and those were just his brightest traits. Still, he didn't work weekends, so what was he doing here interrupting her private time?

Opening and entering the surprisingly roomy closet, Miss Bitters was greeted by the sight of the janitor inspecting a wall rack full of weapons, most of which she was fairly sure were illegal to own in this state. Rifling through them seemingly at random, he would inspect them, and then either place them back or toss them over his shoulder to land inside a large bag, which was already filled to the brim with other weapons and dangerous tools.

Most people would have been disturbed by all of this. However, Miss Bitters wasn't most people (honestly, an argument could be made that she wasn't "people" at all), and as such wasn't disturbed. She was still just annoyed.

She cleared her throat, and Nny paused his inspection of a pair of rusty shears to look up at her.

"Something I can help you with?" he asked, sounding annoyed.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, "The skool is closed. There's no reason for you to be here."

"Relax, Beelze-boss, I just needed to pick up a few things," Nny gestured to the bag, "There's this crack house down the street from my place I've been meaning to visit, and I wanted to make sure I had plenty of house-warming presents for them."

Nny's grin at that was the stuff of nightmares; Miss Bitters shrugged it off and turned to leave.

"Just hurry up and leave, so I can get some peace and quiet-"

She was cut off by the sound of smashing glass, followed by a louder crashing sound, both emanating from somewhere down the hall. While the two adults blinked in surprise, a moment later their silent questions were partially answered as a blur shot past the doorway, followed soon after by a massive wolf, who dragging along a big headed boy and what looked like a purple moose balloon. The strange parade disappeared down the hallway, while Bitters and Nny could only stare after them in confusion.

"…Well," Nny said after a moment of silence, "That was different."

XXXXX

MIMI zoomed through the skool hallways. Her plan had been that the building's layout would make things small enough to restrict Phil's movement, while not affecting her own, thus giving her enough of a lead to escape him. Unfortunately, it seemed the wolf had strength to match his durability, as he smashed through every window and doorway she slipped through without even slowing down.

Fortunately, she had a backup plan. She'd developed a map of this building during her mistress' original stay here, and had reinforced it with more recent, updated scans. Among other things, she knew the complete layout of the skool's ventilation system. Which meant that not only did she know that the vents in the skool were too small for something like Phil to fit into, but the ones in the cafeteria were part of a main branch that ran through most of the building width wise.

All she had to do now was actually _get_ to the cafeteria and into the vents, and she could finally ditch this beast and return to base. Her mistress would be very pleased to find out that Zim had some kind of super-monster at his disposal… well, maybe not "pleased", per se, but she'd definitely want to know, and she'd be happy to know that MIMI had done her job, despite her handicaps. Now she just had to get out.

Entering the cafeteria, Phil and his robot drag-alongs close behind, MIMI quickly spotted her opportunity. A pair of humans, for some reason wearing Hazmat suits, were unloading boxes simply marked "Meat" from a cart and carrying them into the kitchen behind the food counter. Thinking rapidly, MIMI zoomed over, so that she was standing right next to the humans, who looked down at her in surprise.

"Hey, where'd this cat come from?" one of them asked.

"I don't know – what the hell is that?!" the other one exclaimed, noticing Phil charging towards them. MIMI tensed, and at the last possible minute – as Phil leapt in the air towards them – jumped out of the way, allowing the wolf to slam into the two humans and their cargo. GIR and Minimoose slammed into the pile moments later, adding to the mess.

As MIMI landed, she turned to observe the results. The humans were flat on their backs, apparently knocked out, and the boxes of meat had spilled and splattered everywhere. Minimoose was stuck to the wall by a mass of the stuff, while GIR had his fake disguise head stuck in one box, though she could still see his real eyes peeking out from the fake mouth.

"I'm a rocket man!" GIR yelled, running around in circles and making zooming noises, "Rocket man! Burning up his fuel up here alone!"

As for Phil, he'd ended up face first in one of the boxes. And while the meat looked utterly putrid, the wolf was happily chowing down on it, having finally been distracted from his pursuit of MIMI. Now she just had to get into the vents, and by the time Phil noticed she was gone, she'd hopefully be long gone. Or at least far enough away that he wouldn't be able to track her down again. It was simply a matter of hopping over to the nearest vent, which was right there in the wall. Right past the piles of meat… which were standing up and forming crude stick figure bodies… while the walls and floor melted into Technicolor?

No, no, no. It was her damned corrupted programming kicking in again. Not now! She couldn't be distracted, not when she was about to escape! She had to fight it!

"Come and play with us, MIMI," two of the Meat People said in a creepy monotone, "Forever and ever."

MIMI shook in place, body vibrating and eyes flashing back and forth between colors as she fought back against her GIR-induced insanity. Unfortunately, eventually she lost, and as her eyes shifted all the way blue, she ran forwards and grabbed one of the Meat People in a hug and began twirling it in a dance. In reality, though, she had just grabbed a pile of raw meat, which was smearing over her and flying all over the room as she twirled. One portion of the meat flew towards Phil, who had just finished off a box, and hit him in the side of the head, bouncing off to splatter on the floor.

Blinking, Phil looked in the direction that the meat had come from, and spotted MIMI. Once again, he tensed up as his instincts kicked in, and he let out another growl that reverberated through the room. This was enough to get all three robots' attention, as well as snap MIMI back into her normal state. GIR, having a brief and rare moment of non-duty mode-based intellect, realized what was about to happen and tried to prevent it, ditching his meat box hat and hopping onto Phil's back.

"Calm down, puppy," he said soothingly, "Me and kitty are friends. Don't eat her, okay?"

Phil went still for a moment, as if he were actually considering what GIR was saying. Deciding not to risk having her fate rest on the words of a moronic hunk of junk, MIMI jumped up and zoomed at the vent. Seeing this snapped Phil back into action, and with a snarl, he took off after her again, GIR hanging onto his collar for dear life. Minimoose, still stuck to the wall by the meat and realizing what was about to happen, braced himself as the string still connecting him to GIR went taught again, and he was ripped free to be dragged along once more.

MIMI, meanwhile, zoomed into the vent, and began to climb the shaft towards the main tunnel in the ceiling. But she didn't get far before Phil slammed into the wall, and true to the durability and strength he'd demonstrated so far, crashed right through it. The good news was that MIMI had moved higher than he'd expected, so she didn't find herself being caught between his massive jaws. The bad news was that she was still low enough for his forehead to slam into her. As such, she found herself flying backwards, slamming through the rear of the vent and the surrounding walls, and soon found herself rolling down the yard outside the skool building.

It took her only a moment to reorient herself, but that was enough time for Phil to bash his way through the remainder of the wall and exit the building as well. Silently cursing GIR's corruptive programming for costing her a perfect chance to escape, MIMI once more zoomed off in a random direction with Phil in pursuit, heading deeper into the city in hope of finding something to stop him with.

Meanwhile, a minute after the group's violent exit from the building, Miss Bitters and Nny entered the cafeteria. The deranged janitor let out a slow whistle as he took in the scene.

"Well, looks like we missed a hell of a party," he chuckled, "Hope the Skool Board's got decent insurance."

"We've upgraded ever since Zim started attending," Bitters grumbled as she looked over the mess, "I'm more upset that we've lost this month's food supply."

Nny tilted one of the spilled boxes so that he could read the label, and arched an eyebrow at what he saw.

"Grade _Z_ meat? Isn't this technically biohazardous waste?"

"To pay for the insurance, most of the rest of the budget got cut, so this is all we could afford," Bitters admitted, before shrugging, "Well, I suppose the children will have to bring their own meals from home. Or resort to cannibalism. Can't say I care which."

"…Does anyone care where the meat actually comes from?" Nny asked, eyeing the two deliverymen, who were starting to stir back into consciousness.

"No, they don't," Bitters replied, quickly catching on and showing absolutely no reaction, "Just be sure to clean up the mess afterwards."

"Okay, but I expect overtime for this," Nny replied, walking over towards the men. One of them sat up, groaning as he rubbed his head through his suit.

"Gah, what hit me…? Huh?" he blinked behind his mask as a shadow fell over him and his partner. Looking up, he was greeted the demonically grinning silhouette of Nny, who was holding a hatchet and a hammer.

"Sorry, boys," Nny said, twirling his weapons lightly, "But you've been demoted!"

"AAAAHHHH!"

XXXXX

MIMI had lost track of how long it had been since this latest stretch of the chase had been going on. It felt like hours, and still that damnable wolf was after her. She'd been running all over the city, through buildings and streets, desperately trying to find something, _anything_ that could hurt or even slow him down. But nothing had worked.

On the plus side, she was pretty sure she was at least damaging the moose, who kept getting slammed into things. And she was definitely causing damage to the surrounding humans, as every time the moose did hit something, its weapons would go off and blow something else up. Under normal circumstances, she'd probably find all of this hilarious. But, seeing as she _was_ being chased by a monstrous animal that wanted to eat her, she wasn't seeing much humor in anything.

Honestly, at this point, she was seriously considering just giving up. Maybe if she played possum, Phil would only damage her, and she could limp back to base for repairs. But, knowing the luck she'd been having today, he'd probably scrap her completely beyond any hope of repair. So, she had no choice but to keep going – after all, super wolf or not, Phil was still a purely biological creature. He _had_ to run out of energy and give up eventually, didn't he?

Actually, speaking of biological needs, he did seem to enjoy eating raw, disgusting meat. And coming up… yes, this might just work. Or it wouldn't, and she'd just start blowing random stuff up in the hopes of that dealing with him.

Yeah, that'd work.

 _MacMeaties Restaurant, Same Time_

Dib happily munched on a MacMeaties burger, enjoying the peace he'd had lately. Neither Zim nor Tak had tried anything lately, and while that probably meant they both had something in the works, until either of them sprang something, he was in the clear. And he was going to enjoy it.

As for Norlock, the vampire hadn't shown his face since the fight with him and Tak. And Dib was taking full advantage of the reprieve, scrounging together every bit of lore he could find in hopes of finding a way to deal with the undead menace before it could kill him. He hadn't had any luck so far, but he was pretty sure he was onto something. A little more time and with a little luck…

Dib's train of thought was cut off as the front doors slammed open. Blinking in surprise, the patrons, Dib included, looked up in time to see a blur shoot through the restaurant. It came to a stop atop the order counter, materializing into a familiar red-eyed black cat. Dib froze as he recognized MIMI; what was she doing here? Had Tak come after him again? Crap, he didn't have any weapons!

 _SMASH!_

Once again, the attention of everyone in the restaurant was drawn to the doors. This time, they were knocked clear off their hinges and sent flying, smacking into some unfortunate bystanders. Dib's attention, however, was on the cause of this – Phil, with a disguised GIR riding on his shoulders, and Minimoose trailing behind closely enough that when Phil stopped dead, Minimoose slammed right into GIR. This subsequently caused him to fire a laser blast into the ceiling, raining plaster down on the people below.

Phil ignored all of that, head sweeping back and forth and eyes scanning the room, searching for something. Given what had led him in here, Dib guessed that it was MIMI the wolf was looking for. Who, he couldn't help but notice, seemed to have disappeared.

"Hey, kid!" The manager shouted, walking up the group, "No animals allowed!"

"You got any of them taquitos?" GIR asked in response, apparently not even remotely put off by the man's attitude.

"What?" the manage asked, blinking in confusion for a moment before a scowl crossed his face, "Stop messing around, you little punk. This is a MacMeaties, not a Krazy Taco. And like I said, no animals allowed. So if you're going to order something, you're going to have to make your dog wait outside."

"Are you kidding me?" Dib muttered. Looking around, he saw that most of the other customers had gone back to their meals, most of them actively ignoring the conversation and the animal it was centered around, who had given up on visually scanning the room and was now sniffing at the air. Heaving a sigh at the ignorance, Dib pressed his hands against the table and got to his feet.

"What's wrong with you people?" he asked loudly, getting the room's attention, "Are you all blind? That is not a dog, it's a giant wolf!"

"Hey, aren't you that was caught breaking into the zoo that one time?" someone asked.

"I wasn't breaking in, I was trying to stop a chupacabra from feeding on the animals in the petting zoo!" Dib said defensively.

"Oh, that makes a _lot_ of sense," another customer said sarcastically.

"So, is that a werewolf or something then?" someone else asked just as sarcastically, eliciting laughs from the crowd.

"What? No, of course not, werewolves are bipedal!" Dib responded hotly, ignoring the derisive snorts that arose from that, "That's just a normal wolf… I mean, it's not _normal_ , it's definitely some kind of monster, but not a werewolf, and definitely not a dog!"

"Be quiet, crazy kid, I'm trying to get rid of this kid's dog," the manager said, glaring at Dib.

"Did you just hear a word I said?" Dib asked, matching the glare.

"No, I generally block out pointless blather."

"Hey!"

"Hi Big Head!" GIR greeted cheerfully from where he was still perched on Phil's back, apparently having just noticed Dib's presence.

"My head's not big!" Dib snapped.

"Yes it is!" GIR sang back.

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is not!"

"Is too! …Wait, what?"

GIR fell onto his back, clutching his stomach as he laughed, rolling back and forth on Phil's shoulders. For his part, the wolf didn't seem to mind. If anything, he seemed to have calmed down from his earlier agitation, and was now looking around in curiosity. The rest of the restaurant joined in GIR's laughter, causing Dib to scowl while his face heated up in embarrassment.

"Yeah, well… your head is big too!" Dib snapped, immediately wincing at what a lame comeback that was. And then, to his surprise, the whole restaurant gasped in shock.

"Hey, where do you get off insulting a kid like that?" someone asked, sounding outraged, "First his dog, and now him? What next, his parents?"

Dib's mouth worked wordlessly for several moments, as the whole crowd of customers, and a few MacMeaties employees, started grumbling angrily and glaring at him.

"But, I, he, head joke… look, that's not even his real head! It's clearly a costume! You can see his real face right there in the mouth!" Dib exclaimed, pointing at where GIR's real eyes were visibly glowing in the disguise head's mouth.

This did nothing to mollify the crowd, which had quickly formed into an angry mob. Before Dib knew it, he had been seized and lifted into the air. He was quickly carried, crowd surfing style, towards the empty doorway, at which point he was punted through the air, to land in an open dumpster… next to which stood a surprised MIMI, who had quietly slipped out of the restaurant while the humans had been distracting Phil. Speaking of whom, he had been watching the humans' spectacle, and happened to be looking outside. Which meant he saw her, and immediately tensed up once more.

Oh, for Irk's sake!

As MIMI fled once more, Phil took chase again, GIR still clinging to his collar and Minimoose being dragged along by the string connecting him to GIR.

 _SNAP!_

Which had finally given up the ghost after spending all day being tugged back and forth by Minimoose's movements, and had ripped in half. And due to the purple robot's current position and momentum, this meant he went flying backwards into the kitchen, slamming hard into one of the meat processors. One of the MacMeaties employees blinked as he looked at the purple moose sticking out of the new hole in the machine, meat juice and grease leaking down it.

"Uh, boss? We've got an animal in the processor again," he said to the manager, who had walked back over from the doors.

"So?" he asked, "You know the drill – chop it up and toss it back in. Just remember to toss in enough spices to cover the taste of any fur that doesn't get minced enough to be unnoticeable."

Minimoose's eye twitched. In the course of a single day, he'd suffered more indignity than in all the months since he had first been created. He'd been dragged all over the city, repeatedly slammed into things, and doused in raw meat _twice_. And now these food drone humans were going to try and cook him!

He'd taken all he could take, and he wasn't going to take anymore!

The worker reaching for Minimoose froze as the moose's eyes turned red, and his whole body started glowing and crackling with energy.

"What the…?"

"SQUEAK!"

Outside the building, Phil's latest pursuit of MIMI had only taken them as far as the next block when the MacMeaties building suddenly exploded with a deafening blast. Both wolf and robot stopped dead in their tracks and turned to look back at the blazing inferno that had been a popular restaurant just moments before. MIMI recovered first, and seizing the opportunity, zoomed off, disappearing over the horizon. By the time Phil turned around, MIMI was long gone from even his long-range view. Eyes going back to their normal crossed state, Phil dropped to his haunches and whined in disappointment, GIR patting his head soothingly.

Minimoose, meanwhile, emerged from the fire, scorched but otherwise unharmed by the explosion. In fact, if one knew him well enough to read him, they would have noticed that he seemed quite a bit more relaxed than beforehand, having managed to let off some steam in the outburst. Now, he almost cheerfully floated over towards his companions.

"Squeak!"

"Yeah, you're right," GIR said, nodding sagely, "Let's go home."

With that, he grabbed Phil's leash and what was left of Minimoose's string, and began walking away. Meanwhile, Dib emerged from the dumpster, moaning and rubbing his head. Seeing the burning building across the street, he blinked in surprise.

"…Huh," he said, as the building's roof collapsed, and the giant fake ribs MacMeaties sign caved in, crushing what was left of the building, "Knowing my luck, I'm probably going to get blamed for this, aren't I?"

With that in mind, Dib crawled out of the dumpster, and very quickly walked away, leaving the scene behind as sirens filled the air.

 _Tak's Base, Shortly After_

MIMI dropped her hologram as she practically dragged herself through the Delishus Weenie building's delivery entrance and closed it behind her. She was silently asking the Irken gods to bless whatever had caused that explosion – the distraction had been just enough to finally get that damned wolf off her trail and get back to base. And it was a good thing too, because she didn't know how much longer she could have kept going before she ran out of energy.

She hoped to Irk she never saw that thing again, but if she did, she was definitely fleeing immediately. Even if her mistress ordered her to, she wouldn't go up against that wolf if her life depended on it.

"MIMI!"

Speaking of her mistress, MIMI looked up to see her strolling down from one of the higher levels. Despite being low on energy, MIMI made sure to stand tall and salute smartly. It wouldn't do to look like she was slacking, after all.

"Where have you been?" Tak demanded as she walked up to her, "When I said to scout the city, I didn't mean take all day with it! What, did your corrupted programming flare up again and distract you?"

Seeing as that assumption was partly correct, MIMI didn't bother to try and deny it. She'd just let her mistress burn through whatever annoyance she was feeling, and then she'd be able to explain herself. As such, she merely stood there while Tak glared at her for a few minutes, before sighing and rubbing at her eyes.

"Did you at least get any worthwhile information of the trip?" she asked.

MIMI paused and considered that question for a moment. While she'd like to forget that monster of a canine existed, her loyalty to her mistress meant that she'd have to tell her about this new apparent asset of Zim's. And on a more pragmatic level, maybe Tak would be able to analyze her recordings of the conflict with the wolf and figure out a way to deal with it in the future. So, she simply nodded assent.

"Well, good then," Tak said, "Head up to the central chamber and upload your memory logs from today. And be sure to double-check that the firewalls are up. I don't want that corrupted programming spreading to the base. Understood?"

MIMI saluted again and zoomed up the building, heading towards the main chamber. She'd upload her recordings of the chase and everything leading up to it, and then she'd shut down for the night and recharge.

It had been a hell of a long day, but it seemed it had all been worth it in the end.

 _Zim's Base, A Short Time Later_

The sun was setting as GIR led Minimoose and Phil through the base's front door. Unhitching the leash from Phil's collar, GIR shed his disguise and twirled it around in the air with a laugh for a minute before tossing it away. Minimoose, meanwhile, floated over to the couch, where Zim and Skoodge were sitting and watching the TV.

Skoodge turned and watched Minimoose settle himself on the back of the couch and sniffed the air.

"Why do you smell like fried meat?" the chubby Irken asked.

"Squeak!"

"Okay, okay, forget I asked," Skoodge said, surprised at how defensive Minimoose was being.

"It's about time you got back!" Zim snapped, glaring at GIR, "And where are those marmosets I told you to get?"

"Oh yeah," GIR said, "I forgot."

"Worthless!" Zim snarled, face-palming, "It was a simple task! How hard could it be to remember?!"

Ignoring Minimoose's full-body twitch at that comment, Zim got to his feet and pulled on his disguise.

"Skoodge, come on, we'll do this ourselves," Zim ordered.

"Yes sir!" Skoodge saluted, pulling on his own disguise and following Zim out the door.

GIR waved goodbye, then settled down on the couch and grabbed the remote. Flipping channels, he soon found the comfortingly familiar sight of the Scary Monkey Show.

"I love this show," he said cheerfully.

Minimoose fell off the couch and landed on his face.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 4**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: This chapter was an absolute** _ **nightmare**_ **to write, I'm not going to lie. Except for the beginning and opening stretches, I simply could not get my muse together enough to actually write down anything; I actually didn't do more than a few paragraphs a day at some points.**

 **You know, there was actually going to be a whole 'nother section to the chase involving MIMI trying to lose Phil in the Mall, and both having to deal with Slab Rankle. But by the time I got to where that sequence would have started, I was so desperate to just get this chapter done that I cut it.**

 **I admit, this chapter was not my best work, but it's just filler, so who cares?**

 **Oh, and for those playing the "spot the references" game, yes, there is an Elton John song quoted at one point. I couldn't resist.**

 **Next time: Dib goes in search of a means to fight Norlock, but bites off more than he can chew.**

 **Until then, read and review! And Happy Holidays!**


	5. Dib and the Library of Doom

**A/N: I am so sorry about how long it took to get this out. Aside from the usual writer's block, I kept finding things that caught my interest and distracted me from working — namely** _ **Codex Alera**_ **,** _ **Black Butler**_ **, and KhamanV's "SHIELD Codex" series (all of which I highly recommend, incidentally). So, again, I apologize for the wait, and for the fact that after all that, it's just more filler. But I hope that it's still enjoyable enough to make up for that.**

 **In any case, thanks to everyone for hanging in there, and to Eduard Kassel as always for helping plan out this chapter.**

 **Read on!**

 **Also, on a separate, more somber note, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my cat Lollipop (2004-2016), who was recently put down to spare him a slow death from cancer.**

 **Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: GIR and Minimoose took Phil for a walk, only for him to drag them on a chase of MIMI across the city. At one point in this chase, they came across Dib, who had recently found a potential lead on how to fight Norlock.**

 **Now, we'll see what happens when he follows up on that lead.**

 **Disclaimer: If you recognize it from canon, it belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. I only own the things you don't.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 5: Dib and the Library of Doom**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Dib sat shrouded in the shadows of his room, lit only by the glow coming from the series of screens set up before and around him. Several screens displayed the shadowed forms of other members of the Swollen Eyeball Network, while others were playing footage from spy cameras that Dib had managed to plant in and around Zim's cul-de-sac.

"And here, you can clearly see Norlock leaving Zim's base," Dib said, gesturing towards one of the camera feeds, currently showing a blur shooting out of the misshapen green house.

"You have an odd definition of the word 'clearly', Mothman," Agent Tunaghost remarked dryly, "I've seen ghost pictures that are clearer than this."

"I concur," Agent Nessie said, "You're giving us even less to work with here than with that supposed alien you've been chasing."

"Oh, come on!" Dib complained, "Look how fast he's shooting out of there! Nothing human can move that fast! Besides, how about that monster of a wolf of his?"

At this, Dib gestured to another video feed, showing Phil digging up Zim's front lawn, pointedly ignoring the security gnomes that were trying to stop him. At least, until one made the mistake of wandering into his field of vision, at which point he apparently decided it looked like a decent chew toy and chomped down on it. Dib paused the video just as the gnomes started futilely firing their lasers and Phil happily chewed away on the drone.

"Just because there is what is clearly some kind of mutant wolf now living with the green child does not prove that there's a vampire living there as well," Agent Disembodied Head commented.

"Seriously?" Dib exclaimed, "I'm mostly used to the average person not believing me, but you guys are paranormal investigators too!"

"Keyword there being 'investigators', Dib," Nessie replied, "And proper investigation means thorough gathering and analysis of evidence. Not running into the fray and expecting everyone to believe you right away, like you always do."

"I do not-"

"There _was_ that time you showed up for your big presentation in such a hurry that you didn't even notice you'd lost all the evidence you said you had," Tunaghost remarked, "And that one day when you kept calling us all up and trying to show off your spy cam footage even though you hadn't recorded anything useful yet. And of course, that whole mess with your sister and the Spell Drive. Really, you don't seem to think things all the way through."

"Agent Mothman's lack of foresight aside, I think we've strayed from the subject of this conversation," Agent Darkbootie, who had been silent up to this point, interjected, "Now then, while I admit that there does seem to be even more unusual stuff occurring around Subject Zim than usual, I'm afraid I have to agree with the others that there is nothing concrete to work on here."

Dib ground his teeth in annoyance, but took a deep breath to regain his composure. He had enough experience with the other Swollen Eyeball agents writing him off that he knew blowing his top would only make the situation worse, and he couldn't afford that. He'd been monitoring the police band, and he'd found that missing persons cases throughout the city had tripled since Norlock came to town, many of which ended up resolved by the people in question showing up dead later on. Clearly, the vampire was taking full advantage of his new hunting grounds, but no one was taking any notice of it.

Which made it all the more important that he get the others to listen to him. Leaving aside the fact that Norlock's presence made Zim ten times more dangerous, he was a major threat to society on his own, and he had to be dealt with. Fortunately, Dib had a major lead on a potential means of fighting back, but it would only be worth anything if he could get the Network to listen to him for once.

"Okay, look, I know there isn't much to work with here," he admitted, "But if you help me out, I can guarantee proof."

"Oh, this I have to hear," Nessie said with a roll of his eyes. Ignoring that, Dib rolled back slightly to give the screens a view of his room, and showed off the stacks of old books, and a few scrolls, that filled the space.

"As you can see, I've been exhaustively researching everything related vampires, in hopes of finding some way of successfully fighting back against Norlock," Dib explained, "Admittedly, I've been having little luck - there's just so many conflicting versions of the folklore from all over the world, that it's practically impossible to tell what's true and what's not. But, then I stumbled on this."

Dib held up a dog-eared and yellow-paged book, opened to display a faded portrait of an elderly man in Victorian garb. More importantly, said man was depicted driving a stake into a vampire's chest with a hammer.

"Abraham Van Helsing, one of the greatest vampire hunters of all time," Dib explained, putting the book back down, "And according to my research, he kept a journal of his exploits. Which, as it happens, was apparently bought at auction by the Swollen Eyeball Network a few decades ago."

"Oh yes, I remember that," Darkbootie mused, "It was archived in the antiquities vault of our private library."

"Exactly!" Dib said, "So, if you just give me access to the archives, I can use the journal to find a way to beat Norlock, and there you go, problem solved!"

"Hold it right there," Disembodied Head cut in, "Those archives are classified for senior agents."

"Yeah, except under extraordinary circumstances," Dib countered, "Which this certainly counts as. There's a vampire that needs dealing with, and that journal might be able to tell me how."

"Except you still haven't given us any solid proof of a vampire's presence," Tunaghost reiterated, "Which means there's no grounds for granting you access. Get proof, and then we'll talk."

Dib could only stare at the screens, dumbfounded, as the other agents nodded in agreement, processing that statement.

"Let me get this straight," he said after a moment, "You won't grant me access to the journal until I present proof of Norlock's existence. But the only way I can get that proof and live to tell about it is if I beat him, which I can't do unless I have the journal. Which I can't have unless I beat him?!"

"Circular logic's a bitch, isn't it?" Nessie asked, chuckling slightly at Dib's predicament, though he trailed off with a forced cough when he noticed Darkbootie glaring at him.

"While I disagree with the others' blunt assessment of the situation, I'm afraid I have to agree with them on the whole of the matter," the senior agent said, "I'm sorry, Mothman, but these rules and protocols are in place for a reason. Besides which, you're clever; I'm sure that you can figure out a way to deal with this alleged vampire on your own."

The conference more or less ended on that note, and Dib soon after found himself pouting at four blank screens. Snorting in disgust, he kicked away from the desk, chair rolling him across the room to sit amongst his stacks of research, spinning around aimlessly for a few minutes, mulling over what had just happened.

He supposed he shouldn't be too surprised at the Network's reaction. His horrid luck when it came to exposing Zim had given him something of a "crying wolf" reputation, so on a logical level he knew that they were somewhat justified in not bending over backwards to help him. But still, would it really be so terrible to give him the benefit of a doubt when it came to the possibility of an undead monster stalking the city?

Dib's eyes drifted towards the book he'd shown off before, which was still open to the picture of Van Helsing. That was the worst part, really - there was a solution so close he could practically smell it, and he wasn't being allowed to act on it! And it wasn't like he could just go and take the journal without permission…

Actually, could he? Dib paused as that stray thought passed and grabbed ahold of it. On the one hand, it was morally reprehensible — not to mention potential professional suicide — to not only defy his superior agents' orders, but to outright steal from the Network. On the other hand, desperate times called for desperate measures, and besides, it wasn't like he was going to _keep_ the journal; as soon as he'd found a way to defeat Norlock, he'd return it. So, in the long run, it was no harm, no foul. And after all, as the expression went, it was easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Grabbing ahold of that admittedly flimsy justification, Dib slid back over to his computer and logged into the SEN's private network. After a few minutes of searching, he pulled up what he was looking for — the location of the Swollen Eyeballs' private library. Checking the address on an attached map, Dib committed it to memory, and took off.

He had work to do.

 _Swollen Eyeball Private Library, Shortly Afterwards_

Dib arched an eyebrow as he took in the sight of the SEN's private library. It looked more like the setting of a standard haunted house movie, honestly. It had the exterior of a twisted, dark Gothic, vaguely Victorian mansion house, perched atop a lone hill placed rather oddly smack in the middle of downtown Doomsville, surrounded by more normal looking skyscrapers. And then there was the massive wrought iron gates blocking the one path up the hill, with a large "Private Property: Do Not Enter" sign hanging from them.

Really, for the private library of a secret society, it was practically screaming for attention. Of course, on the other hand, maybe being so obvious was meant as reverse psychology to get people to ignore it? If so, it appeared to be working, as everyone on the street seemed to be going out of their way to avoid even looking at the place, let alone going near it.

Well, in any case, at least he knew he was in the right place - if nothing else, he could clearly see the Swollen Eyeball logo carved into the corner of the gate sign.

Having marched up the hill to those gates, Dib paused and looked back down and around at the city. The sun was starting to set, the height of the surrounding buildings already casting long shadows across the streets. Dib shuddered as he took that in; he still hadn't actually seen Norlock since the fight with him and Tak, but he was still hesitant to be out after dark while the vampire was still active. But he was going to have to risk it in this case. The potential rewards outweighed the potential risks.

Shaking off the dread and focusing on the mission at hand, Dib gave the gates an experimental push. To his surprise, they opened with only a minimum of resistance and a grinding that indicated the hinges needed oiling. Aside from that, however, there was nothing stopping him from walking right in.

"Gee, what great security," he muttered sarcastically, walking up towards the actual building. Knocking on the oak doors, he refused to be surprised again when they likewise swung right open at his touch. Were they running on an honesty policy that only SEN agents would show up, or something?

Shaking his head in mild annoyance, Dib walked through the now open doorway, finding himself in a lobby. Aside from the number of other doors lining the walls and a couple of rather dead-looking large potted plants, the room was empty save for a receptionist's desk against the back wall. Behind the desk sat a dour old woman whose gray hair was pulled up in a bun. Most people would probably say she looked like a stereotypical librarian; Dib personally thought she looked like a less terrifying version of Miss Bitters.

"May I help you?" she asked flatly, as Dib walked up to the desk, "This is private property. Didn't you see the sign outside?"

"Yeah, sorry," Dib said, pulling out his SEN ID card and placing it on the desk, "I guess my eyeballs are swollen."

"I've always hated that code phrase," the woman muttered, as she took the card and looked it over. Apparently finding it satisfactory, she returned it to him. "So, how can I help you, Agent Mothman?"

"Well, uh, Ms. Bookman, I- Bookman, really?" Dib trailed off, blinking as he registered what was written on the nameplate lying on top of the desk.

"No jokes, I've heard them all," Ms. Bookman stated, voice carrying a clear tone of warning, "Now, what do you want? And don't make me ask again."

"Right," Dib cleared his throat, "I need access to the antiquities vault. It's of the utmost importance!"

Ms. Bookman merely arched an eyebrow at him, then turned to the old computer sitting on her desk and typed something on it. After a moment, Dib jumped in surprise as a loud buzzing sound emanated from the computer.

"Sorry," Ms. Bookman said, not sounding at all like she was, "But that vault is restricted to agents with a Level 7 clearance or higher, and you're still on Level 1. Unless you have a signed permission order from a senior agent, you're not getting in there."

"But you have to let me in!" Dib exclaimed, "There's a book in there I need in order to defeat a vampire who's helping an alien try to take over the world!… And wow, when I say it out loud like that, it doesn't sound believable at all, does it?"

"No, it doesn't," Ms. Bookman replied dryly, "Now please leave before I have to remove you."

"Look, you just have to trust me, this is important! Can't you just make an exception, for the good of humanity?"

"No. The rules are the rules. Last warning; leave right now."

"But-"

Ms. Bookman gave an annoyed sigh, and pressed a button on her desk. The next thing Dib knew, a trap door opened beneath him, and he was falling down a small tunnel. He hit the bottom after a moment, and found himself rolling down a sharp incline, until he came to a sudden stop, smacking hard into a wall. He rubbed his sore head, but before he could process what had just happened, the floor suddenly shot up, pining Dib to it as it zoomed up another tunnel.

The moving floor came to a jarringly sudden stop moments later, the momentum sending Dib flying up and away, finding himself tumbling across a field of grass. Sitting up, head spinning, Dib shook his vision clear, and found himself sitting on the lawn in front of the library, the opening in the ground that he'd apparently just shot out of closing up with a cover of artificial grass, leaving no indication of its presence.

"That seemed like an overreaction," he muttered, rubbing his head. Sighing angrily as he got to his feet, he kicked at the ground in frustration, "Great, now what am I supposed to do?"

Gaze slowly drifting around his surroundings, Dib paused as he noticed an alley running around the side of the building. Slowly following it up to a chainlink fence, Dib looked up and saw a row of windows starting just on the other side of the fence. And one of them was wide open.

"Jackpot," Dib said excitedly, starting to climb the fence. Halfway up, however, he paused — was he really about to break into a private building? In order to effectively rob it?

…Meh, he'd done worse things for the good of humanity. And it wasn't really _stealing_ , per say. He'd give the journal back once Norlock was defeated, after all.

With that self-reassurance in mind, Dib finished climbing the fence and hopped over, landing in a crouch. Getting up, he began to walk towards the open window, only to freeze as he saw something he'd overlooked before in his eagerness to get inside. Or rather, several somethings. Namely, the pack of Dobermans sleeping on the ground in front of him, which were slowly stirring awake in his presence.

"Well, that's just my luck," Dib muttered, shock at this sudden turn thankfully keeping his voice low. Moving as quietly as he could, moving on tiptoe, he crept towards the side of the building, hugging the wall as he moved along it towards the window. Once beneath it, he slowly turned to face the wall, so he'd be in better position to reach for the window ledge…

 _SNAP!_

Dib froze once more, as that sound suddenly burst out from beneath him. Looking down, he saw that in moving, he'd stepped on a stick, which had cracked in half from his weight. Turning around, he was greeted by the sight of the entire pack of dogs, now wide awake and looking at him.

"…Crap," Dib swore in a deadpan, as the dogs began growling, getting up and stalking towards him. Turning back to the window, Dib leapt up, grabbing the ledge and scrambling against the wall for purchase to push himself up. For once, luck was on his side, and he managed to slip up and through the window just before one of the dogs could close its jaws around his ankle.

Pausing on the ledge, Dib took a moment to glance down at the dogs, all of which were barking and snarling as they tried to jump up after him. Breathing a sigh of relief, Dib turned and finished hopping through the window into the library.

Looking around, he was greeted by the sight of an ordinary looking hallway. There were doors on either end, but other than that, the only other visible feature was a large reference map of the library, tacked to the opposite wall.

"Huh, that's convenient," Dib commented, before shrugging and walking up to the map. A red X marked his location; from there, he traced his finger along the map until he found the antiquities vault. Memorizing the route he'd found, he took off down the hall.

Now, he could finally get to work.

XXXXXXX

A few minutes later, Dib turned off of the main hallway he'd been walking down. Opening another door, he found himself staring down another, near-identical hallway. He frowned at that; was this some kind of security system, building the place like a maze in order to throw people off? Cause if it was, that was kind of lame.

Bearing that in mind, he was quite surprised when, just a few steps into the hall, he felt the tile under his foot move. Blinking, he looked down to see that the tile had slid down into a depression. As he leaned down to get a better look at it, he felt something fly by over his head with a buzzing sound, and a moment later, something dark floated by his line of sight to land next to his foot.

…Wait, was that his hair?!

Looking up, Dib's eyes bugged out in shock as he saw what had just passed over his head and apparently lopped off a lock of his hair — a large buzzsaw attached to a hydraulic arm, still buzzing and sputtering from where it had embedded itself in the wall. Looking back up and around at the hall, Dib saw that the saw had descended from an opening that had appeared in the ceiling above him.

And several more were opening even as he watched.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" Dib screamed as he raced down the hallway, ducking and dodging around the numerous saws. As he neared the door at the other end of the hallway, he spared a moment to hope that it didn't open inward, and threw himself forward at it.

For once, his luck was good, and his momentum and weight forced the door open, sending him spilling out into the next room. Rolling along the floor for a few feet, Dib dizzily got to his feet. Turning around to stare back at where he'd just been, he was greeted by the sight of several buzzsaws buried in the doorframe.

"…Okay, so maybe the security here isn't as lame as I thought," he muttered, rubbing at his head nervously, frowning when he felt the ragged edge where the tip of his hair scythe had been cut off. "Darn it, that's going to take forever to grow back right."

Looking around at his surroundings, Dib saw that he was in a small room. There was a small table with an old fashioned globe and some books on it, a painting of a beach, some full bookcases, and a couple of large potted plants. And aside from the door he'd just run through for his life, there were two others.

Dib took a moment to check his mental map, and then to double check it in case his recent near death experience had clouded his memory any. If he was right, he needed to take the right hand door to continue towards the antiquities vault.

Cracking open the door and peering through it, Dib saw a hallway identical in appearance to the previous one. That meant it looked harmless, but all things considered, it was probably booby-trapped too. Deciding to test that theory, Dib let his gaze wander around the room he was still in, and finally settle on the old globe. Grabbing it and yanking it free of its base, he walked back over to the door and lobbed it into the hallway like a bowling ball. It rolled down the hall for a few, nothing happening, and Dib was starting to think this hall was clear…

 _PHFT!_

 _PHFT!_

 _PHFT!_

…And that was when darts started shooting out of the walls. As Dib watched, several impaled the globe, cracking its ceramic surface, before the force of the numerous impacts sent it spinning off to slam into one of the walls, where it smashed. As it did so, the darts stopped firing, and the tiny firing holes he hadn't even noticed opening closed back up.

"Who designed this place, Indiana Jones?" Dib asked, deadpan. Grumbling in frustration, he crossed his arms and tried to figure out his next move. He needed to get through this hallway to get to the one that led to the vault, but he couldn't simply run through it like the last one. Heck, even surviving that had been dumb luck, and there'd be a lot more to have to avoid here. He needed some kind of protection.

Giving the room another look over, he paused as a thought occurred to him. Walking over to one of the potted plants, he grabbed it and started dragging it over to the door. Once there, he pressed himself against the pot and tipped it over, spilling the ferns and soil out onto the floor. Then, with a deep, heaving breath of strain, he lifted the pot into the air upside down and lowered it down onto himself. It was cramped, and he probably looked ridiculous, but that didn't matter so long as this worked.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Dib braced himself, and then took off running down the hall towards the other end.

 _TWANG!_

 _TWANG!_

 _TWANG!_

Dib winced as he heard and felt each strike of the darts against the pot's exterior, hoping that the material was thick enough to stop them from penetrating all the way through. Fortunately, that appeared to be the case, as despite the numerous impacts, none of the darts managed to break through and hit him. After a moment, however, the panic gave way to adrenaline-fueled giddiness, as he processed the fact that he was outwitting a deathtrap, relatively easily at that. Things were finally going his way!

And then he ran into the wall.

The impact caught him off guard, sending him flying backwards to land on his back as the pot shattered around him. As his vision spun, he noted that he had at least stayed on course; he must have just underestimated how solid the door was. Blinking his vision clear, Dib also noted with relief that the darts had stopped firing. There must have been a counter trigger that was set off at some point down the hall.

Groaning in mild, aching pain as he got to his feet, Dib opened the door. At this point, he wasn't surprised at all to see another identical hallway, albeit one running perpendicular to the previous one. Not taking his chances with this one either, he grabbed the only objects he had on hand, the debris from the broken pot, and started flinging it down the hall in both directions.

The pottery pieces clattered along the various parts of the floor, but even after waiting a few minutes, nothing happened. Nothing shooting out of the walls, nothing swinging down from the ceiling, nothing at all.

"Huh, guess they figured the previous stuff would take care of people by this point," Dib thought out loud, before pausing, "Unless, of course, this is a trick to make me lower my guard. Which, given my luck, it probably is… Well, I've got no choice. Just take my chances, I guess."

With that, Dib started walking down the hall in the direction the map had said would lead to the vault. After a moment, however, he got a slight sense of vertigo and had to stop. Blinking, he looked around at the hall, trying to figure out what was causing the odd feeling. It was then that he noticed that the pieces of broken pottery he'd thrown in this direction were slightly sliding down the hall towards the door at the far end.

"What the-? Is this hallway slanted?" Dib asked. And before he could even process and try to understand this odd fact, he was cut off.

 _THUD!_

Turning around to face this new sound coming from behind him, Dib's eyes bugged out in shock. A massive boulder, so large it took up nearly the entire hallway, had fallen out of an opening in the ceiling at the other end of the hall.

And it was starting to roll down the incline towards him.

"Oh, come on!" Dib exclaimed, before turning and sprinting towards the door.

It seemed impossibly far away, and the rumbling of the boulder right behind him, but just as he was sure he could feel the rock right behind his head, he slammed against the door, forcing it open. His momentum kept him going and sent him tumbling into the next room, sprawling out on the floor. Seconds later, the door frame, and the entire surrounding wall, shook from the impact of the boulder slamming into it.

Panting heavily, Dib looked up to see the boulder wedged firmly in the doorway. It, and the wall, were bent, warped, and cracked, but looked to holding. They were probably reinforced for just this situation.

"Okay, so I'm going to need to find another way out of here when I'm done," Dib said, while waiting for his pulse to slow down to normal (he was doing that a lot today, he noted), "In the meantime, let's see where that journal is… huh?"

Looking at his surroundings, Dib was surprised to see himself not in any sort of vault, but in small, circular room that frankly looked more like a lounge. There were a couple of chairs, a fireplace, and a fancy rug taking up the center of the room. Aside from that, the only things of note were three other doors spaced equally around the circumference of the room.

Dib frowned as he took this all in, checking it against his memory of the map. He was certain that it had said that last hallway led directly to the vault; was this an antechamber of some kind set up before it? If so, then odds were that the vault itself was behind one of these doors.

"Of course, considering the luck I've been having all night, the others are probably boobytrapped," Dib muttered. Deciding to take his chances in the hopes of finally getting this over with, he walked over to the door to his left and shoved it open, but didn't immediately enter.

This turned out to be a smart move, as the door swung out over an empty space. Peering in over the edge, Dib saw a pit, ten feet deep, the floor of which was covered with a withering mass of live snakes. He shuddered a bit as he took that in; he only recognized a couple of species among those present, but that was enough to realize they were poisonous. Carefully backing away from the door, he walked over to the next one, the one directly opposite the one he'd entered through.

Opening this door as carefully as he had the last, Dib was greeted by another pit. Though this one was slightly different, as instead of snakes, the bottom was lined with foot-long metal spikes, jutting out from the floor and walls.

"Well, thank you process of elimination," Dib said, walking over to the remaining door and shoving it open. However, even as he took his first step, he had to come to a sudden stop, bracing himself against the doorframe as he dangled over yet another pit, this one filled with a bubbling black pool of — judging by the look and smell — boiling tar.

Shoving back against the doorframe, Dib stumbled back into the room, mind whirling as he tried to process what had just happened. He was certain that he was in the right place to find the vault, but he'd just exhausted every possible exit. So where the hell was this place?

Dib growled in frustration, tugging at his hair as he paced the room, trying to make sense of the situation. There had to be something he'd missed, something he'd overlooked somehow, but what?

 _THUD_

Dib paused at that hollow echoing sound emanated from beneath him. Looking down, he saw that he was standing on top of the rug covering the center of the floor. Arching an eyebrow, he gently raised his foot and brought it down on the same spot he'd just stepped on a few times.

 _THUD_

 _THUD_

 _THUD_

"Wait a minute…" he muttered, stepping back and grabbing the edge of the rug. Tugging it back, Dib was greeted by the sight of a trap door built into the floor.

"Well, that's actually pretty clever," Dib commented, "Hide the real entrance to the vault, and let anyone who breaks in waste their time on the death traps."

Shaking his head and refocusing on the matter at hand, Dib tugged open the trap door, revealing a spiral staircase descending into the depths of the building. Moving carefully, in case the stairs were boobytrapped too, Dib slowly started making his way down, hoping to finally find the damn journal and get out of this place.

XXXXXXX

Five minutes later, Dib was just starting to wonder if he was actually on a wild goose chase, when he finally saw a light at the bottom of the staircase. Mood lightening as he finally neared his goal, he ran down the remaining stairs and out into the room beyond the door at the end… and skidded to a halt at the sight that greeted him.

There was a door at the opposite end of the cavern-like chamber, above which was a lit sign indicating that this was indeed the library's antiquities vault. It just so happened to be a steel door, set into a concrete wall. A wall which was on the other side of a chasm that looked as wide across as his house.

And was filled with molten lava.

"Wha… where… huh?" Dib stammered, staring at the lava in disbelief, "How did they manage to dig a pool of lava in the middle of a city?! There's no volcanoes nearby, and we're not that far down!"

Huffing angrily at the sheer absurdity of this latest challenge, Dib buried his face in his hands. How the hell was he supposed to get past this?

Taking a calming breath, Dib looked back up and scanned the whole room closely. There had to be _something_ here, some way to get around this last obstacle. When nothing presented itself right away, his frustration spiked again and he kicked at the dirt floor. Dirt and pebbles scattered through the air, some of it drifting to fall into the chasm… and stopping in midair.

Dib blinked as he noticed this. A thought suddenly occurring to him, he reached down and scooped up some more dirt and tossed it into the chasm as well. And while plenty of it fell all the way down, plenty more collected in the same area as the rest of the suspended dirt, likewise stopping where it was.

"No way…" Dib muttered, before stepping forward and tentatively placing a foot on the same area of seemingly empty air. Instead of falling forward to his death in a manner worthy of a Darwin Award, as one might expect from looking on, Dib felt his foot settle on a solid surface. A moment later, the air began shimmering, and cleared away to reveal a metal bridge, stretching from one end of the chasm to the other.

"Okay, someone _definitely_ watch too much Indiana Jones when designing this place," he commented, before shaking it off and quickly but carefully making his way across the bridge. Once on the other side, he likewise made his way up to the vault door just as carefully, but paused as he reached it.

The door seemed innocent enough, but after the long string of boobytraps he'd spent the day barely surviving, he wasn't going to risk letting himself get taken out right before the finish line. So, he slowly reached out and grabbed the door handle, giving it a firm tug. To his surprise, the door swung right open, almost making him stumble for a moment before he caught himself. And even more surprising, no traps were sprung; even so, remembering the boulder, he waited for a few minutes, not daring to move from his spot of apparent safety, until he was absolutely sure that no defenses had been triggered.

Once that was the case, Dib carefully peered around the open door to take in what was beyond. And when that sight greeted him, he let out a low whistle of appreciation.

The walls of the vault were lined with bookcases stretching on as far as the eye could see, with more spread out sporadically in the middle of the room all the way down. The books all looked quite old, in various states of maintenance, and the smell of old paper permeated the room.

Dib would have felt apprehensive about searching such a large collection for the journal, but his recent upswing in luck seemed to be holding, because nearby he noticed an old-fashioned card catalog. Walking over to it and flipping it over, he spent the next several minutes before finding the card containing the information he needed. And then it took several more minutes to track down the spot the card indicated, but finally, at long last he found himself looking at the prize he had been searching for.

It was a simple black leather-bound book, containing yellowed pages and held shut by a simple clasp, with no other markings to indicate what it was. But even so, Dib knew it was the right book. He could feel it in his bones.

Reaching out with hands trembling in anticipation, Dib gently took ahold of the journal and removed it from its spot on the shelf. He then unclasped it and opened it to its first page. While the ink was somewhat faded with age, he was still able to make out what was written:

 _The Private Journal of Professor Abraham Van Helsing_

"Yes! Score!" Dib exclaimed, the exhaustion of everything he'd had to go through to get to this point washed away in vindication at finally achieving his goal. Carefully turning the dried out old pages of the journal, he started reading, searching for accounts of the professor's encounters with the undead.

" _July the 19th, 1891_

 _Oh, curses upon my sad old bones! Once again, my age has cost me dearly in my most desperate of missions. Just when my goal was within sight, my aching joints and worn out hips betrayed, and denied me my victory. I am afraid, dearest journal, that I must now face that most dreadful of facts:_

 _I am too old to dance._ "

"Wait, what?" Dib asked, blinking in confusion at that apparent non-sequitur. Continuing to read, he attempted to find some context to the sudden change in topic.

" _I had attended Fredrick's gala in the hopes of impressing the young ladies and perhaps gaining the favor of one, but that has failed me. I nearly broke myself on the dance floor, and all I have to show for it is the memory of harsh laughter filling my ears!_

 _Is it really too much to ask that a man of my years can still attract a fair maiden?_ "

"…I don't believe this. This is the journal of a monster hunter, and he's complaining about not being able to pick up women?… Maybe there's some actual information later on."

Silently hoping for a better result, Dib flipped through the pages a bit less carefully than before, stopping at another page randomly, and reading its contents.

" _March 14th, 1892_

 _I have begun contemplating seeing one of those new doctors that specialize in treatment of the back. Mine has begun to pain me severely during these past cold months, and I fear I almost threw it out last week throwing out my refuse._

 _I have no intention of spending my remaining years confined to a bed. Hmm, perhaps a trip to the opium den will mend my ills?_ "

Dib didn't even bother finishing that entry, flipping the pages past it even faster than before.

" _August 3rd, 1892_

 _The lads over at the social club are suggesting that I should retire. And I wonder if they are not right. I am no longer a young man, and it would be nice to have free time on my hands._

 _Perhaps I'll take up that Scottish sport, "golf". I hear it's quite relaxing._ "

By this point, Dib wasn't even trying to be gentle with the pages, flipping through them so fast some were developing small tears. But he didn't care; he was too busy desperately searching for something — _anything_ — relevant to vampire hunting. And having zero luck.

" _They've just opened a new Italian restaurant not too far away. I don't care much for Italians, but their long noodles do not taste too bad…_ "

" _I am considering publishing a memoir. I doubt anyone would believe half of what I wrote, but it would be worth it just to get the thoughts out of my head and down onto paper…_ "

" _I must remember to tell that turtle joke at the party…_ "

On and on it went. Nothing even remotely about vampires, excepting a few offhand references to Van Helsing's "other profession". All this journal contained were an endless supply of anecdotes from his personal life, stream-of-consciousness ramblings, and even what appeared to be some homemade recipes and bad attempts at poetry.

He'd almost been killed a dozen times today trying to get to this stupid book, and _this_ was all he had to show for it?!

"I don't believe it! This thing is useless!" he practically shrieked.

"What did you expect from an old man's journal?"

Dib yelped and jumped in surprise at the sudden voice from behind him, the journal flying out of his hands. Spinning around, he found himself staring up at an even more stern-looking than before Ms. Bookman, who expertly caught the tossed journal with one hand, and carefully returned it to its spot on the shelf. Then she looked down at him, gaze narrowing dangerously.

"…Where'd you come from?" Dib asked, hoping to stave off whatever lecture and/or punishment was coming his way.

"I took the elevator," she responded dryly, pointing off towards an elevator set into an alcove off to the side of the vault. Dib's jaw dropped at that sight, while one of his eyes began to twitch.

"There's an elevator that comes right here?! Then what's the deal with all the death traps I had to go through to get here?!"

"The elevator is for use by agents who are authorized to be down here," Ms. Bookman replied evenly, "The boobytraps are to deter unauthorized intruders. Speaking of which, we will be fining you for the damages caused by you triggering them, just so you know."

Dib's eye twitched even harder, as he felt something within his brain snap and sizzle at the sheer insanity of what was happening. As such, he barely heard Ms. Bookman as she continued.

"Also, I will be alerting Agent Darkbootie to this situation, so I would suggest you prepare for a proper reprimand. In the meantime, you're leaving now. And this time, I mean it."

That said, the librarian pulled out a remote and pressed a button. A moment later, a tube descended from the ceiling directly above Dib, and began suctioning up air like a giant vacuum. Before Dib knew what was happening, he was shooting up into the tube, and vanished up it.

"Honestly, young people today," Ms. Bookman muttered, before turning and leaving the vault.

XXXXXXX

Another tube extended from the side of the library's exterior, and Dib came shooting out of it, hitting the ground and rolling down the hill for a few moments, before coming to a rest. He merely sat there on his back, idly noticing that it was nighttime, while waiting for his brain to reboot from its shock.

"Well, universe, you've screwed with me again," he muttered in low tone, "Anything else you want to throw at me to cap out the day?"

As soon as he finished asking that, a low series of growls filled the air. Eyes widening in panic, Dib shot up, and found to his horror that the pack of Dobermans he'd barely evaded earlier in the evening were now only a few feet away. And they didn't look too happy.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Dib screamed, running off, down the hill and back into the city, the dogs chasing him all the way. And naturally, no one paid him any attention as he did so, save for one figure standing in the shadows of a nearby alleyway.

"…Huh, wonder how that happened?" Norlock mused, watching one of the current pains in his neck disappear into the distance, still being chased by the dogs. "Meh, I'm sure it's none of my concern. Still, should have taken a picture… oh, well."

Shrugging, the vampire grabbed the leg of the passerby he'd just knocked out and dragged them further into the alley, whistling happily in anticipation of his meal.

Just another night in Doomsville.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 5**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: And there we go. I know, not all that good, and probably not worth the wait, but that's filler for you. I'm just glad to get it done.**

 **And just to be clear, I'm not a Dib-basher. I'm just trying to keep this story in original flavor, and let's be honest, Dib going through a lot of crap and having nothing to show for it is a pretty common canonical theme (e.g. "Battle Dib" or Issue 2 of the comic). So, you know, this isn't too out there as far as things go.**

 **But in any case, I wouldn't worry too much about poor Dib. Things will be looking up soon enough…**

 **Next time: Dib finally gets some backup in his struggle with Zim and Tak. But what kind of team is he getting?**

 **Until then, read and review, and let's hope it doesn't take another four months!**


	6. With Friends Like These

**A/N: Okay, new chapter time, and this is one I have really been looking forward to, for a couple of reasons. First of all, we introduce a couple of new characters, this time on Dib's side — yes, things are finally going to start looking up for him. Secondly, with this chapter,** _ **New Adventures Season 1**_ **is now officially the longest thing I've ever written. And we're not anywhere close to finished.**

 **Also, I'm happy to announce that after only 5 chapters, this story has already surpassed 1000 views. I have never written anything this popular before, and am very pleased and excited.**

 **Anyway, as always, thanks to Eduard Kassel for his help planning this chapter out. And I hope you all enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: I only own the OCs, including the new ones introduced here. Everything else belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 6: With Friends Like These…**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

For the second time in less than a week, Dib found himself in a video conference with the senior leadership of the Swollen Eyeball Network. Unlike last time, however, he wasn't the one who called this meeting, and he wasn't happy that it was happening. Apparently Ms. Bookman had lived up to her threat and informed Darkbootie and the others about his break-in at the library, and they were not pleased with him about it. Not at all.

"So, let's summarize," Agent Nessie said, voice hard, "Despite direct orders not to do so, Agent Membrane went to the Network's private library in order to retrieve a book that he had not been authorized access to. And when properly rebuked by the duly appointed librarian, he then proceeded to break into the facility, resulting in triggering numerous defense measures, causing thousands of dollars in damages. All for a book that, it turns out, he apparently didn't even really have a use for. Am I missing anything?"

"We also lost that pack of guard dogs that chased him into the city," Agent Disembodied Head added.

"In my defense," Dib spoke up meekly, "They really should have been chained up better."

"Fair point," Agent Tunaghost commented, "But not really all that important overall. You have anything better to say in your defense?"

Dib deflated under the glares being sent his way, but after a moment steeled himself, taking a deep breath and sitting up straight to respond with a defiant glare of his own.

"Yes, I do, actually," he said firmly, "Look, I'm sorry that I disobeyed orders and broke into the library, but you all have to realize that I wouldn't have done any of that if I didn't honestly believe that I didn't have a choice. Earth's in more danger now than it's ever been, because as long as Zim has Norlock working with him, I don't know that I'll have any chance of stopping his next plan. Not to mention Tak being out there plotting too, while I'm stuck focused on them. If there's going to be any hope of me protecting the world, I need to get rid of Norlock and knock Zim back down to his normal threat level. And yes, it turned out that that journal was completely and utterly useless. But you know what? If I get another lead even half as promising as that one looked like at the start, I'm taking it, because I'm going to do whatever I have to in order to protect this planet. So if you want to punish me, go ahead, but I'm not going to apologize for doing what I had to do!"

As his brief speech wound down, Dib slumped back down in his chair, breathing heavily from the momentary rush he'd gotten from the passion he'd put into what he was saying. The others, meanwhile, stared at him, all shocked by the somewhat uncharacteristic outburst. After a moment of awkward silence, Darkbootie finally spoke up, clearing his throat in order to get everyone's attention.

"Well… thank you for your honesty, Mothman," he said, "Now excuse us while we determine how to properly reprimand you."

With that, the screens flickered to a standby image of the SEN eyeball logo. Dib sighed and leaned his head against one palm, waiting for whatever punishment they came up with for him.

Meanwhile, the other agents were still speaking with each other across cyberspace from their own various locations.

"Is there really anything to discuss?" Nessie asked, "It's all pretty clean cut."

"I disagree," Tunaghost responded, "There's clearly extenuating circumstances at play here. Dib's erratic, but he's been with the Network for years and has always followed our rules and regulations. I honestly don't think he would have done something like this if he didn't feel he had too."

"Oh please — he's an erratic nutjob who gives us all a bad name," Disembodied Head snorted, while petting the pigeon perched on his shoulder, "He's never once brought us any credible evidence of anything, and he's got a track record of causing massive property damage. He's a disgrace."

"You know, if you actually bothered to read records of those events, you'd notice that half the time, he seems to be blamed rather unjustly. And as for his failure to find evidence, we've _all_ had that problem at one point or another in our careers. You're just prejudiced against him 'cause he's a kid."

"That's got nothing to do with anything-"

"Enough," Darkbootie cut in, stopping the argument before it could escalate, "You all make valid points. Mothman does have a bad track record as far as investigations go, and this particular incident also happened to be a blatant violation of our rules. But, he is one of the most dedicated investigators I've ever seen; he only would have done what he did in pursuit of his duties. And judging by that little speech of his, nothing we do is going to dampen his efforts in the future."

"Yeah, okay, I'll admit it," Nessie said, "The kid's got a solid spine on him to stand up to us all like that. And if nothing else, he's totally determined to do things his way, which is admirable. But we _can't_ just let him do whatever he wants without consequence. It sets a bad precedent for all agents, current and future."

"…Hmm, future agents? That actually gives me an idea," Disembodied Head said, "Didn't we recently acquire a couple of new agents in Dib's age range?"

"Oh right, the twins," Tunaghost nodded in agreement, "Agents Silverfish and Silver Sparrow. They just joined up about six months ago; they're still technically on prohibitionary status, but are highly promising, despite a few issues."

"Well, there you go," Disembodied Head went on, "We have them team up with Dib. Officially, it'll be for the twins to get training from an experienced agent who they can relate to, which they will, but their presence should also ensure that Dib toes the company line from now on."

"Unless he just convinces them to go off the rails too," Nessie noted dryly.

"A calculated risk. Agent Disembodied Head's proposal is sound," Darkbootie commented, looking at the files he'd just brought up on another screen, "In fact, from what I'm looking at, this really might be the best course of action. Mothman should provide a good balance for these two, and I think that being part of a team will do him good as well, beyond the pragmatic reasons. And, their family happens to be moving to his town, conveniently enough. The only problem I see is that they're set to attend a different school."

"Well, that's fixable," Tunaghost said, waving a hand dismissively, "We just get our contacts in the Board of Ed to arrange a transfer. As long as all three of them are onboard with it, I don't see that there'll be a problem."

"So, we're agreed?" Darkbootie asked. After getting nods of agreement from the others, he continued, "Well, in that case, we should let Dib know of our decision."

Speaking of whom, Dib was meanwhile still sulking in his room, head hanging in his hands. He honestly had no idea where that rant had come from before; years of pent up frustrations, maybe? Well, in any case, it probably hadn't done him any favors with the other agents. Even the ones who liked him only seemed to tolerate him, and the lot of them were probably all happy to have a chance to punish him. Knowing his luck, he'd end up tasked with collecting Bigfoot feces samples for the next year.

Still, he'd meant every word he'd said. Even more than merely studying the paranormal, defending the Earth was what he was meant to do — while he'd never admit it out loud, he never felt more alive than when he was foiling one of Zim's plans. And sure, at times it was downright depressing how blind people were to the danger they were all facing that he constantly saved them from. But all those times, knowing that people were still alive because of him… yeah, he wouldn't trade that feeling for the world.

So, let them punish him. Maybe even kick him out of the Network. It didn't matter — he'd done plenty without their help, and he could keep on going without them. All that mattered was that he keep up the fight, and he'd do whatever it took to do that, even if he had to do it alone.

Dib's internal musings were cut off as the screens suddenly flickered back on, bringing back the other agents. Dib practically jumped back up straight at this, scrambling to get into a more presentable position.

"Agent Mothman, after some consideration, we've come to a decision regarding how to best reprimand you for your actions," Agent Darkbootie announced.

Dib straightened up, trying to hold onto his bravado in front of actual people, and not just his thoughts.

"Relax, you're not being actively punished," Darkbootie continued, noting the look on Dib's face, "However, it's clear that your determination to pursue your singular course of action against this perceived threat is driving you towards taking actions without fulling contemplating the consequences. That is something that no Swollen Eyeball agent can allow of themselves. As such, we have decided that certain steps must be taken to curtail any future rash actions on your part."

"Meaning what, exactly?" Dib asked, cautiously.

"It just so happens we've got a couple of junior agents about your age moving to your town," Tunaghost replied, "Agents Silverfish and Silver Sparrow. They're both rather new to the Network, and we'd like you to act as their supervisor."

"Wait, what?" Dib blinked in confusion, "That's my punishment? A promotion?"

"Consider it a probation," Darkbootie said, "Hopefully, the responsibility of being in charge of other agents will teach you to follow proper procedures."

"And you don't… well, we'll know about it sooner, won't we?" Nessie asked, smugly.

Dib frowned. "So, they're just going to be spying on me for you?"

"Don't think of it as spying," Tunaghost said, "Working as part of a team would probably do all three of you some good. And hey, you wanted help, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but not the kind that's just there to stop me from doing anything," Dib stated grumpily, before sighing and reaching up to rub at the bridge of his nose, "So, when should I expect my new babysitters?"

"Well, first we'll have to run this by them as well," Darkbootie said, ignoring Dib's sarcasm, "And then we'll have to arrange their transfer to your school. But, all told, they should arrive sometime in the next week or so. We'll give them all the necessary information to get in contact with you when they do.

"Until then, I believe matters are settled," he concluded. When no one disagreed or added any other commentary, Darkbootie nodded, and all the screens went dark.

Dib sat there in the dark, sulking for a moment, before sighing and getting to his feet. He honestly wasn't sure how to feel about this. On the one hand, he wasn't being expelled from the Network or being reduced to some disgusting punishment duty, and was even actually getting help for once. On the other hand, these other agents sounded like they were just going to be there to keep an eye on him, and what good was that going to be the next time he needed to fight Zim or Tak or Norlock?

Shaking his head, Dib gave up and crawled into bed. He'd just have to wait and see what happened, when it happened, and make the best of it.

 _Doomsville Middle Skool, One Week Later_

Dib absentmindedly tapped one finger against his desk, not really paying attention as Ms. Bitters droned on, putting it aside as background noise. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Zim and Tak giving each other death glares across the room, but for the moment they were both at least ignoring him and not actively trying anything. Which was good, because he was just finally getting over the smell from that Radioactive Macaroni scheme of Zim's from the other day…

But, probably best to just forget that incident ever happened and move on.

Anyway, what really concerned Dib right now was what had been on his mind for the past week. And that was the pending arrival of his new teammates (he'd decided to consider them that instead of minders; no need to be so negative about it). Just the other night, Tunaghost had connected him to let him know that Silverfish and Silver Sparrow had agreed to the arrangement, and the SEN had managed to get them transferred from their intended skool on the other end of town to this one. So now, it was all just a matter of waiting for them to show up.

Which he'd been doing. All week.

Seriously, how long was this supposed to take? If they could arrange the transfer so quickly, why couldn't they make it happen faster? If he was going to be saddled with other agents in order to keep him in line, the very least they could do was not make him wait forever on them.

His musings were cut short as a ringing filled the air. Miss Bitters cut off her "lesson" to glare at the phone on her desk, and swooped over to snatch up the receiver.

"What?" she snapped. After listening to the indistinct sounds on the other end for a moment, her normally dour demeanor somehow managed to get even worse, "Again?! And there's _two_ of them this time? I am going to make you suffer for this later!"

With that, Miss Bitters slammed the phone back into its cradle hard enough that the whole thing somehow burst into flame, before turning her glare back to her class.

"Well class, it would seem that the Board of Education has decided that this skool still isn't overcrowded enough as is, as they've decided to burden us with not one but two new students. Both of whom they're dumping on me."

While most of the class was indifferent to this announcement, Dib's face was split by a grin of excitement. Unless by some massive coincidence two _other_ new students were transferring to the skool just when he was expecting the agents, it would seem they had finally arrived. As such, Dib turned his eyes to the doorway and waited.

A few minutes later, Dib's patience was finally rewarded, as the door opened and a pair of kids his age, a boy and a girl, entered the room.

Even if Dib hadn't been informed ahead of time that the pair were twins, he would probably have figured it out anyway. They had the same plain complexion and narrow noses, as well as blue eyes and brown hair. But that was where the similarities ended. The boy had his hair close cropped, and was wearing rather plain and practical-looking clothes, namely a green button up shirt tucked into tan pants. His sister, meanwhile, wore her hair longer but done up in pair of ponytails on either side of her head, both having dyed streaks running through them — red on the right one, green on the left. As for her clothes, she was wearing a black shirt with a silver pentagram logo, and a red-and-black checkered skirt over lilac tights.

" _Huh, she must be Goth,_ " Dib noted, " _She and Gaz will probably get along… no, wait, forgot who I was talking about. Anyway, her brother looks more on the practical side of things; I'll have to check with them about what they specialties are._ "

"Class, these are our new students, Steve and Viera," Miss Bitters announced, before turning to the pair, "If you two have anything to say, say it now, because otherwise, I don't want to hear a word from either of you again."

The twins both raised eyebrows at the creepy teacher's statement, before turning to each other. At some unseen concession, Steve chose to step forward and start speaking.

"Hi, everyone," he started, "I'm Steve and this is my sister Viera. Our family just moved to town from Brightsville, and we're really looking forward to making… new… friends…"

Steve trailed off near the end, jaw dropping slightly as his eyes, which had been wandering the room, widened in surprise, an expression Viera was matching. Turning his head to follow Steve's gaze, Dib saw that he was looking at Zim and Skoodge, neither of whom was paying much attention to what was going on.

Were… were they actually noticing that the Irkens weren't human?

Sweet, merciful Bigfoot, it was a miracle — people with common sense who weren't blind to reality! Suddenly, Dib felt a lot better about the situation.

Meanwhile, the twins were still staring at the Irkens. Fortunately, before it could become awkward and embarrassing, Viera recovered and stepped forward, elbowing her twin aside, taking over the conversation.

"Well, I think that about covers everything," she said hurriedly, "So, we can probably get on with things."

Miss Bitters made a noncommittal sound, before turning her attention back to the class as a whole, who all tensed up as they suddenly realized what was about to happen.

"Brian! Mary!" she said after a moment's thought, "I don't like either of you. Go to the Underground Classrooms now!"

The chosen students only had a second to process their pending dooms before the floor opened up beneath them, sending both plummeting into the darkness. As the holes in the floor closed back up, Miss Bitters turned back to the now thoroughly freaked out twins.

"Take your seats," she ordered.

"Uh, yes ma'am," Steve stammered out, as he and Viera quickly walked towards their seats. Dib watched them go, and felt his grin grow wider as they both gave the still oblivious Zim another incredulous look.

Finally, things were looking up.

XXXXXXX

The wait until the lunch recess seemed to drag on forever. But finally, the bell rang, and the class swarmed out into the hallway. Dib stopped just outside the doorway, barely taking the time to trade glares with first Zim and then Tak when they exited, just waiting for Steve and Viera. When they finally stepped out, he walked forward and opened his mouth to identify himself-

"Please don't try and mangle the phrase 'swollen eyeball' into a sentence," Viera pleaded with a groan, cutting him off. Dib's mouth worked wordlessly for a moment, before he shut it and blinked at them dumbly.

"You, already knew what I looked like?" he asked, slightly stunned.

"Eh, sort of," Steve said, rubbing at the back of his head, "Agent Nessie gave us a vague description of you, mentioning your trench coat and, uh…"

"My head?" Dib deadpanned.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"If it makes you feel any better," Viera added, as Dib facepalmed, "It's not nearly as big as he made it sound."

"Gee, thanks," Dib said dully, before shaking it off and returning his attention to them, "Well, in any case, come on. I can fill you guys in on everything you need to know around here over lunch. Word of advice, stick to the fruits and vegetables."

A few minutes later, the three of them were in the cafeteria, making their way to Dib's usual table, carrying trays loaded with bread and salads — the twins had taken one look at the suspiciously lumpy and grey meatloaf being presented and had followed Dib's advice. And as they walked, they couldn't help but overhear the conversations being held at some of the other tables.

"Hey, are those the new kids, actually hanging out with _Dib?_ "

"They must be freaks too."

"Maybe they don't know?"

"Nah, he makes it obvious he's crazy as soon as you talk to him."

"Pretty popular, huh?" Steve ask, sarcasm dripping heavily as he eyed the gossiping students.

"About as much as I am in the Network," Dib sighed in response, "You get used to it."

As the three of them reached the table, Gaz, who was already sitting there, playing her Game Slave, glanced up at them, eyes opening in surprise.

" _You_ actually made _friends?_ " she asked, almost sounding in awe; Dib decided not to actively take offense at the implication.

"I don't know if we're at the 'friend' stage yet," he replied instead, gesturing with his free hand to make introductions, "Guys, this is my sister, Gaz. Gaz, these are-"

"Don't care," she cut him off, returning to her game, "Just tell them not to bug me if they want to keep all their limbs."

"Well, aren't you a ray of sunshine?" Viera commented, dryly.

"Sorry about that," Dib said, trying to cover the warning growl Gaz shot at Viera in response, "Gaz doesn't really like… people. Anyway, sit down, and we can talk."

"Okay then, first thing's first," Steve said as they sat, "How in the world does anyone not see that those two clearly aren't human?"

At this, he gestured over to the table Zim and Skoodge were sitting at. The latter was happily eating a muffin, while the former was experimentally poking a chunk of the "meatloaf" with a spork.

"They tell people it's a skin condition," Dib said flatly.

"Skin con- they don't have ears or noses!"

"Hey, you're preaching to the choir here," Dib replied, gesturing angrily around the room, "I mean, Zim can be running around stealing people's organs or getting abducted by other aliens, and all these lemmings around here just pretend that everything's perfectly normal! I mean, maybe if he had a convincing disguise like Tak's it'd almost make sense, but come on!"

Dib ended his rant with a finger pointing in Tak's direction; she must have heard him, because she looked up sharply from her own lunch and glared at him. Noticing this, Dib dropped his hand and looked away, hoping she'd let the situation drop. Now wasn't the best time for another fight.

"So, wait, she's an alien too?" Steve asked, giving Tak an inquisitive look.

"Yeah, she's using some kind of hologram, but I've seen her without it."

"Didn't Agent Nessie also say that you claimed there's a vampire working with one of them," Viera, who had been listening quietly, suddenly cut into the conversation.

"Yeah, Norlock, he's been working with Zim-"

"Oh, here we go," Steve said, cutting off Dib to glare at his sister, "We're sitting within spitting distance of proof positive of extraterrestrial life, and you want to shift the conversation to your mumbo-jumbo."

"Mumbo-jumbo?" Viera asked, a sharp edge to her voice, "You've seen as much proof as I have that there's magic and things in this world that don't follow your oh so precious laws of science, but no, you just have to ignore it."

"I'm not ignoring it, it's just not important right now. And even when it is relevant, just remember that everything follows science, it's just harder to understand sometimes. You don't have to just accept it at face value without giving it proper analysis!"

Dib blinked and looked on as the twins dissolved into what sounded like a long-standing argument. He certainly hadn't expected this, and wasn't sure how to react. Was he supposed to break it up, or what?

"Now you know what it's like to have to listen to you," Gaz commented, before getting up and walking away, her thin patience clearly having worn out totally. Dib watched her go, before turning back to his new teammates' continuing bickering. With a groan, he decided to tune them out for now and turned back to his food.

Well, this was just off to a _fantastic_ start, wasn't it?

Meanwhile, Tak observed the group sitting at Dib's table. She'd noticed that the two new students had clearly seen through Zim and Skoodge's awful disguises, and had filed that away as potentially useful information for the future, but nothing relevant in the now. However, that was no longer the case.

Dib actually had allies now. That changed things — he was already a nuisance and threat to the mission as it was, and now he had help who, judging by his wild gesturing in her direction, were now on to her as well. And the last thing she needed, when she was just finally getting her base and resources back up to snuff, was another threat running around.

On the plus side, it didn't look like the humans were getting along very well, so at least she wouldn't have to worry about a united threat.

Hmm, still, it'd probably be best to nip this potential problem in the bud before it became something serious. And it wasn't like she could just sit back and let Zim take care of it — that moron hadn't even noticed that the two new humans had seen him for what he was, which meant there was no point hoping he'd deal with the situation for her. She'd have to handle it herself. And if nothing else, it gave her an excuse to beta test her latest creation.

An evil smirk slid across Tak's face at that thought. Oh yes, this was going to be fun…

 _Membrane Household, Several Hours Later_

After the rather unique (and that was saying something, by his standards) lunch, the rest of Dib's skool day had proceeded much as usual. The twins had put their argument on hold once class had started up again, allowing for the rest of the day to pass in relative peace. Though, that being said, Tak had been giving all three of them the evil eye for the remainder of the day; Dib had the bad feeling that, unlike the seemingly oblivious Zim, Tak had caught on to the fact that he'd gained backup.

Still, he'd have to worry about later. For now, he'd convinced the twins to come to his house in order to give them a full briefing on everything they'd need to know if they were going to work together… and frankly, he wanted to enjoy the chance to show off just how experienced he was to people who actually believed him.

As such, the three of them were currently in the garage — Dib had spread out boxes of his research and notes on his conflicts with the Irkens and Norlock, and in order to try and prevent another fight, had divided it up according to each twin's field of interest. Therefore, right now, Viera was perched on a storage crate in the corner, surrounded by Dib's notes on Norlock, along with every other experience he'd ever had with magic and the supernatural, including his collection of inactive spell drives. Meanwhile, Steve, who had been handed over all of Dib's notes on the Irkens, had all but ignored them in favor of practically drooling over the Spittle Runner.

"An actual, real life spaceship," Steve said, almost dreamily, as he ran his hands over the ship's hull, "I can't believe I'm actually touching one."

"Want us to leave you and it alone?" Viera asked with a smirk, looking up from the spell drive she was examining. Steve glared at his sister, but Dib quickly stepped in to stop a new fight from breaking out.

"Hey, I was the same way when I first got a hold of it," he said, "Uh, at least until the AI copy of Tak's mind activated and tried to kill me."

"It has an AI?" Steve asked excitedly.

"That tried to kill him, he said," Viera pointed out, turning her attention to Dib, "It's not still in there, is it?"

"Relax, I managed to get rid of it by copying my own brain into it," Dib responded, pausing to embarrassedly rub at the back of his head, "Of course, then the copy convinced itself it was me… and then it got depressed and deleted itself."

"…That's just sad," Steve said bluntly.

"Tell me about it," Dib muttered, before shaking his head and continuing, "Anyway, after that, I was eventually able to get it to work without an AI. But then my extraordinary bad luck kicked in, and after that whole mess with that dogfight with Zim, it's so badly damaged that I can't even get it to turn on, let alone flight capable."

"And that would be the same situation where you met this ugly piece of undead garbage?" Viera asked, holding up a journal containing a sketch Dib had done of Norlock.

"Yep, that's him," Dib nodded, before noticing Steve frown and look away, muttering something about "magic junk" under his breath.

"Okay, seriously, what is with you two?" Dib demanded, hitting the end of his rope with putting up with the twins' bickering, "It's like you're going out of the way to take offense at each other's fields of study. You know, it _is_ possible to like both the magical and scientific realms of paranormal research at the time, right?"

The twins looked away from him and each other ashamedly, rubbing at their arms self-consciously.

"It's… a little complicated," Viera admitted.

"Yeah, and I don't know if we really want to get into it now, it's getting late," Steve said, gesturing towards the slowly darkening sky. Dib followed his gaze, then sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

"Look, how about we all go get something to eat? My treat," he offered.

The twins looked at each other and shrugged.

"Fine by us," Steve replied, "And it'd probably be a good idea to see more of the city. Learn the lay of the land and all that."

"Good, let's go," Dib said, walking out of the garage, the other two following him. As they turned to move down the street, however, none of them noticed the red-eyed black cat perched atop the roof of a neighboring house.

MIMI watched the trio depart, and began stealthily zooming from rooftop to rooftop, tracking them and sending a signal to her mistress.

XXXXXXX

The dinner had been nothing more than a quick stop at a nearby Krazy Taco (MacMeaties still being rebuilt from being blown up), but Dib still found it had been more fun than just about anything he could remember in recent memory. Well, there was flying the Spittle Runner, but that had ended up with a dogfight and nearly being killed by Norlock, so that didn't count.

Anyway, rather than try and steer the conversation towards the twins' issues, Dib had decided to instead try and further break the ice with them by regaling them with stories of his past exploits, one of which he was finishing up right now, as he and the others started walking home under the now dark sky.

"…And then, when I finally get him out of the stupid chicken costume, everyone just uses it as an excuse to say that _everything_ paranormal is fake!" Dib wrapped up, punctuating his story by tossing his emptied and crumpled up carry-out bag at a nearby trashcan.

"Wow, that sucks," Steve said, taking a sip from his soda, "Shame there's so many people who just want to ignore all the evidence that's right in their faces like that."

Viera snorted as she wiped crumbs off her face with a napkin, "That's rich coming from the skeptic."

"I'm not a skeptic; I believe in magic, I just think it's a waste of time."

Dib sighed as the twins started up another round of arguing. He hadn't been able to steer the conversation towards whatever their problem was without starting another fight, and it looked like one was starting up again anyway. If this was what having a team was going to be like, he was starting to think that he'd be better off without one… and what was that noise?

Dib blinked as he came out of his introspection, the twins also stopping their argument short, as all three heard a distant, rhythmic pounding sound, which seemed to be getting closer.

"Uh, do you guys hear that?" Steve asked.

Before either Dib or Viera could answer, the cause of the sound finally revealed itself, as a massive shape came flying over a nearby house in a huge leap to come crashing to the ground. The three of them could only stare at it in shock for a moment, before Viera finally spoke up.

"Is that…?"

"A giant, mutant, cyborg rat?" Dib responded, recovering from his shock faster thanks to experience, "Yes, yes it is."

It was, in fact, exactly as Dib described it. A massive rat, the size of a truck cabin, though aside from the size, it was hard to identify — almost all its fur was gone, except for a few scattered patches, exposing raw red skin stretched tightly across bulging muscles. All four legs had been replaced with dark metal pylons, which were crudely welded into the stumps, and which had smashed the concrete road beneath them into rubble. Likewise, the tail had been replaced with a flailing metallic extension ending in a spiked mace. And then there was its head, where aside from the metal jaws replacing its teeth, a metal cap had been welded into its skullcap, with cables snaking down into the sides of its head around its red eyes and into its neck.

And topping it all off was Tak, out of disguise, and perched atop the rat monster's back, smirking evilly down at them.

"Well, isn't this a pleasant surprise?" she said sarcastically, "Here I am, taking my new pet for a walk, and who do I run into but one of the main pains in my 'spooch and _his_ new pets?"

"Hey!" Steve protested, offense at that comment temporarily overriding his shock at what he was witnessing.

"Oh hush, whatever-your-name-is," Tak said, waving a hand dismissively, "You're new to this, so I'll forgive you this once for thinking it's some sort of game the two of you have signed up for, and give you the facts — this is a battle for glory and recognition between me and that Defective imbecile Zim. The big-headed fool you've joined up with is merely an annoying irritant, one just persistent enough to warrant elimination before getting on to the main event. And by allying with him, you've just managed to put yourself in the crosshairs. So, nothing personal for the two of you, but now it's time to die."

At that apparent command, the rat monster reared up and roared, before charging forward. Yelling in panic, the three kids bolted in different directions just as the rat leapt into the air, leaving it to crash into the spot where they had just been standing, smashing another hole into the street. The rat turned almost immediately upon landing, metal tail whipping out in the direction the twins had gone; they saw it coming and ducked just in time to avoid being impaled by the mace, which struck a parked car and sent it flying into a nearby house. The rat barely noticed this, as it turned its attention towards Dib, who had scrambled to his feet.

"Oh, it figures," he muttered, before running off down the street with the rat in hot pursuit, "A little help here, guys?!"

The twins, who had been watching in shock, were snapped out of their daze at Dib's shout, and quickly got to their feet as well.

"Don't worry, Dib!" Steve called out, "We'll figure something out! Just keep it busy!"

"What's it look like I'm doing?!" Dib exclaimed, zigzagging and running in circles to try and keep ahead of the rat, which relentlessly kept up the chase.

"Okay, so maybe if we trigger some kind of electrical surge in its cybernetics, we can fry its brain… what are you doing?" Steve started to plan out loud, only to trail off as he saw his sister had pulled a spell drive out of her backpack and scrolling through its contents.

"I grabbed this before we left Dib's house," Viera explained, not looking up from what she doing, "I _was_ going to return it before we went home, but be glad I have it at all. It's got what looks like some attack spells, and I think they might be strong enough to kill that thing."

"Oh, what are you going to do, shoot a lightning bolt at it like some movie wizard?" Steve asked dismissively.

"Hey, you're the one who said we should try electrocuting that thing."

"I meant a power surge we could control. Do you really think some stupid spell would do exactly what you want it to?"

"Oh yeah, well how do you plan on channeling that kind of electricity with any kind of control without any machinery in place, genius?"

"Well, we'll just have to improvise something!"

"How is that any better that what I'm suggesting?"

"It's-"

"Are you two freaking kidding me?!" Dib snapped, from where he was currently leading the rat in a circle, "Now is not the time for one of your stupid argu-GAH!"

Dib was cut short as the rat finally managed to close the distance between them enough to lean forward and catch the collar of his trench coat with its metal teeth. It then pulled back, yanking Dib into the air and leaving him dangling. Tak then extended her spider legs and skittered across the rat's head, until she was in position to lean down and smirk at him face-to-face.

"My, my, but it looks like your little team's already gone to pieces, hasn't it?" She asked mockingly.

"You know, if you're going to kill me, you don't have to be a jerk about it too," Dib said, not bothering to struggle against the rat's solid hold on him.

"Fair enough. Let's end this, shall we?" Tak asked, stepping back. A moment later, the rat threw its head back and shook Dib around like a rag doll, before tossing him away. He flew through the air, happening to slam into the still bickering twins, all three collapsing into a heap. As they attempted to untangle themselves, the rat charged forward, enhanced jaw opened wide, and Tak cackled maniacally as he closed down on them…

And then something fast and dark flew through the air to hit the ground between the rat and the group, where it exploded. As a virtual wall of eerie black and dark purple flames rose up, the rat skidded to a stop, rearing back in panic.

"What the- AAAHHH!" Tak exclaimed, thrown off balance by the sudden erratic motion, finding herself clinging to one of the cables connected to the rat's head, "No, bad experiment 24601! Calm down!"

But her orders fell on deaf ears, as the rat's natural fight or flight instincts overrode the commands filtering through its augmented brain. Within moments, it had turned around and run off into the distance, soon disappearing from sight, its panicked screeches and Tak's yelled demands soon after also moving out of hearing range, leaving only the crackling noises of the unnatural fire.

"…What just happened?" Viera asked, she and the boys blinking stupidly at the fire in shock.

 _CLAP_

 _CLAP_

 _CLAP_

As that slow, mocking clapping filled the air, the flames surged for a moment, and then dissipated, exposing the figure responsible for their creation.

"Bravo," Norlock said dryly, hands clasped together after the final clap, "That was, beyond any doubt, the most epic tactical blunder of a battle that I have ever had the opportunity to witness. And I was there for the Charge of the Light Brigade."

"You… saved us?" Dib asked in confusion, separating himself from the pile and staggering to his feet, eyeing the vampire warily, "Since when are you the heroic type?"

"Oh, I'm not," Norlock replied, "I still hate your guts, and I don't even know these two. Now, while I doubt Zim would care about them, he's made his obsession with _you_ perfectly clear. And if he found out that I was passing by and let Tak kill you before he could, he'd be even more of an angry mess than he normally is, and that's nothing I have the patience to put up with."

"So, what now?" Dib asked cautiously, while the twins stood behind him, looking ready to either fight or run; Norlock couldn't tell which, and didn't particularly care.

"Oh, don't get your hair spike in a twist," the vampire responded, waving a hand dismissively, "I have standing orders from Zim not to hurt you, and like I said, I couldn't care less either way about your little friends here. Besides which, if I _did_ want to see harm come to you, _I_ wouldn't have to do anything — honestly, your little team here seems more of a threat to you than anyone on my side of things. And with that food for thought, I bid you adieu. I have places to be."

With that, Norlock turned on his heel with a twirl of his cape, and soon disappeared into the darkness. Dib watched him go, then frowned and turned to glare at his supposed teammates.

"You know, as much as I hate to agree with an undead monster who has literally tried to eat me on more than one occasion," Dib said slowly, before adding in a shout, "He's completely right! What the hell was all that?! You both just stood there! I almost got killed!"

"Uh, well, uh… there's literally nothing I can say in our defense, is there?" Steve asked.

"No," Dib replied curtly, before taking a deep breath to try and calm himself, "You know what? I can't deal with this right now. I'm going home."

Before either of the twins could say anything, Dib stomped off, leaving Steve and Viera standing awkwardly in the middle of the ruined street.

 _Membrane Household, The Next Morning_

After one of the worst night's sleep of his life, a sore and still frustrated Dib drudged through his morning routine, glad that it was a Saturday. He was _not_ in the mood to put up with skool, especially since it would mean: A) dealing with Tak gloating over her near-total victory, and B) having to interact with Steve and Viera after they'd almost gotten him killed.

And that was the part that really stuck in Dib's craw. He'd been in more life-or-death fights in the last couple of years than he cared to count, and he'd always managed to survive, even if sometimes only by the skin of his teeth. But this time, he'd only survived because of Norlock's interference. And why? Because for the first time, he'd been expecting and relying on someone else's help, and they'd completely abandoned him!

At least those times he'd been forced to team up with Zim, he'd _known_ on some level that Zim would betray him/abandon him, so he wasn't terribly surprised and could react appropriately when it happened. But with the twins… for goodness sake, they were supposed to be a team! And they'd both apparently decided that carrying out the millionth round of their ridiculous argument was more important than having his back. That stung, to be perfectly honest; just like when he'd thought that Dwicky believed him only to turn out to just be humoring him, he'd let himself experience the joy of actually having someone on his side, only for it all to come crashing down.

Dib merely sat there on his couch sulking for the entire morning, not even reacting when Gaz showed up and claimed her own spot (not that she was complaining), so intent was he on running through the same cycle of angry and depressing thoughts. At around noon, though, he was snapped out of it when the doorbell suddenly rang.

"Go get that," Gaz ordered, not looking up from her Game Slave. Dib didn't bother responding, just getting up and walking to the door. Opening it, he was only slightly surprised to see that it was the twins, looking nervous.

"…Hi," Dib said, not sure what else to say.

"Hey," Viera replied, holding up the spell drive she'd attempted to use the previous night, "I, uh, thought I should return this."

"Thanks," Dib said, awkwardly taking it from her. The three of them then stared at each other in a heavy silence for a moment, before Steve broke it.

"Look, can we talk?" he asked. Dib hesitated before answering, but ultimately sighed and nodded.

"Sure," he said. He then paused and looked over his shoulder at where Gaz was still playing her game, apparently not paying any attention to them. Still, probably best not to poke that bear. "Let's talk in the garage."

He stepped out of the house and shut the door behind him, then walked over towards the garage. Once inside, Dib set the spell drive aside and turned to face the twins, arms crossed.

"Well, if you have something to say, I'm listening," he stated.

"Dib, we really can't apologize enough for, you know, being completely useless last night," Steve said, "It's just, well…"

"The thing you've got to understand is this," Viera cut in, "Our parents are a couple of former New Age hippie types. Into spiritualism and the occult and all that, but these days mostly just as an occasional hobby, not something they really believe in. I really got into the study of magic just because I wanted to prove them wrong for not being full believers. And as for Steve-"

"I was always just more inquisitive and into science anyway," Steve cut back in and picked up the thread, "But over time I suppose I became more dedicated to it just as a counter to what the rest of the family believed in. And I guess we both ended up getting obsessed with our own things just to prove a point to each other and our parents."

"…That's it? That's the big complicated reason for why you two break out arguing every five minutes?" Dib asked, deadpan, "So, your family don't all see eye-to-eye on beliefs and interests? News flash, that's normal! I mean, look at _my_ family — my dad thinks that anything that isn't 'Real Science' is crazy talk, and Gaz couldn't care less about anything that's not a video game. But I don't let that distract me from what I'm doing, because it's more important than me.

"Look, I get it. I'd like everyone to see things my way too, I really would. But when I'm fighting Zim, or Tak, or Norlock, or whatever, I can't focus on that. I need to focus on beating those monsters so that the human race doesn't get destroyed or enslaved.

"So, if we're going to be a team, I'm not asking you to suddenly agree on everything. Just agree to disagree, so that we can actually fight the real enemy. Got it?!"

By the end of the rant, Dib was panting heavily, and the twins were staring at him in wide-eyed shock. However, before either of them could say anything, the ground suddenly shook, and then again and again, and a familiar pounding sound filled the air.

"Oh, no," Dib said, paling, before running out of the garage. The twins ran out and joined him, and all three looked down the street to see the cyborg monster rat charging down the street, metal feet pounding holes into the asphalt with each rapid step. It came to a stop while still several yards away and reared up, before dropping back down and revealing Tak standing astride its back. She was now in her disguise, but still looked disheveled and _very_ angry.

"Do you," She seethed between clenched teeth, "Have _any_ idea how long this stupid rat rampaged last night before I could get it back under my control?!"

"Uh, you know that it was Norlock who made that fire, right?" Dib pointed out, "So, really, isn't he the one you should be mad at?"

"Well, he's not here, is he?" Tak sneered, "And besides which, we still have some unsettled business from last night. So why don't you three just sit back and let me kill you al… What the?"

Tak trailed off as the ground began shaking again, but this time rather than in a rhythmic pounding, it was more like the entire street was vibrating. Houses and cars shook and bounced in place, while phone and power line poles waved back and forth in their plots. And it only seemed to be increasing rapidly.

"Now what?" Dib groaned. Seconds later, he was answered, as the street between his group and Tak broke open in a geyser of concrete and dirt, and something huge shot up out of it. And as the dust cleared from the air, that "something huge" was revealed to be a massive snake, the size of a tuck, its warped body mass crisscrossed with machinery.

And standing astride its head, not looking any worse for wear for the trip underground, was a familiar green figure.

"Back off, Tak!" Zim demanded, glaring at his rival, "No one kills the Dib but me!"

"What are you even doing here?" Tak snarled, matching Zim's glare.

"Norlock told me about your pitiful little attack last night," Zim replied, "And since I obviously couldn't let you get away with daring to try and outmatch me or defeat _my_ enemy, I simply had to put together my own, superior, monster to destroy yours. So behold, fool, the Mega Doom Snake!"

"That's the stupidest name I've ever heard for anything!"

"Oh yeah? Well, what's yours called?"

"It doesn't need a name, it's a weapon, not a pet!"

"Ha! Every weapon needs an impressive name to show how amazing it is! The fact that you don't know that just shows what an inferior Invader you are, you wannabe!"

"Who are you calling a wannabe, you Defect!"

"Who are you calling a Defect, you washout!"

"Imbecile!"

"Failure!"

"Food Drone!"

"Janitor!"

As the Irkens descended into name calling, the three humans could only look on in befuddlement.

"Wow, they get along worse than we do," Viera commented. Steve absently nodded, while Dib suddenly felt a jolt of inspiration, the hamster wheels in his brain spinning as he connected a quick train of thought. He might have just figured out a way to deal with both Zim and Tak's monsters, _and_ actually get his sad failure of a team working. He just hoped it worked.

"Okay, guys? Listen up," he said just loud enough for only them to hear him, "I think I've got a plan to win this. But you have to do exactly what I say, got it?"

The twins paused, looked at each for a moment, then nodded and turned back to Dib.

"Got it. So what's the plan?" Steve asked.

Meanwhile, the Irkens had move from name calling back to insulting each other's creations.

"…And that has to be the shoddiest cybernetics work I've ever seen!" Zim said, gesturing towards the rat's metal limbs.

"You mean aside from that mishmash?" Tak asked, gesturing toward the Mega Doom Snake's own cybernetic enhancements, "What did you do, just weld those straight to its skin?"

"I don't know, I kinda think Zim's looks better."

Both Irkens blinked, turning away from their argument to look down to the street below, where Dib was standing, arms folded nonchalantly.

"Ha, you see, even the worm-baby acknowledges Zim's superiority!" Zim gloated, "Thank you, Dib-Monkey, for realizing which of your enemies is the best."

"Well, don't get me wrong," Dib continued, "Yours is just better because of experience. But this is Tak's first time unleashing a mutated cyborg animal, and while it's not as good as this snake, it's still way better than the first time _you_ did something like this."

"LIES! Ultra-Peepi was far superior to her ugly rat monster!"

"Ultra-Peepi?" Tak asked with a scowl, "You mean that giant augmented hamster that I read about when going through the news archives? I thought that was one of yours — the fact that it was clearly out of control really gave it away."

"Nuh-uh! Zim had total control of Ultra-Peepi at all times!" Zim protested.

"Then how come you had to team up with me to stop it?" Dib asked with a smirk.

"You're making that up!"

"No, I'm not. In fact, I'm kinda surprised you still have control of that snake. You'd figure it would have broken free of you by now. Tak clearly has more control of her rat."

"Fool! Zim is in complete control, and is superior in all things, and now I'll prove it to you! Mega Doom Snake! Attack!"

The snake reared back with a hiss, and then threw itself forward at the rat, which responded with a squealing roar of defiance and likewise lunged towards its opponent. The two cyborg mutant animals slammed into each other with a crash that sent their controllers flying off to fall to the ground.

Both Invaders rolled with the fall and landed in crouches, glaring at each other while their monsters coiled in a ball of flesh and metal. The rat was biting and flailing its spiked tail and trying to break the snake's bones with its metal limbs, while the snake was trying to crush the rat in the folds of its body and kept biting at it with its own enhanced teeth.

Tak watched this all unfold through the cloud of dust the monsters were sending up, while continuing to hold glares with Zim. However, out of the corner of her eye, she suddenly noticed that Dib was still standing exactly where he had been before, arms still folded smugly, and a strangely triumphant smirk plastered on his face.

It was then that a lightbulb went off in Tak's head.

"You idiot!" she screeched at Zim, who jumped in surprise at the outburst, "You let that human smeet trick you! He wanted us to get our weapons fighting each other!"

"Yes I did," Dib said, sounding as smug as he looked, "But that was just Phase 1. Here's Phase 2. Now, guys!"

Back by the garage, Steve had created a mishmash of cables connecting the house's electric security gates and backup power generator to the main power grid via the circuit breaker, while Viera was holding a spell drive. At Dib's signal, Viera hit the activation button on the spell drive, and an aura of azure energy surrounded it for a moment before moving to the hand that had pressed the button.

Viera lifted that hand and tightened it into a fist, and aimed it in the direction of the still fighting monsters, who started glowing with the same energy. She then raised her hand, and the still fighting creatures were lifted up into the air. Sweat beading on her brow as she clenched her teeth in concentration, she then threw her hand to the side, and the monsters went flying through the air… right into some power lines. And just as they hit them, Steve flipped the switches on the circuit breaker, which exploded in a shower of sparks as all the house's power was channeled through it and back out into the power grid. Which meant that just as the cyborgs hit power lines, a massive power surge ran through them.

Both monsters screeched in pain as electricity surged through their metal additions into their bodies, their skeletons briefly becoming visible as they glowed with energy. And then, with a blinding flash of light, the both of them exploded.

As the light cleared and bits of metal and scorched meat rained down, both turned their death glares on Dib… only for streams of water to hit them in the faces, sending them flying back across the street steaming, courtesy of the water guns Dib had been hiding under his folded arms.

"Had enough?" he asked.

Tak spat a curse in Irken as she got to her feet, smoke still rising from her body. Glaring at Dib, she clearly weighed her options for a moment before making her decision.

"…You win this round, human," she hissed, before turning on her heel and running off, quickly disappearing down a side street. Zim meanwhile, got to his feet as well, adjusting his wig to glare at Dib as well.

"This isn't over, Dib-Human!" he declared, only to be interrupted by another stream of water to the face. This one sent him stumbling back to fall into the hole that the Mega Doom Snake had left in the street, disappearing with a scream of surprise that faded out as he fell out of range.

Dib merely stood there for a moment, as he slowly processed what had just happened. He'd won. Not just won, but won decisively, against both Irkens at once. And it was all because he now had a team that was actually working with him.

Looking over at the twins, Dib saw that they were letting out whoops of excitement and patting each other on the back. Smiling, Dib walked over to join them.

Now _this_ was a good start to a team.

XXXXXXX

A couple of hours later, after repairing the damage to the power grid, the new team was celebrating with some ordered Bloaty's Pizza (including an additional pie to bribe Gaz into tolerating their actions). Dib finished off his last slice as he looked over his new teammates, who were, miracle of miracles, actually having a civil version of one of their arguments.

"All I'm saying is, throwing them around with that magic wouldn't have down anything if I hadn't supercharged the power lines," Steve said.

"But that wouldn't have done anything either if I hadn't managed to throw them into it," Viera countered.

"Okay, fair enough. Let's just say it was equal measures and call it even."

"See, this is what I meant," Dib said, "You can disagree, but at least this way, we can still function as a team."

"Speaking of which, you think we should come up with a team name or something?" Steve asked.

"How about Team Earth?" Dib suggested.

"Nah, Norlock's from Earth too," Viera pointed out, "Team Human?"

"Nope, that's too generic," Steve countered, "Team Swollen Eyeball?"

"Except we're the only agents involved in this," Dib said.

"How about Team Shut The Hell Up Already?!" Gaz shouted from the next room.

"…No offense, but your sister's kind of a bitch," Viera said, frowning.

"Yeah, but don't let her hear you say that," Dib responded quietly. Even then, he still had a huge smile on his face.

This was definitely the start of something good.

 _Zim's Base, Later That Night_

Norlock sat back in a chair, sipping from a tumbler full of blood as he looked at the screens playing out spy footage of Zim's latest conflict with Dib and Tak. After he'd woken up at sunset, he'd found the base a mess, as an infuriated Zim was throwing a fit, tossing things around and screaming about how Dib and "not-Dibs" had blown up his newest creation and made him look weak in front of Tak. Curious, Norlock had asked the Computer to pull up footage from Zim's spy drones of what had happened. And he was fascinated.

"Well, they certainly pulled themselves together rather quickly," he mused, "I'm impressed."

"You're certainly taking this better than Zim is," the Computer commented, "I'd think you'd be worried about even more humans actively fighting against you."

"Worried? Not quite yet. But intrigued? Oh my, yes. As with Tak's arrival, this adds more pieces to the board, put more variables into play. Plans and contingencies need to be mapped out and prepared. Strengths and weaknesses need to be studied and exploited.

"So, worried, my robotic friend? No. This is merely the start of a new phase to this game. And I can't wait to see what it entails," Norlock said with a smirk, taking a sip of his blood.

Oh yes, this was the start of something interesting.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 6**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: And done. Wow, but this chapter was harder to write than I thought it would be — the first couple scenes alone took weeks to get past the writer's block. But, I think it was worth it in the end.**

 **So, now that we've met Dib's new teammates, what do you think? Love 'em? Hate 'em? Too soon to tell? Let me know.**

 **Next time: Dib and Steve go to investigate a crashed alien spaceship, only to find they're not the only ones looking.**

 **Until then, read and review!**


	7. Return of the Saucer Morons

**A/N: Next chapter time, and this is another one I've been looking forward to. I'd say why, but I don't want to spoil it for anyone. You'll just have to read on and see what makes this chapter so special.**

 **On a side note, I'm also glad that Steve and Viera have been so well received — bringing in OCs, I'm always worried about how they come across, but the reaction has been overwhelmingly positive. Oh, and fun fact, they weren't originally going to be related, but making them siblings just made it easier to bring them into the story.**

 **Anyway, I've rambled enough. Read on and enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I own only the OCs. Everyone and everything else belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 7: Return of the Saucer Morons**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

It was an average night at the Membrane household. Or rather, what had _become_ an average night, as rather than just Dib watching "Mysterious Mysteries", he was now joined by his new teammates. The twins had quickly and easily convinced their parents to be okay with their current habit of spending most nights at Dib's place, and Dib was happy for the company. Gaz, not so much, but that wasn't really much of a change from normal. Besides, she just stayed in her room with her Game Slave and did her best to ignore the trio's existence.

As the opening sequence to the show started playing, Dib and his friends were splayed out on the couch, various snacks and a couple of notebooks on hand for whatever came up during the episode.

"You know, it occurs to me that we could probably try sending evidence into the show," Viera suggested, popping a piece of popcorn into her mouth.

"Tried it, didn't work," Dib said, "They insisted on bringing Zim in to tell his side of the story, and that just confused the issue so much that I wasn't believed."

"And I'm guessing your reputation didn't help things?" Steve asked.

"No, no, it didn't," Dib admitted with a shrug, "Plus, it wasn't the first time I'd been on the show, and… well, let's just say I didn't leave a very good impression then and leave it at that."

Any questions the twins had on the subject were overridden as the title sequence ended and the screen switched to the show's anchor, John Mysterioso. As the camera focused in on him, the aging African-American adjusted his glasses and began speaking.

"Here on Mysterious Mysteries, we are always tirelessly searching for proof of the existence of the paranormal," he announced, "In this endless quest, one of our primary goals has been determining once and for all whether or not we are alone in this universe. And tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we have possibly found the answer."

The trio perked up at that, leaning forward as the screen switched from Mysterioso to a panning view of a small mountain range.

"Within the rolling hills of the Hilltop Mountains, a recent landslide has uncovered a shocking discovery," the anchor announced, as the view came to a stop on the side of mid-sized mountain, the side of which had collapsed. Sticking out of the resulting cavity in the rock was a massive object that appeared to be primarily crystalline in nature, contained in a metal framework, which included several prongs sticking out and now pointing towards the sky.

"Early carbon-dating suggests that the unidentified object has been buried within the mountain for several centuries at minimum," Mysterioso continued, "The paranormal enthusiast community is already claiming that it is extraterrestrial in nature, a long lost gift to humanity from the stars. But is it, or are we simply jumping to the conclusion that we want to believe in? To test this theory, we turned to leading scientific minds for an objective view."

The camera then cut to, in a mild surprise, Professor Membrane, who was standing in his lab, looking at photos of the object.

"Clearly, this is an abnormal mineral and ore deposit of some sort, most likely created by a meteor strike at some point in the ancient past," the Professor declared, "Further analysis will be necessary in order to properly and fully identify it, but we can be absolutely certain that it is entirely terrestrial in nature. There is no reason to jump to such absurd conclusions as the belief that it is somehow alien."

Viera blinked as she looked between the screen and Dib. "You know what? I think this is the first time I've actually seen your dad in the whole time we've known you."

Dib snorted, but before he could comment, Steve spoke up.

"Mineral deposit? You can see that the thing's been designed and shaped, it's definitely artificial."

"Asking my dad to even consider the possibility of alien life or any other kind of paranormal is like asking Zim to be sane," Dib snarked, "It's not going to happen."

Meanwhile, the show had continued, switching back to Mysterioso.

"We will continue to follow this story as it develops," the anchor stated, "But for now, even as we await results from the scientists who have traveled to the area to study the object, the region is also being swarmed with UFO observers hoping to claim it as their long awaited proof."

A few minutes later, just as the show went to commercial, Dib's laptop started beeping. Blinking, Dib picked it up and opened it, the screen quickly switching over to the image of Agent Darkbootie, causing all three junior agents to straighten up at attention.

"Agent Mothman," Darkbootie greeted, "Ah, and I see Agents Silverfish and Silver Sparrow are with you. Good, that saves some time."

"With what?" Dib asked.

"Well, I'm sure that by now, you've all heard about the object recently uncovered in the Hilltop Mountains."

"You mean the 'mineral deposit'?" Steve asked with air quotes, "Yeah, we just heard about it on Mysterious Mysteries."

"Well, like you seem to, the Network has concluded that the object is clearly alien in origin. And, as it happens, you're the only agents in the immediate vicinity who aren't also otherwise preoccupied. As such, Mothman, Silverfish, we want you to head to the area immediately."

"Wait, what? Why am I getting benched?" Viera demanded.

"Last I checked, Silver Sparrow, your expertise lies in magic, and whatever this thing is, it doesn't appear to fall under that category," Darkbootie replied, "As such, we feel it best if your brother and Dib were to handle this case, while you stay and continue to monitor the alleged activity in the city."

Viera muttered something under her breath, but relented, leaning back from the screen with a frown.

"If there are no further questions or comments, I believe that settles things," Darkbootie said, before the screen switched off.

"You know, it's probably for the best if we don't all go," Dib said, "Someone's got to keep an eye on Zim and the others."

"Fine," Viera grumbled, "I guess Darkbootie's right, anyway. I wouldn't really know what to do when it comes to investigating spaceships, or whatever that thing is. Just don't take too long, okay? I don't like my odds going up against those freaks on my own if it comes down it."

"It looks like this place is only about a day's travel from here," Dib said, pulling up the Hilltop Mountains on his computer, "If we really buckle down on studying that thing as intensely as possible, let's call it three days tops we'll be gone."

"So, what excuse can we come up with for being gone that long?" Steve asked.

"You mean, what excuse can _you_ come up with?" Dib responded, somewhat bitterly, "The one upside of me being an outcast is that at least I don't have to worry about anyone noticing or caring about me not showing up at skool."

"Er, okay," Viera said, after a moment of awkward silence following that statement, "But, anyway, what should I tell everyone when they want to know where Steve's at?"

"I don't know about your parents, but just tell anyone at skool who cares that he's out sick or something. Trust me, they won't bother to check."

"And we can probably tell mom and dad that I'm going on some extra credit field trip or something," Steve added with a shrug, "I mean, I doubt they'll ask too many questions about it."

"So, I think that settles it then?" Dib asked. The twins nodded in agreement, and with that, the trio began cleaning up from their informal party and began getting ready for the next few days' activity. As they did, Dib briefly paused to wonder if he should pack some sort of weaponry, but shrugged the idea off. The ship or whatever looked like it had been buried for so long, he doubted that anything dangerous was left active.

It sounded like it would an interesting assignment, but really, what was the worst that could happen?

 _Zim's Base, Same Time_

"Maria, I must confess, I'm actually in love with your sister Juanita."

"But I _am_ Juanita!"

 _CLICK_

"Welcome back to Wheel Of Dookie! Spin the wheel, Doug."

"Gah! It smells so awful!"

 _CLICK_

"Save 15 percent or more on car insurance-"

 _CLICK_

"GIR! Pick a channel already!" Zim demanded, from where he sat on the couch between GIR and Skoodge. The SIR unit ignored him, continuing to click the remote and change the channel every two seconds.

"Have you considered telling him to use the digital guide instead?" Norlock asked as he walked by, glass of blood in hand.

"I don't think he's even actually watching anything," Skoodge commented, "I think he just likes pushing the button."

Zim opened his mouth to reply to that statement, but then his eyes widened in shock, and he reached out to snatch the remote out of GIR's hand. True to his nature, the robot didn't react, leaving his hand hovering in midair, finger tapping against where the channel button had just been. Meanwhile, Zim had switched back to the last channel the TV had been on, and hit the pause button.

There, frozen on the screen, was the Mysterious Mysteries footage of the object buried in the Hilltop Mountains. Skoodge, who had been staring at his friend's actions in confusion, followed his gaze to the screen, and his own eyes widened as well, jaw dropping open. Norlock arched an eyebrow at this, looking back and forth between the TV and the Irkens for a moment before speaking.

"I'm guessing that overgrown Christmas tree ornament means something to you?" he asked. This snapped the aliens out of their shock, and Zim turned to glare at the vampire.

"Fool! That is a Meekrob ship!"

"…Just for laughs, assume for a moment that I know nothing about outer space beyond you lot and what you've told me about your people," Norlock said dryly. Zim glared for a moment more, but snorted in reluctant concession.

"Hmph, Zim will forgive your ignorance this one time," he stated.

"How kind of you," Norlock replied with a roll of his eyes. Zim ignored the sarcasm and continued.

"The Meekrob are one of the most advanced races in all of the universe, being almost as brilliant as us amazing Irkens. In fact, their understanding and manipulation of the bonds between matter and energy are considered unparalleled by any other. Capturing one of their ships would insure that I go down in history as the most amazing Invader ever! I mean, I already _am_ , but I would be remembered as even _more_ amazing…"

"Wait a minute," Skoodge spoke up, interrupting Zim's rambling, "The Meekrob have been isolationist for centuries. What's one of their ships doing on Earth?"

"Who cares?" Zim snapped, "Stop killing the moment, Skoodge. Come, we must go and retrieve the ship before the humans have a chance to stink it up with their filthy stinky hands as their tiny brains try to comprehend it!"

With that, he grabbed Skoodge off the couch and started shoving him in the direction of the nearest entrance to the lab. Norlock trailed after at a sedate pace, taking another sip of blood before speaking.

"So, is this an alien only party, or can anyone join?" he asked.

"Zim has no use of you for this mission," Zim said offhandedly, not even looking back at Norlock as he casually shoved Skoodge headfirst into the kitchen toilet, "Stay here with Minimoose and mind the base and, uh, do whatever it is you do when you're not following my orders."

"As you wish," Norlock replied with a slight bow, "Have fun with your little scavenger hunt."

Zim snorted at the vampire's dismissal of this all-important new mission, but ignored him as he finished flushing Skoodge down into the lab.

"GIR, come!" he ordered, as he hopped into the toilet as well. GIR, who had retrieved the remote and gone back to channel surfing, dropped it at his master's command. Eyes flashing red momentarily as he saluted, he ran over and flushed the both of them down as well.

"How much you want to bet that this blows up his face somehow?" the Computer asked.

"I try not to gamble," Norlock replied, draining the last of the blood in the glass, "But, I'd give it even odds that it goes either way. Rather depends on whether he just charges in with no plan or actually thinks things through."

"Yeah, I don't think there's much question on which of those is going to happen," the Computer snarked.

"Hmm, well, we'll see, won't we?" Norlock said, placing his glass in the sink, before turning towards the front door, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go and get some fresh air. Good evening."

With that, the vampire swept out the door and disappeared into the darkness, while the house's roof split open, allowing Zim and Skoodge's Voot Cruisers to zoom out into the night sky towards the Hilltop Mountains.

 _Tak's Base, Same Time_

Tak stood in the central chamber of her base, surrounded by screens flowing with information. She was currently in-between plans, given the failure of her mutant cyborg project prototype, but her base was finally back up to full operational status. As such, she was having it scan the humans' Internet for any potentially useful information. You never knew what might spark inspiration for her next plan.

Though, she noted with a twitch of one eye, she'd had to make sure to install a content filter on the search. They were certain things involving tentacles she had never needed to see, and worse things with cups that she'd never be able to _un_ see.

Shoving those thoughts to the corner of her mind (and being sure to bar the door on them), Tak returned her attention to the screens. In particular, she focused on one dedicated to searching websites devoted to the study of aliens. While she knew for a fact that most humans were too ignorant or narrow-minded to ever accept the possibility of nonhuman sentient life, let alone see it around them, there were exceptions. Dib and his two new little friends proved that. So, keeping an eye on the paranormal community in case they stumbled over anything that threatened the mission seemed a prudent move.

As if on cue, the screen started flashing, the search algorithm apparently having found something it marked as potentially useful. Humming in thought, Tak tapped the screen, bringing up the relevant item, a forum on the Truth Shrieker site dedicated to discussing Mysterious Mysteries. Scrolling down, she found the latest entries, and her eyes widened in shock.

"A Meekrob ship? Here?" she muttered, looking over images of the buried ship, "Impossible. But, there's no denying the evidence. It _is_ here."

Tak stared at the images for a moment more, before an evil smirk split her face.

"Well, finders keepers, as the saying goes. A treasure trove like this… the Tallest will _have_ to see that I'm the superior Invader when I bring this to them. And with that kind of technology at my disposal, this planet will be almost too easy to conquer. MIMI!"

A vent in the wall burst open as MIMI came zooming out, rushing up to her mistress and snapping a salute.

"Make preparations to head to this ship's location," Tak ordered, not taking her eyes off the screen, "We still don't have a ship, so we'll have to use the humans' pitiful land transports. I'll find one heading out there; in the meantime, gather weapons, tools, and supplies. Understood?"

MIMI responded with another salute, before zooming off. Tak barely paid any attention, however, as she was already busy bringing up bus schedules to find one heading for the Hilltop Mountains.

This was her big break, and she wasn't going to let it slip through her hands.

 _Hilltop Mountains, The Following Evening_

It had taken most of a full day, riding on a cramped and stinking bus, for Dib and Steve to reach the town nearest the location of the alien object. Well, "town" was probably a generous term in this context — as far as either boy could tell, the whole place seemed to be composed of a gas station/convenience store, a somewhat rundown motel, and a few small houses, all scattered closely around this general area of dirt road.

"Well, this doesn't look stereotypically country at all," Steve said, adjusting his camping backpack slightly. Dib, meanwhile, tapped away at the holographic display hovering over his new computer watch, which was displaying a map of the region.

"Okay, so it looks like the site is a few miles that way," he said, pointing off to the west, where the setting sun was already starting to disappear behind the mountains, "It's getting late, so let's get over there and set up camp, then we can start the actual investigation in the morning."

Nodding in agreement, Steve followed after Dib, the pair following a barely defined path into the surrounding woods. After a few minutes, however, the path disappeared altogether, leaving the boys to stumble over uneven ground and a mess of tangled roots, and press aside a seemingly unending mass of branches and shrubbery. And the fact that they were consistently heading uphill the whole way was not helping either.

Eventually, however, they emerged into a clearing at the foot of the mountain they were aiming for. It had taken long enough that the sun was long gone, and the both of them were exhausted, panting and sweating from the exertion of carrying their heavy bags over the whole trip, though Dib seemed to be in slightly better condition than Steve.

"How are you not as worn out as I am?" Steve asked between breaths.

"I've spent almost two years fighting an alien invader, on top of years of chasing all other kinds of paranormal activity," Dib explained, taking a few deep breaths himself, "You'd be amazed what kind of great cardio regimen that can work as. Anyway, come on. We can probably set up camp right over… what the?"

Both boys blinked in surprised as they looked over the clearing. Rather than a barren field leading to the base of the mountain, the entire thing was filled with people. Not too far away were a couple of military jeeps, soldiers standing half at attention nearby in front of some shoddy barricades, while beyond them, several people in lab coats were running around. And beyond _them_ , there was practically a small town's worth of tents, cars, trucks, and camper trailers, all festooned with various banners and posters depicting aliens and UFOs. And all of this was centered around a makeshift stage that a large crowd had gathered around.

"Okay, didn't see that coming," Steve commented, "I mean, the scientists and army I can understand, but who the heck are the rest of these people?"

"I dunno. Something about them looks familiar, but I can't put my finger on it," Dib said, scratching his head in thought for a moment before shrugging it off, "Well, I guess we'll just have to go find out, won't we?"

The two walked over to the military guards, who barely looked at them. Dib opened his mouth to greet them, but one of them beat him to the punch.

"You boys here with the rest of the UFO nuts?" he drawled.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," Dib said, bristling a little at the offhand insult, but pushing it aside, "So, can we get through?"

"Sure, whatever," the guard said, pushing aside the barricade lazily, "Waste of time for everyone if you ask me. Eggheads already said it's nothing, but that hasn't stopped the crazies from coming out of the woodwork to stare at it, and we have to waste our time guarding the area for no reason."

"How'd they even get all these cars through the woods?" Steve asked, trying to ignore the guard's blunt rudeness.

"What woods? Everyone just took the road," the guard said, gesturing to a dirt road off to the side, leading into the woods. Both boys' jaws dropped at the sight.

"There was a _road?!_ " Steve exclaimed, glaring at Dib, "Then why did we have to march through the woods?!"

"It wasn't on the map!" Dib replied, defensively and just as annoyed.

"Look, you two going in or not?" the guard asked, cutting off the budding argument, "I'm not getting paid enough to listen to other people yell at each other."

Grumbling in annoyance, Dib and Steve both nodded and walked past the barricade towards the tent city. As they approached it, they began to take in more details about the people milling about. One thing they both quickly noticed was that just about every single person present was wearing either fake alien antennae, or head bands supporting miniature plastic UFOs over their heads.

"Well, there goes any chance that these guys might actually be fellow professionals," Steve sighed, "They all look like they just came from a cheap ComicCon knockoff."

Dib didn't respond at first, pausing momentarily to read one of the banners.

"'The Children of the Bright and Shining Saucer'?" he read aloud, "Huh, I think I've heard of these guys. They're a borderline cult that thinks aliens are benign messengers of galactic enlightenment, or some garbage like that."

"Think we should tell them what _real_ aliens are like?" Steve asked.

"First off, they probably wouldn't believe we've met real aliens," Dib replied, "Second, even if they did, they definitely wouldn't want to hear that their saviors are actually evil. Let's just mention that we're here to see the ship and-"

"You're here to see the ship?!" a voice boomed, before a very heavy-set woman with a ponytail in a pink shirt jumped out from nowhere to land with a thud in front of the two of them.

"Uh, yes?" Steve said, hesitantly, "And you are…?"

"I'm Trudy, the chosen protector of all recovered alien artifacts," the woman replied, "And no one goes near the alien love ship unless I say so!"

"…Love ship?" Dib asked, eyebrow raised.

"It's a beacon of intergalactic harmony and friendship left for us find and prove ourselves worthy of deserving," Trudy said, ignoring the incredulous looks the boys were giving her, "And that means that no one can approach it without proving that they are a true believer who will treat it with the proper respect, and not as some science experiment, like those white-coated non-believers outside the camp."

"Er, well, okay then," Dib said, forcing a smile, "That's exactly why we're here, isn't it, Steve?"

"Right," Steve said, matching Dib's expression, "We just want to get close to the… love ship, and bask in its, uh, alien wonder."

"Excellent," Trudy said, "But you can only undertake the tests to prove your worthiness when our leader says so, and he's already gone to bed. You'll have to wait until the morning."

"Great," Dib said, "We'll just find a spot to set up our tent then-"

"Nonsense!" Trudy said, gesturing to a nearby tent, "You can use the Tent For Those Who Are Preparing To Prove Themselves."

"…That's a very specific name and setup for a _tent_ , but, uh, thanks," Steve said. He and Dib glanced at each other, shrugged, and made their way into the tent. Once in, he muttered just loud enough for Dib alone to hear, "I think I'm starting to see how we look to other people."

"Yeah, maybe," Dib muttered back, glancing back out of the tent to make sure that Trudy wasn't listening in on them, "Of course, people like this are the reason that most people think _all_ paranormal enthusiasts are nut jobs, so don't expect me to give it too much thought."

"Fair enough," Steve said, rolling out a sleeping bag, "So, I'm assuming the plan is being tweaked?"

"Just a little," Dib said, setting up his own sleeping bag, "We'll talk to their leader tomorrow, go through whatever tests they've got planned, and with any luck, we'll be up there examining the ship before we know it."

"What kind of tests do you suppose they've got for us?"

"I don't know. I just hope that it's nothing like that time I tried to get on my dad's show," Dib shuddered as the memories drifted by, "I'm not in the mood for another cage match."

"Wait, what?"

As Dib started to tell the story of that particular exploit, neither they nor anyone else in the camp noted the streaks of light zooming overheard through the night sky to land in the nearby woods.

XXXXXXX

"Blasted humans!" Zim screeched. He and Skoodge were standing in the small clearing where their Voot Cruisers had landed, watching a projected holo-screen displaying footage from the robot bee spy drone Zim had dispatched to the human camp they had spotted while flying in. And he was not happy with what he was seeing.

"Look at them, crawling about like ants," Zim snarled, "Filthy ants, crawling around in their filth, blocking the way to my prize with their filthy crawlyness!"

"Uh, can't we just, you know, fly past them?" Skoodge asked.

"And risk being seen? Have you the brain worms?! No, now we're going to have to sneak past them and make our way to the ship on foot," Zim trailed off in a mutter. Scratching his chin in thought, he walked over to his Voot and pressed a button. The ship flipped over and extended pods as its in-built disguise generator came online.

"We'll need to create new disguises in order to get through there," Zim said, as he began typing away at the control console, "And they'll need to be truly exceptional disguises, even by my ingenious standards. These are no ordinary humans."

"You mean the scientists, or the soldiers?" Skoodge asked, still watching the spy feed as Zim worked.

"Neither," Zim replied, "I mean those pig-smellies in the camp. I've met them before; they're some kind of cult that worships aliens."

"Wait, what?" Skoodge asked, blinking, "Uh, not to tell you how to do your job, Zim, but shouldn't you take advantage of something like that? Why not get them working for you?"

Zim looked up from the console to glare at Skoodge. Not saying anything, he just pressed a button, causing the holo-screen to zoom in on one of the cult humans in particular, who for some reason was hopping around on one foot while holding the other one up in the air.

"The aliens are gonna finally bless the corns on my toes!" he exclaimed happily, wiggling his toes excitedly.

"That's why," Zim said, deadpan, as Skoodge's face scrunched up in disgust, "These people are idiots even by human standards. And I have a hard enough time getting anything done without surrounding myself with morons."

"I'ma gonna eat this squirrel!" GIR said happily, while coating the struggling animal in his grasp with peanut butter.

"Good for you," Zim said, not really paying attention, as he went back to work on the console, "Now both of you be quiet, I'm trying to work!"

As Zim turned his attention back to creating their new disguises, Skoodge shrugged and sat down. Now it was just a matter of waiting.

 _Children of the Bright and Shining Saucer Camp, The Following Morning_

Dib and Steve yawned as they trudged through the camp, following behind Trudy. They had been woken up shortly after dawn and been allowed a quick breakfast before being dragged off to meet the Children's leader. Why, exactly, they felt the need to do this so early in the day, neither boy knew. But, if nothing else, it just meant they could get this whole thing over with sooner and get back to their mission.

That was what both of them were thinking as they entered the central tent, already quite full of the various Children members. Sitting on a lawn chair at the head of the crowd was an elderly man in a black suit, whose beard and remaining hair had gone gray. He would have almost looked like a wise village elder from a fantasy movie, if he wasn't also wearing one of those ridiculous UFO hats.

"Greetings, children!" he greeted, "I am Desmond Flapp, duly appointed leader of the Children of the Bright and Shining Saucer, and I welcome you as fellow disciples of the extraterrestrial message of peace."

"Uh, thanks?" Dib said awkwardly.

"So, does that mean we can see the 'love ship' now?" Steve asked.

"I'm afraid not," Desmond replied, "After all, just because you _say_ that you're like us doesn't mean you really are. Only those who have undergone the tests and proven themselves as true believers shall be able to join in our sacred pilgrimage up the mountain and behold the sacred wonders of this gift from the universe."

"That's right!" an orange haired woman wearing thick glasses, a lab coat, and fake antennae, exclaimed, "Only the worthy may approach the vessel! It's as the Blotch foretold!"

Everyone followed the woman's pointing finger to a corner of the tent, where a horribly bloated figure was sitting on a throne, surrounded by more of the Children.

"BLEARHGH!" the Blotch squealed, the crowd "Ooohing" in excitement.

"You can understand that thing?" Steve asked.

"…Well, no, not really," the woman admitted with a shrug, "But it's kinda obvious that's what it's saying, right?"

"Thank you Yoa," Desmond said, while the boys facepalmed, "Now, as I was saying. You must undergo our sacred Tests of Initiation in order to prove that you are truly like us. And only then will you be able to look upon the alien vessel and bask in its glory. Are you ready?"

Dib hesitated for a moment at the stern tone in the older man's voice, but after exchanging a look with Steve, he looked back and nodded.

"Excellent!" Desmond said, "Starchunk! Please take these two to the Tent of Testing."

At that command, a huge brute of a man stepped forward from the crowd, and walked forward to tower over the boys, glowering down at them.

"…Hi?" Steve offered, smiling weakly. In response, Starchunk reached down and grabbed them both by the collar, lifting them both effortlessly into the air. He then marched out of the tent, carrying them towards yet another tent.

"Well, this is going wonderful, isn't it?" Steve said dryly.

"Hey, at least they're giving us a chance," Dib replied, "Let's just get through this and focus on why we're here. Anyway, how bad could it be?"

Just as he finished saying that, Starchunk carried them through the Testing Tent's entrance flaps, and both boys' eyes widened in shock. The entire interior of the tent was filled with what looked like a combination of torture devices, gym equipment, and old-fashioned medical tools. And, for some reason, a whole pen of livestock — goats, chickens, pigs, and even a disgruntled looking mule — crammed into one corner. Taking this all in, Steve turned to give his friend a deadpan death glare.

"I blame you for this."

XXXXXXX

Almost two hours later, Dib and Steve were standing in front of the encampment's central stage. Both were roughed up, bruised, slightly smoldering in certain patches, and covered in a light dusting in feathers. And, on top of everything else, they had both been forced to don the stupid UFO hats. On the plus side, this apparently meant they had passed the "tests".

"What exactly was any of that supposed to prove?" Dib asked Desmond, who was standing on the stage, while patting out embers and brushing off feathers.

"You have endured and proven yourselves true believers!" Desmond not-really-answered.

"Yes, the Blotch is pleased! …I think," Yoa commented, while the Blotch squealed in the back of the crowd.

"So, does that mean we can go see the ship now?" Steve asked, resisting the urge to rip the UFO hat off his head.

"Of course," Desmond replied, both boys perking up at that statement, "And the timing couldn't be better. We were just planning on making our way up there today; we just delayed to give you two a fair chance. Now, prepare yourselves, as we shall now ascend to glorious-"

"STOP!"

The entire crowd turned to see who had shouted, and stared in surprise. A large figure was shambling towards the stage. He was rotund and wearing the standard, almost stereotypical, black suit/white shirt/black necktie outfit of a government agent, along with the matching short cropped hair and black sunglasses.

"He" was also very clearly a robot of some sort, given the metal sheen of his "skin", which was also covered in rivets. But, naturally enough, almost no one present took notice of this.

"And who are you?" Desmond demanded.

"I am, uh, a Government Science Official!" the robot said with a buzzing voice, holding up a clearly makeshift badge that was composed of a notepad with some scribbles on it surrounding a poorly pasted on picture of the robot.

"Looks official," Yoa said, crossing her arms sourly, while the crowd grumbled in discontent.

"Seriously?" Steve deadpanned, sharing a glance with Dib, "They're buying this?"

"Surprisingly, this happens with a lot of Zim's disguises and weapons," Dib responded with a sigh of resignation.

"What makes you think it's Zim?" Steve asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Tak's smarter," Dib said simply. Steve couldn't argue with that, so just went back to watching the developing situation.

"So, Mr. Government Official," Desmond said, glaring down defiantly at the robot, "Why are you disturbing our peaceful gathering?"

"You can't go near the Meek- uh, I mean, the object," the robot said.

"And why not?" Desmond demanded.

"We've discovered that it's highly radioactive. If you go near it, you'll, uh, develop giant tumors that will make your heads explode," the robot answered, before looking away and muttering quietly, "Actually, that's not a bad idea. Skoodge, write that down."

"What?" Desmond asked, blinking in confusion.

"Nothing!" the robot — which Dib was now definitely sure was being operated directly by Zim — responded quickly, before continuing speaking, "Anyway, you shouldn't go near the object. In fact, you should all go far away. To someplace that isn't here. Right now."

"…Do you think we're idiots or something?" Desmond asked sharply, planting his hands on his hips.

"Yes," the Zim-robot replied bluntly, causing Desmond to blink in surprise for a moment.

"Oh, um, well, we're not!" he said, recovering his bravado, "You think you can just stroll in here and feed us some trollop about radiation and exploding tumors, and we'll just pack up and leave, letting you take our prize from us? Well, that's not going to happen! We're true believers, not corporate drones who you can push around and trick with your fancy words and badges and-"

"Hey, I'm back with the takeout!" a man said, stepping up through the crowd, holding several large boxes with the Krazy Taco logo.

"Not now, Frank!" Desmond snapped, turning to glare at him, "I'm in the middle of arguing with a government thug! Now then, where was… huh?"

As Desmond turned back to Zim's robot, he was greeted by the puzzling sight of it lurching forward suddenly, a banging sound emerging from the stomach section, which suddenly bulged outward. The robot grabbed the bulge and tried to force it back in, while bracing its legs against the ground to stabilize itself.

"Uh, are you okay?" Desmond asked, confused.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," the robot said quickly, "I, uh, just have… stomach parasites! Huge ones! They give me trouble sometimes — GIR, no stop it! — It's nothing to worry about at all — I said stop it, what are you doing, no!"

With each sentence fragment, the robot shook and trembled, more banging nosies emerging from within it, a new bulge appearing along its frame with each. Dib was just realizing that they were clearly the sign of something repeatedly impacting the robot's interior, when the cause of it all suddenly hit the center of the chest hard enough to finally come bursting out into the open.

"TACOS!" GIR screeched happily, head sticking out of the newly made hole in the robot's chest, eyes focusing the boxes being held by the surprised Frank. With a massive burst of flame from his foot rockets, GIR shot out of the larger robot's chest like a missile, shooting across the field to slam into Frank, sending him flying and scattering the Mexican food he had been carrying.

Even while GIR fell on the food like a lion on a gazelle, everyone's focus was on the robotic government agent. Or rather, what was left of it, as GIR's dramatic exit had completely ripped it open, revealing its innards. Which in this case was Skoodge sitting atop the mechanical stilts that operated the legs, and Zim, who was sitting on his shoulders holding the controls for the arms and with a microphone headset on his head. Everyone could only stare in shock — the Children at the aliens, and the Irkens at the large crowd of humans surrounding them.

"…Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" Skoodge suddenly blurted out, the absurdness of that statement snapping everyone out of their shock.

"What does that even mean?!" Zim snapped, glaring down at him.

"I don't know, I'm panicking!"

"It's the alien prophet! He's returned to us!" Yoa exclaimed, "And behold, he's brought back the Space Pig, transformed into his image!"

"Wait, what?" Skoodge asked, looking around, before realizing she meant him, "Now that's just mean."

Yoa didn't listen to him. Instead, she and the rest of the Children fell to their knees, bowing to the pair of them. Except for Desmond, who came forward to stand before the Irkens first before dropping as well.

"Forgive us, oh wise cosmic ones," he groveled, "Clearly, we failed to understand this test you and the Space Pig were putting before us by disguising yourselves like this."

"Seriously, I'm not that fat," Skoodge muttered, though again, he was ignored.

"Stay away from me, Earth-Monkey, you stink of sweat and loneliness!" Zim screamed, which seemingly did nothing to deter the groveling.

"This is just _sad,_ " Steve said, from where he and Dib were still standing, watching the whole display.

"I'm honestly surprised he's not lapping this up," Dib commented.

"Zim doesn't need the support of crazy humans with no social life, Dib," Zim sneered from his perch. He then did a double take and turned to look at the two of them in shock, "Dib! When did you get here!"

"We were here before you," Steve commented with a raised eyebrow, "You're not too observant, are you?"

"…Who are you?" Zim asked, staring at Steve in confusion. Steve blinked in surprise at that.

"Uh, I'm Steve? One of Dib's new partners?"

Zim kept staring, not saying anything.

"I've been in your class for two weeks!"

Still nothing.

"I helped blow up your giant cyborg snake!" Steve exclaimed in exasperation.

"Nope, not ringing any bells," Zim replied, waving a hand dismissively.

"Are you kidding me?" Steve asked, turning to look at Dib, "Is he serious?"

"It honestly wouldn't surprise me," Dib replied, before turning back to glare at Zim, "Any let me guess, you're here to steal that thing and use it in your next plan, right?"

"Well obviously, Dib-Stink," Zim sneered, "No one on this filthy planet deserves that ship more than Zim, and I've come to claim it. And there's nothing you or this new friend of yours I've never seen before, can do to stop me this time!"

"Wait, you mean these two are… alien haters?!" Desmond exclaimed, eliciting a loud gasp from the other Children. Looking around, Dib and Steve saw the entire crowd was now mumbling angrily and glaring at them.

"Uh oh," Steve muttered, eyes widening in panic, "Uh, no, no, we're not alien haters! We love aliens, don't we, Dib?"

"Yeah, that's right! We love them so… no, I'm sorry, I can't. I really hate his guts too much for this," Dib said, matching the glares from the crowd with one of his own, "He's not some kind of alien savior, he's an egomaniacal lunatic who wants to take over the world and kill us all!"

That set off some more mumbling among the crowd. Seeing this, Skoodge took the initiative for once in his life and quickly spoke up.

"He's lying!" he exclaimed, "Zim and I love Earth! We just want to make everyone happy! Right, Zim?"

"Eh?" Zim asked, squinting in confusion, before catching on, "Er, I mean, yes, the Skoodge-Pig tells the truth! We merely want to shower all filthy human worm-babies in love, and rainbows, and, uh, waffles!"

That caused the crowd to erupt in cheers, while the Blotch squealed in the background.

"The Blotch says the alien prophets tell the truth!" Yoa declared, "And I'm pretty sure he also said we should punish these lying non-believers!"

With that, the crowd suddenly switched to anger, and they turned to as one to advance on Dib and Steve. As they did, they all whipped out and brandished pitchforks and lit torches.

"Where did _those_ come from?!" Steve exclaimed.

"Question logic later, run now!" Dib responded, spinning on his heel, grabbing his friend by the collar, and running off. The Children, now roaring in frenzy, took off after them, Desmond and Starchunk in the lead, with Yoa lagging behind as she transferred the Blotch to a wheelchair and started pushing his bulk after the others.

"Ha!" Zim preened, watching the angry mob chase after his enemies, "How easy it is to turn the pig-smellies on each other. I am a genius!"

Skoodge was tempted to point out that it had actually been his quick thinking that had led to this, but thought better of it; Zim would overlook that fact, as usual. Instead, he cleared his throat to gain Zim's attention.

"So, uh, now that everyone's distracted, think maybe we can go to the ship now?" he asked.

Zim merely huffed in reply, showing that he knew Skoodge had a point but wasn't going to admit it. Instead, he merely hopped off the other Invader's shoulders, and began marching in the direction of the mountain, momentarily detouring to grab GIR and start dragging him away from his pile of tacos. Skoodge shoved aside the remains of the robot suit and started following after.

And as they walked, neither noticed the shadowed figures shooting from tree branch to tree branch, trailing them from above.

 _Several Hours Later, Atop The Mountain_

As the sun peaked high in the sky, the two Irkens and the robot crawled over a ridge near the top of the mountain, bringing them within line of sight with the Meekrob ship. Well, Skoodge crawled, and promptly collapsed in a panting heap on top of the ridge. Zim, who had been riding atop of an oblivious GIR for most of the climb up the mountain's steep sides and narrow pathways, simply stepped off his robot to stare with pure avarice upon the ship.

"Magnificent," he breathed, eyes roaming over the gleaming crystalline structure. Finally, his gaze rested on an indent in the ship that he quickly identified as an airlock of some kind. "There's how we get in. Come on, Skoodge, stop lazing about. We have work to do!"

"Coming… Zim… just gimme a minute," Skoodge huffed from where he was lying. Zim ignored him, deploying his PAK legs to carefully cross the narrow ridge and follow it towards the ship. After a moment, Skoodge copied and followed him, GIR skipping after them, completely carefree about the massive drop down the mountain he was running the risk of taking.

Soon, the three of them were standing in front of the hole in the ship's hull that Zim had spotted. As he'd suspected, it was clearly some kind of airlock — just past the perfectly round rim of the hole, the crystalline wall was still intact, but there were clear seams splitting it in an X. Obviously a door, but the only question now was how to open it.

"Hey look, there's writing here," Skoodge said, drawing Zim's attention to the wall of the small tunnel connecting the airlock and the outer entrance. As he said, there was a series of symbols carved into the crystal there.

"Hmm," Zim muttered, rubbing his chin as he examined the writing, "It appears to be the native Meekrob language. Skoodge, didn't you study alien languages at the Academy?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't any good at it," Skoodge admitted with a shrug, "Remember how bad I was at learning Vortian? I mean, I was somehow able to mangle a simple greeting into 'I would like to fill your pants with shrimp'."

"…Huh, I always wondered why that waitress slapped you," Zim said, before shaking it off and refocusing on the matter at hand, "Well, in any case, clearly this is the key to entering the ship. So, all we have to do is-"

"Hi, kitty!" GIR, who was facing away from the ship back from they had come, exclaimed, waving happily. The Irkens turned to see what had caught his attention, only for a blur to suddenly slam into him, sending him flying into Skoodge. The alien and the robot smacked into the side of the ship hard enough to bounce off and fall over the edge of the cliff, disappearing with a scream from one and an excited yell from the other.

Zim barely noticed that, as he spun around and deployed his PAK legs, weapon systems arming. But he never got a chance to fire a shot, as before he could even identify his attacker, it slammed into him as well. He flew back and slammed into the airlock; disoriented, he wasn't able to react before something closed around his head like a vise and lifted him into the air.

As he dangled in midair, PAK legs and actual legs kicking useless, Zim tried to get a look at whomever was daring to attack him. It was difficult, given that one eye was currently enclosed in metal, but his good one finally focused, and then widened in shock.

MIMI stood in the tunnel, red eyes glaring up at him as she lifted him up by her elongated arm. More pressing to Zim, however, was the sight of Tak calmly striding up the ridge towards the ship. Reaching the entrance, she stopped and folded her arms, smirking evilly at him.

"Well, fancy meeting you here," she said, mock casually, "Isn't that a _marvelous_ coincidence?"

"Tak!" Zim hissed through his half-squeezed shut mouth, "What are you doing here?!"

"What do you think, moron?" Tak sneered, "You really think I wouldn't find out about this thing? The only reason I didn't get here sooner is because I'm stuck using the humans' pathetic transportation systems. I only just got here, just in time to see you sic those crazy humans on Dib and his friend — thanks for that, by the way. Saved me the trouble of having to sneak past them. Now all that's left is for me to claim this ship and its secrets for the Tallest."

"Fool! This ship belongs to me!" Zim snarled, trying to target Tak with his PAK legs. Unfortunately for him, however, having his vision mostly blocked meant that he couldn't get a lock on her, and even he knew that he couldn't risk random fire in such an enclosed space.

"As the humans say, finders keepers," Tak said, "And besides which, you're not really in a position to stop me, are you? Speaking of which — MIMI, if you'd be so kind, take out the trash."

With that, she stepped aside, and before Zim knew what was happening, MIMI spun around and threw him with full force out of the entrance tunnel, over the ridge, and down the mountain. Tak tilted her head, antennae angled to catch every sound as Zim as screamed and cursed his way down the side of the rock face.

"Ah, music to my antennae," she murmured, before turning to look at the writing on the wall. Unlike Skoodge, she was actually quite versed in multiple languages, and could read what turned out to be the ship's basic designation as a cargo transporter, followed by a series of letters and numbers that served as its name. Altogether, nothing too important.

However, Tak knew that the markings served a secondary purpose, one that became apparent as she pressed a hand against them. Smirking triumphantly, she stepped back as the symbols lit up with a slightly flickering light — clearly, the ship's power source was a little unstable after all this time — and projected an interactive holo-screen into midair.

" _Welcome to Meekrob Transport Vessel BBJH-3958,_ " an upbeat but slightly static-y automated voice cheerfully stated, " _Please state entry code._ "

"Hmm," Tak muttered, tapping a finger against her chin, "Let's see. What would the Meekrob use as an a code to open the door to-"

" _Entry code accepted,_ " the computer stated, " _Please standby._ "

Tak could only stare in confusion as the X seams in the door lit up for a moment, before the door segments separated and slid away into the surrounding hull, leaving the doorway wide open. She continued to stare for a few moments longer as she pondered what had just happened, before facepalming as she reached a conclusion.

"I don't believe this! The code for opening the door was literally 'open the door'?" she muttered, dragging her hand down her face, "Gah. I'm going to give the Meekrob the benefit of a doubt and assume they chose that because it's so obvious no one would ever use it."

Muttering curses under her breath, Tak shook off her annoyance and refocused on what she was here to do. Examining the open doorway and corridor behind it for a moment and determining that they didn't appear boobytrapped, she took off in a mild sprint, MIMI zooming after her, the two of them setting off in search of the ship's bridge.

Meanwhile, Zim had come to a stop at the other ridge that marked the bottom of the crater surrounding the ship. Specifically, he had ended up landing on top of Skoodge, who was now pinned between him and GIR. Not that he noticed that, as he scrambled back to his feet and glared up at where he'd been thrown from.

"Insolent fool!" he screamed, "It'll take more than that to stop Zim! That ship belongs to me, and you're not going to keep me from it! Skoodge, GIR, get up!"

Without bothering to look back to see if that order was being obeyed, Zim deployed his PAK legs and began frantically scrambling up the rock face towards the top ridge. A few minutes later, he climbed over the ridge; looking around, he growled in frustration as he saw that Tak was gone and the ship's entrance was wide open. As GIR flew up to join him, carrying a slightly dazed Skoodge and dumping him on the ridge, Zim was already dashing forward into the ship as well.

"Come on, we can't let her get too far ahead!" he ordered over his shoulder. Skoodge stood up, shook his head to clear it, and then ran after Zim, GIR right behind him, happy giggling showing that he was rather oblivious as to what was going on.

XXXXXXX

A short while after all the Irkens and robots had disappeared into the ship, Dib and Steve finally managed to climb their way onto the top ridge as well. They were both quite a bit roughed up from having spent several hours running through the woods trying to evade the Children's angry mob, but had ultimately managed to lose them. They had then doubled back to the camp to grab their supplies, and had taken off for the mountain. Now, having climbed it as quickly as they could to try and catch up to Zim, on top of everything else, they were both already exhausted.

"Can we call it a day?" Steve groaned from where he'd collapsed to the ground.

"I wish," Dib muttered from he'd also collapsed. Pushing himself to his hands and knees, he looked up and saw the open doorway, "Dammit, Zim's already found a way inside. Let's go!"

Reluctantly, Steve dragged himself to his feet and trailed after Dib as the latter rushed towards the entrance. As they reached it, Dib paused as he noticed the writing on the wall. Lifting and activating his holo-watch, he held the screen up to capture an image of the writing and entered a command.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked, as he caught his breath, distracted from his exhaustion for a moment by the sheer awe of standing in the threshold of a massive alien ship.

"I installed a direct uplink to Tak's ship's database," Dib explained, as the holo-display cycled, "I figured it'd be a good idea once we got a good look at this thing. Now we just have to wait while it translates this stuff… there we go!"

As the boys watched, the image of the writing on the holo-display shrank into the corner, while the rest was filled with text translating it. Dib's eyes roved over, muttering to himself as he read it.

"A Meekrob ship? Huh, and here I thought Zim made them up."

"Meek-what?" Steve asked, eyebrow raised.

"They're this race of energy beings who once appeared to me in the form of shoes and gave me superpowers," Dib explained casually, "Except it turned out that it was all a VR simulation that Zim put me in to find out if I threw a muffin at him in the cafeteria."

Steve stared at him.

"What?" Dib asked, offset by the look his friend was giving him.

"…I honestly can't tell what part of that story made the least amount of sense," Steve replied after a moment.

"Trust me, that's one of the more normal stories I've got when it comes to Zim," Dib chuckled slightly, before turning his attention back to the situation at hand, "But never mind that. We need to find Zim and the others and stop them from… uh, whatever they came here to do. Come on."

"Wait, wait, hold up," Steve said, before Dib could run off, "So, I know I'm the new guy here, but are we really just going to run into an ancient spaceship, chasing after a group of aliens, with no plan?"

Dib blinked at that. "Uh, okay, fair point. Gah, I knew I should have packed some weapons!"

"Well, then today's our lucky day," Steve said smugly. While Dib stared at him in confusion, Steve opened up his pack, and after digging around for a moment, pulled out something that caught Dib by surprise — two handheld devices that, despite a crude and bulky design, looked very much like the standard idea of a ray gun.

"A little something I've been working on ever since you started letting me poke around Tak's ship," he said, tossing one of them to Dib, "I thought it might be a good idea to bring them along, just in case."

"Why does this say 'Made in Taiwan'?" Dib asked, examining the side of the weapon. Steve grimaced at that.

"I _may_ have had to salvage basic parts from some junkyards," he admitted. When Dib raised an eyebrow at him, he quickly added, "But the power cells are from the ship, and I've tested them. They work, don't worry."

"I'll take your word for it," Dib said, inspecting the weapon for a moment more before holstering it in a pocket, "Now come on, we need to find Zim."

With that, the two of them took off into the ship.

 _Inside The Meekrob Ship, Several Hours Later_

"Who designed this place, M. C. Esher?" Steve complained, as the two boys found themselves entering yet another intersection of corridors. This was at least the tenth such intersection they'd come across in the last several hours. And that wasn't even considering the fact that many of the corridors and hallways they ran down tended to twist and turn in odd, spiraling ways — at several points, either of them would have sworn that they were actually running across the ceiling rather than the floor.

There was also the fact that the corridors didn't actually seem to _go_ anywhere. They had yet to come across a single room of any kind, just more and more endless halls twisting through the ship. Speaking of which, that wasn't all that they had failed to find.

"And where is Zim's group? Even with as big as this place is, you'd think we'd have seen _some_ sign of them. And how are we supposed to find our way back out of here-"

"Shh!" Dib interrupted Steve's rambling, holding a finger to his lips, before gesturing at his ear. Steve froze and cocked his head, focusing intensely on his listening. As he did, he caught what Dib had already heard — the distant but distinct sound of a voice. They couldn't make out what was being said, but they could definitely hear someone talking loudly, and it was close by.

Moving quickly but quietly, the boys trailed the voice down the maze of corridors. Echoes threw them off a few times, but eventually they found themselves reaching a large opening looking down at an even larger room. While pleased to have finally reached something other than more hallways, they were more focused on taking in their surroundings in awe.

The chamber was egg-shaped, and had several entrances like the one they were standing at spaced evenly around its circumference. Each opening led onto a ledge, which turned into a ramp leading down into the central area of the chamber. Said central area was a circular platform elevated above the actual floor by the very ramps leading down to it. Interspaced between the ramps, growing up out of the floor like giant crystal stalagmites, were massive crystal pillars, several of which were cracked, one even missing its top third — obviously damage from the ship's crash.

So taken in by the sheer majesty of their surroundings, it took Dib and Steve a moment to notice the figure standing on the platform. And even then, it was only when a long string of alien expletives rang up through the air. Snapped back to attention, the two looked down expecting to see Zim, only to gape in surprise at the sight of Tak standing before a crystal column the size and height of a table sticking out of the center of the platform, hands running across its surface, while MIMI stood diligently next to her.

"When did she get here?" Steve hissed, as he and Dib scrambled to the side of the entrance and crouched for cover.

"I don't know," Dib whispered back, "Maybe when we were climbing the mountain, maybe before we even got here. I don't know, and it doesn't matter. All it means is now we have to deal with her on top of Zim, too."

Another string of frustrated shouting and swearing brought their attention back to Tak.

"Activate, you worthless piece of _caragash!_ " she snarled, hands continuing to poke and prod at the glowing symbols along the column's surface, "I know this is the central control node, so why won't it- Aha!"

Tak grinned triumphantly as the entire column lit up, followed by the surrounding pillars. The latter shot out beams of light that concentrated on the column, which proceeded to project a floating holographic image of a Meekrob, matching what Dib had seen in that virtual illusion.

"Whoa," he and Steve breathed in unison, eyeing the technology enviously.

" _Welcome to the Central Command Node for Meekrob Transport Vessel BBJH-3958,_ " the image said in an echoing, yet oddly chipper voice, " _How may I be of service?_ "

"I want a full explanation for this ship came to be crashed on this planet," Tak demanded.

" _Vessel crashed after a malfunction in the hyperdrive caused a critical systems overload in all primary systems,_ " the AI explained, " _The self-repair programs failed to properly activate, resulting in total systems failure. The vessel was then pulled into local gravity and impacted the planet._ "

"Why didn't the crew do anything?"

" _Vessel was unmanned._ "

"What?" Tak blinked in confusion, while up above, Dib and Steve both likewise raised eyebrows in confusion, "Clarify. Why was this ship operating solely under computer control?"

" _It was deemed necessary for the safety of the cargo that the vessel should not be manned by any being who may be tempted to use it._ "

Curiosity, mixed with a bit of greed, lit up in Tak's eyes.

"What cargo?" she asked.

In response, the pillars flashed, the hologram flickered, and a screeching sound filled the air, making everyone flinch.

" _Error. Apologies, but the relevant memory cores have been damaged. Data cannot be relayed._ "

Tak grit her teeth in annoyance, but pushed it aside and said, "Fine. Can you at least tell me where on the ship this cargo is?"

" _Cargo is no longer aboard. During crash landing, emergency protocols were engaged and cargo pod was detached while still in orbit._ "

"So in other words, it could have landed anywhere on this mud ball," Tak muttered, rubbing her chin in thought, "Hmm, perhaps if I examine the central control crystals, I can find the original information and a means to track this thing down…"

"Excellent idea! I'll take it!" a familiar voice called out, before a laser blast hit Tak from behind, sending her flying. She tumbled across the platform, before dropping into a roll and ending up in a crouch. As she scrambled back up onto the platform, her gaze — and that of the still hidden Dib and Steve — turned up to another entrance to the chamber. Unsurprisingly, they were greeted by the sight of Zim, PAK legs deployed and still smoking, Skoodge and GIR behind him.

"This ship, and whatever it was carrying, belong to _me!_ " he stated defiantly, "And I'm not letting a washout like you steal it! GIR, Skoodge, I'll deal with her, get the control crystals!"

"MIMI, destroy them!" Tak ordered, even as she deployed her own PAK legs. With that, she began firing at him, even as he skittered and raced down the ramp. When he reached the bottom, he flung himself at her, and they began moving across the platform in a dance of stabs and punches. Meanwhile Skoodge reached the platform, only to find himself being chased by MIMI, while GIR sat down and helped himself to a bag of popcorn he pulled out of his head.

"So… who do we root for?" Steve asked, staring at the spectacle with a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

"Tough choice," Dib snarked, before his eyes narrowed in concentration, "Seriously, though, while they're fighting each other, we should probably deal with those crystals they were talking about."

"You think we can find whatever this ship was carrying?"

"Maybe. And I figure either it's dangerous — in which case we can't let them have it — or it's not, but at least it could still be a major find."

Any further discussion on the subject was cut off as Skoodge seemed to have a burst of inspiration for his problem, as he suddenly sprinted towards GIR, MIMI trailing right behind. As he reached the SIR Unit, he grabbed him and then spun around, tossing GIR at MIMI, sending both robots tumbling.

"Hi, kitty!" GIR said happily, "Let's dance!"

GIR then grabbed MIMI's hands and started dragging her around in a crude waltz. She resisted for a moment, but then her eyes went blue, and she happily joined in. Meanwhile, Skoodge ran over towards the central column, dodging to avoid the still fighting Zim and Tak. When he reached the column, he began fiddling with it; a few moments later, a portion of it slid away, opening to reveal a set of perfect, grapefruit-sized, crystalline spheres sitting inside.

"Wow, he's good," Steve commented in surprise.

"Well, that settles that," Dib said, scrambling to his feet and pulling his weapon out, "Let's go!"

Steve copied him, and the two rushed forward… and promptly fell down the ramp, the slick crystal surface of the incline giving out under their feet and sending them tumbling with matching yells. As they reached the platform, their cries caught the attention of everyone else present, just in time for Dib to hit the still dancing robots, scattering them and halting his roll. Steve, meanwhile, kept going across the platform, heading right towards a surprised Skoodge, who was in the middle of reaching for the spheres. He only had time for his eyes to widen in surprise before Steve hit him, sending him flying to the edge of the platform, which he just barely managed to grab in time, leaving him dangling in midair.

"Uh, sorry?" Steve commented, rubbing his aching head.

"What the- Dib!" Zim exclaimed from where he was grappling with Tak, "And, uh, Not-Dib!"

"Not-Dib? Seriously?" Steve asked, glaring at him.

"Steve, get the crystals!" Dib shouted, aiming his weapon at the Irkens and depressing the trigger. The ray gun's barrel gave off a low humming and glowed for a moment, before a ball of plasma shot out. Zim and Tak both yelped in surprise and jumped apart, the blast hitting the spot where they'd been standing and exploding, leaving a smoking crater.

"Told you they worked!" Steve said excitedly, as he tugged the spheres free of their slots and started stuffing them into a bag he'd brought along with him. However, he'd barely managed to get them in before MIMI tackled him aside. She then turned to grab the bag, only for Steve to recover faster than she anticipated and blast her aside with his own ray gun. He then ran up to the bag, but as he grabbed it, so did someone else.

"Hi, leprechaun!" GIR said cheerfully, "You want the pot of gold too?"

"Um, yes?" Steve said, "So, hand it over?"

"Nuh uh!" GIR responded, as he attempted to pull the bag away from Steve, who pulled back. The impromptu tug-of-war quickly turned into a three-way match as MIMI ran back over and grabbed the bag as well.

Meanwhile, Dib was working to keep Zim and Tak distracted and at bay, by repeatedly firing at them, leaving more holes in the platform as the Irkens dodged and jumped to avoid them.

"I'm going to make you pay for this, you ignorant ape!" Tak hissed, as she ducked behind one of the pillars, which got a chunk blown off of it.

"Yeah, I know," Dib responded, firing off another shot, "But not today you're no- GAH!"

Dib's gloating was cut off as the ray gun suddenly sparked, smoke bursting out of its barrel. As Dib dropped the gun from his burned hand, and clutched it in pain, Zim took advantage of the situation, running forward and uppercutting Dib in the jaw, sending him sprawling to the floor.

"Ha! Inferior human technology!" Zim sneered at his downed enemy, "I'm honestly surprised it didn't blow up soon-"

Now it was Zim's turn to be cut off mid-gloat, as the surrounding crystal walls of the chamber suddenly turned red, bathing everyone in an eerie light. They all stopped whatever they were doing, and looked around in confusion.

"Uh, what's happening?" Skoodge asked, from where he was still dangling off the platform.

" _Command code 'Blow Up' accepted,_ " the Meekrob AI announced, still sounding far too happy, " _This vessel will now self-destruct._ "

Everyone stared at the AI's hologram slack-jawed, with Tak being the first to react, tugging at her antennae in frustration.

"Are you kidding me?!" she snarled, "Who the _flirk_ designed these codes?!"

" _You will now all be teleported to a safe distance. Thank you and have a nice day._ "

"The crystals!" Zim exclaimed, even as the pillars began to glow blue again, "GIR, get them!"

"Yes, milord!" GIR declared, eyes switching red as he tugged even harder on the bag. However, this just caused it rip open, spilling the crystal spheres out across the floor. And before either he or MIMI or Steve could even think to try and grab them, beams of light shot out from the pillars, hitting each of them, making them disappear in a flash.

Seeing this, everyone else tried to scramble for the crystals. However, Skoodge was zapped just as he finally got back on the platform, while Tak and Dib were teleported before they even made it halfway across. Zim managed to a dodge a beam meant for him and jumped forward towards the nearest sphere. But just before his fingers could brush against it, he was hit by another beam, teleported away in a flash of light.

As he disappeared, the glow of the pillars once again turned red, but this time started growing in intensity, as did the rest of the crystal composing the chamber. As it did, streams of energy danced around the chamber, spreading out to consume the rest of the ship.

From the outside, the effect was immediately apparent, as the entire ship turned red, and then began crackling with energy. This energy grew and spread, until it had surrounded the entire ship, forming a giant, sun-like sphere, matching the brightness of the actual sun, which was now starting to set. It grew for a moment, both in size and brightness, until it had turned a bright, blinding white. And then…

The sphere suddenly collapsed and compressed to a small pinprick of light, which sputtered out after a moment, leaving nothing behind but an empty crater in the side of the mountain.

XXXXXXX

At the foot of the mountain, the Children of the Bright and Shining Saucer — who had returned to their camp after giving up on the hunt for Dib and Steve — looked on in awe. When the ship disappeared, they all cried out in dismay.

"It's gone!" Yoa yelled, "The alien love ship has ascended without us!"

"This is all the fault of the non-believers' disbelief!" Desmond declared, "Clearly, this is a sign that we must spread our word further and dispel their ignorance if we are to ever prosper!"

"To the Internet!" Frank exclaimed. With that, everyone crowded into their tents, and around everyone Internet-accessible device in the camp.

XXXXXXX

Elsewhere, Zim, Skoodge, and GIR were trudging through the woods back towards where they'd landed their Voots. And to say that Zim was in a bad mood would have been a massive understatement.

"Filthy, interfering, pain in my _c'horta_ humans!" Zim snarled, swatting aside branches as he trampled forward through the trees, "And Tak, too! If she hadn't gotten in the way, Dib and the other one never would have had a chance to blow up the ship! Then we would have had its technology at our disposal, _and_ know where to find whatever it was carrying! Now we have nothing!"

Skoodge was tempted to point out that Zim was the one who'd triggered the ship's self-destruct, not Dib or his friend, but he didn't feel like getting punched in the face or shot, so refrained. Instead he tentatively asked, "Um, can't we just scan the planet for more Meekrob technology, find where that cargo ended up?"

"Do you know how big this planet is?!" Zim demanded, "And the technology will probably be shielded. There's no way to find it! Why don't you ever stop and think before you say something? …What's that sound?"

Both Irkens paused as they heard a loud humming sound coming from the clearing ahead of them — the exact sound of Irken-style engines powering up. Eyes widening in shock, both Invaders dashed forward, entering the clearing just in time to see one of the Voot Cruisers hovering in midair. And sitting in the cockpit, clear as day through the canopy, was Tak, MIMI perched on her shoulder.

Noticing the two males staring up at her in shock, Tak smirked down at them, shot off a rude hand gesture, and then took off, the ship disappearing into the distance. Zim and Skoodge could only stare after it, frozen, until GIR spoke up, snapping them out of it.

"Bye-bye!" he shouted, waving after the hijacked Voot, "Have a nice trip! Good to see you!"

"…Did Tak just steal my ship?" Skoodge asked hesitantly. The only response he got from Zim was a sudden, nearly incoherent outburst of human and Irken swears. He then grabbed Skoodge and GIR, dragged them over to his own Voot, and tossed them in. He then jumped in himself, and it soon took off and disappeared as well.

XXXXXXX

In another part of the forest, Dib and Steve had just managed to disentangle themselves from the trees they ended up on after they'd been teleported off the ship. Now safely back on the ground, they could only stare morosely up at where it had formerly been.

"Well, this was a total waste of time," Steve complained.

"You should probably get used to that in this line of work," Dib muttered, "But, I wouldn't call it a _total_ waste. I mean, we did stop either Zim or Tak from getting their hands on something that could have potentially helped them take over the world. So, that's a win, right?"

"I guess," Steve shrugged, "So, now what?"

"Well, I say we find someplace to camp out for the night — preferably far away from those nut jobs — and then in the morning start heading home," Dib replied, before frowning, "And in the meantime, we can talk about upgrading those weapons of yours so that they don't blow up mid-use."

Steve could only laugh nervously in reply. And with that, the boys wandered off to find someplace to camp, already writing off the day's events as case closed.

How wrong they were…

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 7**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: And then they never spoke of it again.**

 **Kidding. Unlike the show or comics, there's no negative continuity here. The events of this chapter** _ **will**_ **be revisited at a later point. In fact, it's arguable that this is the most important chapter so far.**

 **Which is probably why it took me so long to write this. Seven Hells, but this was a hard one to write — and it wasn't even the important stuff that was hard. I originally added the Children as filler to pad things out and make it harder for the groups to reach the ship, and they ended up taking over the chapter, and I didn't know what to do with them.**

 **But, that's all over now, and I can only hope you all feel it was worth it.**

 **Next time: We see what everyone back at Doomsville was up to during all this.**

 **Until then, read and review!**


	8. Clash of the Goths

**A/N: Okay, next chapter. While not as excited about this one as I was last chapter, I'm still excited — this is the first time I've ever done anything like one of those "two episodes happening simultaneously" things. Of course, that's because this is also the first episodic-style story I've ever done, but that's beside the point. Anyway, aside from that, there are other reasons I'm excited about this chapter, but you'll just have to wait and see those, won't you?**

 **Also, I just realized that the last couple of chapters, I've been forgetting to do the "Last Time" recap segments. Has anyone actually missed those? 'Cause I'm going to get back to using them, I'm just wondering if anyone cares…**

 **But, that aside, let's move one!**

 **Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Dib and Steve were tasked with investigating what turned out to be a crashed Meekrob ship, and came into conflict with Zim and Tak over it. In the end, the ship was destroyed, with everyone left to ponder the ship's meaning.**

 **But that's for another time. For now, let's see what happened with everyone else still in Doomsville during this period.**

 **Disclaimer: I only own the OCs and the plot. Everything else belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 8: Clash of the Goths**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

The same morning that Dib and Steve had set out to the Hilltop Mountains to explore the mystery ship, an entirely different sequence of events was set into motion. And the groundwork for these events was laid down as two certain girls awoke and set out for their day.

In the now nearly empty Membrane household, Gaz finished up her breakfast and started putting the dishes away. As she did, she took a moment to take in the peace and quiet, something she so rarely managed to enjoy. It had been bad enough when it just Dib rambling on about his stupid paranormal obsessions as if she actually cared about them, but ever since he'd made those annoying new friends of his, she had to listen to it in triplicate. Honestly, there had been days lately where sometimes she just wanted to rip her ears off…

Shaking those thoughts off, she finished her clean up and grabbed her skool supplies. Well, she wouldn't have to worry about any of that for a few days, at least. Dib had gone off on a trip to explore some alien thing or another, and taken Steve with him. And she couldn't think of any possible reason Viera would have to be anywhere in her vicinity without their brothers present. So now she only had to deal with the usual annoyances involved in going to skool, but was otherwise was free and clear for the next several days.

With that in mind, Gaz marched out the door and started making her way to skool.

Meanwhile, partway across town, Viera was finishing up her own morning preparations. She had gotten up a little earlier than usual to see Steve off as he'd left to meet up with Dib so the two could make their way to the Hilltop Mountains. Shortly after that, she'd greeted their parents as they gotten up and reinforced the cover story that Steve had gone on a skool-sponsored field trip to a science fair in the next county over.

Their folks had accepted it in the easy-going way they took most things, before quickly going through breakfast and heading out to their jobs at the local organic market. They had trusted Viera to be able to finish up her own routine and get off to skool safely, leaving her to finish her breakfast and organize her supplies for the day.

As it was, she had finished eating and put away her dishes, and was now doing a last minute check of her backpack, making sure she had everything. After a moment's hesitation, she also tucked in one of the spell drives that Dib had loaned her — just because he and Steve were off having all the fun, didn't mean she couldn't get a little work done herself. She was pretty sure she was close to unlocking some of the more advanced spells, which would come in handy next time Zim or Tak tried something.

" _And if nothing else, it'll be something to do while I'm waiting for the boys to get back,_ " she mused to herself, " _Otherwise, I don't think the next couple of days are going to be very interesting._ "

In hindsight, she was going to regret tempting fate with those thoughts.

 _Doomsville Middle Skool, A Few Hours Later_

Viera nervously chewed on her lower lip as she sat in class, Miss Bitters droning on about the pointless nature of human existence, or something like that. The source of her nervousness was the number of empty seats the classroom was currently featuring — aside from Steve and Dib, which she'd of course known about ahead of time, all three Irkens were also absent.

When she'd arrived and given the excuse of a bad cold for why Steve was absent, she'd discovered that Tak was also out, a note having been sent in claiming she had the flu, as were Zim and Skoodge, who'd apparently phoned the skool and claimed they were in quarantine for "head pigeons". Viera had no idea what that was supposed to mean, nor why everyone just accepted it without question, but it just confirmed what Dib had said about this skool not caring about people not showing up to class. Further reinforced by the fact that no one at all seemed to be questioning his own unexplained absence.

Still, that was besides the point. Any of the Irkens being out of skool meant that either Zim or Tak, or both, were probably up to something. _All_ of them being out at once? That _definitely_ meant something was up, and she had a feeling whatever it was, it had something to do with that crashed ship Dib and Steve had gone to investigate. Were they heading there too? If so, she had to warn the guys before they walked right into a huge mess.

As a bell rang, signaling morning recess, the class filed out of the room. Following the rest out, Viera stepped aside once in the hallway for some privacy, and pulled out her phone. Unfortunately, after trying both boys' numbers, all she got was automated messages telling her that the recipient phones were out network reach.

"Dammit, they must be in a dead zone," she muttered. This wasn't good; she might not be a hundred percent on the Irkens heading for the ship, but it seemed most likely, and she had to warn the others. Sure, Steve had packed those prototype plasma guns of his in case they got into trouble, but getting them a head's up that they were almost certainly walking into it could only do them good. The only question was, how?

A lightbulb went off in Viera's head as, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Gaz stepping out of the building towards the courtyard. It occurred to her that the other girl might have another way to contact Dib and get a warning to him. The only problem would be asking her — while admittedly, the two girls had not had much interaction since the twins had met the Membranes, Viera was pretty sure that Gaz didn't like her… which was fine, because Viera didn't like her that much, either. She had acted like a pretty big jerk in their few interactions.

But that wasn't important right now. What was important was getting in contact with her brother and Dib and warning them that the Irkens were probably on their way to the ship right now. And Gaz was probably her only real chance at doing that.

" _Besides, maybe you just need to get to know her, and she's not that bad deep down,_ " Viera wondered half-heartedly, as she made her way after the other Goth. Stepping out of the building, she scanned the courtyard for a moment, and found Gaz sitting at a table off to the side, attention focused squarely on her Game Slave. Viera quickly ran over to her, and cleared her throat to get her attention; when all she received in return was a warning growl, she decided to just start talking anyway.

"Gaz, sorry to bother you, but this is important," she said.

"Don't care. Go away," Gaz replied sharply, not turning her attention away from her game.

"Look, I'm sure you know about Dib leaving town for a few days with Steve to investigate a buried alien ship, right?" Viera pressed on, ignoring Gaz's visibly growing annoyance and frustration, "Well, neither Zim, Skoodge, or Tak showed up today, and I figure the only reason for that must be that they've gone after the ship too."

"And?" Gaz asked impatiently, actually pausing her game and looking up to glare at Viera directly; she had zero interest in this conversation, but maybe if she helped Viera get to the point, she'd leave her alone sooner.

"And obviously, I need to warn the boys that they might run into all three of those space monsters," Viera said, frustrated at how uncaring Gaz was about this situation, "But I can't reach either of them on the phone, and I don't have any other way of communicating with either of them, and I was hoping you and Dib had some other way of getting in touch."

"Even if I did, what makes you think I care enough to help you?" Gaz asked, her cold tone catching Viera off guard.

"Wha… look, I know you don't really know me or Steve enough to care about us, but shouldn't you be at least a little concerned about your own brother potentially being in danger?" Viera asked, staring at Gaz in confusion.

"If Dib's stupid enough to put himself in danger because of his insane obsessions, that's his problem," Gaz snapped. Viera stared at her, slack-jawed, struggling to process that statement.

"Bu… you… how can you not care about your own brother?" she demanded, frowning as her shock turned to frustration and anger, "And for that matter, what do you mean 'insane obsessions'? You know for a fact that aliens and monsters are real!"

"I also know that no one else is ever going to believe that," Gaz replied dryly, "So Dib, and you two new morons, for that matter, are just wasting your time making yourself look like freaks, chasing after something no one else cares about."

Now it was Viera's turn to growl. Gaz's casual disregard for their respective brothers' safety was bad enough, but the blatant insults to them and to her for their beliefs were just plain ticking her off. After all, she was more than used to it from ordinary people who didn't know better, but coming from someone who was aware of the paranormal and still badmouthed it…

Swallowing her anger, Viera shut her eyes and took a moment to focus. When she reopened them, she settled for a glare, which Gaz met with an arched eyebrow. While she wouldn't admit it, she was slightly impressed that Viera was able to last so long matching her rage; most people broke under the pressure fairly quickly. Not that it wouldn't stop her from plunging her into a nightmare world if she didn't back off right now. Still, if nothing else, she wanted the last word.

"Oh, and that whole 'saving the world' thing you three are always going on about as your biggest obsession? You know that's the biggest waste of all, right?" Gaz asked, "Aside from the fact that Zim's a moron who couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag, and Tak's not as bright as she thinks she is, why do you all even bother in the first place, huh? The world's full of stupid, disgusting people, who deserve what's coming to them. If either of those idiots actually manages to take over the world, I say good for them."

"You… selfish bitch!" Viera snarled, surprising herself with her own vehemence, "You don't care about anyone but yourself, do you? And you're not one to talk about obsessions — in the entire time since we've met, all you've done is sit on your fat butt playing your video games and stuffing your face with pizza. You make me sick, you lazy, disgusting pi-GAH!"

Viera's rant was suddenly cut short as Gaz's hand snapped out and grabbed her by the throat. And then — rather impressively, given that Viera had several inches and a few pounds on Gaz — the younger girl lifted the older into the air, leaving her legs dangling uselessly.

"Listen. Carefully," she growled, the area surrounding the two of them seeming to darken despite still being the middle of the day, "I don't care if you're my stupid brother's stupid friend. _No one_ talks to me that way. I do what I want, when I want, and only care about what I want, and everyone else should just shut up and mind their own business. And if you don't like it, too bad, that's your problem. Now, get out of my face and leave. Me. Alone!"

With that final statement, Gaz tossed Viera away, and the older Goth went flying. She slammed into a nearby trash can, knocking it over and spilling its contents all over her. As Viera lay disoriented in the garbage, Gaz looked up to see that several nearby students had stopped whatever they were doing to gawk at what had just occurred.

"What are you all staring at?" Gaz snarled. In a display of intelligence not usually seen at this skool, everyone quickly decided that they had somewhere else to be and ran off. Gaz snorted in a mix of disgust and satisfaction, gave a final glare at where Viera was still sprawled on the ground, and then grabbed her Game Slave and marched off. Viera, meanwhile, finally managed to regain her bearings and pushed herself up on her hands, glaring daggers into Gaz's retreating back.

XXXXXXX

A short while later, in the nearest girls' restroom, Viera grumbled to herself as she finished washing off the garbage still stuck to her. Wiping off the last of it, she angrily tossed the tissues she'd been using away, and glared at the mirror in front of her, visualizing Gaz's sneering face looking back at her.

How could anyone be that twisted? It went beyond mere selfishness or ignorance, she realized that now — Gaz wasn't oblivious to other people's problems, and it wasn't merely that she didn't care. She actually seemed to _enjoy_ other people's suffering. And what was worst of all was that the fact that she saw herself as beyond reproach… no, scratch that. The worst part was that she _was_ — everyone who could punish her for her actions either didn't care or was too scared of her to do anything. Which, of course, only encouraged her to keep on being a bully and a brat. At this rate, she'd probably grow up to be a total monster.

"Who am I kidding? She's _already_ a monster," Viera muttered, "It's just a matter of how bad she ends up becoming. Someone should give her a good kick in the pants now while she's still halfway human."

Turning to make her way to the restroom door, Viera paused as that thought fully processed. Grabbing her backpack, she opened it and pulled out the spell drive she'd tucked in there that morning. Quickly flipping through the spells it contained, she settled on one. It wasn't anything too fancy or complicated, but it might be just what the doctor ordered to give Gaz a little taste of her own medicine and knock her down to size.

She might not be able to do anything to help Steve and Dib at this point, but this was one problem at least that she could still maybe do something about.

 _Skool Cafeteria, A Couple of Hours Later_

The rest of the morning had passed by uneventfully for Viera. She'd returned to class and listened to Miss Bitters drone through a few more lectures, all while ignoring the looks and muted snickers she'd gotten from some of the other students, who'd apparently seen her treatment by Gaz on the yard. She honestly didn't care what they thought, however, and just brushed it all off.

Now, she sat at one of the tables at the back of the cafeteria, one which gave her an unobstructed view of the whole room. No one else was sitting nearby — Dib's pariah status had rubbed off on the twins pretty quickly — but that was fine by her. She didn't want to risk anyone accidentally witnessing what she was about to do. So, she simply picked at her "food" (she didn't even want to think about what it might actually be) and waited for the moment to present itself.

Aha. There was Gaz, making her way down the food line, the students in front of and behind her giving her a wide berth. As she filled her tray with food, Viera discreetly lowered her hands to lie beneath the table. One moved over to open the backpack lying next to her, reaching in and pressing the activation button on the primed spell drive inside. A surge of energy washed over Viera's body, quickly focusing on her other hand, which had two fingers aimed at Gaz like a gun. A nearly invisible distortion shot out through the air from those fingers, silently striking Gaz where she was walking, carrying her tray towards an empty table. As it hit her, she froze mid-step for a moment, feeling a strange tingle run up her spine.

" _What was that?_ " she silently wondered, gaze quickly scanning over the room. Her eyes settled for a moment on where Viera was sitting and glaring at her, but the other Goth quickly looked away, apparently becoming interested in her lap. Pst, the whiner was probably just still upset over Gaz putting her in place earlier. Whatever, as long as she left her alone.

With that thought in mind, and brushing off the strange sensation as a draft, Gaz resumed walking towards her table… completely failing to notice as the laces in her shoes all simultaneously untied themselves and flopped to the floor. At least, right up until the moment a few seconds later, when one foot stomped down on the laces of the other. After which, the expected result played out — Gaz tried to lift the now trapped foot, stumbled as it failed to rise, slipped, lost her balance, and fell forward, landing face first in her tray, its contents splattering all over her.

A stunned silence filled the cafeteria as everyone stopped and stared in shock at Gaz — intimidating and always collected Gaz — flopping to the floor and spilling her lunch all over herself. This lasted only a moment, before someone snorted, and like a dam bursting, everyone exploded in laughter and jeers. At least, until Gaz scrambled up to a crouch, and shot a glare at the entire room.

Even with her face covered in slop, the intensity of one of Gaz's death glares could still incinerate solid stone, and the laughter stopped dead, everyone quickly finding something else to look at. Face flushed with anger and embarrassment, Gaz scrambled to her feet, almost tripping again on her still untied shoes. Noticing this, she quickly kicked them off, grabbed them, and marched out of the cafeteria at a pace just short of running.

As Gaz disappeared, the laughter returned, albeit at a much more subdued level than it had been before. After all, it wasn't every day that the second most feared person in the skool (next only to Miss Bitters) made a total fool of themselves like that. It was almost cathartic, after years of her looming presence, to let out a little steam at her expense. And no one in that room was grinning wider than Viera, as she gladly observed the fruits of her labors.

 _Malum Fortuna,_ the curse of bad luck. Not the most infamous or dangerous of spells she could have inflicted Gaz with, but it would get the job done. For the next several days, until the spell broke down on its own momentum, it would twist Murphy's Law around Gaz, causing her to suffer from the worst luck she could, short of anything that would cause serious bodily harm. With any luck, the string of humiliations she'd suffer as a result would knock her down a peg, or at least put a crack in the stone cold reputation that let her get away with anything.

With that happy thought in mind, Viera finally turned her attention properly to her own lunch, content to simply let things play out.

XXXXXXX

Meanwhile, Gaz was washing up, ironically in the same restroom that Viera had done so as well in earlier in the day. Not that she either knew or cared about that. No, she had more pressing concerns at the moment.

" _What the hell happened back there?_ " she quietly fumed, " _I'm not some klutz. So how could I make myself look so stupid in front of the whole skool?_ "

She found herself unable to do anything but replay that scene over and over again in her mind. The fall, the food splattering all over her, the sound of everyone laughing at her… and that was the worst part. _No one_ laughed at her and got away with it, but now pretty much the entire student body had done just that.

Grinding her teeth, Gaz finished washing the food off of herself, and began drying herself off as best she could with the restroom's cheap paper towels. A part of her was almost hoping that someone would be stupid enough to try and poke fun at her for what had just happened, if only because it would give her an excuse to beat the crap out of them and vent this humiliation away. For the most part, however, she was mostly hoping everyone would keep their mouths shut, and let the status quo reassert itself.

Angrily tossing the wadded towels away, Gaz grabbed her shoes and put them back on, making sure to triple-knot the laces, ensuring that they wouldn't come undone again. As she did, her stomach growled, reminding her that this whole mess had interrupted her lunch, as well as the fact that the lunch period would be over soon, so if she still wanted to eat, she'd have to hurry.

Gaz marched out of the restroom, and as she entered, she made sure she was displaying an aura like a snake that was coiled and ready to strike, something no one would dare mess with. However, despite this, she couldn't help but look down and double-check her shoes to make sure they were still secured. And the sight that greeted her made one of her eyes twitch.

"You have got to be kidding me!" she snarled, glaring down at the long strip of toilet paper stuck to one of her shoes, and trailing a few feet behind her. She hadn't seen any on the floor in the restroom, but in her haste she must have simply overlooked it, and stepped on it on her way out. Growling, she balanced on the other foot as she lifted the one with the paper stuck on it and started shaking it, trying to force the paper off. When that didn't work, she reluctantly grabbed the paper (trying not to think about where it might have been prior) and tore it free, tossing it away.

That done, and eager to hurry up back to the cafeteria, she brought her leg back down a little too fast, causing her to slightly lose her balance. She stumbled for a moment, before bringing herself to a stop… and felt something squish under her other foot. Head snapping down, she was greeted by the sight of the large wad of gum that she had just stepped down on.

"Oh, come on!" she yelled. Bracing her foot hard against the floor, she started shuffling down the hall, dragging her foot and attempting to scrape the gum off. As such, she wasn't watching where she was going, and was therefore completely surprised when she bumped into something, causing her to lose her balance completely this time, sending her tumbling to the ground again. And again, something spilled all over her, this time something very wet, cold, and foul-smelling.

Getting to her hands and feet and spitting out a mouthful of whatever she had just been doused with, Gaz brushed her soaked hair out of her face, clearing her vision in order to see what had just happened. Lying a few feet away was an overturned mop cart, the last of its contents leaking out and joining the puddle surrounding her. And standing next to it all was the skool janitor, mop in hand and eyebrow raised as he took in the whole scene.

"Well," Nny commented, a mixed look of surprise, confusion, and amusement on his face, "That's definitely a first. Never seen someone bumble their way headfirst into a mop cart before."

Gaz's eye twitched again, followed by a full body tremor, before she let out what was practically a roar of fury. She jumped to her feet and practically blurred past Nny, almost knocking him over in her haste to get back to the restroom.

"Gee, what's her problem?" Nny muttered, "This is the normal cart, not the one I use for the blood."

With a resigned and annoyed shrug, the homicidal maniac straightened out the cart and got to work cleaning back up the mess.

 _Mr. Elliot's Classroom, A Couple of Hours Later_

The classroom, normally bright and happy due to the teacher's infectious cheerfulness, seemed to have been darkened by the rage radiating off of Gaz. Her normally bad demeanor had grown worse by magnitudes after the string of indignities she'd suffered all day, not to mention the fact that she'd never even gotten lunch — after having to clean herself up again after the run-in with the mop cart, she'd only been left with enough time to grab and scarf down a bag of chips before having to get back to class. So, needless to say, she was starving on top of everything else, which was only making things worse.

Fortunately, no one other than the stupid janitor had seen her disaster in the hallway, and everyone in her class was smart enough not to bring up the flop in the cafeteria, so there was that at least. And in any case, the skool day was almost over. She just had to sit through this last class, and then she could bury herself in pizza and games and solitude and just forget that any of this day had ever happened.

As it was, right now Mr. Elliot was blathering on about whatever the last subject of the day was; she wasn't really paying attention, caught up as she was in her own problems. Something to do with science, apparently, judging by the various tubes and beakers that had been placed on all the desks, and which everyone were now fiddling with. Hmm, maybe she should have actually paid closer attention?

Meh. She was the daughter of a scientific genius, and she'd easily used advanced alien technology in the past. How hard could this be?

In hindsight, she'd realize that that thought had just plain been asking for trouble, in light of the day she'd been having already. Unfortunately, that only occurred to her after she had already started mixing chemicals. Specifically, after the mixed chemicals started fizzing, boiling, and foaming outwards.

Everyone had only just barely noticed what was happening at Gaz's desk before foam mass exploded from the beakers. The chemical goop flowed out like a tidal wave, sweeping away desks and students, consuming the other chemical sets in the room, which only fueled the growing mass. It soon broke down the door and spilled out into the hallway, carrying everyone it had swallowed up with it.

After a few minutes, the sludge wave crawled to a stop, leaving Mr. Elliot and his class spread out across the hallway, stuck against the floor, the walls, and the doors. Several of those doors forced their way open, as the members of the various classes behind them came out to see what all the commotion was about. Though most of them shrunk back when a black shape blurred down the hallway, coming to a stop in the middle of the mess and resolving into Miss Bitters.

The crone's face, already permanently twisted into a frown, curled up even further as took in the entire scene. Carefully stepping in order to step only in the rare spots where the goop hadn't covered the floor, she stalked her way over to where Elliot was lying groaning, slumped almost upside down against one of the walls. Reaching down, she grabbed him by his vest and yanked him free from the slime, leaving him dangling in her grasp in mid-air.

"What happened?" she hissed at him. Squirming in her grasp and shaking his head to try and clear it, Elliot swallowed the sudden fear and tried to speak.

"I, uh, I don't know," he stammered, "The class was doing a simple chemistry experiment. I guess maybe one of them didn't pay close enough attention to the instructions…?"

"It was Gaz!" one of the children interrupted, pulling herself free from the muck, "She just dumped all the chemicals in, she didn't even try to follow the directions!"

Gaz, who was so covered in the goop that she looked like a blob monster, sat up and wiped her face off so that her classmate could get the full scope of her death glare. The other girl shrank under the heat of it and scurried away, but in the meantime, Miss Bitters had dropped Elliot and turned her attention to the Goth. Gaz turned her glare to the much older woman, but it was like a lion trying to intimidate a dragon — one was very dangerous, but couldn't hold a candle to the other.

"She's your student, punish her," Miss Bitters told Elliot, not breaking gazes with Gaz for even a moment to look at him. The other teacher balked at that comment, beginning to visibly sweat as Gaz snapped her head around to move her glare to now pin squarely on him.

"Uh, well, it really was just an accident," he started, only for Miss Bitters to turn around and fix her glare on him as well. Caught between the two very angry women, Mr. Elliot found himself in a situation much like being caught high up in a burning building and faced with the choice of either risking running through the flames to reach the exit or jumping out of the window to safety and taking the chance that he wouldn't survive the fall. Neither option before him was very appealing, but given that it was a choice between a student who would be a nightmare for the remainder of the skool year and a co-worker who could make his life a nightmare _forever_ , it ultimately wasn't that hard a decision to make the leap.

"Okay, okay," he said, holding up his hands as if to wade Miss Bitters off, "You're right, she made this mess, she should be the one to clean it up."

"What?!" Gaz demanded, her voice nearly dissolving into a shriek that had everyone nearby wincing and clutching at their ears.

"You heard him," Miss Bitters snarled, completely unaffected by the girl's demeanor, "Your classroom and the hallway are to be scrubbed clean, and you're not leaving this building until they are. If you try, you'll be sent to the Underground Classrooms. Now, get to work… and everyone else, go home! Skool's done early, so get out of my sight!"

As Miss Bitters swept away with that last statement, all the other students quickly scrambled away, in a combination of fear of disobeying her and eagerness to head home. Before Gaz knew it, she was alone in the hallway… except for Nny, who had appeared from nowhere with a full cart of cleaning supplies.

"Hello again," he said with a smirk, holding out a mop and bucket, "I believe you recognize these?"

Gaz turned the full force of her death glare on the janitor. However, he was completely unfazed.

"Yeah, nice try," he said dryly, "But I've literally been to Hell, and used to have a Lovecraftian abomination living in one of my basement walls. You'll have to do better than that to scare me. Now, get to work, or I'll tell the boss."

Grinding her teeth, Gaz reluctantly grabbed the cleaning tools out of Nny's hands, and got to work scrubbing and mopping up the mess. And down the hall, peering around the corner, Viera took it all in, before turning and walking away with a self-satisfied smirk.

 _Later That Night_

The sun had set by the time that Gaz finally emerged from the skool. It had taken hours to completely clean up the entire mess, especially since Nny had refused to help in any way beyond "supervising" (read: stand there doing nothing except point her at spots she'd missed). And then it had taken her the better part of another hour to once again wash off the mess she'd been covered in.

So, it was a very exhausted and annoyed Gaz who stepped out of the building and started walking down the street. And, she thought with a scowl as her stomach roared for the millionth time, she was also starving — she'd never gotten a chance to eat anything other than her pathetic excuse for a lunch, and it was not well past her usual dinnertime.

This was, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the absolute worst day of her life. She'd been publicly embarrassed repeatedly, actually targeted for punishment by the teachers, been forced to do manual labor, and on top of everything else felt like she hadn't eaten all day. The only consolation she had was that her father wouldn't find out about this, seeing as even if the skool bothered to try and contact him about her punishment, he'd be too busy to pay attention, anyway.

With that small comfort in mind, Gaz trudged her way down the street, hoping to put everything that had happened well behind her. And she was able to successfully do so, concentrating entirely on the amount of pizza she was going to eat to drown out all the humiliation, until she was about halfway home. Because at that point, as she was unconsciously shifting where her backpack lay across her shoulders, the straps snapped, the bag dropping to the ground.

Gaz froze as she felt the bag drop from her back, and slowly turned around, looking down to see her backpack lying on the sidewalk, its contents spilled out across the concrete. But worst of all was the sight of her precious Game Slave, having clattered across the ground to land in a puddle. As a few sparks emerged from the waterlogged device, Gaz's eye twitched once again, her entire body shook, and her face turned red with rage. And then she virtually exploded, screaming out every obscenity she knew at the top of her lungs, venting an entire day's worth of anger and humiliation in the only way available to her.

"Quite the vocabulary for someone your age," a familiar voice cut in from behind her.

Spinning around, Gaz found Norlock looming over her. The vampire was merely looking down at her, eyebrow arched as he took in her disheveled and frustrated state. Meanwhile, he was holding a leash in one hand, which was attached to Phil's collar. The direwolf was standing next to his master, panting happily, crosseyed gaze loosely locked on Gaz.

"What are you doing here?" she ground out, "Shouldn't you be off helping Zim with whatever his latest stupid plan is?"

"Meh, he's out of town, and told me to stay here," Norlock replied, idly scratching Phil behind the ears, "Not that I'm entirely complaining about it — I've come to like this town fairly quickly. The people are so oblivious, I could drain someone dry and waltz their corpse down the street without a second glance. But enough about me. What's wrong with you?"

"None of your business!" Gaz snapped, as she grabbed her belongings and started stuffing them back into her backpack, "But if you must know, I have been having the worst day of my life. _Everything_ went wrong for me today, so I'm not in the mood to deal with you. So buzz off!"

Norlock merely hummed in thought, scratching at his chin. As Gaz collected her belongings, he reached into a pocket and pulled out a monocle whose frame was engraved with runes, and placed it over one eye. He then shut the other eye, peering through the glass at the Goth, who paused in what she was doing as she noticed his action.

"What are you doing?" She asked carefully, understandably on edge after everything she'd already been through.

"Just checking your aura," he said casually, making a slight adjustment to how he was holding the monocle, "Aha! No wonder you're having such trouble. That is _quite_ a nasty hex you've been hit with."

"Hex?" Gaz asked, freezing as she was suddenly faced with the prospect of an actual cause for everything she'd suffered that day.

"Yep. Looks like it's designed to make you have horrible luck," Norlock commented, "It also looks like it's designed to break down in the next few days. But tell you what, since I like you, I'll go ahead and dissolve it for you."

Before Gaz could even process those statements, Norlock reached out with the hand holding Phil's leash, several fingers extended. Muttering something in a language Gaz couldn't understand, he curled those fingers in a grabbing gesture. Gaz felt a strange tugging sensation overcome her whole body, and then something small and black shot out from her. The ball of energy shot into Norlock's hand, where it sat for a moment before he splayed his fingers out like he was tossing away something, and the energy dissipated into the air.

"There we go, I'll think you'll find things are back to normal for you now," the vampire said, while he tucked the monocle back into his pocket, "Though I have to ask, did you insult a gypsy lately? Or a witch, perhaps?"

As he said that, Gaz stiffened. The encounter she'd had that morning with Viera replayed itself in her mind. And then she remembered the look Viera had given her in the cafeteria, after that strange feeling she'd had, right before her first embarrassing accident. And now this, a spell that had apparently caused all her troubles? It wasn't that hard to put the pieces now.

" _Viera…_ " she hissed, "That bitch!"

"Who?" Norlock asked, "Oh, right. One of Dib's new friends. That makes sense, I suppose."

"I'm going to kill her," Gaz growled, "I'm going to make her suffer! I'm going to smash her head so far in that it's going to be sticking out of her ass!"

Norlock chuckled at Gaz's declaration. When she turned her angry gaze on him, he said, "Sorry, just nostalgic. You know who you reminded me of just now?"

"The Marquis de Sade?" Gaz asked dryly, not in the mood for a guessing game.

"What? Satan's pitchfork, no," Norlock said, waving his hand dismissively, "He was a wimpy shut-in who wrote about things he was too spineless to try in real life. No, you remind me of a young Elizabeth Bathory. Now _there_ was a woman who had a passion for making people suffer, and knew what she was doing."

"Good for you," Gaz said impatiently, "Now get out of my way, so I can-"

"Ah, ah, ah," Norlock interrupted, wagging a scolding finger, "Don't just rush in. You don't want to end it too quickly, do you? She humiliated you? Humiliate her back. Make her into a laughingstock, let her suffer as you have. And, if after a while you're still not satisfied, _then_ you inflict the physical pain."

"…Why do you care what I do?" Gaz asked, arms crossed, not wanting to admit that his suggestion appealed to her. Norlock shrugged in response.

"Well, I might be in contract with Zim, but that doesn't mean that I'm blind to other dark souls in need of nurturing. And you are just a wonderful little devil in the making, if I do say so myself. In fact, here, take this in case you ever find yourself in need of more advice."

He then reached into another pocket and pulled out a small black card, which he held out to her. Reluctantly taking it, Gaz looked it over and saw a phone number etched into it in a shade of red just bright enough to be eligible against the color of the rest of the card.

"Fine, whatever," Gaz grunted, stuffing the card into her backpack. She then clutched the bag to her chest and marched off, effectively ending the conversation right there. Norlock watched her go, chuckling while petting Phil some more.

"Ah, kids these days," he laughed, before walking off in another direction, Phil trailing behind them.

 _Doomsville Middle Skool, The Following Morning_

Viera was filled with mixed feelings as she walked up the steps towards the skool's entrance. On the one hand, she still hadn't been able to get in touch with Steve or Dib, and at this point it really looked like she'd just have to wait and hope for the best. On the other hand, she did still feel good about herself after what she had managed to do the previous day.

Sure, a part of her felt a little guilty for her mean and somewhat out of character actions. But honestly, could anyone really fault her for it? Gaz was a total brat who deserved to be knocked off of her self-placed pedestal every now and then. And really, she hadn't done any serious harm, so what was there to feel guilty about?

 _SNAP_

Viera was pulled from her thoughts as she heard and felt something break beneath her feet. Looking down, she saw that she was standing in what appeared to be a makeshift snare trap… and she'd just stepped on the trigger.

"What the- AAAAHHHH!" Viera trailed off into a yell as the snare suddenly sprang to life, wrapping around the ankle of the foot that had stepped into it and shooting up. Viera subsequently found her leg, and the rest of her for that matter, flying through the air, briefly smacking against the entryway's terrace before coming to a stop.

As her vision stopped spinning and head stopped pounding, Viera tried to take stock of what had just happened. It was a little difficult, as she was currently hanging upside down. The cable of the snare that was wrapped around her foot was stretched out across the skool terrace, positioned in such a way that she was left hanging like an ornament just outside and above the front doors. And of course, since she _was_ upside down…

"Eep!" Viera yelped, face turning red for a reason other than the blood rushing to her face, as she noticed that her current position had caused her skirt to flip down. She frantically reached up and pushed the skirt back into place, straining to keep her legs together against gravity and pin the skirt in place. Meanwhile, she could hear the laughter of the few students still outside who had managed to witness the whole thing.

"Enjoying the view?"

Viera's head snapped up (down?) to see Gaz standing in front of her, arms crossed. And even with the upside down angle, Viera could still easily see the smug, vindictive look on her face.

"What… Gaz, did you do this?!" Viera demanded, glaring, though her mind was reeling with confusion. How could Gaz have put something like this together when she should have still been suffering from the bad luck curse?

"Yes I did," Gaz said evenly, "Consider it payback for hexing me."

Viera reeled back, utterly stunned, and stammered out, "H-how could you possibly…?"

"Doesn't matter," Gaz replied, venom entering her voice as her glare intensified, "All that matters is that I found out what you did, undid it, and now I am _beyond_ angry. You humiliated me, and now it's payback time. Consider this as making us even, but also a warning. Mess with me again, and I will not be as nice. In the meantime, I should get to class. Have a nice day."

With that last sarcastic farewell, Gaz started walking away, entering the building.

"Hey, wait a minute, get back here and let me down!" Viera yelled after the other Goth, "Gaz, come on, I get it, we're even now, you can't just leave me here!"

However, Gaz ignored Viera, and disappeared into the skool. The other students, who had watched the whole exchange, took this as their cue, and they started walking in as well. And aside from a few jeers and laughs in Viera's direction, most of them ignored her plight. Whether this was because they didn't want to risk Gaz's wrath by interfering in her work, or merely apathy, Viera didn't know. And frankly, she didn't care, either.

"Oh, come on! Someone let me down! Hey, don't just ignore me! …Son of a bitch," she growled. Just yesterday, it looked like Gaz's aura of being untouchable had been cracked, and now she was back to getting her way through sheer intimidation. But to Hell with bringing Gaz down to Earth. She wanted to make a fight out of this? Fine, Viera was going to give her one.

" _But first, I should figure out how to get down,_ " she realized. Shifting her weight back and forth, she started swinging, hoping to snap the cord and get herself back to the ground.

 _Several Hours Later_

As the bell rang, classrooms began entering, their inhabitants marching out and making their way down the halls towards the cafeteria. Gaz was among them, everyone giving her a wide berth. Seeing that the natural order of things was restored after the previous day's string of embarrassments, Gaz allowed herself a smirk.

That smirk slid off and was replaced with a scowl as she turned a corner and found Viera standing a few feet away. The other girl looked quite distressed, her hair and clothes ruffled, arms crossed around herself, and an angry scowl of her own plastered on her face. The other students, sensing tension between the two Goths, enlarged the already wide berth around Gaz to include Viera; some of the less brave (or more intelligent, depending on your interpretation) children took off as fast as they could, while others trailed behind, curious to see what would happen.

"I see you got yourself down," Gaz said, the vaguest threatening tone in her voice, "Did you learn your lesson, or do you need another one?"

"I'd ask you the same question, but it's pretty clear you didn't learn anything yesterday," Viera replied in the same tone, "You're _not_ the center of the universe, you little brat. And it's way past time that someone reminded you of that."

Gaz's face twisted as her rage burst through the facade of tranquil anger she'd been projecting.

"Oh, and you think you're the one to put me in my place, huh? Miss high and mighty?" she demanded, fists clenching, "Well go ahead, give it your best shot!"

"Alright," Viera replied with a smug smirk. She moved her arms, revealing that she had been hiding a spell drive, tucked against her body. Gaz just barely had a chance to recognize the device before Viera hit the activation button, triggering the prepared spell. With a wave of her hand, Viera launched the spell at Gaz, who was consumed in a flash of light. When it faded, everyone took a moment to clear their eyes… and then burst into laughter.

It was easy enough to see why. Gaz's black dress had been turned pink, her hair had been covered by a rainbow afro wig, and clown makeup had covered her face, topped off by a big red rubber nose placed on top of her own. Seeing someone normally so feared reduced to such a state was bound to reduce anyone to hysterics.

Gaz, immediately realizing the laughter was at her expense, looked down at herself, her eyes widening in terror at the sight that greeted her. Head quickly snapping around, she caught her reflection in a nearby window, causing her terrified expression to magnify, before warping into one of pure fury. Screaming incoherently, she rushed at Viera, hands outstretched and ready to throttle the other girl.

However, Viera sidestepped at the last second and kicked out her leg. Gaz, completely seeing red and only focusing on Viera's face, failed to notice this in time. Instead, she ran right into the leg, her momentum causing her to go flying head over heels down the hall, landing in an undignified slump, face down on the floor. This, naturally enough, caused the laughter to increase.

Gaz scrambled back to her feet, face so flushed with anger and humiliation that it was actually visible through the makeup. Growling, she spun on her heel and took off down the hallway, soon disappearing out the building's front doors. Viera watched her go, feeling very satisfied, while the laughter died down, a few of the students giving her approving nods.

"Wow, that was awesome!" Sara said, "How'd you do that?"

"It's a spell called _Riddikulus_ ," Viera replied, tucking the spell drive away again, "It's designed to make things look as non-threatening as possible."

"…Oh, right, you're a paranormal freak like Dib," Sara said flatly, before turning to the others, "Come on everyone. If this nut wants to make up stories rather than admit how she actually pulled off that trick, let's not give her the time of day. Let's go."

With that, the remaining crowd dispersed, leaving a dumbfounded Viera behind.

"Seriously? I just did real magic in front of them, and they still don't believe it?" she asked the air, "Ah, forget it. It's not worth the headache. And besides, I made my point. That's the important thing."

Shaking it off, Viera turned and made her way to the cafeteria, eager to get to her lunch.

Meanwhile, Gaz had made good time, running so fast that she was already halfway home. She'd torn off the wig and fake nose, and was doing her best to rub off as much of the makeup as she could while still running. The horrid pink dress was still intact, if only because the thought of streaking was even more embarrassing than wearing it. Still, that didn't mean she wasn't going to burn the damn thing to ash the minute she'd gotten home and changed clothes.

She didn't care that she'd probably get in trouble for skipping the remainder of the day. Amazingly, she didn't even care that she'd left her Game Slave behind with the rest of her skool supplies. All that mattered to her now was one single, overwhelming thing: revenge.

Norlock had said that if she wasn't satisfied with the "eye for an eye" approach to getting even with Viera, she should then move on to the pain. Well, she could concisely say that she wasn't satisfied. She should have ignored the stupid vampire and done what came natural to her in the first place. Then she could have avoided such a public humiliation and easily regained her fearful status.

Well, enough of all that. No more playing around. Viera wanted to test her? Then she was going to see just what happened when people messed with her, who were too stupid to know when to back down.

This. Meant. War.

 _Doomsville Middle Skool Cafeteria, The Next Day_

Viera barely paid attention to the food on the tray in front of her. Day three, and she still hadn't been able to get in contact with her brother or Dib. Which was especially troubling given that the ship they'd been investigating had apparently imploded the day before. Well, the official story was that the "abnormal mineral deposit" had "caved in", but the footage she'd seen online had been pretty clear on what had really happened.

On the bright side, the Irkens were all still absent from class as well. So, even if they were involved in whatever had happened, it didn't seem like they were in any condition to gloat about it. At the very least, that felt like a positive sign.

And on the even brighter side, the Irkens weren't the only ones to not show up today. She hadn't seen any sign of Gaz anywhere, and after making a few quick inquiries to her classmates, Viera had confirmed that the other girl had never appeared in class, not even to collect the stuff she'd left behind in her escape the previous day, having apparently called in sick. It seemed that the embarrassment had been too much for her to stay and deal with. So, there was that.

Though to be honest, a part of her was starting to second guess her obsession with tearing Gaz down. Sure, she was a bullying brat who needed to be taught a lesson before she got any worse, but was it really necessary to go out of her way to humiliate her like that?

Hmm, maybe she was taking it personally because Gaz seemed to be living up to every Goth stereotype that Viera herself had worked so hard to avoid? After all, it was a fashion choice, not a free license to be a misanthrope. Or maybe it was just the situation that had kicked this whole mess off. Gaz's total apathy towards the potential danger their brothers were both in had just seriously ticked her off. And Viera had a naturally short fuse to start with — the stupid feud she and Steve had been stuck in before Dib broke it up was proof of that.

So, all that considered, maybe she should just call it quits? After all, she had to have made her point by now, right?

 _SMASH!_

Viera's train of thought was suddenly cut off as something suddenly crashed through the nearby window. Everyone's attention turned toward the source of the commotion, and was surprised to see what appeared to be a doll had been thrown straight through the glass. Before anyone could process that, they all gasped in surprise as the doll suddenly stood up, eyes glowing red.

 _SMASH!_

 _SMASH!_

 _SMASH!_

The window was shattered almost completely as several more dolls and stuffed animals came flying through it, landing next to the first one. And within moments, they were all standing as well, their eyes all giving off a matching red glow. And with a simultaneous movement, they all suddenly extended metal claws and teeth, which glinted menacingly in the light.

"The toys are rebelling!" a student randomly yelled, "The movies were right!"

"Run for your lives!" someone else screamed.

The declaration was barely needed, as almost everyone practically stampeded out of the cafeteria. Soon, only a stunned and confused Viera was left… and the animated toys quickly turned to glare at her. Viera paled as they slowly started marching towards her, claws extended.

"Uh, hi?" she said nervously, scrambling to her feet and quickly backing away, "Can I help you?"

The only response she got was the robotic dolls launching themselves through the air at her. Viera could only yelp and fall back as they fell on her. And as cries of pain and destruction filled the cafeteria, there was no one to notice as one of the toys, a demonic looking teddy bear, slipped away down the deserted hallways towards Mr. Elliot's classroom.

It had its own mission, after all.

 _Membrane Household, A Short Time Later_

Gaz sighed in contention as she reclined on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, Game Slave back in its rightful place in her hands. The robot teddy bear was sitting next to her, having gone back to its normal, nonthreatening state after arriving with her stuff from skool.

She'd nearly gone into shock when she realized she'd left her game at skool along with the rest of her stuff the day before, but she wasn't willing to go back for it personally until her latest embarrassment had been washed away. So, after calling in sick today, she'd spent the morning finishing up what she'd worked on the night before — reprogramming her security dolls to actually work outside the house's perimeter, and then further programming them to specifically track down Viera and tear her apart. With the exception, of course, of the one sent to recover her stuff.

Gaz was just settling into a new round of Super Slash Siblings, enjoying the fact that she had finally gotten things back to normal, when the front door was suddenly kicked open. Looking up, she was greeted by the sight of Viera standing in the doorway. Her clothes were torn and ripped, a few clumps were missing from her hair, and she was covered in cuts and bruises, but she was still mostly in one piece.

She was also holding the torn off head of one of Gaz's other dolls, and had a look of pure fury on her face.

"Are you out of your damn mind?!" Viera shrieked, tossing the doll head at Gaz, who ducked her own head to the side and let it fly past her. Meanwhile, she carefully paused her game and put it down, before looking Viera over.

"Honestly surprised you're not in worse shape," she admitted after a moment, "How'd you know I sent the dolls after you?"

"Well, I didn't realize it at first, since I was too busy trying not to get killed," Viera said bitterly, "But in the middle of smashing one of them with a chair, I suddenly remembered how Dib warned me and Steve never to go into your room because of your, and I quote, 'flesh-eating robot dolls'. I thought he was joking, but obviously I was wrong."

"Just as wrong as you were when you decided to mess with me," Gaz said, crossing her arms, "Next time you consider it, I suggest you think very carefully, and remember what happened today. Now, get out of my house."

Viera's eye twitched for a second, before she threw her head back with a bark of laughter bordering on hysteria. Gaz stared at her with an eyebrow arched in confusion, before Viera calmed down.

"I-I'm sorry, it's just," Viera stammered out as she regained her breath, "It's just, you know what's ironic about all this? I was _actually_ starting to feel bad about the stunts I pulled on you, actually started thinking that maybe I was just reading you all wrong because of the situation. And then, your reaction to me pranking you is to send demon robot toys to _try and maul me!_ I honestly don't know why everyone thinks Dib is the crazy one in your family, you freaking sociopath!"

"… _What_ did you just say?" Gaz growled. Humiliating her was one thing, but no one compared her to Dib and got away with it.

"You heard me, you homicidal whackjob. Someone should stick you in a padded cell until they electroshock you into a normal human being," Viera spat, which only made Gaz growl harder.

"Get her!" she commanded. The teddy bear snapped to life, eyes glowing red and claws extended again. It launched itself through the air at Viera, whose eyes widened in panic. Instinctively, her hand snapped out and grabbed the nearest object it could find, one of Professor Membrane's promotional lamps, and then swung it at the murderous toy. The lamp shattered on impact, releasing an electrical charge that fried the bear; even as it went flying, it was already twitching and spazzing, and by the time it hit the floor had gone dead.

This barely bought Viera any breathing room, however. Gaz, having finally hit her breaking point over everything that had happened over the last few days, merely took the destruction of her automated minion as a sign to deal with things personally, and tackled her newfound nemesis. Caught off guard, Viera was knocked to the ground and found herself being choked. She kneed Gaz in the stomach, and as she instinctively released her grip as the breath was knocked out of her, Viera threw her off, before returning the favor and tackling her, sending them into a tumbling grapple.

What followed could have been called an epic brawl between archenemies. Or it could have been called a fight between two children with anger management problems who didn't feel like pulling punches. Or it could have simply been called gratuitous fanservice.

Whatever you wanted to call it, it went on for some time. It was a flurry of punches, kicks, chokeholds, body slams, and improvised weaponry that lasted longer than either of the girls was able or willing to keep track of. When it finally ended, however, they both found themselves sprawled out on the floor, exhausted and covered in bruises and cuts, surrounded by broken furniture.

"…You know what?" Viera groaned past a split lip, "I give up. You being a total bitch is not something worth this much effort and trouble to try and fix. Just leave me, my brother, and your brother alone, and I'll return the favor. Truce?"

Gaz merely turned her head so that the eye that wasn't swelling shut was looking right at Viera, and grunted. She wasn't certain, but Viera was pretty sure that was a sign of agreement. Or at least, a sign that she was too tired to keep fighting. Either way, it didn't look like anything else was going to be happening here tonight.

It was at that moment that the front door opened, and Dib walked in. And froze mid-step as he took in the sight of the wrecked room and the two beat-up looking girls lying amid the mess.

"What the…?" he stated eloquently, brain failing to make sense of what he was seeing.

"Oh, hey Dib," Viera said casually, wincing as she forced her sore body to its feet, "Steve with you?"

"Uh, no, he headed over to your place," Dib said slowly, still trying to wrap his head around the situation in front of him, before shaking his head, "Okay, seriously. What happened here?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Viera said, a wordless growl from Gaz signifying her agreement with the sentiment, "And while I am glad to see you guys got back okay, and would like to hear all about the mission, I'm not in the mood right now. See you tomorrow."

"But-" Dib started to protest, only for Viera to lightly shove him aside and limp past him out of the house and down the street. Dib watched her go, and when he turned saw that Gaz had disappeared from the room as well. As such, all he could do was stare at the destroyed room in confusion, until finally sighing in defeat.

"Okay… I'll just clean this up, I guess…" he muttered.

Meanwhile, Viera was making her way down the street, idly noticing that night had fallen. Huh, the fight must have gone on longer than she realized. Well, it didn't matter now. It was over and done with; with any luck, the message would stick, Gaz would keep her distance, and everyone could just move on with their lives.

However, even as Viera was comforting herself with those thoughts, the subject of them was watching her go from an upstairs window, giving her the evil eye. It would have been two evil eyes, if Gaz hadn't been holding an ice pack to the one that was swollen shut. But even that was pretty much just an automated reaction, as her entire focus was on glaring out the window at Viera's retreating form.

She'd fought, and been beaten to a draw. That was not something Gaz was used to, and it definitely wasn't something she was happy about, either. Especially not with Viera just walking away like that, not even the least bit intimidated after everything that had happened. She had even had the nerve to offer a truce, like they were equals of some kind. That was really ticked her off about this whole thing — Viera dared call herself a Goth, but was just so damn _nice._ It made Gaz's skin crawl, honestly.

And while she was on the subject, Gaz had plenty of rage saved over for Dib. This was all his fault, after all, for making friends with that pain in the ass in the first place and bringing her into their lives. If it weren't for him, the last three days of her life would have been perfectly normal, and her whole body wouldn't be one big ache right now.

Unfortunately, she couldn't think of any way to get even right now. Sure, normally she could do whatever she wanted to Dib and get away with it, but since Viera had included him in the stupid truce, she'd probably protect him from any retribution by proxy. And considering neither threats of force or actual force had worked, Gaz had no idea how she'd be able to deal with her in the future.

A thought hit her then, and she stiffly moved to where she'd dumped her backpack after it had been returned to her. Shifting through it, she soon pulled out the card Norlock had given her. She was not one to ask for help, but Norlock had been causing people pain for thousands of years. Maybe a few pointers from him could help her out?

Gaz mulled over it for a moment, before opening a drawer in her desk and dropping the card in before shutting it. She wasn't desperate enough to ask actually beg someone else's advice quite yet, but she'd hold onto the card for now.

Just in case.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 8**

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 **A/N: Sweet fancy Moses, but this chapter was a mess. It took forever to write, and it was all over the place. But, I think it was worth it in the end, in order to explore Viera's character a bit more. Let me know if you all agree.**

 **Next time: Some more fun filler, as it's Dib's turn to experiment with the spell drives.**

 **Until then, read and review!**


	9. Dib the Dreamwalker

**A/N: Onwards and upwards to the next chapter we go. This is another filler chapter, but one that I've actually been looking forward to. I think it'll a fun ride, but let's see how it goes, shall we?**

 **Also, we recently passed 2,000 views. In under ten chapters and less than a year-and-a-half. That's a lot more impressive than anything else I've ever written.**

 **Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: While Dib and Steve were off investigating the crashed Meekrob ship, Viera got into an escalating confrontation with Gaz. And while Viera walked away bruised but satisfied with the results, Gaz was much angrier, and left considering ways she might get even.**

 **But that'll be another story saved for another time. For now, let's settle for a lighter tale.**

 **Disclaimer: Invader Zim and all related characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Oni Press. I only own the OCs and the plot.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 9: Dib the Dreamwalker**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Once again, the Membrane household was playing host to a gathering of Team Save Earth (as the trio had finally agreed to call themselves). The three of them were in Dib's room. He and Viera were sitting at his desk, looking over his collection of spell drives, while Steve was on the bed, flipping through the latest issue of Truth Shrieker — aside from trying to study the mechanics of the spell drives, this discussion was outside his field of expertise.

"…And I'm pretty sure this one allows you to shoot heat beams from out of your eyes," Dib was saying, pointing out a particular spell listed on the drive they were currently scrolling through.

"Oh, that's so cool!" Viera said, eyes lighting up as she looked the spell over.

"Great, you've got her going on that superhero kick of hers again," Steve commented, not looking up from his magazine.

"Superhero kick?" Dib echoed, eyebrow raising.

"Yeah, she used to be obsessed with comic books, and those cheesy live action TV show adaptations of them."

"We were six!" Viera said defensively, flushing slightly.

"Anyway," Dib cut in, rolling his eyes, "It doesn't look like we can use this one anyway. It's got a high power point usage cost, and we're pretty low, so until they recharge, we're stuck to lower cost spells. Which is weird, because I could have sworn the count was higher than this."

Viera coughed into her fist and looked away, whistling slightly. Dib raised an eyebrow again, but before he could comment on it, his concentration was broken as he suddenly yawned widely.

"Bored already?" Steve asked.

"No, just a long night," Dib replied, rubbing at his eyes, "I didn't sleep too well. I had this weird dream about Zim taking over the city with an army of biological pants and chasing me with them."

"Huh, that is weird," Viera said, "But I've had weirder. This one time, I dreamt I was a giant robot and was fighting Godzilla."

"The other night, I dreamt a hamburger was trying to eat me," Steve added his two cents, "So, I'd say I win."

"It's not a contest," Viera replied dryly.

Dib chuckled at his friends' exchange, before he suddenly remembered something and started scrolling through the spell drive. This caught the twins' attention, and they cut off their budding contest/argument to see what had gotten Dib so excited.

"Here we go," he said after a moment, "I thought I saw this before. The Dream Walker spell, which allows the user to astral project into the dreamscape of others."

"…That just sounds creepy," Steve said after a moment.

"It does?" Dib asked, confused by the response.

"Entering a sleeping person's mind and experiencing whatever private thoughts their subconscious can come up with, all without their permission?" Viera asked, voice dripping with sarcasm, "No, I don't see anything wrong with that."

"Okay, now you're just intentionally framing it bad," Dib said, "Something like this could be really useful. Like, I dunno, helping to analyze psychological problems, or stuff like that."

"Still sounds like a massive invasion of privacy, that's all I'm saying," Steve replied.

"For once, when it comes to magic, Steve's right," Viera said.

"Hey!" Steve protested, annoyed at the perceived slight.

"Use of magic comes with a responsibility to use it properly," she continued, ignoring her brother, "And a person's mind is their ultimate sanctuary. Violate it in any way, and it's the same as violating them."

"Okay, okay, I get it," Dib said, holding up his hands in defeat, "I can see your point, I just thought it sounded cool."

"So does strapping yourself to a rocket. Doesn't mean it's a good idea," Viera said, smirking at Steve, who flushed.

"We were eight!" he snapped.

Rolling his eyes, Dib snapped the spell drive shut and got to his feet.

"Well, I'm hungry. You guys want to get something to eat?" he asked. This received a couple of shrugs of agreement, and the trio made their way out of the room.

As he shut the door behind him, however, Dib couldn't help but glance longingly at the closed spell drive.

 _Later That Night_

Several hours later, Dib was lying in bed, unable to sleep. His natural curiosity was working against him this time. Despite agreeing with the fairly good points that he had to admit the twins had made, he just couldn't walk away from a perfectly viable spell without trying it out at least once.

"We're paranormal investigators, for crying out loud," he muttered, "This is what we _do_. And besides, it's not like we'd be hurting anyone. We'd just be taking a peek at their dreams, where's the harm?"

Dib sat there in bed, fuming slightly. It just seemed so _stupid_. Here he was, with an incredible spell just waiting for experimentation sitting at his fingertips, and he wasn't being allowed to use it, simply because his friends were being overly moralistic about it. As long as it wasn't dangerous, why not use it, if only to at least test it out?

His train of thought ran down that track for a while, coming ever closer to its only inevitable conclusion. As such, Dib had soon convinced himself that he really had no choice — an obligation to the pursuit of paranormal science, in fact — but to try the Dream Walker spell out and see what he could do with it. And would only be the one time, so no harm, no foul.

Completely ignoring that this was the same kind of logic that had led to him breaking into the SEN library, and the subsequent disaster that whole situation had been, Dib got out of bed and walked over to where the spell drive still lay on his desk. Quickly grabbing it and settling back on his bed, he flipped the drive open and scrolled down to the Dream Walker. Taking a moment to read the sparse instructions, he took a preparatory breath, and hit the activation button.

A jolt ran through Dib's body, and his vision blurred for a moment. The next thing he knew, he was floating in mid-air. Spasming for a moment in surprise, he eventually calmed down and took a moment to take the situation in. Looking down, he saw that he was now glowing blue and see-through. In fact, looking through himself, he could see his own body, having slumped facedown on the bed. For a minute, he panicked, but calmed down as he saw his chest still rising and falling.

"Right, just astral projection," he muttered, "I figured that meant my body would be in a trance, but I guess it sleeping is the same basic thing."

Deciding that he could worry about the semantics later, Dib got back to the business of making use of the spell. It took him several minutes, but he eventually realized that he could move by essentially swimming through the air. Reaching his bedroom door, he paused, reaching out to try and open it, and was pleasantly surprised when his hand passed right through.

"Neat. That definitely helps," he commented, "swimming" through the door and out into the hallway. Once there, he paused, finding himself staring at the door to Gaz's room.

Dib once again found himself wrestling with a decision — should Gaz be the first person whose dream he entered? On the one hand, she was right there, so logic said it was a matter of simplicity. On the other, if Gaz ever found out he'd used her as a test subject for another one of his spells, she'd kill him. Then again, according to the instructions, the dreamer wouldn't notice the Dream Walker unless directly interacted with in the dream, and even then it would most likely simply be passed off as merely another part of the dream. But, did he want to risk it? Especially considering that, given Gaz's personality, her idea of a dream would probably be mentally scarring for him to witness?

After a few minutes of deliberation, Dib decided to risk it. After all, that's what paranormal research was all about. And besides, he'd faced Gaz's wrath before and survived it, he was willing to take his chances.

With that in mind, Dib moved through the air, phasing through the door and into Gaz's room. He felt a shiver run down his spine (or was he feeling that back in his body? He'd have to investigate that, too) as he entered. The only other time he'd ever been in his sister's room was when he'd snuck in to test the Pigmouth spell on her, and he'd ended up attacked by her security dolls. So of course, he was a little cautious entering the darkened room.

Fortunately, it seemed that the security dolls couldn't see or sense things on the astral plane, as they didn't react to his presence. Breathing a sigh of relief (and again wondering how that correlated to his actual body), he floated closer towards where Gaz was lying in bed. Even asleep and tucked in, she still looked like she was ready to rip someone's head off, he idly noted.

As Dib approached his sister, he stopped in surprise as a mist seemed to appear around her. Rising up, it formed into the shape of a archway, the center filling in and gaining color and definition, becoming a black door with Gaz's name on a plaque in the middle of it.

"What the…? Oh, right, Dream Door," Dib said, examining it, "The spell drive said that this is how the spell lets you enter dreams. And to exit, I just have to find it again. Sounds easy enough."

With that, Dib continued floating forward, reaching out to grab the Dream Door's knob. Unlike everything else he'd touched so far, it was actually tangible to him, and he twisted it, opening it and letting out a blinding stream of light. Shielding his eyes and mentally preparing himself for whatever horrors he'd see in his sister's subconscious, he stepped forward through the doorway…

And found himself standing on a lush green hill, sunlight streaming down from a clear blue sky. Blinking both in surprise and to clear his eyes, Dib looked around, and saw that the hill he was standing on was in the middle of rolling fields and meadows, surrounded by a large forest and a sparklingly clear lake. And, even more disorienting, the only clouds blemishing the sky were a pair of puffy cumulous that had a perfect rainbow arching between them.

Dib could only stare at this in confusion, before slowly turning around and staring at the doorway he'd just walked through, which was standing open in mid-air behind him. Peering at the plaque, Dib confirmed that it was in fact Gaz's dream that he had entered. Turning back to the dreamscape, he took it all in again, just in time to watch a small swarm of colorful butterflies fly by.

"…Okay, this is _not_ what I was expecting," he said after a moment of trying to process all of this, "Maybe Gaz is going to come through here with a fire-breathing robot and destroy it all?"

Shrugging and deciding that he'd just make a run for it whenever things took a downturn, he figured that he might as well explore the dream. Maybe he'd figure out something that would help him and Gaz get along better.

Fat chance, but it couldn't hurt.

Dib wandered down the hill, following a trail that led through the nearby forest. He didn't know how long he walked, but eventually he saw an opening in the trees ahead, and heard voices coming from it. Picking up his pace, he walked through the opening, emerging into an open meadow… and the sight that greeted him made him stop dead in shock, jaw dropping open.

In the middle of the meadow was a low set table, set up for a tea party. Seated in the various chairs around it were a variety of stuffed animals, all very much alive, moving about and enjoying the tea and biscuits arrayed around the table. But, given that this _was_ a dream, Dib wasn't too surprised at that.

No, what was threatening to break his brain was the fact that Gaz was sitting at the head of the table… wearing a rainbow-colored dress, hair pulled up in pigtails held in place by yellow bows. Also, instead of her customary scowl, she was smiling brightly, eyes wide open and shining equally bright. And were those long false eyelashes fluttering every time she blinked?

Dib could only stand there, mouth working wordlessly as he tried to process the sight of his terrifying sister in such a stereotypically girly situation. Meanwhile, one of the stuffed animals poured Gaz a fresh cup of tea, which she accepted with a smile. Though, if Dib hadn't been too distracted by the surreal nature of the dream, he would have noticed how forced that smile was.

"Here, Gazzy, have some more tea," the animated teddy bear said with a sugary sweet voice.

"Why thank you, Sunshine Bear," Gaz replied in an equally sweet voice, the sound of it throwing Dib for another loop, "I'm having so much… _fun_."

Even as confused as Dib was from the entire scenario, he could still notice the hesitance and tremor in Gaz's voice as she uttered that sentence. As he raised an eyebrow at that, one of the other animals jumped up, clapping its paws together excitedly.

"Oooh, I'm just so happy!" it exclaimed, "Let's sing a song!"

All the other animals cheered in agreement. Gaz, however, twitched, false eyelashes snapping off and smile faltering.

"I can't take it anymore!" she screamed, "Someone get me out of here!"

Tossing her teacup aside and jumping to her feet fast enough to knock her chair over, Gaz ran off, sprinting towards the forest. However, she didn't even make it halfway towards the tree line before she was tackled by several of the animals. There was a moment of struggle, and then she was being held aloft crowd-surfing style, firm grips on her arms and legs holding her in place.

"Gazzy's right, we've spent too much time here already, when there's still so much fun we can have someplace else!" Sunshine Bear announced, "Come on everyone, let's go frolic in the Lollipop Fields!"

"And then we can go visit the Happy Unicorn Village!" a cat added.

"And then we can give Gazzy another makeover!" a giraffe put in its two cents.

"Yeah, this time we can make her look like a pretty princess!" a dog agreed.

Another cheer went up from the assembled animals, all of whom seemed oblivious to the increasingly panicked struggles of the girl in their grasp.

"No! Let me go! Somebody help me!"

Gaz's cries went unheeded, and faded away as the stuffed animal army carried her off into the distance. Dib watched them go in confusion, until something clicked, and it all finally made sense to him.

"Oh, I get it. This is her idea of a nightmare," he said, "Yeah, that makes a lot more sense."

Dib awkwardly stood there in the meadow for a moment, before clapping his hands in order to break the tension.

"Okay! So, I think I've seen everything I need to. So, I'll just be going then," he announced to the air. He then turned around and walked away as quickly as he could without running. Before long, he'd made his way back to the Dream Door and walked through it. In another blinding flash of light, Dib found himself once again floating invisibly in Gaz's bedroom, the doorway dissolving back into mist and dissipating as it closed behind him.

"Well, that was certainly… something," he muttered, watching Gaz twitch in her sleep, clearly still having that happy, cheerful nightmare, "But hey, at least now I know it works. I guess I should call it a night. Man, I can't wait to tell Steve and Viera about this!"

Dib had floated halfway back to his room before what he had just said fully registered, and he stopped to consider it.

 _Should_ he tell his friends about this? They had seemed pretty adamant in their belief that there was something unethical in the nature of this spell, and would probably read him the riot act for using it. But where was the harm? He'd just used it, and the only possible way you could interpret any sort of damage was the mental scarring _he'd_ probably have from the image of Gaz in that dress. So, really, weren't they just overreacting?

"I wish I could show them that it's not that big a deal," Dib muttered, crossing incorporeal arms over his chest, "Of course, after how they reacted when I just brought it up, I doubt they'd agree to try it out. So how do I prove to them that it's safe and harmless?"

Dib pondered his dilemma for a few moments, considering his options. Well, maybe a demonstration would prove to them that they were overreacting? He could just pop into their dreams, get a quick lay of the land, and then pop out. That wasn't really an invasion of privacy like they described it, right? He wouldn't get any deeper a look at their minds than he had with Gaz, and that hadn't exactly uncovered any of her private thoughts, like the twins had been worried about. So, it seemed to him that he could prove them wrong through a simple matter of going into their own dreams, thus demonstrating that they were worried about nothing.

Once again ignoring the shaky nature of his reasoning, Dib turned towards the exterior wall of the house. Phasing through it, he took a moment to orient himself, and took off in the direction of the twins' house. He'd only been there a few times since he met them, but it should still be enough for him to be able to find the place.

XXXXXXX

It actually took over an hour for Dib to find Steve and Viera's house, as it turned out. He'd never actually visited their home at night, for one thing, so that made it a little harder to find. And besides that, he was still getting used to moving in astral form, so that slowed him down considerably.

Eventually, however, he found the quaint two-story house, and phased his way inside. Wandering his way upstairs, he soon reached the hallway leading to the bedrooms. Quickly eliminating the twins' parents as test subjects (no need to involve people who he wouldn't even be discussing this with, after all), and lacking a coin to toss to decide who to start with, he just shrugged and decided to go with the nearer bedroom, which happened to be Viera's.

Phasing through the door, he took a glance around the room, taking in the paranormal themed books, posters, and knickknacks scattered around it, before settling on where Viera was lying in bed. Her was loose from its ponytails, and in sharp contrast to Gaz, she actually looked rested and peaceful. As Dib floated closer, mist formed around her and created a Dream Door, just like before, except this time a dark shade of magenta.

"Huh, guess they're color-coded per person," he commented, as he reached out to grab the doorknob, "Well, let's see what happens this time."

Opening the door and once again being greeted by a blinding light, Dib braced himself and entered. When his sight cleared this time, he found himself standing on a sidewalk. Looking around, he saw what appeared to be an average downtown neighborhood. But, something wasn't quite right. Everything was… brighter, maybe? He couldn't quite place his finger on it, but shrugged it off as merely being part of the dream. He then began to set off to look for Viera, but was cut off as he heard a sudden smashing sound in the distance.

"What the…?" he muttered, before something fell from the sky and crashed into the street a few yards away. As the resulting dust cloud cleared away, Dib blinked in surprise at the sight of a giant robot, which looked so blocky and cartoonish that even Zim's inventions would have seemed sophisticated next to it.

"Mwuhahaha!" The robot laughed in a horribly stilted, buzzing voice, "And now I, Destructo-Tron, shall destroy this city!"

"Halt, fiend!" a familiar voice called out. A moment later, another figure landed in the street, and Dib raised an eyebrow in surprise. It was Viera, but she was wearing what appeared to a black-and-purple spandex unitard, with matching gloves, boots, and cape, along with a bandana mask and silver belt.

"Wow. I guess that talk about her old superhero obsession stirred this up," Dib commented, as the robot turned to face Viera.

"Captain Magic Girl!" Destructo-Tron exclaimed.

"Seriously?" Dib deadpanned, not impressed with Viera's apparent code name.

"This fair city is under my protection, foul villain!" Viera stated melodramatically, "Now prepare to face justice!"

With that, she flew through the air at Destructo-Tron, who likewise charged towards her. As they neared each other, the robot swung a blocky metal fist at Viera, who easily bent out of the way of the blow, and launched one of her own at his head, and…

Dib blinked in surprise yet again as what appeared to be a brightly-colored word bubble reading "BAM!" burst into existence from the point where Viera's fist connected with Destructo-Tron's chin. She then spun around in mid-air and kicked him in the side of the head, creating another word bubble, this one reading "POW!".

Landing in a crouch, Viera then lashed out with a karate chop. With a "WHAM!" word bubble, it hit the robot's knee, throwing the whole thing off balance and crashing to the ground. Somewhat surprisingly at this point, this _didn't_ also generate its own word bubble.

"Well, I think I've seen enough," Dib said, while Viera continued to rain comic book narrated blows down on the robot. Turning back to the Dream Door, Dib marched through and returned to Viera's room. As the doorway dissolved back into mist, Dib was already phasing back into the hallway and moving down to Steve's room.

Steve's room was a lot like his sister's, except with the paranormal decorations focused on space and aliens rather than magic and monsters. He was lying sprawled on his bed, mouth wide open and snoring. As Dib approached, the now familiar sight of a Dream Door, this one a light blue, formed from the mist surrounding Steve. Turning the doorknob, Dib ignored the light he was now used to and entered Steve's dream.

To Dib's surprise, this time he was greeted by nothing. Literally nothing, just an endless white void. He could feel some sort of floor beneath him that he couldn't see, but aside from the Dream Door floating behind him, he couldn't actually see anything.

He was just stating to panic, wondering if something had gone wrong, when he finally noticed something in the distance, a blob of color in all the white. Walking towards it, Dib felt relief as the blob resolved into Steve. And then he was just left confused, as Steve was just standing there, playing with a yo-yo. Dib arched an eyebrow as he watched this, waiting for something to something to happen.

And waited.

And waited.

Dib had no idea how long he waited, but however long it was, absolutely nothing came of it. No odd fantasies, no metaphorical images, no nightmares, nothing. Steve just stood there, spinning the yo-yo back and forth, up and down, not saying anything, just playing with the simple toy. Honestly, Dib was pretty disappointed.

"Wow," he eventually commented, "This has got to be the most boring dream I've ever heard of. I'm outta here."

Dib turned on his heel and marched out Steve's dream, the Dream Door dissolving behind him. Shaking his head, Dib decided he'd done all he needed to do this night, and phased through the nearby wall and out of the house. He then turned and floated back in the direction of his own home, to get some real sleep before the night was over.

 _Doomsville Middle Skool, The Next Day_

Dib yawned as he leaned against the cafeteria table he and the twins were sitting at. After he'd made it back to his body the previous night, he had thought he'd simply needed to re-enter it, and then he could get some sleep. As it turned out, he'd only been half-right — phasing into his body had cancelled out the Dream Walker spell and returned his spirit to his flesh, but had also instantly woken him up. He'd then spent most of the rest of the night trying and failing to fall asleep.

"You alright?" Steve asked, from where he was poking and prodding at his own lunch.

"Just tired," Dib muttered, "Didn't get much sleep last night."

"Again?" Viera asked, eyebrow raised in surprise.

Dib merely yawned in response, before his sluggish brain caught up to the fact that he hadn't yet told his friends about his use of the Dream Walker spell the night before. Admittedly, he hadn't had a chance to during class, but other than that, it was probably just the tiredness that had been distracting him. Well, no time like the present.

"So, guys," he said, "Remember yesterday, how we were talking about the Dream Walker spell?"

"Ugh, that again?" Viera asked, "We already went over this, Dib. A spell like that is completely unethical."

"I know you said that, but-" Dib started, before Steve cut him off.

"There's no 'buts' about it, buddy," he said firmly, "Poking around in someone else's head without their permission, or even their knowledge… that's just _wrong_. I mean, honestly, if someone did that to me, I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive something like that."

"Ditto," Viera agreed, nodding firmly.

Dib's mouth clicked shut at that statement, cutting short whatever argument he'd been about to make. His friends' aversion to the spell was apparently even stronger than he'd thought. And from what they'd just said, they definitely wouldn't react well if he revealed that he'd used them to test it on.

He didn't want to risk losing the only real friends he'd ever had, so obviously he couldn't tell them what had happened. But he was still convinced that the spell was fundamentally harmless, and could actually be very useful. So, how could he prove it to them?

He was pulled from his thoughts by a sudden screech from elsewhere in the room, followed by a familiar obnoxious laugh. Dib and the twins looked towards the source of the commotion, and found Zim standing atop his table, laughing maniacally. A few tables away, Tak's face was covered in a mass of skool-brand mashed potatoes, wriggling in pain as smoke rose from her skin. Clearly, for whatever reason, Zim had decided to throw food at his rival. Not that he got a chance to enjoy it, for as soon as Tak wiped her face clear to reveal the glare beneath the mess, she grabbed her own lunch tray and flung the whole thing through the air like a frisbee. It smacked Zim square in the face, knocking him off the table to collapse in a heap on the floor.

Dib smirked as he watched all this. One upside he had found to Tak's return was that now Zim had someone else to get into pointless fights with, while he could just sit back and enjoy the view. It almost made it worth the fact that their personal war was made even more complicated, now having _two_ different scheming aliens around, with no idea what either was planning at any given time.

A sudden bolt of inspiration hit Dib as that thought crossed his mind. Maybe that was the use of this spell that he'd been looking for.

"Hypothetical question," he said, regaining the twins' attention, "Let's say I used the spell to spy on Zim and Tak's dreams, to try and understand and predict their plans. Would that be so bad?"

"…Alright, I'll admit, that's pretty tempting," Steve said after a moment of thought, "And they're both evil, so I guess that balances out the moral problems a little."

His sister, however, took a bit longer to mull over the question, and she didn't seem quite as swayed. Finally, she said, "Sorry, but it still seems wrong to me. If we're really willing to do something so immoral just to get an edge, are we really any better than they are?"

Dib frowned. While he could understand on some level the reluctance to use the spell on other people, comparing its use to anything that the Irkens would do just felt like a low blow.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad," he said defensively, "And just think about it. By getting into their heads, we might be able to anticipate their plans and stop them before they even happen."

"You keep saying that, but it doesn't really pan out," Viera replied, "I mean, sure, you could get a basic grasp of their thought processes, but you could get that just from talking to them. I really don't think you could look at their dreams and piece together a coherent picture of what they're planning."

Dib grumbled, but he couldn't find a way to argue with that logic. But even as the conversation shifted away from the discussion of the Dream Walker, Dib's mind stayed on it. Viera had made a good point, yes, but he still thought there was some validity to using the spell. You could still tell a lot about a person from their dreams, and he was certain that it could still be useful against Zim and Tak.

Well, he'd just have to use it again and prove it, wouldn't he?

 _That Night, Outside Tak's Base_

Dib's astral form, once again freed from his body by the Dream Walker spell, slowly floated up through the air outside the Deelishus Weenie building. He'd decided to infiltrate Tak's dreams first, if only because there were fewer people in her base than there were in Zim's, so it'd be quicker to investigate. Plus, she was the more competent Invader, so it would probably be best to get a lock on any of her future plans first.

With a moment's pause to brace himself, Dib phased through the wall. Soon, he was inside the facility, surrounded by Irken machinery. A lot of which, he noted, looked freshly installed.

"Guess she had to rebuild the place after that whole thing with the hollowing-out-the-planet drill," Dib commented, taking it all in. Lamenting for a moment that he couldn't carry around a camera in this form, he began to float off to find Tak — and stopped in mid-air as he realized he had no idea where to find her.

"…Probably should have thought this through a little better," he muttered, as he started floating down one of the hallways, "Well, nothing to do but look around until I find her, I guess."

It took more than an hour, but finally Dib found Tak in a small antechamber off to the side of the main control room. It wasn't exactly what he'd call a bedroom, given that there wasn't a bed. There were just a few screens scattered about, all facing towards a crescent-shaped chair that Tak was slumped in, eyes shut and a few cables plugged into her PAK. MIMI was sitting nearby, eyes dull and lifeless, apparently deactivated. Dib floated closer towards her first, and was surprised when no mist emerged to form a Dream Doorway.

"Huh, guess it doesn't work on robots," he decided, before floating towards Tak, a dark green doorway forming from the mist around her. Opening it, not even really registering the light at this point, Dib entered Tak's dream.

He felt a brief moment of instinctive panic as he found himself standing in a crowd of Irkens, before remembering that they weren't real. Looking around, he saw that the crowd was assembled in a massive metal auditorium, in front of a large, elevated stage. Standing atop of it were two tall figures that Dib recognized as Zim's leaders, the Tallest.

"Thank you all for coming, unimportant faceless masses," Tallest Red said, audibly-enhanced voice echoing across the chamber.

"Not that you had a choice, since this assembly was mandatory, and anyone who didn't show up would be vaporized," Tallest Purple added.

"Not the point," Red said, waving his co-leader off, "Now then, you all know why we're here. To celebrate the greatest Invader in the history of the Irken Empire — Invader Tak!"

The crowd burst out in applause as Tak marched out onto the stage, dressed in a somewhat overdone military-looking uniform covered in medals. Though, Dib personally felt that anything she wore would have looked just as gaudy in light of the extremely smug smirk plastered on her face.

"Thank you, my Tallest," she said, after letting the applause die down, "I cannot say how gratifying it is to finally be recognized for all my hard work."

"That's great," Purple said half-heartedly, "But really, we're here to reward you for what you did to Zim."

"Lower him!" Red ordered. As soon as he finished saying that, spotlights lit up the air above the crowd, and they all looked up, Dib included. And at the sight that greeted him, Dib couldn't help but burst out laughing, glad that the nature of the spell meant that no one could hear him.

Zim was hanging suspended from the ceiling by cables wrapped so tightly around his body that the visible flesh was bulging out in places. Though that might have just been from the bruises covering his body. Or as a reaction to what appeared to be a tar-and-feather job, feathers still scattered on his body from boots to antennae. And as the cherry on top, a large gag had been shoved into his mouth, cheeks bulging out as a result.

"Thanks to the valiant efforts of Invader Tak, the Defective threat of Zim has been ended," Red announced, "No longer will we have to deal with this disgraceful, walking disaster area."

"Who wants to take a whack at him?" Purple asked. In response, every Irken in the room pulled out a club or pipe, and converged on the spot where Zim had been lowered to just above the ground. They pulled him free of the cables and onto the ground, and started whaling on him. Dib watched for a moment, torn between fascination and disgust, before the latter won out and he quickly exited the dream.

"That got pretty creepy," he muttered, floating away and making his way out of the building. He then reoriented in the air and started making his way towards Zim's base.

 _Zim's Base, Shortly After_

Dib had to admit, there was a certain thrill to being able to simply walk into Zim's base without having to worry about any of his security measures, floating right past the lawn gnomes and through the front door. Emerging into the living room, he quickly took in the area, and saw it was empty, except for GIR, who was lying on the couch.

Unlike MIMI, GIR actually looked like he was asleep. He was cuddled up with a stuffed pig, metal tongue sticking out of his mouth, and a metallic snoring noise emerging from him. The most surprising difference between the two robots, however, was the fact that as Dib approached GIR, a Dream Door actually formed around him.

"That's weird," Dib commented, examining the teal-colored door, "How come GIR gets a door, but MIMI doesn't? I mean, I know he's… different, but they're both robots. You'd think it'd be the same for both of them."

Dib mused over this for a moment, before shrugging it off and deciding to see what a robot's dream looked like. Walking through the door, he found himself standing in what appeared to be a nightclub, music drumming and lights flashing. In fact, the lights were so bright, it took Dib a moment to be able to see what was around him, but when he was, he did a double-take.

The crowd surrounding him, dancing to the music, was one of the most bizarre scenes he had ever seen. There were clowns, pigs, moose, anthropomorphic tacos, anthropomorphic mushrooms, anthropomorphic hot dogs… actually, "anthropomorphic" seemed to be a running theme with this crowd.

"This really shouldn't be that surprising, considering whose dream this is," Dib said. Speaking of which, he realized he couldn't actually see GIR anywhere. Shoving his way through the oblivious crowd, Dib began searching for the insane robot. And just as he was about to give up and turn around, he pushed back a herd of sheep that appeared to be made of electricity, and emerged onto a dance floor. And there, in the center of the room, was GIR, happily dancing away, numerous spotlights shining on him.

"WHO KNOWS WHAT TIME IT IS?!" A voice suddenly boomed, catching the attention of the crowd, who all looked up as a figure suddenly dropped from the ceiling to land next to GIR.

"What the heck?" Dib asked, as he took in the sight of a massive anthropomorphic banana, wearing glasses and holding maracas, now towering over GIR, who smiled up at it. And then it started singing.

"It's peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time!" The banana sang, shaking the maracas and swaying back and forth, "Where'ya at? Where'ya at? Where'ya at?"

"…I'm done," Dib announced, eye twitching slightly, before turning and shoving his way back through the crowd towards the Dream Door. Meanwhile, the dancing banana and GIR were starting a conga line, while still singing.

"Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!"

XXXXXXX

After exiting GIR's confusing and ridiculous dream, Dib explored the rest of the house level of Zim's base. After failing to find anything, he concluded that Zim and the others must sleep underground in the base itself, and phased downwards through the floor. He then spent quite some time navigating the maze of tunnels and chambers, until finally entering a smaller room and finding Skoodge sprawled out on a bed, snoring and twitching in his sleep, with cables from the wall connecting with his PAK.

Dib walked through the resultant lime green Dream Door into Skoodge's dream, and found himself in a narrow canyon. Looking around, he just saw more rock and sand, following the path running off into the distance both ways between the sheer walls of the canyon. Looking up, he was greeted by the sight of a dark sky, two moons lit up in it.

"Okay, so this isn't Earth, obviously," Dib commented, looking around, "Could this be Irk? I can understand how he might get homesick… what's that sound?"

Turning around, Dib peered off into the distant end of the canyon, from which he could hear a high-pitched cry approaching, growing increasingly in noise level and intensity as it got closer.

"-AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Skoodge screamed as he emerged from over the horizon. His uniform was torn, his exposed skin was cut up and bloody, and he was running as fast as he could. In moments, he had reached and run right past Dib, who turned around to watch him disappear into the other distance.

"What's he running fro-AAAHHH!" Dib's query trailed off into a scream as he turned back to where Skoodge had come from and quickly got an answer to his question. A massive horde of giant rats, each easily the size of Phil, with large red eyes and fangs the length of Dib's arms, came charging down the canyon. He jumped to the side and scrambled on top of a boulder, just in time to avoid being trampled by the massive rodents, which soon disappeared after Skoodge.

"Why is he dreaming about giant rats?" Dib asked, almost as confused as he had been by GIR's dream. Then he blinked in surprise, as he heard a familiar noise approaching from the opposite end of the canyon. Turning back around, he was surprised to see Skoodge reappear over the horizon, running to disappear once more over the other, followed a moment later by the rat horde. A minute later, the pattern repeated itself, and did so several more times.

"Huh. So it's one of those dreams where everything's on a loop," Dib said after watching a few more cycles, "Still don't get what the deal is with the rats. Maybe he's got musophobia? Meh, not important. Time to move on."

Waiting for the lull between the rats disappearing and Skoodge reappearing, Dib scrambled back down to the Dream Door and out of the dream. Emerging back into Skoodge's room, he left the Irken behind and phased back into the hallway.

Once again navigating the base's hallways, it didn't take Dib as long to find Zim. Unlike Skoodge, he wasn't in a bedroom, but rather what appeared to be a backup control room, just off of the main one he'd taken Dib and Gaz to when they'd first teamed up against Tak. Speaking of whom, like her he was slumped in a chair set in front of several screens, cables snaking into his PAK. And even in sleep, he had a smug and maniacal smirk on his face.

"Well, this should be fun," he muttered, floating towards the surprisingly purple-colored Dream Door forming around Zim. Entering it, he once again found himself among a crowd. This crowd, however, was entirely composed of humans, albeit ones who were wearing ragged and dirty clothes, as well as ridiculous-looking Zim-shaped helmets. Looking at the front of the crowd, Dib saw everyone was staring at a large stage that had been set up to hover above the street. And just as he looked up, a spotlight suddenly lit up the stage, smoke machines and laser lights activating to give a dramatic air to the sight.

"Human dirt-slaves!" a robotic voice announced, "Behold your all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-around-amazing ruler, the incredible Emperor Zim!"

And with that, the smoke cleared to reveal Zim emerging from a trapdoor in the center of the stage. He was wearing a purple cape and spiky purple crown… and, for some reason, high-heeled boots and an obviously fake goatee. Dib couldn't help but laugh at that sight. Did Zim really think that somehow looked impressive?

"Thank you, thank you, worthless human flesh-wastes," Zim said, waving to the applause he apparently thought he could hear, "Now bow before me!"

There was some shuffling from the crowd, but the downtrodden people had barely moved before Zim screamed out "Not fast enough!"

Zim pulled out a remote and pressed a large red button. As he did, the slaves' helmets all suddenly sparked with electricity, and they started spasming in pain, before collapsing to their hands and knees.

"That's better," Zim said, putting the remote away, "Now then, in celebration of my magnificent conquest of this _disgusting_ planet, I have a special event set up. Now, feast your worm-baby eyes on what happens to those who dare defy me!"

There were some more dramatic light shows as more panels opened up on the stage. This time, three poles rose into the air, and Dib's eyebrows shot up at the sight of the figures tied to those poles. One was clearly meant to be him, but with a grotesquely enlarged head. Flanking him, even more bizarrely, were two child-sized, faceless blobs — one was wearing a sign that read "Not-Dib: Boy", and the other was wearing one that read "Not-Dib: Girl".

"Wow, he _really_ can't remember their names, can he?" Dib remarked, "And is that really how big he sees my head as?"

"These pig-smellies have dared to fight against me time and again," Zim proclaimed, "And now they shall pay the price!"

"You'll never get away with this, Zim!" Dream-Dib shouted, in a nasally, high-pitched voice, "I'll stop you, because Earth, and paranormal, and blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, yak yak, drivel drivel drivel!"

"I do not sound anything like that!" the real Dib protested, though it obviously went unnoticed among the dream crowd.

"Your words mean nothing, Dib-Stink," Zim sneered, "And they will not save you now. Bring out the Poking Stick of Doom!"

There was a rhythmic pounding of drums, and the crowd parted, making way for a procession of Zim's lawn gnomes, who were carrying a large metal pole, whose top ended in the shape of a hand with one finger extended. They carried it up onto the stage, and positioned it in front of Dream-Dib. The gnomes turned to look at Zim, who nodded. The gnomes then reared back for a moment, before ramming it forward, right into the middle of Dream-Dib's forehead.

"Ow!" Dream-Dib yelped, as they pulled the stick back, before hitting him with it again, and again, repeatedly, "Quit it! Ow! Knock it off! Ow! Stop! Ow!"

"…This is just _sad_ ," the real Dib commented, while his dream counterpart continued to squeal in pain at the repeated head poking, "This is his subconscious. He can literally think of anything of do to me, and this is the best he can come up with? That's pretty pathetic."

Dib merely stood there, watching his dream counterpart get poked a few more times, before finally deciding he wasn't going to get any more out of this dream, and quickly exited it. Emerging back in Zim's chamber, he couldn't resist giving the Irken a rude gesture before floating out of the room. He knew Zim couldn't see it, but it still felt satisfying after what he had just witnessed.

XXXXXXX

Dib was a little ashamed to admit that he got lost on the way out of the base. You'd think it'd be easy when one had the ability to walk (er, float) through the walls, but the place was a maze. He honestly didn't know how Zim could find his way around this place on a regular basis.

On the bright side, his wanderings had brought him across a sleeping Minimoose and Phil, both of whom had provided more test subjects for the spell. The former's dream had been a bit of a surprise, as it had been of him sitting in a massive library, reading and drinking tea. The latter, however, had been a bit more expected. He'd been dreaming of sitting on a mountain of steaks, under a rain of sausages, eating them all. That had literally been the most predictable dream out of all of the ones he'd encountered so far, he mused as he finally emerged back into the surface level of the base.

"Finally," he muttered, "That took long enough. Well, I think it's time to call it a night. I've learned a lot… well, kinda. I'm sure once I go over everything I've seen, I can make use of at least some of it. First thing's first, though, I should get home and get some actual sleep."

Dib floated into the living room towards the front door, only to stop short as it suddenly opened, and Norlock swept into the base. The vampire slowly marched across the room, gaze automatically sweeping across the room… and he suddenly came to a stop mid-step as the those unholy red eyes settled on the spot where Dib was floating. As Norlock stared straight at him, Dib felt a chill run down his incorporeal spine.

" _C-Can he see me?_ " Dib wondered, too startled to speak aloud, " _No way, that's not possible. Astral projections are completely invisible on the normal plane._ "

Fortunately, before Dib could panic, Norlock made a dismissive sound and turned away, continuing on his original path towards the elevator in the living room's side wall. As he disappeared down into the depths of the base, Dib breathed a redundant sigh of relief.

"Okay, that was weird," he muttered, "I mean, obviously he couldn't have possibly been able to see me, but he was definitely acting like he could. He was looking right at me…"

Dib shuddered again, and quickly decided to get the hell out of there. He could figure out what had just happened later. Right now he just wanted to be somewhere safe and secure.

 _Membrane Household, The Next Morning_

Dib lay on his bed, looking haggard and foot tapping nervously against the edge of the mattress. Once again, he hadn't gotten much actual sleep — returning to his body had forced it awake, and he'd spent most of what was left of the night trying to get back to sleep. Not that he'd likely have been able to anyway, given how on edge he still was from the encounter with Norlock, which he still couldn't wrap his head around.

"He acted like he saw something," Dib muttered, "Which he couldn't have. And even if he did, why didn't he react further to it? It just doesn't add up."

Those thoughts circled round and round Dib's head all through the night. He'd tried to distract himself by analyzing the dreams he'd witnessed. But that just brought on a new slew of headaches — eliminating Phil and the robots' dreams as unimportant was easy enough, given how nonsensical they were. But try as he might, and he tried, he just couldn't work anything of use out of the Irkens' dreams. All he could get from Tak and Zim was that they were egotistical and petty, and he knew that already. And as for Skoodge, Dib supposed he could make something out of the fat Invader's apparent fear of rats, but honestly, he didn't really think of Skoodge as that much of a threat in the first place.

He didn't want to admit it, but his attempt at dream espionage — his entire justification for the continued use of the Dream Walker spell — had been a pretty spectacular failure. In the end, it looked like he might have to face the fact that the spell was useless for anything other than having a little bit of fun. But he didn't want to have to admit that.

Because it _was_ fun. It felt awesome to exit his body and explore the mindscapes of others. And with all the crap in his life, what was wrong with being able to take some enjoyment in a harmless little spell like this one?

But he quickly shoved that thought aside; everything he did was for the good of Earth, not his own amusement. Besides, a part of him argued, it might still be too early to declare the spell as useless for anything worthwhile. Maybe, it said, he just needed to use the spell some more, and with experience, he'd learn how to use it the way he wanted. And in any case, there was still one person he hadn't used it on, the same person responsible for the dread that had kept him up all night.

Dib didn't know if vampires could dream, but he wouldn't forgive himself for just abandoning the Dream Walker without at least seeing if it worked on Norlock. And if nothing else, he was hoping that he could figure out whether or not Norlock had been able to see him. Because that was bugging him, and was going to drive him crazy if he didn't get a definite answer about it.

Mind made up, Dib took a look outside his window, at the slowly lightening early morning sky. Well, whatever he was going to do, he could at least try and get some more sleep before he acted on it. He needed to be thinking clearly and rationally, after all.

That decided, Dib rolled over and tried to get back to sleep.

 _Zim's Base, Several Hours Later_

After managing a couple more hours of precious sleep, Dib had quickly put a cover story in place for why he wouldn't be in skool that day. Feigning illness, he'd gotten an apathetic Gaz to halfheartedly agree to pass word along to the skool administration that he'd be out for the day, and also sent off a text to Steve and Viera to let them know the same thing. He felt bad about lying to his friends, but he didn't really need to hear another lecture about use of the spell, thank you very much.

So, once he'd covered all his bases, and Gaz had left for the day, he'd retreated to his room and once again triggered the Dream Walker. He'd then flown to Zim's base, and waited for Zim and Skoodge to leave. Now, as he watched, the two disguised Irkens emerged, Zim already deep into a rant about something, Skoodge nodding along but not even trying to contribute to it.

Dib watched them go, and then phased into the house. Inside, he found GIR sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating from a bowl of what appeared to be raw cookie dough. Minimoose was floating nearby, while Phil was sitting in a corner chewing on what Dib realized after a moment was the Robo-Dad's torn off arm. Which would explain why he and the Robo-Mom were hitting Phil with chairs (not that he seemed to care).

Taking this all in for a moment with a raised eyebrow, Dib shrugged it off. He floated over to the elevator that Norlock had used the previous night and phased down through the floor, following the shaft down into the base. After spending some time once again wandering the network of corridors, Dib eventually found himself floating a few feet away from a coffin sitting in the middle of an otherwise empty room. As he approached, mist rose around it, forming into a Dream Door, colored pitch black, with Norlock's name etched into it on a tarnished silver plaque.

"Well, that's not creepy at all," Dib deadpanned, before floating over and opening the door. To his surprise, the light beaming out through the open doorway was not as bright and blinding as all the others. Instead, it was dull and had an almost hypnotic, rhythmic pulse running through it.

"…Okay, that's weird," Dib stated, staring in confusion at the odd light, "Is it different because he's a vampire? Huh. I'll have to remember to research this later."

Making a mental note of it, Dib entered the oddly-lit Dream Door. Despite its diminished brightness, the light still blinded Dib for a moment, and then he was in the dream. He found himself standing in a stone room, lit only by a pair of standing torches flanking a throne-like chair set against the wall. Norlock was sitting reclined in that chair, one hand holding a wineglass full of blood that he was casually sipping from.

"This is it?" Dib asked, "You'd think a centuries-old vampire would have more exciting dreams."

"I find it quite relaxing, actually," Norlock replied. Dib did a double take at that, staring slack-jawed at him.

"You can see me? What the hell?!" Dib exclaimed, "No one's supposed to be able to see me while I'm using this spell!"

"The Dream Walker, right?" Norlock asked, setting the glass aside and standing up, "Yes, normally it makes the user invisible to the people they're dream peeping on. Unless, of course, they happen to be a lucid dreamer. Like myself, for instance. I'm guessing wherever you learned the spell didn't mention that little detail?"

"Uh… not really, no," Dib said nervously, suddenly feeling very vulnerable.

"I didn't think so," Norlock said, crossing his arms behind his back and slowly circling Dib, "And I'm also going to assume that that was your astral form I saw skulking about the base last night?"

"So you _could_ see me?" Dib asked, natural curiosity momentarily overriding his fear, "How? That was driving me crazy."

"I'm a vampire," Norlock replied dryly, "My eyes see more than the spectrum visible to mere humans. I just didn't react otherwise because I wasn't sure who it was."

"Well, that's real interesting," Dib said, nervousness returning as Norlock continued to circle him, "Thanks for letting me know, I'll be going now, bye!"

Dib turned and ran for the Dream Door. But before he could reach it, Norlock raised one of his hands from behind his back and made a small waving gesture… and a brick wall fell from the ceiling, cutting Dib off from the door with a smash. Dib, unable to stop himself in time, slammed right into it a moment later, knocking him flat on his back on the stone floor.

"Like I said, lucid dreamer," Norlock said, while Dib lay disoriented on the floor, "Which means that in here, I'm basically a god. Now, why don't you just sit there like a good boy, and listen while Uncle Norlock gives you some much-needed advice."

"'Uncle Norlock'?" Dib echoed incredulously, sitting up to stare at the vampire, "Seriously? What are you, a kid's TV show host?"

"Hush," Norlock replied, making a sliding motion with his hand. As he did, a zipper appeared on Dib's mouth and zipped shut. Dib's eyes widened in shock, and he began tugging at the zipper frantically, muffled protests emerging from behind it.

"Oh, relax," Norlock commented, as Dib grew more panicked, "It's not like you need to breathe in here. Nor will it affect you in the real world. So just calm down.

"Now then," he continued, once more clasping his hands behind his back, "Let's talk about responsible and ethical use of magic. Oh, I know what you're thinking — 'where does the self-admittedly evil vampire get off talking about ethics?'. Well, let me tell you something, little boy. Even evil has standards, and one of mine is the simple fact that the mind is sacred territory. A person's mind is their ultimate sanctum, and it is not something that you can just force your way into and violate. True, I might hypnotize prey, but that's different from poking around someone's subconscious and looking at their most personal thoughts without permission. Understand me?"

In response, Dib merely made some more muffled noises behind his zippered mouth, an annoyed look on his face. Norlock arched an eyebrow at that, and the zipper opened and disappeared, allowing Dib to automatically gasp for breath. After composing himself, he went back to glaring at Norlock.

"I am _not_ going to sit here and be lectured by a monster," he snapped, "Let me told you the same thing I told Steve and Viera. I-"

"You've already had this argument with your own team?" Norlock asked, surprised. Dib balked for a moment at the interruption, before rallying himself and continuing.

"Yeah, and like I told them, this spell is too useful to get hung up over some of its morally grey aspects," he said, "We're at war with you and Zim and Tak, and we need to use every tool at our disposal to fight you. And if that means having to spy on people in their dreams, then-"

"And what exactly have you learned?" Norlock interrupted again, "What grand intelligence on your enemies have you gathered by going behind your friends' backs and intruding in the minds of others?"

Dib flinched at the comment, as he frantically went over everything he'd seen and experienced since he started using the Dream Walker. And he was once again forced to face the fact that he hadn't really gotten anything productive out of it. But he wasn't about to admit that to someone like Norlock.

"You've got nothing, don't you?" Norlock stated, smirking, "Mr. 'High-and-Mighty Defender of the Earth' can't come up with a single viable, supportable, justification for his trip in the deep end of the moral pool. And do you want to know why? Because deep down, you never cared whether or not you could use this spell for the benefit of your self-appointed mission. That was just an excuse for you having a good time."

"That's not true!" Dib snapped, defensively.

"Don't try to deny it, I've been an expert at psychoanalyzing my opponents since before Freud coined the term. I know how to read people, and I can see clear as - _gah_ \- day just what's going on here."

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" Dib practically snarled, nearing the end of his rope.

"Simple," Norlock replied with a condescending smile, "You've been pushed to the edge of sanity and back, time and again, by your battles with Zim and other assorted evil creatures, such as myself. And whether you consciously realized it or not, you needed a form of stress relief. So, you decided to take this spell for a whirl, a little romp through other people's heads for your own amusement — though of course, you kept telling yourself that it was for a better reason than that, so that you wouldn't have to feel guilty about it.

"That sound about right?" he asked, finishing with an arched eyebrow. Dib worked his mouth for a few minutes in response, but couldn't seem to find the words to rebuke the vampire's statements. He wanted to deny it all, that he really had been for the good of protecting the Earth, not simply because he wanted to.

But he couldn't. There _had_ been a thrill to using the spell, and it _had_ felt good to be in a supernatural-based situation that wasn't life and death. And now that he was being forced to look back and face the facts, his justifications and logic for his continued use of the spell — even when his friends kept telling him it was wrong, even when it proved useless as the tactical edge he claimed it was — were so flawed and full of holes that you could represent them with a block of Swiss cheese.

As much as it pained him to admit it, Norlock was right. This whole thing had just been a way to have some fun, to not have to worry about the increasingly dangerous nature of his day-to-day struggles with the forces trying to destroy the world as he knew it. It had been a great escape from reality, and he had been so desperate to cling to that escape that he'd been deluding himself about just why he'd been doing it. And he couldn't afford to keep doing that if he was going to be able to do his duty as Earth's protector.

"Okay, I admit it," Dib finally said aloud, looking up to glare at Norlock, "I've been doing this because I wanted to and I enjoyed it, not because it was the right thing to do. Happy?"

"Yes, actually," Norlock said with that same smirk, "I'm all for heroes falling to the dark side, but not over something this petty. It's just a cop out, really. And I do stand by what I said before, regarding the sanctity of the mind."

As he finished saying that, Norlock's arm snapped out and grabbed Dib by the throat, lifting him into the air. As Dib choked, Norlock brought him up to eye level, so he had a direct view of Norlock's glare.

"So, consider this a warning," the vampire hissed, "Keep your filthy mind out of other people's heads. Got it?"

Still being strangled by Norlock's grip, Dib could only give a weak nod in response, earning another smirk from Norlock.

"Good," he said, "Now, goodbye."

Norlock then said something in a language Dib didn't understand, and tossed the boy towards the brick wall blocking the Dream Door. Just before he hit it, the wall dissolved into mist, and Dib sailed through it, flying right out of the door and back into the real world. And before he had a chance to reorient himself, a dark red glow started emanating from his astral body.

"What the-AAAHHH!" Dib screamed, as he suddenly went flying up through the air, phasing through the ceiling of the chamber. He kept on going, up through the levels of the base, until he emerged into the base living room. His body then changed trajectory, zooming past the oblivious robots and out the base's door. He then proceed to fly in a zigzagging pattern through the city, until reaching his house. With a final sharp turn, Dib's astral form zoomed up into his bedroom, slamming back into his body.

With a strangled, gasping breath, Dib lurched up, before falling off of his bed. He instinctively kicked and struggled with the air for a moment, before getting ahold of himself. Looking around, it took him another moment to realize what had just happened, at which point he gave a slightly hysterical laugh.

"Heh, guess he wanted to make sure I actually went away," he said, before once again getting ahold of his nerves. Shakily getting to his feet, Dib paused as his gaze fell on the spell drive still sitting on his bed. He bit his lip as he looked at the spell staring back at him from the screen, before he quickly grabbed the drive and shut it, before shoving it away in a nearby drawer.

That spell drive was staying locked away, where it couldn't tempt him again. He'd compromised his morals enough already using this thing, and he wasn't going to risk doing it again. While he was still sure that there _were_ spells that could help him fight Zim, Tak, and Norlock, this wasn't one of them, and he wasn't going to waste time on it anymore. Besides, using it when a pissed off vampire clearly was opposed to it was just asking for trouble.

With that in mind, Dib sat back down in bed, deciding to get some real sleep before enjoying what was left of the day off he'd given himself. Looking on the bright side, and all that. Tomorrow would be a new day to fight.

And this time, he'd be doing it right.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 9**

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 **A/N: Bleh. This took forever to write, and the ending felt a little forced to me. Hope it came across okay.**

 **Fun facts about this chapter: originally, it was going to feature a spell going awry and trapping all the characters in their nightmares, forcing them to work together to escape, but I decided to go with something more lighthearted. And then, it was supposed to feature Viera as the dreamwalker, but I figured that two chapters in a row focusing on her might be a bit much, so I switched to Dib.**

 **Speaking of Viera, I realized partway through writing this chapter that I was making her a hypocrite, talking about responsible use of magic after what she did to Gaz last chapter. But, let's just chalk that up to still being a kid.**

 **Also, hope everyone picked up the references to the comics I stuck in here. This story doesn't hold them in canon, but the occasional wink at them will still pop up.**

 **Next time: We leave Earth for a bit, to check in on the wider galactic stage.**

 **Until then, read and review! And Happy Thanksgiving!**


	10. Tenn's Mission of Doom

**A/N: Sorry for the wait on this one. I was hoping to get it out for either Christmas or New Year's, but then my grandfather died. Between having to fly out to LA for the memorial (it was supposed to be a cremation and ash-scattering, but California's got some weird laws on when you can do that), and the emotional gut punch from the whole thing, I didn't have the time or motivation to write. So, it took me a while to get back to this story.**

 **Anyway, time for another big, important chapter, folks. First off, it's a big milestone — not only because it's where we hit the double-digits on the chapter count, but because with this chapter, we have surpassed 100,000 words in total. While this was already (by far) the longest story I've ever written, this raises me to a whole other tier. So, very exciting.**

 **Furthermore, this chapter also helps further along the overall story arc for this season, not to mention bringing in the last core cast member (again, for this season at least). It'll still be awhile before we get any real momentum on all that, but this chapter will help set the stage for it.**

 **I'm also proud to announce that** _ **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**_ **now has its own TV Tropes page! Go on, check it out and contribute, please.**

 **Well, enough rambling and advertising. On with the show!**

 **Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Dib experimented with a spell that allowed him to enter the dreams of others, using it on his team and enemies. At least until Norlock forced him to realize that what he was doing was immoral, thus making him abandon his use of the spell.**

 **But enough about that. Now we turn our gaze elsewhere in the universe, to the activities of other Irkens.**

 **Disclaimer: The canon characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Oni Press. The OCs and the plot are all I own.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 10: Tenn's Mission of Doom**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

The _Massive_ drifted through space, surrounded by the other ships of the Armada. Onboard the planetoid-sized ship, the Tallest sat stretched out on their reclining thrones, staring out at the empty expanse of space visible through the bridge's viewscreen. It had been a while since they'd had anything to do, as no Invaders had completed their conquests and necessitated an Organic Sweep since Invader Slacks had finally conquered the Large-Nostrilled People of Boodie-Nen several weeks earlier, and they'd converted the planet into a fueling station.

"I'm bored," Purple moaned.

"I heard you the first ten times," Red snapped, glaring at his co-leader.

"But there's nothing going on!" Purple continued to whine, "There's nothing to blow up, no Invaders have checked in lately… I think I'd even settle for one of Zim's stupid messages."

"Are you serious?" Red asked, suddenly concerned for Purple's mental state.

"Hey, if nothing else, they're usually good for a laugh," Purple responded with a shrug, "Especially those times when he blows himself up by accident."

Red laughed at that. "Okay, yeah, I'll admit sometimes we can wring something worthwhile out of that annoying little Defect. Especially ever since we agreed to this whole set up with Tak. The way his face stretches out when he's yelling about her is hilarious."

"Except when he starts screeching," Purple said.

"Well, obviously," Red commented with an eye roll, "That would be annoying even if it wasn't Zim."

The conversation lulled there for a moment, as a Table-Headed Service Drone brought them a fresh round of snacks. As they stuffed their faces, Red paused, scratching at his chin in thought.

"Hmm, you know what? Maybe we can use Zim to liven things up a bit around here," he said after a moment.

"Whaddya mean?" Purple asked, around a mouthful of cheese fries.

"Since he's always so eager to please, I say we call him up, give him some bogus assignment that's bound to cause him pain, and make him record the whole thing for us," Red explained.

"Ha, I love it!" Purple said, "Ooh! How about we send him to Sylvestra and tell him to try and capture a Snarl Beast?"

"Hmm, that could work. Let's go with it," Red said, nodding in agreement, before turning to a nearby technician, "Establish a connection with Zim's base on Earth."

"Yes, my Tallest," the technician replied, before fiddling with the controls on his console. A moment later, the viewscreen switched to static, before resolving into the image of one of Zim's labs.

"Zim! We have an important mission that only you-"

"He's not here," a familiar voice cut Red off. Both Tallest blinked in surprise, before actually registering the image on the screen. Zim was, in fact, nowhere to be seen, the only person visible being Norlock, who was standing off to the side, more focus on examining one of the containment tubes than on the Tallest.

"Where is he?" Red asked, mood souring at his fun being so abruptly preempted.

"He left on his ship saying something about a 'space mall'," Norlock said, still inspecting the tube, but pausing for a moment to actually look at the screen and arch an eyebrow, "Is that really a thing, by the way?"

"Of course it is," Purple said, "Where else are people supposed to get military-grade weapons at a discount?"

"…Of course, how foolish of me not to realize that," Norlock replied dryly, turning back to what had previously been holding his attention, "By the way, do you know if Zim is still using this guy for anything?"

The person in question that Norlock was referencing was the young boy floating in the containment tube. While the kid probably had other features of note, the only things anyone looking really noticed was A) the disturbingly large smile on his face and B) the large drill-like object, topped with a smiley face, sticking out of his skull. Those were kind of hard to overlook.

"I'm… So… Happy!" the kid exclaimed, whole face twitching while the implant in his skull sparked.

"Ugh, never mind, that's too freaky," Norlock muttered, before turning back fully to the Tallest, "Anyway, did you want Zim for something?"

"Meh, it's not important," Purple said dismissively, grabbing another handful of fries, "We were just going to send him off on a dangerous snipe hunt and laugh while he was getting hurt on it."

Norlock's eyebrows shot up at that. He stared at the Tallest for a moment, before shaking his head in disgust.

"Really? I thought, given your willingness to go along with this competitive set up with Tak, that you'd start appreciating Zim's talent a bit more," he commented.

"We appreciate that he's good for a laugh," Purple said, stuffing his mouth.

"Look, we agreed to let Zim and Tak fight each other for control of Earth because we thought it'd be entertaining," Red said, sipping at a soda, "That doesn't mean we have to like him."

"Hmph," Norlock muttered noncommittally, "Still, if nothing else, I figured you'd give him a little bit of leeway after he found that Meekrob ship."

As soon as he finished that sentence, Norlock was surprised by the reaction it elicited from both Tallest. Purple began choking on his mouthful of fries, while Red spat out his soda hard enough that it sprayed all over the viewscreen.

"WHAT?!" Red screamed as he regained his breath, while Purple continued to sputter, "What Meekrob ship?!"

"The one he found buried in some mountains near here a couple of weeks ago," Norlock replied, confused, "Did you not know about that? Given how excited he was about it, I would have thought he'd told you."

"He was going to," the Computer chimed in, "But then he decided that since the ship blew up without him getting anything from it, he'd be wasting the Tallest's time, and they would be disappointed in him, so he didn't make the report."

"Still, wouldn't Tak at least… oh, no, wait, she'd probably be operating under the same logic, wouldn't she?" Norlock mused.

"I'd assume so," the Computer replied.

"Oh, that figures," Red muttered angrily, "The one time there's actually something interesting to hear from that mud ball, and neither of those two bother to report it."

"How could they not report something like this?!" Purple shrieked, causing several nearby technicians to wince at the volume, "This is huge! We've never been able to get ahold of Meekrob technology before, and Zim and what's-her-face blow it up without getting any of it? That's just freaking great!"

"Calm down before bust your 'spooch," Red said, rolling his eyes.

"If you're so interested in this technology, why don't you just go to the source?" Norlock asked, "I mean, infiltrating and invading planets seems to be your species' whole thing. Just send an Invader to wherever the Meekrob are from and have them grab some tech for you?"

"We already tried that," Purple said, "We sent Invader Tenn to Meekrob, but, uh, we're pretty sure she's dead."

"Pretty sure?" Norlock asked, eyebrow arched in confusion.

"Yeah, funny story," Red laughed awkwardly, "There was a shipping mistake, and a bunch of defective SIR units we meant for Zim went to her instead. Last we saw of her, they were blowing up her base."

"And you haven't been able to get in touch with her since?"

Norlock's question was greeted by total silence, as the Tallest sat there, staring at him. As this dragged on for several minutes, Norlock was sure he could here a cricket chirping somewhere.

"Have… have you even _tried_ to contact her since then?" Norlock asked, hesitantly.

"Er, have we?" Purple asked, turning to Red.

"Why would we?" Red countered, "We saw her base getting blown up, why shouldn't we have just assumed she was dead?"

"Still, that's just lazy," Norlock said, "Would it have really been that hard to call every now and then?"

"What are you, her caretaker?" Red snapped, irritated at being called out on this. He sulked for a moment, before saying, "Well, okay, maybe you've got a point. If nothing else, we really should try and figure out what a Meekrob ship was doing on a backwater dump like Earth."

"There you go. Be proactive," Norlock said, "Speaking of which, I suppose I'll have to find my meal elsewhere. Good night."

With that, Norlock turned away, and the viewscreen went to static for a moment, before returning to the exterior view of the ship.

"You know, that guy's good for a laugh, but he's just so damn smug," Purple muttered sourly.

Red didn't voice his agreement, but instead turned to the same technician and said, "You! Try and establish contact with Invader Tenn on planet Meekrob."

"Yes, my Tallest," the technician replied, "It might take some time, but if we can lock onto the source of the distress beacon-"

"What distress beacon?" Red asked, blinking.

"T-the one we've been getting from Meekrob for the past year, my Tallest," the technician said, surprised.

"What? Why didn't you tell us about this sooner?!" Purple demanded.

"My Tallest, I told you about it when we first detected it, and have been reminding you for months," the technician protested, "You kept telling me you were busy and it could wait."

The Tallest stared at him for a moment, turned to share a look with each other, and then turned back to the technician.

"Throw him out the airlock!" Purple commanded.

"Wait, wha-AH!" the technician barely had a chance to process what was happening, before guards swarmed in from nowhere and grabbed him, dragging him kicking and screaming out of the room. The Tallest watched him go, until he disappeared down the corridor, followed a moment later by the sound of an opening door and rushing air. Only then did they turn back to the rest of the bridge crew, who were all looking on with looks ranging from shock to resignation.

"What are you all looking at? Get back to work!" Purple commanded. The technicians did as ordered, turning back to their consoles.

"Now then," Red said, "Like I said. Someone get in touch with Invader Tenn on Meekrob. And no backtalk this time!"

With that, the technicians' hands began flying across their controls, and the Tallest leaned back in their chairs, waiting for the signal to connect.

 _Planet Meekrob, Badlands, A Short Time Later_

Planet Meekrob was, by most species' definitions, a hazardous wasteland. Aside from the great crystalline cities that were scattered here and there around the planet, it was nothing but barren deserted wastes and acidic oceans, both inhabited by vicious, hardened animals. Thanks to evolving into an energy-based lifeform, the Meekrob themselves were not bothered by any of this, and in fact saw it as an advantage — anyone foolish enough to try and invade their world would have to deal with natural defenses long before any actual combat was joined.

However, this also meant that, as a species, they were extremely overconfident in their ability to protect their world from outsiders. Something that Invader Tenn was very much aware of and thankful for as she slowly crept down a canyon of jagged rocks and crystal protrusions, wearing a camouflage cloak.

It had been about a year since her mission to infiltrate Meekrob had ended in a catastrophic failure. She still had no idea why she had been sent a contingent of insanely defective SIR units, but she cursed the fact that she had for every day since. The Irk-damned things had nearly completely destroyed her base, ruining months of work by exposing her to the Meekrob who had come to investigate the disturbance. She'd barely managed to flee with her life, escaping into the wilderness.

"Good thing being hyper-evolved also seems to make them hyper-lazy," Tenn muttered with a humorless laugh, reflecting on how the Meekrob hadn't bothered keeping up the pursuit. She could only assume that they, in their high and mighty belief in their own superiority, had decided that there was no need to hunt her down themselves, when she would _surely_ perish due to the elements or the various predators inhabiting the badlands.

"RAAAHHH!"

"Speaking of which," Tenn said with a wince, at the sound of a shrieking roar calling from nearby, and the accompanying stomp of approaching footsteps. Scrambling towards a nearby outcropping of crystal, Tenn climbed on top of it and threw herself flat against its surface, pulling the cloak entirely over herself. Thanks to the color and texture of the material, she now looked like nothing more than a slightly irregular growth of the crystal. Additionally, it also dampened her heat signature, so as long as she stayed perfectly still, the creature now entering the canyon wouldn't see her.

Standing a dozen feet tall at its highest, it was a four-legged crustacean, with two additional limbs extending from the front of its body, ending in massive pincers. Sitting dead center in the front of its body was a gaping maw of razor sharp teeth, framed by a set of mandibles and a pair of bulbous eyestalks. The mandibles clicked as the eyestalks roamed over the canyon, but seeing nothing after several moments, it moved on.

Tenn breathed a sigh of relief as the creature — a Scuttling Flesh-Render, as the Meekrob had so unimaginatively named it — disappeared around the bend at the far side of the canyon. She'd had several close calls with these creatures and other such predators, until she'd realized most hunted by heat. After that, all she'd needed to do was piece together the cloak from what materials she'd had on hand, and now she could mostly get away scot free.

Once the Flesh-Render was out of sight, Tenn got back to her feet and continued making her way down the canyon. A few minutes later, she arrived at her destination, a tunnel leading into the canyon wall. Traveling down it, she soon reached a large blast door. Tapping a code into the access pad, she stepped back and let the security system scan her; once it confirmed her identity, the door slid open with a groaning screech, letting Tenn enter.

"Home sweet hole in the ground," she muttered bitterly, taking in the small, crowded cavern. She'd set up this emergency bunker when she'd first arrived on Meekrob, just in case. And it had come in handy once she'd had to flee what was left of her main base. She'd laid low here, until she felt it was safe to return to what was left of the main facility and recover whatever had survived both the SIR rampage and the resulting Meekrob attack.

Which, unfortunately, also included the remains of the SIRs themselves, Tenn noted with a slight twitch, looking over the storage container in the corner of the chamber. She hadn't actually _wanted_ to grab what was left of those Irk-forsaken things, but in order to survive she'd needed every scrap of technology she could get her hands on.

Of course, she hadn't counted on the remains somehow reactivating and piecing themselves back together. And judging by the shaking of the container and repeated banging against its locked and chained doors, they were still just as insane and destructive as before.

Tenn shook off her apprehension at being anywhere remotely close to the SIR units, and, taking off her cloak and draping it over a chair, moved down a nearby tunnel into another, slightly bigger room. It was a makeshift hanger, housing her personal ship, a heavily modified Spittle Runner that looked more like a scaled down Shuvver. Or rather, what was left of it, as it had been among her equipment that had been completely trashed. She'd been spending months scavenging the remains of her old base, hoping she could piece together a workable makeshift repair job to get the ship operational enough to get offworld and back to Irken controlled space.

Sighing, Tenn took out the bag of scrap and computer components that she'd retrieved on this latest trip. Sorting through it to find anything especially relevant, she picked out a few circuitboards, and set to work installing them into the nearly completely restored control console of the ship. As she did, hands virtually working on autopilot, she once again let her mind drift, to ponder just how in the six hells of Vort she ended up here.

For Irk's sake, she had graduated the top of her class for both the Elite-qualifying _and_ Invader-qualifying tests. The Control Brains themselves had said that she was the best Invader in three generations, and they were not known for false praise. There was a reason that the Tallest had picked her, out of all the options at their disposal, to infiltrate Meekrob and mine that age old enemy's secrets for the Empire's use.

Sure, it had been a little disappointing that results were so slow, even more so when Skoodge, of all Irkens — who was a nice enough guy, but such a _tool_ — was the first Invader to actually conquer his assigned planet. But she simply reassured herself with the fact that her problems were entirely due to how secure the Meekrob cities were. It wasn't for nothing, after all, that the Meekrob had become so complacent, with the important parts of their world so well protected. That was why she'd requested the Megadoomer, so that she could infiltrate in a way that left her heavily-armed, just in case.

And that was where everything had gone wrong, wasn't it? Somehow, instead of one of the most powerful, state of the art war machines at the Armada's disposal, she'd ended up with an uncontrollable horde of rampaging nightmares. And now, here she was, living in a literal hole, with almost nothing to show for it all except the fact that she was still alive. At this rate, even if she escaped the planet successfully, she'd probably just be demoted and exiled to some far corner of the Empire, and be remembered only as the worst Invader in Irken history!

…Okay, so she was exaggerating a little. There was no way she'd ever be considered worse than _Zim_. But still, her chance at earning the reputation she deserved was heading down the drain, and she didn't see any way out of this whole mess.

It was at that moment that fate smiled on Tenn for the first time in far too long. For just as she finished installing the components, a beeping sound suddenly emerged from the control room. Eyes widening, Tenn dropped her tools as her head snapped around to look in that direction in shock, hope blooming in her squeedlyspooch.

That was the sound of the communications console receiving an incoming transmission. That meant that her emergency beacon had finally been detected. She was saved!

Tenn practically fell over her own feet as she scrambled across the room back into the main chamber, nearly slamming into the comm console in her haste. She then took a moment to compose herself; it was one thing to freak out in the middle of your base being destroyed by rampaging lunatic machines, and a whole other thing to do it when in a totally secure situation. She was still an Invader, damn it, she wasn't going talk to the Tallest in anything less than a professional manner.

Face slipping into a mask of collected calm, Tenn hit the activation button on the console. And as the Tallest appeared on the screen, she snapped the crispest salute she could.

"My Tallest," she said, bowing slightly, "I cannot express enough my relief to finally be speaking to you again."

"Invader Tenn, it's good to see you alive as well," Red responded, neutrally.

"Yeah, and you're not even maimed or anything," Purple added, "I guess you're pretty good at this, huh?"

Tenn nearly let her facade slip at the casual dismissal of her skills (everything she'd had to do to survive, and she was just "pretty good"?) and pressed ahead. There were more important things to focus on, after all.

"Yes, my Tallest, it's been difficult, but I've survived," she replied, "I'm just glad to once again be able to speak to someone. There must have been something wrong with the distress beacon I set up if you're only now finally receiving the signal."

"Er, right," Red said, chuckling nervously, "We just got your signal right now, actually."

"We did?" Purple asked, earning him a sharp elbow to the side, "Ow! Uh, I mean, yeah, we just got it. Your equipment must have just been messed up by all those rampaging SIRs."

Tenn's eye twitched, both at the reminder of the disaster that put her in this situation, and the clear implication the Tallest were giving that they _had_ received her distress call beforehand, but had apparently not cared until now. Still, she reminded herself as she took a calming breath, if they had been brushing her off for all this time, there must have been a reason for them to reestablish communication now. Best to find out what it was.

"But in any case, my Tallest, you'll be happy to know that after months of hard work, I've nearly managed to restore my ship to operational status. Soon I'll be able to escape this planet and return to the Empire," she said, leading them on. Now, they'd be prompted to explain whatever reason they had for contacting her, without her having to come out and ask it of them, which would have been an audacious demand, all things considered.

"What? You just want to give up and leave?" Purple asked, frowning, "That doesn't sound much like an Invader to me."

"…With all due respect, my Tallest, I am in no condition to continue the mission here," Tenn responded, now working very hard to keep her temper in check, "I'm living on scraps, I don't have the resources to conquer this planet. And the only reason the Meekrob haven't hunted me down and killed me is because they're complacent enough to think the environment will do it for them. This mission is a wash, there is no reason for me to stay here."

"We can discuss your standing as an Invader later," Red said, cutting off whatever Purple was going to say in response to that, "But, if you are planning to abandon the planet, we have one last task for you to accomplish first."

"What task?" Tenn asked hesitantly. While she didn't exactly want an excuse to stay on Meekrob any longer than she had to now that she was almost free, this could be a chance to regain some of the esteem that the failure of her mission would have no doubt cost her. And besides, it wasn't like any sane Irken would or could refuse an order from the Tallest.

"Well, that's kind of a funny story," Red said, "Well, I say funny, but it involves Zim, so it's really more annoying than anything else."

Tenn's mouth twitched in disgust slightly at the mention of Zim's name. She'd been one of the lucky few (namely her, Skoodge, and Larb) who had been lucky enough to escape that idiotic Defective's misguided destruction of Impending Doom One, so her personal opinion of him was even lower than in most of the Empire. Honestly, if he was involved in whatever this new assignment was, she wasn't sure that the benefits would be worth the risks.

"So, the short version is that Zim found a crashed Meekrob ship buried on Earth," Red continued, only to be interrupted by Purple.

"And then he blew it up before he could get anything good out of it!" the violet-eyed Tallest complained.

"Of course he did," Tenn grumbled, "He blows up _everything_. I'm surprised he hasn't blown _himself_ up yet. But what was a Meekrob ship doing on a backwater mud ball of a planet in the middle of nowhere?"

"We don't know, and that's what we need to find out," Red said, firm voice making it clear that this wasn't a request. Noting this, Tenn squared her shoulders and nodded her agreement.

"As you command, my Tallest," she said, "I'll recover whatever information I can find and report back as soon as possible."

"See that you do," Red said.

"'Cause if you don't, then you'll definitely be a failure!" Purple added.

"Thank you, Pur, for stating the obvious," Red commented dryly.

"Well, you were being too subtle!" Purple snapped back, as the transmission cut out, the screen going to static for a moment before shutting off. Tenn watched it for a moment, then sighed and buried her face in her hands.

"How the _flirk_ am I supposed to do this?!" she exclaimed. She'd barely been clinging on all this time, and now she was supposed to somehow carry out an infiltration of the Meekrob (who, it should not be forgotten, knew she was on the planet) and track down information on a ship that had somehow ended up on a planet on the other side of the galaxy. Which, given the Meekrob's longstanding isolationism, must have happened centuries ago, meaning the information would be buried deep in the Meekrob's networks.

Well, no one ever said that being an Invader was supposed to be easy, she supposed. Taking a steadying breath, she brought the rest of her computers online and started making plans.

 _Outskirts Of The Meekrob Capital, The Following Day_

The Meekrob's capital city had no name other than that, merely "The Capital". Looking down at it from where she was standing on the edge of a cliff, Tenn thought that it might just deserve the title.

The city sat dead center in the middle of a caldera, the volcano beneath having long since gone dead. The city itself was a massive, sprawling network of interconnected crystals, spread out in geometric circles, the great archways connecting various portions giving the entire complex a pinwheel-like appearance when seen from overhead. And at the center of it all was a gigantic single spire, towering high over every other structure, and generating a pulsing beam of light into the sky, where it spread out into a dome that covered most of the sky around the caldera.

Tenn knew, from previous covert experimentation, that this protective barrier prevented anything more solid than air from passing through. It was simultaneously a perfect example of the Meekrob's skills, and the arrogance that came from it — an impenetrable defense from all airborne attack meant that any invasion or infiltration would have to be done on the ground, and the Meekrob were utterly convinced no one could surviving making their way through the badlands.

And yet, here Tenn was, past the barrier and overlooking the Capital itself. She allowed herself to stroke her ego for a moment over that fact, and then got back to the job at hand. Pulling her camouflage cloak over herself, she deployed her PAK legs and lightly hopped over the edge, the legs catching the cliff face and skittering down, slowing her fall. Hopefully, anyone who happened to look in her direction in the next few moments would merely think they were seeing a boulder fall.

Nearing the bottom of the cliff, Tenn increased the PAK legs' hold on the rock face, sparks flying from the friction as the legs slowed her descent even faster. Just before reaching the ground, she leapt away from the cliff face and landed in a roll as the PAK legs retracted, breaking the remaining velocity from the fall.

Getting to her feet, Tenn activated her optical implants and did a quick long distance scan of the city now that it was in range. Judging by the roving blobs of energy moving about, there weren't any Meekrob near her at the moment, and there was a mostly clear path towards her target location, the central spire. Still, best not to take any chances.

Reaching into her PAK, Tenn pulled out a coronet-shaped device. Placing it on her head, she hit the activation switch. Beams of light shot out from the device and surrounded Tenn, and a moment later she was covered with the holographic appearance of a standard Meekrob. The disguise also hid her legs as empty air, so except for under very close scrutiny, it would appear as if she were just another Meekrob floating around.

Taking yet another steadying breath, Tenn began slowly making her way into the city.

XXXXXXX

To her relief, Tenn found that her holographic disguise seemed to be working perfectly. She had passed several actual Meekrob floating through the city, and none had given her a second glance. Now she was standing right outside the central spire, the nerve center of the Meekrob's civilization, and there was nothing stopping her from just walking in. Though she'd been planning such a reconnaissance move for months while she'd externally observed the city, she'd never had a chance to prior to this. It was actually pretty thrilling.

" _Focus,_ " she mentally scolded herself, " _Now's not the time to get giddy over how well I'm doing. Get the job done first._ "

Tenn continued walking forward into the spire's entryway, which slid open automatically as it sensed her approaching. She couldn't help but smirk at this; it was just another display of the Meekrob's complacent arrogance. This deep in their so well protected territory, of course they weren't bothering with further security measures. After all, who could possibly get this far?

Shaking off the smug satisfaction of proving the Meekrob wrong, Tenn walked through the open doorway, pausing for a moment to plant a small, crystalline bauble on the wall right next to the doors, as she had been doing periodically throughout the city. A little insurance policy, just in case…

Walking further down the entrance hall, Tenn reached a convergence point, numerous other hallways and corridors snaking out at almost every possible angle, to curve around and through the entirety of the spire. Typical Meekrob architecture, actually, maximizing the use of internal space. Frankly, it gave Tenn a headache just thinking about it, she thought with a shake of her head as she walked up to a column in the middle of the room, covered in Meekrob writing.

Quickly translating the writing, Tenn saw they were, as she suspected, instructions to aid one in finding their way around the spire. Looking it over, she finally found what she was looking for, a section marked "Central Records Archive". If there was anything on this mystery ship anywhere, it would be in there.

Quickly translating the directions and committing them to memory, Tenn began the rather arduous and winding journey up the spire.

XXXXXXX

Quite some time later, Tenn found herself outside a doorway in an otherwise empty corridor. Once again, it opened automatically as it sensed her approach, and just like with the spire's main entrance, Tenn paused to place a small crystal on the wall right next to the door on her way through. That being done, she continued walking forward, entering the actual records room proper. As she took it all in, she couldn't help but let out a whistle of appreciation.

She was standing on a platform that ended in a raised console. Beyond that, row after row of crystal columns stretched out through the cavernous room, well beyond her range of sight, even with her optical implants enhancing it. Assuming that these were all information storage crystals, that meant that she was looking at a truly monumental amount of knowledge and information. On any other day, Tenn would have tried to download as much of this treasure trove as possible to take with her, but she wasn't anywhere near prepared for that kind of data theft. She'd have to settle for what she'd come for; getting greedy would get her caught.

Approaching the console, Tenn placed her hologram-covered hands over the symbols carved into the crystal, which lit up in response. The entire console followed suit, a beam of light emerging from the console's flat top, soon coalescing into a holographic image of a Meekrob.

" _Hello, and welcome to the Central Records Archive,_ " the holographic AI greeted cheerfully, " _How may I help you today?_ "

"I'm seeking information on a ship that was launched some time in the last several centuries, that would have ended up somewhere on the galactic Outer Rim," Tenn said, while inwardly cursing that the Tallest hadn't been able to provide her with more information. Now, she realized, she'd probably spend hours, if not days, cross-referencing files in hopes of finding anything relevant…

" _Result found,_ " the AI suddenly said.

"What?" Tenn asked, blinking in confusion at this unexpected turn, "That fast? I was expecting more of a wait."

" _Only one ship left Meekrob in the direction of the Outer Rim within the targeted timeframe,_ " the AI replied, " _And that was automated transport vessel BBJH-3958, which was containing the contents of Project Domination._ "

"What is this 'Project Domination'?" Tenn asked, confused by the name. It sounded rather overtly hostile for something made by the Meekrob — giving things obvious names was an _Irken_ trait, thank you very much.

In response to Tenn's query, another holograph came up, an oblong sphere that Tenn recognized as the Meekrob symbol for a video file.

" _The footage contained in this file should answer all questions relevant to the nature of Project Domination,_ " the AI said. Tenn nodded absently in thanks, and then reached out to tap the video icon. After she did, the AI's avatar disappeared, and the icon expanded outward in a swarm of pixels, which soon resolved into a holographic tableau — a circular chamber with a depressed center, several Meekrob floating around the upper lip of the depression. Most were gathered in groups off to the sides, observing the proceedings; several more were floating above a raised platform at the head of the room, with a couple more floating in guard positions in front of them. And in the center of the pit-like depression in the floor floated a lone Meekrob, contained within a beam of light being projected from the ceiling. And surprisingly, this beam was a harsh scarlet, rather than the standard blue-white of all things Meekrob.

It didn't take Tenn long to realize what she was looking at. This was clearly a trial of some sort — the Meekrob trapped in the center was the defendant, the group overlooking him a tribunal, and the ones off to the side no doubt merely bystanders came to make spectator sport of the event. Now quite curious, Tenn angled her antennae forward as the video began playing.

" _This gathering of the Judicial Tribunal is called to order,_ " one of the guard Meekrob, apparently a bailiff, announced, " _The honorable First Councilor Ha'chem presiding._ "

" _Scientist Ch'rell,_ " the Meekrob in the middle of the central group, clearly the First Councilor, said, " _You stand accused of having violated the central tenets of Meekrob law and society. How do you plead?_ "

" _I have done nothing but seek to ensure that our people maintain their rightful place in the universe,_ " the prisoner, Ch'rell, said in response.

" _By creating a superweapon?_ " One of the Meekrob flanking the First Councilor asked, instantly catching Tenn's full attention, " _In what way does this creation of yours promote the Meekrob way of peaceful enlightenment?_ "

" _Enlightenment?_ " Ch'rell asked with a snarl, " _You mean stagnation! We have sequestered ourselves away, while the rest of the universe marches on without us. Already, primitives like the Irkens and Vortians advance to a point where they could potentially rival us. A few centuries more, and they could very well enslave us! Project Domination ensures our safety._ "

" _We have studied your weapon in detail, Scientist Ch'rell,_ " Ha'chem said in response, " _It is not a defensive device. It is a tool of destruction and conquest. You would not have us use it to protect ourselves from enslavement, but rather to_ enact _enslavement on others._ "

" _But of course. How else can we ensure our safety but to eliminate threats before they even have the chance to threaten us?_ " Ch'rell sneered, " _Besides which, is it not our right to conquer? We, who have evolved beyond the bonds of mortal flesh, we are the ultimate lifeforms. The universe is ours to rule by right!_ "

" _Enough!_ " Ha'chem commanded, sounding enraged, " _This hearing was meant to offer you a chance to earn clemency and absolution for your misguided ways, but it is clear you have lost yourself to madness. Yes, our people have reached the pinnacle of evolution, but that does not make us superior to other beings. Rather, it gives us a better understanding of the underlining harmony of the universe, and our responsibility to serve it. It saddens me that you have been blinded to this._ "

" _You are the ones who are blind,_ " Ch'rell hissed, " _You doom our people's future._ "

" _Perhaps,_ " Ha'chem responded, having regained his composure, " _But what will be, shall be. In the meantime, you are hereby sentenced. As you have not yet taken lives, yours shall not be forfeit. However, you will be locked away, never to be released, where you can do no further harm. And as for your weapon… I will say this to your credit. I do not know what you did while creating it, but we have been unable to find a way to destroy it. As such, we shall do the next best thing — in order to ensure no one is ever tempted to use its power, we shall place it on an automated ship and launch it towards the galactic rim. With any luck, it will drift all the way out of the galaxy and into dark space, to be lost forever._ "

As that final sentence was passed, the video ended, the holograms dissolving back into the AI's avatar. Tenn, meanwhile, was left stunned. A superweapon of some kind? That's what had crashed on Earth? And judging by what the Tallest had told her, Zim hadn't mentioned it, which meant he probably didn't know about it, so presumably it had been separated from the ship in the crash. Which was for the best, all things considered; considering what that idiot could do with a Frontline BattleMech, she didn't want to see what he could with something as dangerous as Project Domination sounded. Still, it would be a shame to leave something like that lying around…

" _Do you require any other information?_ " the AI asked.

"Yes," Tenn replied, "I am assuming all transport vessel cargo containers have tracking transponders, correct?"

" _Of course,_ " the AI responded.

"Excellent," Tenn said, "Then I'll need the transponder code to Transport BBJH-3958, immediately."

" _One moment,_ " the AI said. A few moments later, a crystal emerged from the console, " _Transponder code BBJH-3958 encoded._ "

Tenn eagerly reached for the crystal, but before she could grab it, she heard the door open behind her. Spinning around, she saw a trio of Meekrob float into the room, spreading out to block the doorway, while glaring her down.

"Uh, can I help you?" She asked, trying to sound non-threatening. Crap, why did they have to show up now?

"You have accessed restricted files without presenting proper security clearance," the lead Meekrob responded, "Explain yourself."

"What? No, there must be some confusion. I haven't accessed any restricted files," Tenn said, trying to figure out where she could have misstepped.

" _Yes you did,_ " the AI butted in unhelpfully, " _All information regarding Project Domination is under the highest security blocks, to which you did not offer access codes. As such, I alerted security to your presence and actions._ "

"…Then why the _flirk_ did you let me access all that data anyway?" Tenn demanded, incredulous.

" _In viewing the data, you were prevented from leaving, thus giving security forces enough time to arrive and apprehend you,_ " the AI replied, still sounding just as cheerful.

Damn, that was actual pretty clever. Perhaps Meekrob security wasn't as lacking as she'd been writing it off.

"Answer the question. Why are you…" the Meekrob began to ask again, only to trail off. He floated forward slightly, peering intently at Tenn, who began sweating nervously.

"You are wearing a hologram," the Meekrob said after a moment. And before Tenn could respond to that, he unleashed a wave of energy. As it washed over her, she winced in pain as the hologram projector sparked, and then shut off, exposing her to the Meekrob.

"The Irken Invader," one of the other Meekrob noted, "Impressive. Her survival in the badlands was decreed highly unlikely."

"Clearly we need to reconsider our algorithms for survival outside the cities," the third one commented.

"Enough," the leader of the three said sharply, glaring at them before turning back to Tenn, "You will come with us now, Irken. Try to resist and-"

Tenn didn't let him finish. Instead, her hand snapped up to snatch the now useless hologram projector off of her head, and she flung it towards the Meekrob. It flew through the air like a frisbee, smacking right into the leader. His form shimmered a bit from the impact, but other than that there was no reaction, other than the projector bouncing off the Meekrob and clattering to the floor. The trio looked down at the device in confusion for a moment, utterly taken off guard by this random act.

"What was that supposed to accomplish?" the lead Meekrob asked, looking up, only to find Tenn gone.

The second that the Meekrob had been distracted, Tenn had spun around and snatched the data crystal from the console. She then ran forward and jumped up onto the console, passing through the AI avatar's hologram as she launched herself forward. As she entered the open air above the record hall, she spun around, PAK legs deploying to grab the platform and halt her fall. And even as she did that, she deftly secured the crystal in her PAK, while in the same movement pulled out a thin metal tube, one end topped on a hinged switch. While the PAK legs stopped her fall, placing the whole platform between herself and the Meekrob, Tenn flipped the top off, exposing a large purple button.

"To answer your question," she called out, "That was just to distract you long enough for me to do this!"

She then pressed the button. A moment later, the small crystal she'd planted next to the room's door flashed and beeped… and then promptly exploded, the blast consuming the Meekrob and washing over the room, while simultaneously blowing a hole in the wall clear through to the hallway on the other side.

XXXXXXX

Tenn had actually planted several more micro-bombs throughout the spire, not just on the main entrance and the doorway to the records room, but periodically in the various corridors she'd ascended upwards through. Now, Tenn having sent out the activation signal, they all detonated near simultaneously, explosions ripping through the interior of the massive building. And even as crystal shards rained down, and smoke filled the air, more explosions rang out, as the other micro-bombs Tenn had planted throughout the city on her way to the spire in the first place also exploded.

Meekrob swarmed about in rare panic as explosions tore through their most secure city. The strategically placed bombs blew apart support columns and foundations for buildings and arches, which promptly began collapsing. And due to the geometrically perfect layout of the city, this triggered a domino effect, as the collapsing buildings slammed into their neighbors, shattering them and sending them collapsing into their own neighbors, spreading the wave of destruction.

Meanwhile, back in the records room, Tenn scrambled back onto the platform, now cracked and scorched from the force of the explosion. Barely pausing to appreciate the cloud of swirling motes of light that was all that was left of the three Meekrob she'd just blown up, Tenn sprinted forward, running through the hole blown into the wall. Rushing out into the corridor, she began running towards the exit, PAK legs once again extended to help her move as fast as possible.

Her trip was made even faster courtesy of the new holes she'd just blown throughout the spire's interior, allowing her to drop down from level to level without having to make the whole complex trip through the maze of twisting corridors. There was still the matter of the Meekrob now flooding the hallways, trying to figure out what was going on, however. They made things a little more difficult, but thankfully they were all too disoriented from the bombs to actually provide much of a barricade.

Soon, Tenn was out of the spire altogether, fleeing through the chaos of the devastated city towards the cliff she'd entered the city from. It was not an easy run, as she had to run around and over wreckage from the buildings, dodging falling debris, and avoiding panicked Meekrob swarming through the air. However, she soon found herself safely at the cliff. But just as she began to climb, a ringing alarm sounded out behind her. Head snapping around to look over her shoulder, Tenn was greeted by the sight of a large group of Meekrob gathering in the air above the city, and after a moment's hesitance, began flying towards her. She'd never climb the cliff before they reached her. Not the traditional way, anyhow.

"Well, subtlety's out the window, anyway," Tenn said, quickly withdrawing her PAK legs and instead extending her jetpack. Jets flaring to life, Tenn zoomed upward, cresting the top of the cliff in a minute and then angling off to zoom towards her bunker. The Meekrob weren't far behind her, however, the swarm of them glowing even brighter as they began firing off beams of pure energy after the fleeing Invader.

Tenn zigged and zagged through the air, dodging as many of the energy beams as she could. But just as she reached the canyon, one managed to clip her, blowing off one of the jets and sending her careening towards the ground. Tenn took the impact as best as she could, curling up into a ball just before she hit the rocky floor of the canyon and rolling as she hit it, but she was left sprawled and disoriented against the side of a boulder.

Vision spinning and bleeding from a gash on her forehead, Tenn wasted precious moments trying to regain focus, before managing to climb back to her feet. Bracing herself against the boulder with one hand and clearing away the blood dripping down into her eyes, she looked up. The Meekrob were still high up in the air, but were swooping down, and would be on her in minutes. She needed a distraction if she was going to make it to the bunker.

"RAAAHHH!" A familiar roar echoed down the canyon, and Tenn's gaze snapped around to see the Scuttling Flesh-Render emerge from around the bend at the other end, slowly making its way in her direction, but not having seen her yet.

"…That'll work," Tenn said with a smirk. Working quickly, she whipped an emergency flare out of her PAK and ignited it. Shielding her eyes, she placed it securely atop the boulder, and then scrambled away towards a nearby crevice. Tucking herself into it, she whistled as sharply and loudly as she could in order to catch the Flesh-Render's attention, and then covered herself with the camouflage cloak.

Meanwhile, the Meekrob had descended on the canyon, and were now gathered around the flare.

"Why would she bother with an emergency flare?" one of them asked, "Could there be more Irkens here?"

"Unlikely," another commented, "Invaders tend to be sole operatives. There must be another purpose."

"Never mind the flare, it is irrelevant," the leader of the group stated firmly, "I saw the Invader heading this way. Find her quick-"

"RAAAHHH!"

All the Meekrob turned in the direction of the roar, seeing the Flesh-Render charging down the canyon towards them. The flare had caught its attention, and then it had seen the Meekrob floating around it. Its primitive mind didn't care that they didn't have any flesh to eat, it just saw other creatures, which meant food.

With speed and agility surprising for its size, the Flesh-Render quickly reached the Meekrob and jumped into the air as they attempted to flee by flight away from it. Pincer claws snapping out, it grabbed a Meekrob in each, squeezing tightly against their physical shells as it slammed back into the ground. It attempted to then eat them, but was distracted as the others started blasting it with energy beams, spilling pale blue blood from its new wounds while it flailed defensively at them in return.

While the two native species fought each other, Tenn quickly crawled out of the crevice and resumed running. Soon, she had reached the tunnel, and quickly sprinted down it towards the bunker entrance. The security system had just scanned her and started opening the blast door, when an energy beam slammed into her back, sending her sprawling to the floor, smoke rising from the hole burnt into her cloak.

Groaning, Tenn looked up to see a lone Meekrob floating above her, seemingly glaring despite the lack of a proper face.

"Excellent try, Irken," it said, "But your distraction with the Scuttling Flesh-Render did not hold us all, and the others are close behind me. Your mission is finished."

"Well, you're right about that part," Tenn replied, spitting a small, mixed blob of blood and spittle in the Meekrob's general direction, "I am absolutely _done_ with this Irk-forsaken wretch of a planet."

And then, for the second time in less than an hour, Tenn distracted a Meekrob by throwing something at them. In this case, it was her ruined cloak, which she pulled free with motions faster than the Meekrob expected from her with her wounds, and threw it so it fell to drape over the Meekrob. While the Meekrob struggled to remove the obstruction, Tenn half-ran half-rolled across the small distance separating her from the interior of the bunker; once inside, she reached up and slammed a hand against a switch on the wall, causing the blast door to slam shut and triggering the bunker's external defenses.

The Meekrob had just burned off the cloak, when a spinning laser turret descended from the ceiling and aimed right at him. He barely had a chance to register that, before it sprang to life, obliterating him. Then it turned its attention to the other end of the tunnel, where several more Meekrob had just appeared, the stream of energy driving them back.

Meanwhile, in the bunker proper, Tenn was quickly enacting evacuation protocols. After applying some emergency healing gel to her wounds, she went to her computer and started downloading all its data, everything she'd collected on the Meekrob during her time on their planet, onto a remote drive. That done, she placed the drive into her PAK next to the data crystal, and moved away from the computer as it started to spark and smoke, scuttling itself; Tenn very much doubted the Meekrob would find much use of Irken technology, but she wasn't going to risk leaving any for them, anyway.

Tenn was making her way towards the hanger, but paused as she passed the storage container holding the SIR units. Despite an instinctive twitch at being so close to them, a thought suddenly occurred to her. Smirking deviously, she reached out with a PAK leg and cut the chains holding its doors together and unlocked them, and then ran into the hanger, slamming another blast door behind her.

A few moments later, the exterior blast door lived up to its name as a hole was blasted in its center. The smoke cleared from this, revealing the crowd of Meekrob floating on the other side of the door, gathered around the melted slag that had been the laser turret. They then floated through the hole, into the bunker.

"Find the Irken," the leader said, "Do not let her escape… What?"

The Meekrob all stopped short at the sight that greeted them — a horde of Irken SIR Units running rampant over the interior of the bunker, wielding practically every weapon imaginable, and using them on each other and the other contents of the bunker. And when they noticed the Meekrob, they suddenly found themselves having new targets to play with.

In the hanger, Tenn couldn't help but laugh at the sounds of devastation and screams of pain echoing through the blast door from the other room. It was about time those useless things made up for the mess they'd caused her.

Shaking off the distraction, Tenn returned to the final preparations on her ship. She still wasn't sure it was completely ready for flight, but she didn't have much of a choice. It was time to leave.

Hopping in the cockpit and hitting the activation switch, Tenn let out a whoop of joy as everything lit up, the screens showing that everything was running within operational parameters, if only barely in some cases. But it didn't need to be perfect, it was good enough to get her out of there.

The engines flared to life, and the Spittle Runner took flight, zooming up the tunnel carved into the ceiling. As it neared the top, hidden doors slid open, and the ship shot through and into the sky, heading higher and higher.

Once she breached the atmosphere and hit orbit, Tenn allowed herself to finally relax, slumping back against her chair, simply allowing herself to bask in the relief of escaping Meekrob. And more to the point, doing so in such a way that guaranteed her reputation would be restored. Speaking of which…

Straightening out in the chair, Tenn leaned forward and activated the communications system. A screen popped up, in static for a moment, before resolving into a bridge view of the _Massive_ , the Tallest floating there expectantly.

"My Tallest," Tenn saluted, "I am happy to announce my mission is accomplished."

"You found out what the deal was with that ship?" Purple asked, sipping from a soda.

"Oh, I did much more than that," Tenn said, holding up the data crystal, "That ship was containing some sort of superweapon created by a rogue Meekrob scientist, that the rest of them sent flying into space to try and get rid of it. It must have ended up on Earth by accident; regardless, this crystal contains the code for the ship's emergency transponder, which should lead us right to the weapon's cargo container once it's decoded."

"Excellent work, Invader Tenn," Red said, rubbing his hands together excitedly, "You'll be well rewarded for this."

"Thank you, my Tallest," Tenn said with a bow of her head, "Should I transmit the codes to you now, or wait to hand deliver it to you onboard the _Massive_?"

"Neither," Red replied, taking Tenn by surprise, "We can't risk something this sensitive being intercepted, and I don't want to wait for it any longer than we have to. That's why you're going to go to Earth and recover it personally."

"You… want me to work with Zim?" Tenn asked, wondering if the Tallest had lost their minds.

"Oh, _flirk_ no," Red said with a scowl, "If you need help, work with Invader Tak."

"Who?" Tenn asked, blinking, "Oh, wait, I remember her. She was in my class on Devastis; she missed the Elite exams due to the blackout and got reassigned to Planet Dirt as a Janitorial Drone. I wasn't aware she'd been re-tested."

"She wasn't," Red said dismissively, waving a hand, "It's a long story, but basically, she's competing with Zim for control of Earth. She'll be available to help you."

"Wouldn't that be kinda giving her an unfair advantage?" Purple asked.

"Do you really care?" Red responded.

"No, but you know Zim's going to complain about it."

"Worth it," Red said, turning back to Tenn, "You have your orders, Invader. See to it."

"Yes, my Tallest," Tenn responded with another salute. As the communication was cut, however, she let a scowl cross her features. Great, just what she needed — being saddled with some washout, _and_ probably having to deal with Zim on top of it.

"Still, it can't be any worse than this last assignment was," she muttered. Shaking off her misgivings about the new mission, Tenn put the data crystal away and fired up the hyperdrive. Minutes later, the Spittle Runner zoomed off, heading towards Earth.

The people on that little blue planet had no idea just how interesting things were about to get.

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 **End Episode 10**

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 **A/N: And there we are. The next step in this season's overall story arc. Hope you all enjoy the reveal of what was on that ship, and the direction I'm taking this plot in.**

 **BTW, fans of the 00's version of** _ **Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles**_ **might recognize the name of the rogue Meekrob scientist as the true name of the Utrom Shredder. That literally occurred to me as an add on just before I wrote that scene, and was too good a reference not to use it.**

 **Next time: We shift the action back to Earth, and see what everyone else has been up to.**

 **Until then, read and review!**


	11. Zim and the Garden of Evil

**A/N: New chapter, folks, and after last chapter's arc building, I'd thought I'd go with another bit of filler. It's also been noted Zim's been left out on for a few chapters, so I figured it'd be a good idea to get him some focus. And honestly, the idea for this chapter just hit me, and I had to write it down.**

 **On a side note, remember how back in Episode 9 I said that the view count on this story had passed 2,000? Well, here we are only two chapters later, and it's not only surpassed 3,000, it's well on its way to** _ **4,000**_ **. And it still hasn't been a full two years since I started this story — some of my stories take years and years to get this many views.**

 **Also, a reminder that we now have a Tropes page. Please contribute, as right now I'm the only one doing anything with it.**

 **To the recent Guest reviewer, thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it. And I'd love to get out a dozen chapters a month, but I can only write as fast as my muse and real life allow. So, I hope you don't mind settling for the current rate.**

 **Enough rambling, let's begin!**

 **Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: After Norlock let slip the incident with the crashed ship Zim and Tak found, the Tallest contacted Invader Tenn on Planet Meekrob, and ordered her to investigate. Upon discovering the existence of a lost Meekrob superweapon, Tenn fled the planet, being ordered by the Tallest to go to Earth and find the weapon, allying with Tak if necessary.**

 **But that will be a story for another time. Now, we return to Earth and the ongoing conflict there.**

 **Disclaimer: I only own the OCs and plot. Everything else belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Oni Press.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 11: Zim and the Garden of Evil**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

It was another average day at Doomsville Middle Skool. The students slogged into the building and made their way to their classrooms, settling in for another day of mind-numbing so-called education. And in the case of Miss Bitters' class, there was the added aspect of fates worse than death if they dared speak out of turn, not to mention the more-than-occasional death glares traded across the room by Zim and Dib.

So, as said, a pretty normal day.

However, as the day neared an end, something unusual happened as the phone on Miss Bitters' desk rang. Frowning at the interruption to her ranting lesson about all the deaths caused by the Great Flu Pandemic of 1918, Miss Bitters snatched the phone out of its cradle and brought it up to her ear.

"What is it now?!" she snarled, "And if it's another student, I'll rip your spleen out through your nose!"

After a few minutes of inaudible squeals from the other end of the line, she slammed the phone back down so hard the cradle burst apart. As the wreck sank back down into the desk, Miss Bitters turned back to the students, normal frown somehow managing to deepen.

"Students, it appears that the Skool Board has managed to scrape together a little extra money for this year," she announced, "But rather than make use of it for anything useful, they're wasting it on paying for a field trip to the city Botanical Gardens."

That caused a stir amongst the students, muttering in surprise, with various levels of excitement at the announcement. Well, among the humans, anyway. The trio of aliens in the room just stared in confusion, not seeing what the big deal was.

"What's a botanical garden?" Skoodge asked, hand raised.

"Duh, don't you know anything?" Zita asked, "It's a big indoor garden, filled with all kinds of cool plants from all over the world."

"Bah! Zim has more important things to do with his time than waste it looking at plants," Zim complained, "Important Zim things!"

"Loathe as I am to agree with Zim on absolutely anything," Tak spoke up, "I do in this case. This seems like a total waste of time."

"You're both absolutely right. 10 extra credit points to you both," Miss Bitters responded, earning smug smiles from both Irkens.

"Teacher's pet," Sara fake coughed in Tak's direction. In response, Tak turned around and glared at her, a spark flashing across her eyes as her hypnosis implant activated. Sara's eyes glazed over, and she slammed her face down onto her desk, knocking herself out and slumping to the floor. Everyone stared at her for a moment, and then turned back to Miss Bitters.

"Wait a minute, that's not fair. All they did was agree with you," Dib spoke up, not happy with either of his enemies getting any sort of advantage, even over something this petty.

"What's your point, Dib?" Miss Bitters asked, glaring him down.

"Uh, never mind," he said, shrinking down slightly in his seat from the force of the glare. Miss Bitters continued it for a moment more, than turned back to the rest of the class.

"Anyway, regardless of how pointless this trip is or how much of a waste of time and money it is, it is also mandatory."

"Since when are skool field trips mandatory?" Steve asked, blinking in confusion.

"Since the Skool Board wants to feel like it's not wasting its money even when it is," Miss Bitters replied, before reaching under her desk and pulling out a stack of paper cards.

"Everyone come up here and take a permission slip," she ordered, "Bring it back in signed by a parent or legal guardian, or you'll be spending the trip here in detention instead."

The class all quickly got to their feet and moved to the front of the room, everyone grabbing a slip. And as the last of them were handed out, as if on cue, the end of day bell rang.

"Now everyone go home, I'm sick of looking at you!" Miss Bitters hissed. The class quickly obeyed, rushing out of the room. While most of them hurried off down the hall towards the exit, the trio of Team Save Earth took a more sedate pace, walking slowly as Dib examined his permission slip.

"How did they already have these things written up if they just put the field trip together?" he asked.

"Well, they look pretty generic," Viera commented, "They probably had these written up ages ago and just break them out whenever they're needed."

"Foolish human educational bureaucracy!" a familiar screeching voice caught the trio's attention, and they looked back to see Zim stomping out of the classroom, Skoodge following behind while Zim ranted, "Forcing Zim to partake in such pointless activities! This is a waste of time that could be better spent conquering this worthless rock and all the pathetic humans!"

"You know we can hear you, right?" Steve asked, as the Irkens walked by them. Zim stopped on the spot and spun on his heel, pointing his finger so close to Steve's face he was practically poking him between the eyes.

"Was Zim speaking to you, Not-Dib?!"

"…Would it kill you to learn our names?" Steve asked, frowning in annoyance at the finger invading his personal space, "And get your finger out of my face."

Zim hissed at Steve and the others, and then ran off, Skoodge scampering after him.

"Well, that went surprisingly quickly," Viera commented, "No death threats or anything. In fact, he's been pretty quiet lately… er, metaphorically speaking."

"Actually, eighty percent of the time, Zim will just stick to the background doing his own thing or waste his energy on petty payback schemes," Dib said, tucking his permission slip away, "It's the other twenty percent you need to worry about. Still, that's why I try to always stay vigilant, just in case he hits on something actually dangerous."

The conversation continued in that vein for the remainder of the walk out of the skool building, the group already focusing on something other than the field trip. After all, how important could it be?

 _Doomsville Botanical Gardens, Two Days Later_

Miss Bitters' class was gathered on the street outside the Botanical Gardens. It was a huge green block of a building, its roof capped by a greenhouse dome, guaranteeing the interior plenty of light and heat. As the class mingled by the entrance, Dib and the twins stared up at the building, taking it all in.

"Huh," Steve said, "I hope the inside's better looking than the outside."

"Hey, it's a break from skool," Dib replied, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"Speaking of skool," Viera said, "Does anyone know why the creepy janitor is here?"

She gestured over to where Nny was leaning against the side of the building, absentmindedly flipping a butterfly knife through its motions with one hand. He had an utterly bored look on his face, but his eyes still drifted back and forth over his surroundings with a predatory clarity. Dib shuddered as those eyes passed over him for a moment, before moving on.

"He's filling in for Miss Bitters as chaperone," he answered, shaking off the chill running down his spine, but making sure to not turn his back on the janitor.

"Why couldn't she come herself, again?" Steve asked.

"She doesn't leave the skool. Ever," Dib replied, "I'm not even sure she _can_. Rumor has it she's always been living on that land, and that the city just built the building around her and gave her a job when they couldn't get rid of her."

"Seriously?" Steve asked, eyebrow raised, "You buy that?"

"Hey, all things considered, I'm keeping an open mind on it," Dib said with a shrug, "Besides, you should hear some of the other theories people have about her. Gretchen's convinced that she's the leader of an underground race of bug people using the skool as a front for conquering the world."

"Really?" Now it was Viera's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"Either that or a shaved bear in a wig. She goes back and forth on which."

The twins could only blink in confusion. Before they could pursue the topic any further, the doors to the building opened, and a middle-aged man with thinning brown hair and greying beard, wearing a green vest with the Botanical Gardens' plant logo on it, walked out.

"Hello, children," he greeted the assembled group with a wide smile and spread arms, "My name is Ralph, and I'll be your guide today. Is everyone ready for an exciting afternoon of botanical fun?"

"Get on with it, plant drone!" Zim shouted from where he was standing off to the side with Skoodge, "Some of us have more important things we could be doing with our time!"

"Uh," Ralph blinked in surprise at the interruption, and turned to Nny, apparently mistaking him for a reasonable authority figure, "Shouldn't you do something about your students rudely interrupting people like that?"

"Why? I agree with him," Nny said bluntly, folding up his knife and putting it away in a pocket of his long coat, "I'm only on this pointless trip because the skool made me. So hurry up and do your job, so we can get out of here quicker."

"Er, right," Ralph said, shaking off his discomfort and smiling widely again, "Anyway, welcome to the Doomsville Botanical Gardens. Before we get started, I have to ask you all to please not touch anything inside. We have some rare specimens here, and we don't want to risk damaging them. Any questions?"

There was no response, so Ralph smiled again and gestured through the door into the interior of the building.

"Well then, let's get started, shall we?" he said. With that, he walked through the doors, and the class followed him in. As they entered, most of the students broke out in a chorus of impressed murmurs. It seemed that the bulk of the Botanical Gardens' interior was a single large room, easily the size of a couple of football fields. And that whole space was, as one might expect, completely full of green. Except for a few pathways twisting through the area, most of it was sectioned-off gardens and parks, as well as several greenhouses, and even a few artificial lakes. Trees of many types towered up towards the glass ceiling, while ferns, bushes, and other smaller plants were spread out amongst them.

"As you can see," Ralph announced, recapturing everyone's attention, "We have collected examples of fauna from all over the world. They're organized according to their environmental needs, and subdivided according to type…"

As Ralph droned on, many of the children quickly grew bored and started breaking away, wandering off. Zim was among them, stomping off to find something, anything, that would alleviate the boredom he was already suffering from, Skoodge trailing behind him obediently.

"You know, this place isn't so bad," Skoodge commented, "It looks pretty nice, actually."

"You actually like all this filthy vegetation?" Zim demanded, glaring over his shoulder at his minion, "It's a waste of space that could be filled with glorious war machines and towers of domination! And this whole pointless trip is a worthless distraction from the mission. I could be devising new ways to conquer the humans right now, but no, I'm stuck looking at these stupid plants!"

Zim continued to rant like that for several minutes as he marched aimlessly throughout the Gardens, Skoodge following him with a long-suffering sigh. Zim's rant was only cut short when the pair of them were walking by a greenhouse. Specifically, when a bored-looking man in gardener's overalls suddenly opened the door from within, without checking the surrounding area first. As such, the door smacked right into a distracted Zim's face as he was crossing in front of the structure. Skoodge winced, both at the impact and the fresh round of screaming he just knew this was going to cause.

"You dare damage the face of Zim?!" Zim screeched after the gardener once he'd pulled his face free from the glass, "Watch where you're going, service drone! Or I'll rain doom down on your filthy head!"

If the gardener was in any way intimidated by Zim's threats, he didn't show it. He simply turned his tired gaze towards the two disguised Irkens, looking utterly uninterested.

"Kid, I've been working around the clock ever since the city cut our budget and we had to dump most of the gardening staff," the man replied dully, "Sorry, but I'm barely awake, and I need coffee."

With that, he turned back around and kept walking away, leaving a fuming Zim behind.

"How dare that filthy manure spreader inflict damage on Zim and not properly beg forgiveness for it?!" Zim yelled, wig twitching slightly as his antennae spasmed in frustration beneath it, "And what's he hiding in here, anyway?"

"Uh, I think it's just a greenhouse, Zim," Skoodge commented. But of course, Zim ignored him, and marched into the enclosed glass room, in order to see what was being "hidden".

Upon entering the greenhouse, Zim instantly flinched as the increased humidity of its interior hit him like a slap to the face, his exposed skin beginning to sizzle slightly beneath its protective paste coating. Hissing in pain, he quickly reached into his PAK and pulled out an emergency jar of paste, applying a fresh coat to his face. As the pain receded, Zim put the jar away and looked around to properly take in his surroundings.

The greenhouse was, if it was possible, even more packed with greenery than the main room of the Gardens. Tables ran along the other three walls of the greenhouse, stacked completely with various pots and soil trays, while more hung from the ceiling, each and every one of them filled to the brim with plants. In fact, the only aberration from all the flora on display was a work cart in the corner, and even that was full of sacks of soil and gardening tools.

"Is this it?" Zim asked, clearly unimpressed, "There's just more plants! What's the point of isolating them like this?"

"It says here that these are species native to the rainforest," Skoodge said, reading from a plaque on the wall, "Apparently they need specific environmental conditions to thrive. Huh, well, that's kind of interesting, right?"

"No, it's not," Zim snapped, "Like I said, this is a total waste of my precious Invader time!"

"Aw, c'mon Zim, some of these plants look pretty cool," Skoodge retorted, gesturing towards one particular plant, whose main body was two large red fleshy leaves, lined with spines, "I mean, look at this one. It almost looks like a set of jaws-AH!"

Skoodge yelped as the plant's two halves snapped shut, closing on his outstretched finger. He quickly yanked it back, the spines tearing through both the glove covering the finger, and the finger itself, spilling droplets of green blood. While Skoodge stuck his wounded finger in his mouth to stem the bleeding, Zim squinted an eye in surprise, something having finally caught his attention.

"What? How did that happen?" he questioned, shoving Skoodge aside to inspect the plant more closely, "Why did it bite you? Is it some sort of defensive measure? Are the humans boobytrapping their plants?!"

Just then, Ralph entered the greenhouse. Looking around, he saw the Irkens, and broke out in another smile.

"I see you've discovered our tropical collection," he said, "This is actually one of my favorite parts of the Botanical Gardens. You see-"

"Enough prattling, dirt monkey!" Zim exclaimed, rounding on Ralph while pointing a finger at the plant he'd been inspecting, "What is the meaning of this biting plant? What manner of weapon is it? Tell me!"

"Weapon?" Ralph blinked in confusion, "No, that's just a Venus flytrap. It's one of several varieties of carnivorous plants."

"Carnivorous?" Zim asked, leaning forward, grinning evilly in excitement.

"Yes, there are quite a few of them found around the world. Most are found in jungles or wetlands, and have evolved many fascinating means of catching and devouring prey…"

Zim tuned out Ralph's droning as he closely examined the flytrap. He replayed the way it had nearly taken Skoodge's finger off, and imagined it doing that to a human finger. Or a whole hand. Or an entire human… or why just a single human, when whole populations could be consumed?

Yes, he could see it now, massive plants like these rising up across the city, striking down on the helpless humans and devouring them. And all the while, Zim would stand high above them all, looking down at their pain and suffering with glee, laughing his triumph to the sky…

"Ahem."

The clearing of a throat nearby broke Zim out of his imaginings. Blinking as his attention returned to the present moment, Zim looked around. Apparently, he'd enacted part of his fantasy, and had climbed atop the work cart, posing dramatically, arms raised in triumph and head thrown back in laughter. Skoodge and Ralph were still standing where they'd been, staring at him in confusion. More to the point, Nny was standing in the doorway, giving him a dull look of annoyance.

"Get down from there before you break something the skool has to pay for by docking my pay," the janitor ordered sharply. The ice cold tone of his voice actually made Zim shiver, and he quickly hopped down from the cart.

"Er, right," he said quickly, before looking at Ralph with condescension, "Thank you, plant drone. Your meanderings may actually have been of some merit after all. Come, Skoodge!"

Zim grabbed his compatriot and ran out of the greenhouse, shoving Nny aside. The thin man watched him run off in annoyance, then froze as Ralph cheerfully threw an arm across his shoulders.

"I tell ya, seeing kids suddenly take an interest in plants like that really makes my day," Ralph said, "Isn't it great?"

"…" Nny's face twitched, eyes darting to the hand on his shoulder, to the man it belonged to, and then to the corner, where the work cart still sat. Specifically, to the large gardening shears prominently on display amongst the other tools.

While Ralph was being brutally murdered behind them, Zim dragged Skoodge out of the Botanical Gardens, not even caring that the field trip wasn't over yet. He'd gotten what he hadn't realized he'd needed from this endeavor — the seeds (awful pun absolutely intended) for a new plan, one that he just knew would finally allow him to conquer this filthy planet.

"Yes, I know this'll work," he said, cackling in evil glee, "I'm a genius!"

 _Zim's Base, Later That Night_

"You're an idiot," the Computer commented. Zim glared at the lab's main screen from where he sat hunched in a chair, watching the smaller screens displaying various information on a wide variety of plants.

"You dare insult your master?" Zim demanded, "This plan is brilliant! By combining and enhancing the DNA of Earth's native carnivorous plants, I shall create a strain of super-plant that will destroy the humans completely!"

"Right, because genetically engineering monsters to do your bidding has _never_ backfired before," the Computer replied, sarcasm thick in its voice, "You know, except for Ultra-Peepi. Or the brain parasite. Or the demon squid. Or-"

"Silence!" Zim shrieked, "This will be different. Zim has learned from his mistakes."

"I highly doubt that," the Computer muttered. Zim either didn't hear him, or chose to ignore him this time. Either way, instead of responding, the Invader turned his seat around to look at the room proper. A massive glass containment cube had been built into the middle of the lab space, filled halfway up with fresh soil. Automated robotic arms were in the process of planting various carnivorous plants — full grown, saplings, and even seeds, all stolen from the Botanical Gardens after they had closed for the night.

While the plants were sorted and placed in containment, Zim walked over to another part of the lab, where several large tubs of glowing mutagenic goo had been placed, ready to be used for this experiment. Inspecting them, Zim looked over the various differently colored chemicals, humming to himself while he tapped his chin in thought.

"Hmm, what exactly should I do with them, though?" he mused, "Obviously make them gigantic, that's a given. And give them actual teeth. Ooh, and maybe I should give them hands, so that they can have claws…"

It was at this point that Norlock wandered into the room. Seeing the current setup of the lab, he looked over the plant container with a raised eyebrow.

"I didn't realize you'd developed a green thumb," he commented. Zim turned from the mutagens to squint an eye at the vampire in confusion.

"Eh? What are you talking about? My thumbs have always been green, like the rest of me," he replied, briefly taking off a glove to show off his hand. As he slipped the glove back on, Norlock facepalmed, sighing heavily.

"Right, I suppose I walked right into that one," he muttered, before shaking it off, "Never mind. So, what is all this?"

"My latest, most brilliant plan!" Zim crowed, "I am going to genetically engineer a giant carnivorous plant monster and use it to destroy the humans!"

"…Okay," Norlock said after a moment of quiet thought, "I have questions. First, how is a single monster going to help you take over the whole planet? What's to stop the military or someone from just blowing it up? For that matter, why plants? Surely there are animals you can use that would be more efficient. Also-"

"Enough!" Zim shouted, "I know what I am doing, and do not need to be constantly questioned by my minions!"

"Partner, not… oh, forget it," Norlock said, waving a hand dismissively, "I can honestly say I tried to be the voice of reason this time. You want to go forward with such an obviously flawed plan? Have fun, but when it all blows up in your face, don't say I didn't warn you."

With that, Norlock gave a mock bow, and swept out of the room, Zim glaring at his retreating back.

"Infuriating corpse-thing!" Zim hissed, "Why do I even keep him around?"

"Because he's a badass magic-using monster who hates Dib and has centuries of experience at being evil?" the Computer suggested. In response, Zim glared at the screen again.

"Whose side are you on?" he demanded.

"Sorry, didn't realize there were sides to pick," the Computer replied dryly.

Zim growled, but moved on, turning back to the mutagens. He'd deal with his minions' insolence later. Right now, he had work to do.

 _Membrane Household, A Few Days Later_

Team Save Earth was once again gathered in Dib's garage. It had mostly been so that the boys could give another try at fixing up the Spittle Runner, with Viera providing an extra pair of hands even if she didn't have any technical know-how to provide. But, that had all sputtered out pretty quickly as, just as every time before, their efforts had failed to get the ship up and running again. Dib was honestly starting to think that his previous successes had been flukes, which was more than just a little depressing.

To try and alleviate the now sullen mood in the garage, however, Viera was now standing in front of her brother and friend, showing off a new artifact she'd recently acquired. It was a bright red oval crystal, set inside a triangular, dull bronze amulet, which was inscribed with various runes. She was holding it up for the boys to see, from where she was standing in front of the stools they were seated on.

"It's called the Eye of Fire," she explained, letting the amulet dangle from the thin cord she was holding with two fingers, "According to legend, it's able to conjure bolts of flame and throw them at the conjuror's enemies."

"That's actually pretty cool," Dib commented, "How's it work?"

"Well… I, uh, don't actually know yet," Viera replied, blushing in slight embarrassment, "I'm still working on translating the instructions hidden in the runes."

"Maybe from now on you should think of that before buying supposed magical artifacts off of I-Bay," Steve commented with a smirk. Viera frowned, glaring at her twin in response.

"Or maybe I should just do what you do and make stuff out of garbage and hope it works?" she countered.

"Hey, I fixed the problems my prototype ray guns had," Steve said defensively, pulling a slightly modified ray gun out of his backpack, "Now they don't short out when overused. They work fine."

As soon as Steve finished saying that, the gun discharged, a blast of plasma shooting into the air and punching through the garage's roof. The trio all jumped in surprise at this, Viera hopping back and the boys falling off of their seats as small bits of debris fell from the damaged roof. A moment later, Dib climbed back to his feet, and looked up at the smoking, moderately-sized hole now gracing the top of the garage.

"Great, Dad's probably going to have me pay to fix that personally," he muttered, before giving Steve a deadpan look, "Steve, you think maybe you should put a safety switch on those things?"

"Aheh, good point," Steve replied bashfully, gently putting the ray gun down, "I'll make a note of that."

Any further discussion was cut off as the ground suddenly shook with a massive jolt, sending all three of them, along with everything else not bolted down, crashing to the floor. The shaking repeated itself a few more times for the next few minutes, before finally coming to a halt. Once it did, the kids were able to clamor to their feet and dust themselves off, looking around in surprise.

"You guys alright?" Dib asked, straightening out his coat.

"Yeah," Steve responded, "But what the heck was that?"

"Felt like an earthquake," Viera commented, frowning, "But that shouldn't be possible in this area, should it?"

"Definitely not," Dib said, "We never get earthquakes around here. That had to have been something else. C'mon, let's check it out."

That said, Dib ran out of the garage, the twins following after, only for all three to come up short at the sight that greeted them.

"What the…?" Dib muttered. His surprise was understandable. Up and down the street, the asphalt and concrete had been split open from below, and emerging from underground were massive plant shoots, towering over the surrounding houses, while vines and roots spread out from them, growing rapidly across the entire area in a complex network of greenery.

"You guys are seeing this too, right?" Steve asked, "Or did I hit my head?"

"If you're seeing giant plants growing all over the place, then yes, we see it too," Viera said, staring wide-eyed, "Anyone have any idea what's going on?"

"Knowing my luck, it's probably Zim," Dib said, "Maybe Tak. But my money's leaning more towards him than her."

"What makes you so sure one of them is behind it?" Steve asked, "I mean, this is weird, but it doesn't look like an attack. This could be something else, like some mutant strain of underground flora created by toxic waste, or something."

"Can't be," Dib responded, "The only recorded example of those on this continent are in Vancouver."

"I don't know, Dib, I'm with Steve on this one," Viera said, "If this is Zim or Tak, they must be running out of ideas. It doesn't seem too dangerous."

Almost the second Viera finished saying that, a tremor ran through all the plants. With a wet cracking sound, the tops of all the giant sprouts split open. Emerging from within each one came numerous tendrils, each ending in Venus flytrap-like leafy maws. As those of the nearest sprout lowered themselves to hover over the trio, there was a moment of tense silence.

Then the maws snapped open, to reveal that their interiors were lined with rows of sharp-looking teeth.

"…I stand corrected," Viera said, with stunned amazement and fear.

"Run!" Dib shouted, as the maws unleashed animalistic screeches and swept down on them. The three of them scattered, several maws taking after each of them.

Steve ran back into the garage, specifically back towards where he'd dropped his ray gun, while the hissing plants chased after him. As he entered the garage, Steve cursed as he saw that the mess that had been created by the plants' emergence had buried that part of the floor under a mountain of junk. But as he looked over his shoulder and saw that the plants had entered the garage, he shoved his frustration aside and dove forward, knocking overturned cardboard boxes and various tools in search of his lost weapon.

Just as the plants reached Steve and towered over him, poised to strike, his hand finally closed around the handle of his ray gun. He then spun around, bringing the gun to bear, and clamped his finger down on the trigger. Streams of plasma burst out, each finding a target, either vaporizing the maws themselves, or burning through their stems, causing them to fall to the floor, where they would twitch for a moment before rapidly withering into a purplish mush.

Once the last of the plants within the garage were destroyed, Steve lowered the smoking ray gun, panting heavily from the adrenaline rush of what had just happened. As his heart rate calmed, a smirk crossed his face, and his raised the gun over his head triumphantly.

"Ha! I told them it worked fine now," he chuckled. Then the gun discharged again, blasting another hole in the roof, just a couple of feet from the first one. Steve winced at that, as some more debris hit the floor next to him.

"…Hope Dib blames the plants for that," he muttered, before running back outside.

Meanwhile, Viera was running around the side of the house, pursued by several more of the plant maws. As she ran, she frantically fumbled with the Eye of Fire, her own eyes flying over its engraved runes, trying to speed translate them.

"Come on, come on," she muttered, "I did not waste good money on something that's not legit, and I am not getting killed by a _plant!_ Now where's the stupid activation command?! …Aha!"

Viera's eyes lit up as she read a particular set of runes. She then skidded to a stop, spinning on her heel to face the plants rushing towards her. As they neared her, maws widening in preparation to strike, she held the amulet out towards them.

" _Incendo!_ " She shouted. In response, the crystal center of the amulet flashed, and a stream of fire burst out. The plants almost appeared startled in the seconds they had before the flames engulfed them. They screeched as they burned, but that was silenced as they were quickly reduced to charred mush, smoldering on the ground. Viera looked at those scorched remains where they lay, a smirk identical to her brother's on her face.

"Translated on the fly, and it works great," she said smugly, "I am _good_."

While this was happening, Dib was being chased around the front yard. True to his usual luck, the majority of the plants had chosen to go after him. He ran towards the house's front door, but skid to a stop as several of the plants swooped in front of him, cutting him off. Thinking quickly, Dib bolted off to the side, diving between streams of electricity forming the house's security fence.

As expected, the plants followed him, but were too big to safely slip through the electric barriers. With a zap of discharge and screeches from the plants, they were electrified, and fell to the ground, smoking and dissolving. Seeing this, Dib took a moment to catch his breath and formulate a plan.

"Okay," he muttered, "I can't just stay in the open like this, I need some kind of weapon. Hmm, maybe I can trigger some of Dad's anti-Santa defenses? I mean, I know it's nowhere near Christmas, but they're always on standby — AH!"

Dib had gotten so caught up in his planning for how to deal with the plant maws, that he'd completely failed to notice the root tendrils crawling along the ground towards him. At least, right up until one snapped up around his ankle with all the strength of a bear trap. It then lifted him screaming into the air, swinging him around until he was directly in front of the largest of the remaining maws, which was still in place over the root sprout.

Dib dangled helplessly before the giant mouth, as its leaves slowly split open, unveiling what appeared to be even more teeth than any of the other maws seemed to have. Face white, Dib began squirming and kicking at the roots in a mad panic, fighting like mad to break free. But it didn't work, and the roots drew him back, preparing to toss him into the waiting maw like a piece of popcorn.

And then a blast of plasma burst through the root holding Dib's leg, while a fireball slammed into one of the leaf-jaws of the plant's mouth, setting it aflame. As the plant screeched in pain, Dib fell to the ground; thankfully, he landed on the yard and not the sidewalk, so at least the fall wasn't as painful as it could have been. Head spinning, Dib scrambled to his feet and looked around, seeing that the twins were flanking him, respective weapons raised up and aimed at the plant.

"You alright?" Steve asked, glancing down at his friend.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Dib replied, a quick look confirming that there were still plenty of other maws and tendrils active around them, other than the singed main one he'd just been freed from, and they were closing in. However, noticing that the severed root that had been holding him was dissolving into mush, he had a sudden bolt of inspiration.

"Quick, destroy the base of the main plant!" he shouted. Seeing what he meant, the twins turned their weapons from the giant maw to the bottom of the sprout it was based in. Streams of fire and plasma shot out, quickly burning through the organic structure. Moments later, with a final shriek of agony and rage, the entire plant came crashing down, splattering into a giant puddle of goo, the other maws and tendrils attached to it following suit.

As the sludge splattered around them, the trio took a moment to collect themselves. Looking around, they saw that while they'd managed to destroy all the plants connected to this sprout, there were still plenty more spreading out around the neighborhood from the rest of the sprouts, as far as the eye could see.

"One down, a whole lot more to go," Viera muttered, "So what do we do now?"

"First, we get some more weapons. We're going to need them," Dib said, "And then we track Zim down and force him to stop this."

"You still completely sure it's him?" Steve asked, while checking the charge on his ray gun.

"Like I said, it could be Tak, but I'm more willing to believe it's Zim," Dib replied, "If I had to guess, I'd say he probably got the idea after that trip to the Botanical Gardens the other day; a lot of his plans have spur of the moment inspirations like that. And even if it had been Tak's idea, I don't think it would have happened this quickly, since she would have taken her time to perfect it. So yeah, definitely Zim."

"Okay then, so what do we do about more weapons?" Viera asked.

Dib grinned in response, while the plants shrieked in the distance.

 _Tak's Base, Same Time_

Tak glared at the screens in her control room, all displaying security footage from all around the Deelishus Weenie building. All of them showed the same thing, the sight of massive plants quickly growing and creeping their way up every building in sight. Specifically, she was looking at the ones growing up all over the exterior of the building containing her lair.

" _Zim_ ," she hissed, "You aggravating little Defective. I _just_ got this base back up and running at full capacity. I will _not_ let you ruin it with another one of your stupid little plans."

Reaching for the control console, Tak entered a command. She then watched via the screens, as several large panels opened all along the building's upper levels. From the resulting openings emerged mechanical arms, each topped with a pair of plasma cannons. Tak smirked as the cannons lit up with energy and opened fire on the encroaching monster plants, incinerating them all.

However, that smirk quickly slid off of her face as the plants on the surrounding buildings reacted to their brethren's destruction. The maws on the highest levels reared back, and then snapped forward, spitting something out. The objects they fired impacted on the Deelishus Weenie building, above the weapon emplacements, and Tak realized with a start that they were giant seedpods. And as she watched, they split open, root tendrils quickly emerging and spreading downwards, towards the plasma cannons. Before long, they had wrapped completely around the cannons' supports, and to Tak's shock, ripped the mechanical arms straight out of their fittings, tossing them away to drop to the street below.

Tak could only stare, slack-jawed, as her base's first line of defense was almost effortlessly stripped away. And then, to her further shock, the roots began growing into the still open panels that the weapons had emerged from in the first place. It was only when a rattling noise began echoing through the base that Tak snapped out of her shock. Looking up, she could see the air ducts crossing the ceiling were shaking, as something began moving within them.

"Note to self, seal off connections between air vent system and exterior weapon nodes," she muttered, before composing herself, "MIMI! Prepare for defensive actions!"

The SIR unit swooped in from another room, coming to a stop next to her mistress and snapping a salute. The two then turned their attention fully to the air vents, as one burst open. Roots spread out from the open vent, swarming around the vent and merging together. Moments later, the resulting floral mass burst apart, and several maws emerged from it, hissing as they rose up on their stalks, somehow glaring down at Tak despite not possessing eyes. In response, Tak deployed her PAK legs and took a stance.

"Give it your best shot," she snarled.

The maws shrieked an animalistic battle cry and swept down towards the Irken and her robot. They dodged to separate sides, the plants missing them as they slammed into the ground instead. Skidding a few feet across the floor, PAK legs gouging the metal beneath her, Tak brought herself to a halt, before throwing herself back into the fray. Landing amongst the vines, her PAK legs snapped out, slashing through several of them, causing their connected maws to fall to the floor, shrieking and dissolving. Tak then raised the PAK legs, their tips glowing, and opened fire on the rest of the plants closest to her, vaporizing them.

Meanwhile, MIMI was zooming around the mass of plants, lasers shooting from her eyes and burning every bit of green in sight. Several of the root tendrils and maws tried to snap out and grab her, but the modified SIR simply zipped around them, then grabbed them with her enlarged hand and tore apart, while still blasting at others. Pausing for a moment, she quickly scanned the room, gaze settling on the root-coated air vent that all the plants were connected to. Zooming off and running up the wall, MIMI launched herself at the point where all the vines extended from. Her extended arm tore through the vines as she passed them, and as she fell back to the floor, she spun around and fired a laser blast that incinerated the remainder of the vegetative mass.

By the time MIMI hit the floor, what was left of the plants had collapsed and dissolved into slime. Tak's face scrunched up in disgust at this sight, but she shrugged it off and turned to look at MIMI.

"Well, that was unpleasant," she commented, "Still, excellent work anyway, MIMI. Now, let's clean up this mess and…"

Tak trailed off as rattling sounds filled the air. Head snapping up, she was greeted by the sight of several more air vents tearing open, dozens of more maws emerging to loom threateningly above her.

"…Irk damn it," she muttered, as the plants shot down at her, and battle was resumed.

 _Downtown Doomsville, Some Time Later_

The plants were everywhere, growing over every building and spreading across the streets, and attacking everything in sight. But of course, in keeping with the general level of human competence and sensibility, most of the people in the city this day weren't reacting the way that one would expect during a monster attack on the city. In fact, only some had fled screaming at the sight of the plants; the rest were treating it like some kind of spectator sport, "ooh"ing and "ahh"ing at it all, and taking pictures.

As such, they were all presenting themselves as very tempting targets as the plants shifted from random property damage to live prey. The roots and vines spread out, encircling the largest crowd and cutting off the escape they weren't taking. Once this was quickly accomplished, the maws towered up over the crowd and reared back, preparing to strike…

And that was when two streams of plasma and one of fire came flying in and burned through the plants' stalks. Those that weren't incinerated immediately fell squirming to the ground and dissolved, a fate that they were soon joined in by the root network enclosing the crowd. The crowd themselves could only look around in confusion as to what had just happened, until they spotted the source of the attack standing further down the street.

Team Save Earth stood in the middle of the street, weapons still smoking and extended towards where the plants had stood. The twins respectfully had their ray gun and amulet, but it was Dib, standing between them, who really caught attention. Which might have had something to do with the giant, desk-sized cannon-like device strapped over his shoulders, still glowing red hot from the plasma fire it had unleashed. Personally, Dib felt it looked pretty badass, and puffed up slightly as everyone looked on in awe.

"Ah! Terrorists!" someone screamed, causing the trio to all blink in confusion. As the crowd scattered in a panic, Dib deflated, a sour frown crossing his face.

"Seriously? _We're_ the ones they're afraid of, not the monsters that just tried to eat them?" he asked.

"The plants aren't the ones carrying miniature tanks on their backs," Steve commented, looking the cannon over, "Remind me again why your dad keeps something like that in your house?"

"Right now? It's just in storage," Dib replied, "It's part of the anti-Santa defense grid he sets up every Christmas."

"…Anti-Santa?" Viera asked, sounding like she couldn't quite process the words.

"Yeah, he's got a real grudge. Don't ask," Dib said, "Now come on, let's go. We've got plenty more plants to destroy."

Dib started to run ahead, though it quickly became apparent that he was struggling with the weight on his back.

"Geez, this thing is heavy," he muttered, "Guys? Next time, remind me to grab one of the smaller weapons."

The twins made noises of assent and followed after him. The team made their way through the city, blasting any plant they came across. However, while they were cutting a significant swath through the mutated flora, it was clear that the plants were spreading a lot further than the three of them alone could sufficiently deal with.

"This isn't working!" Viera said, incinerating a nearby cluster of vines, "We need to find wherever they're coming from if we want to stop them."

"But they're all over the city," Steve protested, while blasting a pair of maws as they swept down at him, "Where are we supposed to look for a source?"

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

As if in response to Steve's question, a familiar laugh cut through the air. Turning towards its source, the trio could just barely make out a pair of green figures standing atop the roof of a small building several blocks away.

"Well, that seems like a good place to start," Dib said, firing off a few more blasts to clear the path towards Zim.

Meanwhile, Zim himself was standing atop the roof of a marketplace, one foot planted on the roof's edge, allowing him to pose dramatically while Skoodge dutifully stood a few feet behind and GIR sat on the edge, feet kicking in the air and humming cheerfully.

"Yes, my creations!" Zim monologued, "Go forth and spread! Consume the humans in your, uh…"

"Herbal evil?" Skoodge suggested.

"Ooh, I like that," Zim commented in a normal tone, before going back to the monologuing, "Consume the humans in your herbal evil! And soon, soon they shall all fear the might of-"

"Zim!"

"That's right… wait, what?" Zim said, snapping out of his rant at the interruption. Looking around, his gaze finally settled on Dib and the twins, standing on the street below him. Registering this, Zim crossed his arms and sneered down at his archenemy.

"Oh, hello Dib," he asked, gesturing to the rampaging plants, "Do you like my newest creation?"

"No," Dib replied bluntly.

"Uh," Zim stuttered, caught off guard by the blunt dismissal of his plan, "Well, I don't care what you think, dirt-monkey! This is the culmination of my genius, and you will all fall before me!"

As Zim ranted, several of the plant maws rose up over the sides of the market behind his group. Dib's team tensed up and raised their weapons, but then stared in confusion as the plants lowered, seemingly more interested in the Irkens than the humans. Zim didn't notice this, as wrapped up as he was while ranting, but Skoodge did, paling slightly as he watched the plants close in.

"Uh, Zim?" he said, tapping his friend on the shoulder, trying desperately to get his attention.

"-And make you watch as my beautiful creations tear down every last inch of your disgusting civilization," Zim continued, thoroughly ignoring Skoodge.

"Seriously, Zim, I think you should see this," Skoodge continued, voice raising an octave in panic as the maws reared back, clearly preparing to attack.

"-Ground up into fertilizer to feed my growing plant army!" Zim continued still, "And then I'll-GAH!"

Zim was finally cut off as Skoodge tackled him to the side, narrowly avoiding the maws that slammed down in the spot where Zim had just been standing, hitting it hard enough to shatter the concrete. The Irkens tumbled away, and scrambled back to their feet, as the maws turned towards them again.

"What do you think you're doing, filthy plant monsters! Attack the humans, not me!" Zim shrieked at the maws, before having to dodge as they launched themselves at him and Skoodge again.

"So, do we help them or…?" Steve asked Viera and Dib, though they both looked as caught off guard as he felt.

In any case, neither had a chance to even try to provide an opinion, as moments later, the fighting above their heads led to Zim being tossed into an oblivious GIR, knocking them both off of the roof and crashing into the pavement below, while the plants continued to chase Skoodge around. Shakily getting back to his feet, Zim glared up at the plants, then directed it towards the humans.

"This is your fault, pig-smellies!" he declared.

"What did we do?" Dib asked, eyebrow raised.

"I don't know, but you must have done something!" Zim responded, "Why else would my amazing creations turn on me like this?"

"Did you put in any kind of control mechanism?" Steve asked. Zim opened his mouth to give an angry retort, only for it to shut, his eyes widening in panic as he realized his oversight.

"See, this is why I prefer magic," Viera said, "It's harder to make this kind of mistake."

"Silence!" Zim snapped, clearly flustered.

"Look, I'm probably going to regret saying this," Dib said with a sigh, "But since your plan clearly just blew up in your face, Zim, it looks like we've got a shared problem. So, we might just have to work together on this one."

"What?!" Steve and Zim exclaimed in tandem.

"You actually want to team up with _Zim_?" Viera added, incredulous.

"Want to? No," Dib replied firmly, "But right now, the plants are the bigger threat, and since they've turned on him, he's got a reason to fight them too. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time we've had to ally against a shared threat."

"You lie!" Zim said, "When has Zim ever allied with your pathetic meat-sack self?"

"Well, there was the first time Tak showed up," Dib said, ticking off his fingers as he spoke, "Against Ultra-Peepi. When we were trapped in that other reality. That time we were both turned into baloney-"

"We agreed never to speak of that again!" Zim screamed, cutting him off.

"Baloney?" Steve asked, looking to his sister, who shrugged in response, equally confused. Rolling his eyes, Dib continued, pressing his point.

"What I'm saying, Zim, is that we have worked together when we've absolutely had no other choice, and then gone right back to hating each other, no problem. This will just be another one of those time — we work together to clean up this mess, and then pretend this whole thing never happened. Deal?"

Zim crossed his arms and grumbled, but finally nodded his agreement.

"Ah! The pain!"

That cry of agony cut through the tense atmosphere between the three humans and the Irken, and they looked up to see that one of the plant maws had caught Skoodge, snapping its jaws shut around one of his legs. It was now lifting him up into the air, and started slamming him back and forth against the roof.

"Like I said, do we help or what?" Steve asked, watching as the chubby Irken was repeatedly pummeled. Zim snorted in response, extended a PAK leg, and fired off a blast of energy. It cut through the stem of the maw holding Skoodge. As the maw dissolved into mush, Skoodge fell from where he'd been raised in the air, slamming into the edge of the roof. Which then broke off from the rest of the structure, sending Skoodge falling to the ground below in a rain of concrete and rebar.

The group below scattered as the mess hit the pavement. As the dust cleared, it revealed a small mountain of debris, Skoodge's limbs sticking out and spasming sporadically. Zim frowned at this.

"Ugh, great! Now Skoodge is completely useless," he muttered, "Well, never mind then, I'll handle this myself. GIR, come!"

GIR, who had taken a stick from somewhere and was poking at the debris-covered Skoodge with it, tossed it aside as he heard his master's command, snapping a salute and eyes flashing red for a moment. Then they returned to normal, and he began walking after Zim. They made it about two feet, before Zim turned back around to glare at the human trio.

"Well? Are you coming or not, worm-babies?" he demanded. Dib and the twins shared a look, then followed after Zim and GIR.

"Hello?" Skoodge's muffled voice out from beneath the debris, "Zim? Dib? Other humans? I'm stuck under here. A little help, please? Anybody?"

Silence greeted the trapped Invader, while the debris shifted as Skoodge futilely tried to break himself free for a few moments.

"I think my spine's broken," he commented matter-of-factly.

 _Underground, A Short Time Later_

Zim had led the humans into a sewer tunnel, and from there, through the sewer network (much to everyone's disgust), fighting off countless plants, until finally, they'd reached a hole torn open through the side of one of the tunnels. Making their way into it, the group was now walking down a more natural-looking sheer rock tunnel.

"Why did you have to bury the source of the plants so far underground?" Dib complained, panting and sweating.

"It's not like Zim knew he was going to have to thwart his own ingenious plan!" Zim snapped, "And I wasn't going to leave the most key component of it exposed for your filthy eyes. So just shut up with your complaining and keep moving."

"Hey, I'd like to see how little you'd be complaining carrying a freaking tank on your back," Dib snapped back, shifting the cannon across his shoulders to try and disperse its weight better.

"Oh? I'd think your spine would be used to supporting giant weights after all this time."

"My head's not that big!"

"You guys think you can ditch the almost-friendly-enemy schtick and maybe focus on what's going on, please?!" Viera cut in, while sending a stream of fire towards some nearby tendrils reaching for the group from the walls of the tunnel.

"Don't tell Zim what to do, Girl-Not-Dib!" Zim said, turning back to glare at her.

"Seriously. We have names," Steve deadpanned, blasting a few maws as they dove towards the group.

"Zim doesn't care! You're all just-aha! Here we are," Zim's newest rant was quickly cut off as the group suddenly reached the end of the tunnel, "Behold, pitiful human stink-meats! The Central Root!"

The tunnel opened up into a massive chamber, easily the size of several copies of the skool put together. And dominating most of that space, towering all the way up to and into the ceiling, was a massive root structure. Smaller roots spread out from it, across the floor, up the walls, and through them and the ceiling at practically every available spot.

"So, we blow this thing up and all the plants die, right?" Dib asked, eyeing it critically.

"Obviously," Zim sniffed, "Not that I expect your weak human weapons to do much. Clearly, Zim will have to do all the hard work."

"Just shut up and shoot," Dib said, frowning as he powered up the cannon.

"Don't tell me what to do," Zim snapped back, even as he deployed his PAK legs and armed their tips, "GIR! Prepare to attack!"

GIR, who had been trailing besides the group drinking a Suck Monkey he'd picked up at some point along the way, tossed it aside and saluted, eyes turning red while his head popped open and several guns and missile emplacements emerged. He then fired them all at the Central Root, while simultaneously, Zim and the humans all fired their weapons as well. Fire, plasma, and missiles flew through the air, impacting into the bulk of the Root with a series of massive explosions.

For a few minutes, the resulting smoke cloud obscured the Root from view, until it finally cleared… revealing that the entire thing was still very much intact.

"What the heck?! We didn't even scratch it!" Viera exclaimed in shock.

"See? Pathetic human weapons!" Zim groused.

"Yours didn't do anything either," Steve pointed out.

"Well clearly, the inferiority of your weapons affected the efficiency of mine!"

Before any of the humans could even try to counter that nonsensical statement, a rumbling sound caught them all by surprise. They turned their attention back to the Central Root, the front of which was cracking apart. Just as they thought that maybe they'd actually damaged it with a delayed reaction, the cracked sections burst open, and a massive flower larger than any of the other maws, bloomed out of the resulting hole.

Which then snapped open with a roar, revealing a huge gaping maw full of razor-sharp teeth.

"…I don't remember designing that," Zim commented into the stunned silence. Silence that was then shattered as the rocky ground beneath the group broke apart, roots rising up to grab them as they stumbled. The humans, Zim, and GIR were completely wrapped up by the roots and lifted into the air, carried over towards the waiting maw.

"Release me!" Zim demanded, "I created you! I am your master! Obey Zim!"

The only response that the Root gave was another roar, and then flinging GIR into its maw.

"I'm going for a ride!" the robot said happily, before the maw closed, swallowing him.

"GIR!" Zim cried out, suddenly panicked.

"Can anyone trigger their weapons?" Dib asked, struggling against the roots holding him.

"My hands are trapped, I can't reach the trigger," Steve replied, likewise struggling.

"And if I try to use the Eye like this, I'd probably just incinerate myself," Viera said, while she too tried to break free.

"Don't you think I'd have done something by now if I could, Dib-Monkey?!" Zim exclaimed, adding his two cents.

"Well, someone better do something quick," Steve said, as the Root began drawing them all towards its maw, "Because I think this thing's still hungry."

The Root roared again, and prepared to toss the whole group into its mouth. They all braced themselves, instinctively shutting their eyes as doom loomed over them… And then a black blur zoomed passed, cutting through the roots holding the group up, sending them all falling to the ground as the roots dissolved to slime and the Central Root roared in pain.

As the group quickly got back to their feet, they craned their heads to follow the zooming blur as it swept around the room, cutting more roots along the way, until it finally came to a stop back at the tunnel entrance, resolving into MIMI. And it was only at this point that anyone noticed Tak standing there, looking roughed up and extremely ticked off.

"For the record," she growled out, "I'm not saving you all because I like any of you. These pests just so happen to be more annoying."

Almost as if in response to Tak's comment, the Root roared again and lashed out with several of its smaller roots, attempting to smash her. However, by the time they hit the tunnel ledge, Tak and MIMI had already scattered, PAK legs and enhanced arm cutting through several of the roots. Meanwhile, Zim and Team Save Earth resumed attacking the Central Root's base, but that only seemed to anger it, causing the ceiling and walls to shake, breaking open to allow more maws and roots to descend and attack, distracting the group's focus.

"This isn't working," Steve said, blasting at some of the new maws, "We need to find a way to destroy the main root."

"Target the mouth, that's got to be a weak spot," Dib said, making his point by firing at one of the petals surrounding the mouth and succeeding in blowing a hole through it. The Root screeched in pain, but before Dib could gloat over his victory, the Root's mouth pulled back, and then surged forward, a stream of foul-smelling green-brown liquid shooting out. Dib dodged on instinct, but not before some of the liquid splashed over the cannon.

Looking to where the bubbling fluid was slowly eating through the floor, and then to where it had already put several holes into the cannon's barrel and pack, Dib turned to glare at Zim.

"Why did you design it to spit acid?!" he exclaimed.

"Why not?" Zim asked back, seemingly honestly confused, which earned him dumbfounded looks from everyone else.

"You're an idiot," Tak snarled, blasting several roots away from her, "And Dib! Stop talking and get back to fighting!"

"How am I supposed to do that?" Dib asked, "The cannon's damaged. If I try to use it like this, it could blow up-"

Dib cut himself short, as an idea suddenly sparked.

"Guys, keep it distracted and try to force its mouth open," he ordered.

The twins looked confused, but did as told, spraying the Central Root across its base. As they did, Dib shrugged the cannon off his back, unconsciously sighing in relief as the weight fell off his shoulders. But he didn't let himself pause to enjoy it, as he quickly began tampering with its power pack. When it turned red and started flashing, he hefted the whole thing over his head and tossed it towards the Root's gaping maw, which instinctively shut as it felt something enter its mouth.

"Everyone get down!" Dib shouted, ducking and covering. Everyone else followed his example, moments before the cannon's destabilized power source detonated.

The Central Root gave a final shriek of pain as its innards suddenly erupted in flame and plasma, blowing the entire thing apart. And as it burned, all the other plants in the chamber and throughout the city — maws, vines, and roots, the entire network — spasmed in agony, before dissolving, leaving behind nothing but a slimy mush and a lot of confused bystanders.

Back in the cavern, the giant pile of ooze created by the Root's destruction began shifting in several spots as the Irkens and Team Save Earth dug themselves out. As Dib pulled himself out, he spat out a mouthful of the ooze and looked around.

"Everyone alright?" he asked.

"Again! Again!" GIR cried out from where he was sitting in the ooze. Apparently being swallowed whole and caught in the explosion hadn't dampened his spirits any.

"Victory for Zim!" Zim cried out, emerging from the ooze, arms raised triumphantly.

"Pretty sure this was a team effort," Viera said, brushing herself off.

"That's where you're wrong," Zim said smugly, "For you fail to see the brilliance of my true plan — getting Dib to blow up his big gun!"

"…Is he serious?" Steve asked, looking to Dib.

"Yeah, sometimes when his plans backfire, he pretends what happens is what he had planned the whole time," Dib responded with a roll of his eyes.

"Fools! Do not dare mock the genius of Zim! I am more magnificent than you can even comprehend-"

 _THWACK!_

Zim was suddenly cut off, and fell face forward into the ooze, revealing Tak standing behind, holding a rock in both hands that she'd just smacked him over the head with.

"Moron," she snorted, tossing the rock aside and stomping away, MIMI dutifully following. The human trio watched her leave the cavern, then turned to look where Zim was passed out in the ooze, and where GIR was making snow angel-style shapes in it.

"Well, I'd call this a win, and I'm too tired to do anything else today," Dib said, "Who's up for leaving Zim in his own mess down here and finding the nearest fast food place still open?"

"Fine by me," Viera said, settling the Eye of Fire around her neck now that she didn't need it anymore.

The trio then made their way out of the cavern, leaving an unconscious Zim behind. When he awoke, he'd be furious at his failure and the perceived disrespect of leaving him behind like he wasn't important, and he'd channel that rage towards even greater attempts at conquest.

But that's a story for another time.

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 **End Episode 11**

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 **A/N: Wow. As per usual, these filler chapters are a pain to write, yet turn out way longer than anticipated. Hope you all enjoyed it.**

 **For those wondering how Tak beat all those plants at her base and found the Central Root, that's simple. She's just that good. :D**

 **Also, fun fact, but originally it was going to be the Eye of Fire that was sacrificed to destroy the Central Root, but then it occurred to me that it works as a longterm weapon for Viera, like Steve and his ray guns. Whereas Dib keeping that cannon to lug around didn't really work as well for me.**

 **Next time: More filler, but this time focusing on Norlock.**

 **Until then, read and review!**


	12. Norlock vs the Mall

**A/N: Onwards to the next chapter, folks. But first, I'm happy to announce that since last chapter, the view count has easily surpassed 4000 and is now close to 5000. It's probably a little egotistical to keep a running count like this, but I can't help but preen at how popular this story is turning out to be.**

 **And on an entirely unrelated note, I'd also like to put out another reminder for the people who haven't heard yet — Zim's getting a TV movie! Still no news yet on when it's coming, but here's hoping it'll be soon.**

 **Anyway, moving on. Here's another filler chapter, and this one's focused on Norlock. You know, I realized early on that I was giving him a disproportionate amount of screen time for an OC compared to the canon characters, so I dialed back on his appearances. But then I realized that I've basically reduced him to an extra, with barely more than courtesy cameos in each chapter. So, here's a chapter focusing on him.**

 **I also apologize in advance to any fans of** _ **Twilight**_ **reading this chapter. I'm afraid you're in for quite a bit of mockery, my friends.**

 **Read on!**

 **Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Zim unleashed an army of mutated plant monsters on the city, only for them to turn on him. He was subsequently forced to team up with Dib, the twins, and Tak to destroy them. Afterwards, they all left Zim in the mess left over, something he would surely be offended by and take horrible vengeance for.**

 **But that'll be another time. For now, someone else is going to seek his own brand of revenge.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim or any of the related characters. Those all belong to Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Oni Press. I only own the OCs.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 12: Norlock vs the Mall**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

As night fell over Doomsville, the skool was virtually abandoned. Just about everyone had gone home for the day, and the rooms and hallways were darkened, all of the lights shut off. All, that is, except for one particular room, which was casting a soft glow out its door window into the hallway. And if one were to look to see what was making that light, they'd be in for quite the surprise.

This was the teachers' lounge, but one wouldn't recognize it as such. All the cheap plastic and plywood chairs and tables had been shoved aside, clearing a space in the middle of the room. Into that space, a much more sturdy hardwood table had been positioned, covered with an elaborate table cloth. Atop that cloth, the table had been fully set for a dinner for two, with a candelabra sitting in the middle, the candles set within it burning brightly. But what was most surprising about all this was the figure responsible for the setup, who was even now placing a vase on the side of the table.

"Ah, black roses," Norlock commented happily, taking a whiff of the flowers' scent, "The perfect flower, don't you agree?"

The latter comment was directed at Nny, who was inspecting a cart off to the side, which was holding several covered trays. At Norlock's question, he looked up, an annoyed look crossing his face.

"Don't ask me about plants. I've had more than my fill for a while," he said, aggravated.

"Hmm, yes, I suppose anyone would be after Zim's recent stunt with those plant monsters," Norlock mused.

"That too, but I just meant that stupid field trip I had to chaperone before that," Nny replied, "By the way, remind me again why I'm helping you with this?"

In response, Norlock reached into a pocket and pulled out a small bag, which he tossed at Nny. The janitor caught the bag and opened it, revealing a handful of gold coins. Nny took one of the coins and bit it to check its quality; satisfied with what he felt, put the coin back in the bag, and slipped the bag into a pocket.

"Right, I remember now," he said with a smirk, "But you do realize that this whole thing is a total waste of time, right?"

"Please, I know what I'm doing," Norlock sniffed dismissively, "If there's one thing I've learned over the centuries, it's the art of seduction."

"Let me guess — the fastest way to someone's heart is through the stomach, right?" Nny asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Actually it's through the ribcage, but that can be messy," Norlock replied, matching Nny's sarcasm with his own, "But yes, a lovely candlelit dinner always seals the deal."

"Uh-huh," Nny said, voice totally dry, "And just out of curiosity, when was the last time you actually had a date?"

"…What year was the Peace of Westphalia?" Norlock asked, after a moment's thought.

Before Nny could even try to formulate a response to that, the door suddenly opened, and Miss Bitters entered the room. Her customary scowl stayed in place as she surveyed the room's new setup, even as Norlock beamed, plucking a rose from the vase and striding over to present it to her with a flourish.

"Good evening, my lovely terror," he greeted, "Here, have a token of my esteem, before we move on to our enchanting evening."

Facial expression not changing, Miss Bitters took the rose from Norlock's hand; it immediately withered and died in her grasp.

"I hope you realize that I only accepted your invitation for tonight because it's a better alternative to grading tests," she commented, dropping the dead flower to the floor.

"I thought you just automatically failed every test you gave?" Nny asked, from where he'd taken a position leaning against the wall.

"I do, because every student I've ever had is an idiot," Miss Bitters snapped, "But stamping every single paper with a mark of doomed failure gets tedious. Even I need a break now and then."

"Please, enough about work!" Norlock said, pulling a chair out for Miss Bitters to sit in, pushing it back in once she'd done so, "We came here to have a good time and a nice meal."

"Well, then you're already out of luck, because I can't cook worth crap," Nny commented, leaving his spot at the wall to walk over to the food cart. As he did so, Norlock grabbed a bottle of wine already set on the table and quickly poured a glass for Miss Bitters, before pouring one for himself and taking a seat as well.

"A toast," he said, raising his glass, "To a shared joy in the partaking of human suffering."

Miss Bitters raised her own glass, matching the toast, before taking a sip of the wine.

"I'm surprised you even drink wine," she said as she lowered the glass, "Or eat food, for that matter. Since we both know that you're not human."

"And clearly, neither are you, dear," Norlock countered, "But I won't pry on that subject. As for your comment, I _can_ ingest actual food, I just get no nourishment from it. It's more a matter of enjoying the taste."

"Like I said, good luck with that," Nny said, dropping a large covered platter onto the table. Removing the cover, he revealed an oversized chunk of raw-looking meat, which in parts appeared to still be bleeding.

"What kind of meat is that?" Miss Bitters asked.

"Not sure. It was in the kitchen in a box labeled 'long pig'," Nny replied, removing a butcher's cleaver from his jacket. Hacking pieces out of the main mass, he placed them on Norlock and Miss Bitters' plates. The latter poked at her serving with a fork experimentally, before taking a cautious bite, proceeding with more after the taste met with her approval. Norlock, meanwhile, was already digging into his with a relish.

"So," he asked between bites, "Do tell me a little bit more about yourself. All I know is that you're a teacher and you hate children."

"No, I hate _everyone_ ," she clarified, "I just particularly dislike children because they're too bright. They haven't realized yet how pointless life is, so they're annoyingly optimistic."

"Fair enough," Norlock replied, reaching for his wine again, "Too much happiness can be quite aggravating."

"This is the worst date talk I've ever heard," Nny commented from where he'd returned to leaning against the wall, "Where's all that suave, sappy vampire romancing you see in the movies?"

Norlock froze, the wine glass partway to his lips, as his eye twitched.

"Please don't mention modern vampire movies," he said testily, "They're a disgrace."

"Oh calm down, it's not like I asked why you're not sparkling-"

The glass in Norlock's hand suddenly shattered as he clenched it into a fist. A hiss of mixed anger and pain slipped through his bared teeth, while wine and ichor seeped through his fingers. Unclenching his fist, he let the remains of the glass fall to the table's surface, and began plucking shards out of his hand.

"Do not even _joke_ about me being anything like those mockeries," he snarled, glaring at a nonplussed Nny.

"Overreacting much?" Nny asked, eyebrow raised.

"My kind are a proud and ancient species, who have been the source of countless nightmares down through the ages, and now the first thing people think of when they hear the word 'vampire' is cheesy romance stories where vampires avoid sunlight because it makes us sparkle like an over polished piece of costume jewelry. So no, by Lucifer's mud-caked hooves, I do not think I'm overreacting!" Norlock ranted, punctuating his final remark by slamming his fists down on the table. Unfortunately, he failed to restrain his strength, and the blow caused the legs on his side to collapse, tilting the table and causing the plate and glass on Miss Bitters' side to fly up, splattering their contents all over her face and upper body.

A deafening silence fell over the room, as Norlock and Nny stared at Miss Bitters in shock. For her part, she went stock still, before slowly reaching for a napkin, and wiping her face clear. With that done, she turned her attention back to Norlock, the room's dim lighting catching on her glasses and making them glow dangerously.

"Dinner's over. Get out," she hissed.

Norlock coughed in embarrassment, then got to his feet and took a moment to compose himself.

"I apologize. I'll see myself out," he said, before quickly walking out of the room. Nny watched him go, then turned to Miss Bitters, who was cleaning the rest of the mess off her shoulders and chest.

"So, I suppose I should clean this all up?" he asked, gesturing to the mess spread across the floor around the wreck of the table. Miss Bitters' only response was to hiss at him, and then swept out of the room.

"I'll take that as a yes then," he said, before shrugging and walking off to find his mop and bucket.

 _Zim's Base, A Short Time Later_

Zim sat on his couch, head resting on one palm as he leaned against the armrest. One would assume that he was still fuming about his recent humiliating defeat over the plant plan, but the truth was he'd just rolled that up into all the general frustration and anger he'd built up over all his time on Earth. By this point, it was really just one big ball of simmering anger he'd take out on everyone once he actually conquered the planet.

No, actually, Zim was just plain old fashioned bored. Since the plant debacle, he hadn't had any decent ideas for new plans. Or even halfway decent ones, for that matter. He was in a slump, and it seemed there was nothing to do but wait and pass the time until something sparked his genius.

"Infuriating planet," he muttered, "Why can't all the filthy humans just roll over and let themselves be conquered already? Right, Skoodge?"

"Mmmmph," Skoodge replied from his spot next to Zim, voice muffled by the full body cast he had been wrapped up in ever since that roof had collapsed on him. A PAK could only heal so much damage all at once, after all. So, while he was healing naturally, he was out of commission, and therefore pretty much useless when it came to aiding Zim in any form.

Though on the bright side, he was serving as a decent distraction for GIR, who was even now drawing and writing on the cast with a case of markers.

Zim was honestly considering joining in, just for something to do, when the front door was suddenly kicked open. Everyone looked over to see a glowering Norlock entering the house, slamming the door behind him. The Robo-Parents emerged from their closet, apparently having been alerted by the noise.

"Hello, son!" the Robo-Dad greeted as he rolled up to Norlock, "How was skool?"

"Do you want some lasagna?" the Robo-Mom asked, holding up a dead bird.

In response, Norlock grabbed both robots by the necks and slammed their heads together with a burst of sparks and a crunch of metal. He then tossed the wrecked robots aside and kept walking, finally coming to a stop and dropping down onto the couch next to Zim and Skoodge.

"What's your problem?" Zim asked, "And why are you even here? I thought you said you were going to be busy all night?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Norlock snapped, "Just… hand me the remote. I need something to clear my head."

Zim glared, apparently offended at being ordered to do something, but acquiesced and tossed the remote at Norlock. The vampire caught it, switching the TV on and beginning to channel surf. And while better about it than GIR, he still kept changing channels after only a few minutes on each, clearly more interested in the action than what he was seeing. Frustrated, Zim was about to snap at Norlock, when the latter suddenly froze, eyes locked on the screen. Squinting in confusion, Zim followed his gaze to the TV.

"Hello, this is Jeff Sheffy, reporting live from the City Center Mall," the African-American reporter on the screen said. The scene around him showed that he was indeed in the Mall, surrounded by a large crowd of teenagers and adults. But what seemed to have caught Norlock's attention was the banner running along the bottom of the screen, which read "Vampire Movie Stars Appear At Convention At Mall".

"As you can see behind me, crowds are already gathering for the special late night convention for fans of _Sunset_ , the latest and most successful vampire movie franchise in history," Sheffy went on, "People I've talked to are all especially excited by the scheduled appearances by all of the main actors, the stars of what many are calling the _definitive_ vampire saga-"

 _SMASH!_

Zim jumped in surprise as Norlock suddenly lashed forward, the remote flying from his hand to hit the television dead center, shattering the screen, a shower of sparks erupting from the now ruined device.

"No! Not the TV!" GIR cried, jumping up from the couch and running over to the smoking television.

"What the _flirk_ did you do that for?" Zim demanded. However, Norlock didn't answer. Instead, he got to his feet and marched back over to the door.

"Now where are you going?" Zim asked.

"I've faced quite enough mockery of my kind for one night, thank you very much," Norlock said, tone icy cold, "I do believe it's time to remind everyone why vampires were feared for thousands of years. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go kill a few humans."

With that, Norlock stormed out of the door, shifting to bat form almost immediately and swooping off into the distance. Zim watched him go, and quickly analyzed the situation. On the one hand, Norlock publicly slaughtering a crowd of humans might risk exposure. On the other hand, it would probably be hilarious to watch, and Zim wouldn't have to lift a finger to do it. And given how bored he'd been lately, it wasn't that hard to reach a decision.

"GIR, come! We're going out," Zim commanded, quickly putting on his wig and contacts.

"Why, TV?! I love-ed you!" GIR screamed, tears rolling freely as he hugged the destroyed television.

"Now, GIR!" Zim snapped.

"Okay!" GIR replied cheerfully, mood immediately shifting as he jumped up and put on his dog disguise.

"Skoodge, mind the base while we're out," Zim ordered, not even turning to look back at his fellow Invader.

"Mmmmppphh!" Skoodge replied. Whether he was affirming or protesting the order was impossible to say through the plaster. Not that it mattered, really, as Zim wasn't paying attention to him anyway, and quickly marched out the door, GIR trailing behind him as he ran in the direction of the Mall.

This was going to be good, he could tell.

 _City Center Mall, Shortly Thereafter_

Off to the side of the Mall's main floor, there was a door, with a sign marking it as an entrance to the underground parking structure. It was a totally average-looking door, and it was unlikely anyone would ever pay it much attention on a regular basis. If anyone had, however, then right now they'd be hearing the sounds of shouting and bangs of small explosions, culminating in the door suddenly slamming open, before the trio of Team Save Earth came tumbling out, landing in a heap. As the door slammed shut behind them, cutting off a series of screeches and yells that was following the group, the three of them pulled themselves to their feet, straightening themselves out.

"See? Told you there were rat people living in the Mall garage," Dib said, adjusting his glasses.

"Yeah, well, I still don't see how it's scientifically possible for them to have mutated just from being stuck down there," Steve commented, dusting himself off, "Maybe there's something magic down there that affected them?"

"Doubt it," Viera said, blowing some smoke off her Eye of Fire amulet and letting it fall back into place around her neck, "Didn't see anything remotely magical. Though, I guess they _could_ have been cursed at some point, it just couldn't have been because of anything here."

"Well, we can probably research it back at… what the?" Dib started to say, trailing off and blinking in surprise. The twins followed his gaze, and matched his expression upon seeing the large crowd that was filling most of the floor's central space. There must have been hundreds of them, packed from one wall to another, most of them wearing cheesy vampire costumes, though a significant number were instead wearing dog collars and cheap plastic werewolf masks as well. And they were all gathered in front of and facing a stage erected at one end of the building, underneath a banner that read " _Sunset Fan Convention_ ".

"A fan convention?" Dib asked, looking to his watch in confusion, "Who holds a fan convention that starts at this time of night?"

"People with no lives, obviously," Steve commented, before looking to his sister, "Isn't this that vampire franchise you keep complaining about?"

"Ugh, don't get me started," Viera muttered, crossing her arms and frowning, "Those movies suck."

"Because of how inaccurate they are?" Dib asked, shuddering slightly. He'd made the mistake of seeing one of those movies, because he'd been hoping that it might break the modern portrayal of vampires; no such luck.

"That too, but I just think the acting is horrible," she replied.

Before the conversation could go any further, a spotlight suddenly lit up the stage, and a man in a suit stepped forward, holding a microphone. The crowd immediately switched from the quiet mumbling among themselves that had already been present, and began cheering. The man, apparently the MC, cheerfully waved at the crowd for a few minutes, letting them get it all out of their systems, before he began speaking.

"Thank you, thank you!" he said, "What a wonderful crowd. I can already tell that this is going to be a great night. Welcome, one and all, to the first annual _Sunset_ fan convention. Now, I know what you're all waiting for, so without further ado, please welcome our stars!"

The crowd's cheering reached deafening levels as the curtain hanging across the back of the stage parted, revealing a trio of young people, a woman and two men, sitting behind a plastic table.

"Kristen Abernathy!" the announcer said, gesturing to the woman, who had a thoroughly unimpressed look on her face.

"Can't act," Viera commented.

"John Roughly!" the announcer continued, moving on to one of the two men, who was pasty and had an even more unemotional look on his face than Abernathy did.

"Has the personality of a cardboard cutout," Viera said.

"And finally, Phillip F. McGurth!" the announcer finished, pointing towards the other young man, whose face was slightly contorted… and for some reason, wasn't wearing a shirt.

"…Nice abs, but he always looks constipated," Viera admitted, while the boys both rolled their eyes.

"Now then, let's begin with a Q&A session!" the announcer said. In response, the crowd all began throwing up their hands and shouting for attention.

"You know," Steve spoke up, "Since none of us are fans, and mocking actual ones is only so entertaining, what do you say we get out of here?"

"Fine by me," Dib said, "This is all just kind of obnoxious."

"Well, I still had a few more comments about a couple of the gaping plot holes these movies run on," Viera said, "But, I guess I'm good to go-"

 _CRACK-BOOM_

Everyone's heads snapped around to look at the front entrance to the Mall, which had just exploded inward. A massive cloud of black smoke spread out across the floor, too fast to be natural. This was proven to definitely be the case, as it suddenly slid to a stop, not too far away from where the trio were standing. It then began spinning around, shooting upwards in a column. After a few moments of this, it dispersed with a bang, to reveal Norlock standing there, arms outspread to his sides dramatically, and a look of simmering anger etched onto his face.

"What is he doing here?" Steve hissed to the others, as they all stared in wide-eyed shock at the vampire's sudden appearance.

"I don't know, but quick, grab whatever you can fight with and-" Dib's panicked, rushed instructions were abruptly cut off as Norlock swept past the three of them, barely looking in their direction, and in fact not even seeming to notice them. This caught Dib and the twins off guard, and they turned to watch Norlock keep marching until he reached the crowd, crossing his arms and glaring at them all.

"Hey dude, I think you're at the wrong convention," one of the cosplayers said, apparently not at all intimidated by Norlock's appearance or entrance.

"Do I _look_ like one of you mindless drones?" Norlock asked in disgust, glaring at the man who had spoken, "I'm a _real_ vampire, thank you very much."

"Yeah, you got that old-school look going," another cosplayer said, "But you know, this series isn't about that outdated stuff. If you wanna be here, you should really get with the times."

"Get with the- I meant that _literally_ , you imbeciles! I am an _actual_ vampire, not one of your make-believe Hollywood fetish fantasies!" Norlock snarled. Meanwhile, Team Save Earth was watching the exchange from where they still standing by the garage door.

"I don't… I… what?" Dib stammered, "Did that just happen?"

"If by 'that' you mean one of our enemies completely ignored us to go get into an argument with a bunch of vampire movie fanatics, then yeah, it just happened," Steve replied, slightly stunned.

"I guess even actual vampires can't stand this stuff," Viera commented, "Actually, they probably hate it more. Makes sense when you think about it, really."

"Okay," Dib muttered, finally managing to wrap his head around the bizarre sight of Norlock shouting and waving his arms frantically at a bunch of cosplayers, "So, uh, should we do something? I mean, he's not doing anything to hurt anyone, but that's just so far. He could turn on them any minute. And we have a responsibility to fight inhuman evil wherever we find it."

"By that logic, shouldn't we be fighting the actors too?" Viera snarked. Steve rolled his eyes at his sister's comment, and Dib turned to offer a rebuttal, only to be cut off by a familiar voice from behind the group.

"Move, Dib-Monkey! You're blocking my view!"

Once again, the trio spun around to look behind themselves. This time, they were greeted by the image of Zim setting himself down on a fold-out chair and holding a videocamera, while GIR stood next to him, waving happily at the humans.

"Zim!" Dib snapped instinctively, glaring and pointing at his archenemy, "What's going on? Is this some new evil plan of yours?"

"Oh please," the Irken snorted, "You really think I'd waste my precious time on something so _stupid_ as unleashing my vampire minion on a bunch of pathetic movie-obsessed worm-babies?"

"Well, given your track record…" Viera started to say.

"Did Zim ask you, Not-Dib?" Zim snapped.

"Technically, yeah, you did," Steve said, not even bothering to comment on the "Not-Dib" thing anymore.

"Silence!"

"Look, if this isn't some kind of plot, Zim, then what _is_ going on, exactly?" Dib demanded.

"Exactly what it looks like, Dib-Stink. Norlock doesn't like these humans' stupid portrayal of his species, so he's here to kill a bunch of them," Zim explained, as he got comfortable on his chair and held up the camera to capture the view, "And I'm here to enjoy the show."

"And I got corn in mah head!" GIR added cheerfully, while the top of his disguise zipped open, allowing a cooked bag of popcorn to emerge; not moving his gaze from the camera, Zim reached over to tear open the bag and grab a handful.

"…So, you don't have a plan and you're just here to be a troll?" Steve asked, eyebrow raised in disbelief.

"What do monsters that live under bridges have to do with anything?" Zim asked, looking away from the camera to stare at Steve in confusion. Steve blinked, and was about to respond, when Dib held up a hand to cut him off.

"Don't bother," he said, "Trust me, trying to explain human terminology to him is a long road to a dead end. It's not worth the headache."

Meanwhile, Norlock was still ranting and raving at the crowd.

"…And a real vampire wouldn't be intimidated by any were-creature!" he exclaimed, gesturing to McGurth, "We naturally dominate them all! Oh, and by the way, werewolves _can't_ shift form at will — and they don't walk around shirtless like a second-string member of a cheap jeans commercial!"

"Heh. Good one," Roughly said flatly, while McGurth's face somehow contorted even more to glare at his co-star. Norlock, meanwhile, blinked in surprise at Roughly speaking up.

"You're a real person?" he asked, sounding genuinely confused, "I thought you were a cardboard cutout."

"Called it," Viera said, chewing on some of the popcorn from GIR's head, causing her brother and Dib to stare at her.

"Are you actually eating that?" Steve asked, eyebrow raised.

"If he's eating it himself, I doubt it's poisoned," she replied, "Besides, this isn't a major threat, right? We might as well enjoy the show."

"Fine," Dib muttered, "But if this turns serious, we step in. Agreed?"

The twins both made sounds of affirmation, and the group fully turned their attention back to where Norlock was still berating the actors.

"…And you look absolutely nothing like a vampire! You look more like some shut-in who lives in his mother's basement and never sees the light of day!" he was shouting at Roughly, before turning to Abernathy, "And you! …I just don't like you. Your personality is like a walking, personified enema."

By this point, the crowd had shifted from looking on in confusion, and some mild amusement, to now being quite annoyed. At that last comment, it shifted to outright anger, furious muttering spreading amongst the assembled fans. One particularly angry guy, wearing a particularly cheesy vampire outfit, stomped up Norlock.

"Hey man, do we come down to your cons and trash talk your corny, outdated movies? I think someone should teach you a less-"

Norlock cut the man off with a backhanded slap, not even bothering to look back at him as he did so, sending him flying back into the crowd, knocking several others over. Frowning at this, the announcer stepped forward to the front of the stage, to glare down at Norlock.

"Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to-AH!" He was cut off as Norlock suddenly grabbed his leg, lifting him up into the air, and spinning him around like a club, knocking over several other bystanders, before the slamming the unfortunate man into the ground, knocking him out.

"Okay, that tears it," Dib said, "Now he's crossing a line."

"Yeah, okay, even I admit that's going too far," Viera admitted, pulling the Eye of Fire back out and holding it at the ready, "We need to do something to stop him."

"Well, I know you guys are the magic experts and I'm kinda out of my field here," Steve said, "But maybe we can bless the water supply in the Mall's fire suppression system, and then activate it, so that-"

"Hold it right there, punk!" a powerful voice suddenly boomed out across the floor, catching everyone's attention and causing Norlock to pause in the middle of preparing to throw the unconscious announcer away. Everyone looked to see a tall, white-haired man in a black, partially armored uniform, whose left eye was squinted shut for some reason, marching towards the crowd.

"Oh no, not this pig-smelly again," Zim muttered in annoyance, lowering his camera to glare at the man.

"You know him?" Dib asked, confused.

"Yes, he's some security drone I encountered when I broke into this place once to return a videotape that had an FBI monitoring device in it," the Irken explained, before sniffing dismissively, "Those fools should have known better than to put an actual warning about their surveillance into the tape."

"Uh, Zim?" Steve said, hesitantly, "You know that the 'FBI warnings' on videos are about copyrights, not monitoring people, right?"

"Lies! You lie, Not-Dib! From your filthy mouth full of deceit and, um, pork!"

"I'm… not eating any pork," Steve replied, utterly thrown for a loop by the random insult.

Meanwhile, Norlock watched the security guard walk up to him, utterly unimpressed by his appearance.

"And you would be…?" he asked, eyebrow arched.

"Sergeant Slab Rankle, Mall Security," the man replied with a grunt.

"Ooh, a rent-a-cop. I'm so scared," Norlock said, rolling his eyes.

"You should be," Rankle said, glaring at the vampire, "The security and wellbeing of this Mall is my sacred responsibility, and I'm not about to let some punk cosplayer desecrate it."

"Well, by that logic, you should be helping me tear apart these freaks, instead of stopping me," Norlock responded, gesturing to the crowd, which had begun backing up from the two of them.

"These people are merely exercising their right of self-expression, which Mall management has signed a deal with this convention's promoters to allow," Rankle shot back, "You're the one who blew out the entrance to the building and started attacking people. So, you're going to come with me to the holding cells, where you'll stay until I can turn you over to the proper authorities."

"'Holding cells'?" Norlock asked, deadpan, "What kind of city mall has actual holding cells, like some kind of prison?"

"One that's always secure. That's our tax dollars at work, making this country great," Rankle said, staring off into the middle distance, as a flag waved in the air behind him.

"…Where did that flag come from?" Norlock asked, blinking at the flag fluttering on a pole behind Rankle, which he was rather certain hadn't been there mere moments before.

"Oh, I had those installed all over the Mall, as a sign of my dedicated patriotism," Rankle explained, revealing a small remote that had been hidden in his hand. Pressing a couple of buttons, this caused several more flag poles to shoot out from hidden panels across the floor and walls, unfurling flags that flapped about dramatically; the effect was somewhat diminished by the fact that a couple of those poles smacked into members of the crowd, knocking them over.

"That is just plain pointless," Steve commented, by now also helping himself to some of GIR's popcorn.

"Anyway, back to the point," Rankle said, frowning as he put the remote away, "I'm only going to say this once more, punk — you're going to come with me willingly, or I'm going to make you."

"I would honestly like to see you try," Norlock replied, chuckling darkly.

"Fine then," Rankle growled, "Let's dance."

He whipped the remote back out and pressed a button. As he did, panels flew open all over the floor, some hidden in walls, others in store signs or mascot figures. With a sudden whoosh of compressed air, metal cables shot out of those panels, zooming through the air towards Norlock. Several people in the crowd, including Team Save Earth and Zim, yelped in surprise and threw themselves to the floor, the cables shooting over their heads.

Norlock spun around, practically dancing out of the way of the cables, allowing most of them to miss him and impact into surrounding walls. However, one particularly well-timed cable managed to successfully snag and wrap around his arm, catching him off guard and dragging him to the ground. Rankle smirked, and the press of more buttons sent even more cables at the vampire to try and further restrain him. But to the Sergeant's surprise, they never got the chance — Norlock jumped into the air from his position on the floor and flipped over to land in a crouch, while simultaneously twisting his hand to get a grip on the cable. He then pulled, ripping the source of the cable, a store sign, straight out of the wall. He then spun the cable and attached sign around, knocking all the other cables away.

"You know that I'm just going to add destruction of Mall property to your list of charges," Rankle snarled, while Norlock lightly twirled his makeshift flail.

"Weren't you going to do that anyway for the doors?" Norlock replied, smirking.

"Well, yes, but… shut up!" Rankle snapped, pressing some more buttons on the remote. In response to these new commands, yet more hidden panels opened up, and laser turrets emerged. Swiveling to target Norlock, they all opened fire at once, blasts of plasma streaming through the air over the still ducking crowd.

"Seriously, why does a mall need this kind of tech?!" Dib exclaimed, as a particularly low blast singed the top of his hair spike.

Meanwhile, Norlock showed no shock, or any real reaction, to the attack. Instead, he merely ripped the cable off his arm, dropping it and the sign to the floor and leaping into the air seconds before any of the blasts could hit him. He went into a series of backflips and leaps, nimbly flying through the air from one spot to another, barely stopping in any one spot for more than a few seconds at a time, and always managing to stay just ahead of the trailing laser blasts.

"Hate to say it, but he's got some moves," Steve commented, from where the group was cowering on the ground, beneath the streams of plasma still shooting through the air above their heads.

"Don't compliment the bad guy," Dib scolded. Almost as soon as the words left his mouth, a series of explosions boomed out. Attention snapping back to the events still unfolding, everyone watched in amazement as the turrets began exploding; Norlock's movements had led them into hitting each other with friendly fire.

"Okay, never mind, I'll admit it — that was pretty cool," Dib admitted.

"Ha!" Zim crowed from nearby, apparently not noticing or caring about the hole that had been burned into his wig by a stray shot, "See? Even the Dib-Monkey is in awe of my brilliance!"

"In what way was that a compliment aimed at you?" Viera asked, as the group all hesitantly got to their feet, now that the coast was clear.

"Norlock is Zim's minion, and therefore everything great about him is a reflection of my own magnificence!" Zim exclaimed haughtily, as he brushed himself off. Dib and the twins all rolled their eyes at that statement.

"It must be so nice to live in a fantasy world," Dib said. Zim glared at him, but rather than responding, turned his attention back to the ongoing fight.

"Any more toys you want me to break?" Norlock asked, casually leaning against the smoking remains of one of the laser turrets, "Or are you ready to call it quits and let me do what I came here to do?"

"You wish. Slab Rankle doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit', punk," Rankle replied, closed eye twitching in annoyance.

"I don't think you know the meaning of 'punk', either," Norlock shot back, "Not with how often you keep using it."

Rankle grit his teeth, but didn't say anything. Instead, he hit yet another button on his remote, causing a large portion of a nearby wall to suddenly detach and fall to the floor, nearly crushing several unfortunate members of the crowd.

"You think you're so smart, pu… buddy?" Rankle asked with a sneer, "Well, let's see how you do against my zombie security forces!"

There was a large, shared gasp from the crowd, and they all backed away in fear, as a mass of green-skinned figures slowly shambled their way out of the opening.

 _Very_ slowly.

In fact, it took more than five minutes for the horde of zombies to make their way out of the opening and onto the main floor. By that point, most of the crowd had calmed down from the initial panic to stare in confusion as the zombies meandered around, most of them not heading anywhere even remotely in Norlock's general direction.

"Wow, this is just sad," Viera commented, watching a zombie walk into a wall next to the group. Repeatedly.

"Tch, typical human incompetence. He hasn't even remotely upgraded these things from when Zim easily evaded them last time," Zim sneered. As if to prove his point, another zombie shuffled up to the group, and Zim barely even looked at it before extending a PAK leg and using it like a club to sweep the zombie's legs out from under it, sending it falling to the ground. It was left sprawled on its back, limbs kicking uselessly in the air like a flipped-over turtle.

"Sheesh, doesn't he know you're supposed to put some kind of control mechanism in zombies when you raise them?" Dib asked, "That's how you make them effective. And keep them from going on rampages."

"How would you know that?" Steve asked, eyebrow arched.

"…I'd rather not say," Dib replied, face completely neutral. Steve stared at him for a few moments, then shrugged and turned back to looking at Norlock.

The vampire in question looked, if anything, even more unimpressed with the zombies than Zim or Team Save Earth did. His face was set in a deep frown as he watched the zombies amble around, several being easily knocked aside by the now very nonplussed crowd of onlookers. For his part, Norlock only had to deal with one zombie that seemed to have actually identified him as a target and come at him. And it was almost comically easy to deal with — he held out his hand and placed it firmly against the zombie's forehead, leaving it walking in place for a minute or two, before Norlock evidently got bored, grabbing the zombie by the shoulders and tossing it aside.

"Alright, I'll bite," he said dryly, looking to Rankle, "What, precisely, was the point of any of that? Were you hoping I'd laugh myself to death at how pathetic you are at designing security measures?"

Now growling like a rabid dog, Rankle threw his remote away.

"Okay, that tears it," he said, "You may have been handle the best automated defenses we've got-"

"Those were the best?" Norlock interrupted, looking honestly confused.

"But it's time to take things up a notch!" Rankle continued, apparently choosing to ignore that last comment, "If you want something done right, sometimes you've gotta do it yourself. You're mine, punk!"

With that, Rankle raised his fists and gave a scream that was probably meant to be a battle cry. He then rushed forward towards Norlock, pulling one fist back to launch a punch. However, Norlock quickly and easily caught it, spinning on his heel to twist Rankle's arm around; this altered Rankle's course enough that his momentum sent him flying into a nearby wall, crumpling to the floor on the rebound.

"Do us all a favor, and just stay down," Norlock sneered down at the fallen security guard, "As entertaining as this all has been, I'd like to finish what I came here to do — it was meant to be a bit of carrhesis, and you've made it far too complicated. So, what do you say?"

In response, Rankle suddenly jumped back up and delivered a powerful kick that connected square in the middle of Norlock's chest. Caught off guard by the attack, Norlock was sent flying back through the air, towards the stage. He ended up slamming into the table, where the three actors were still seated, quite calmly, all of them apparently unaffected by everything that had happened so far. This they noticed, however, as the table was flipped over, and they were all knocked down like bowling pins.

"Like I said, Slab Rankle doesn't quit," the Sergeant replied, getting back to his feet and drawing himself up to his full height, planting his hands on his hips dramatically.

"Um, doesn't knocking out the stars of the convention as part of the fight kind of counteract what he was trying to do in the first place?" Steve asked.

"I don't think he really cares," Viera replied, noticing that Rankle seemed to be standing at the ready for applause.

"Yeah, I think this guy's a few burgers short of a value meal," Dib snarked.

"You want fries with that?!" GIR suddenly screeched in Dib's ear, having approached without him or the twins noticing, making them all yelp and jump in surprise.

"If he's going to dress up as a dog, can you at least keep him on a leash or something?" Dib sharply asked Zim, who had retaken his seat on the fold-out chair.

"No," the Irken replied flatly, not looking away from where Rankle had apparently gotten tired of waiting for the crowd to start singing his praises, and had started doing it himself.

"-Of course, Mr. President, I'll humbly but happily accept the Medal of Honor," Rankle was rambling, his self-congratulations having somehow transitioned into an entirely different delusion.

"If I may interrupt, Sergeant Incompetence," Norlock's voice suddenly rang across the floor, cutting Rankle off. Everyone looked back to the stage, and saw that Norlock was holding the table over his head, having somehow piled all three of the actors on top of it.

"Eat Hollywood B-list!" Norlock shouted. He then threw the table, and the actors, through the air towards Rankle. However, the sergeant was unfazed at the move. In fact, instead of trying to dodge the attack, he ran forward to meet it. As he was within a few feet of it, he leapt into the air and punched the table, shattering it and sending the actors flying in different directions, to land amongst their fans. For their part, the fans were only momentarily stunned; they then quickly recovered, and descended on their idols like a pack of hysterically laughing hyenas.

Meanwhile, Rankle didn't stop moving, instead turning his leap into a charge straight at Norlock, whose only response was to move a few steps to the side, allowing Rankle to land with a crash on the stage. Rankle turned to face Norlock, but the vampire was already moving, and backhanded the Sergeant hard enough to send him stumbling back several feet. Rankle snarled and, upon recovery, threw a punch, which Norlock easily dodged, before grabbing Rankle's arm and flipping the Sergeant over, sending him crashing to land on the stage, flat on his back. Then, for good measure, Norlock kicked him hard in the side, sending him skidding off of the stage to fall back to the floor.

"Seriously, this is getting monotonous," Norlock said, looking down at Rankle as he groaned and crawled to his hands and knees, "Last chance. Give up, or I eat you."

"Oh yeah? Well, eat this!" Rankle exclaimed, pulling out another remote, one that only had one large, red button.

"Let me guess — you push that button, and it'll summon some other idiotic security measure, like radioactive gerbils or something," Norlock snorted.

"Hmm, that's not a bad idea, actually," Rankle mused, while Zim nodded in agreement and quickly wrote that down, much to the glares of Dib and the twins, "But actually, it does this!"

Rankle pressed the button and quickly jumped away. For a moment, nothing happened. Norlock opened his mouth to issue another insult, when suddenly-

 _CLANG!_

A giant metal dome popped up from beneath the floor, slamming down to completely engulf the stage. And before anyone had a chance to fully process that, there was a sudden rumbling noise, and everything started shaking. Then the floor around the stage exploded outward with a roar, revealing that the stage was built atop a large rocket, which seconds later launched. It zoomed up, carrying the enclosed stage higher and higher, until it finally smashed through the Mall's roof, raining concrete downwards even as the rocket itself disappeared into the night sky.

"Well," Rankle said after a moment, getting to his feet and breaking the silence that had fallen over the stunned crowd, "That'll show that freak to mess with this Mall."

"Wait, wait, wait," Dib said, walking up to Rankle and grabbing his attention, "Okay, so I can sort of understand the robot tendrils, and the lasers, and maybe even the zombies. But why in the world would you have a giant rocket underneath where that stage was? Were you planning on launching it the whole time, even before Norlock showed up? Why was that there?!"

"Because America!" Rankle replied, striking a pose as another flag popped out of the wall behind him and unfurled dramatically.

Dib sighed and buried his face in his hands, while Viera sympathetically patted her friend on the back. Steve, meanwhile, was smirking at a fuming Zim, who tossed his videocamera away with a frustrated grunt.

"Aw, what's wrong?" he asked mockingly, "A little upset your pet monster didn't get to do any serious damage before getting his butt kicked?"

"Shut your filthy mouth full of corn, Not-Dib!" Zim snapped.

"Okay, before you said my mouth was full of pork, now it's corn?" Steve asked, looking confused, "It's bad enough none of your insults make sense, but couldn't you at least keep them consistent?"

"Silence!"

"Hey, I know you," Rankle suddenly said, having apparently noticed Zim, "You're that weird green kid who broke in here that one time and managed to defeat all my security measures somehow. Here to finally take me up on my offer to work together so that we can rule the Mall?"

Team Save Earth gave a synchronized blink of surprise, looking from Rankle to Zim, who placed his fists on his hips and sniffed haughtily.

"Fool! Zim said no then, and I say it again now!" he declared, "Why would I settle for this measly building? I am going to conquer the whole world! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA…uh?"

Zim's evil laugh trailed off as he noticed that quite a few of the crowd had turned away from practically mauling the actors with affection to stare at him.

"Um," he coughed, "I mean, uh, I'm going to enjoy the world, with kindness, and uh, I AM NORMAL!"

As soon as he finished screaming that last statement, Zim grabbed GIR and ran away, quickly disappearing out the destroyed front doors.

"Well, all's as it should be now," Rankle announced, "The Mall is secure once more. Everyone have a nice night."

With that, he walked off, whistling cheerfully. Team Save Earth watched him go, all looking rather bemused.

"Anyone else suddenly feel like this whole night has been one big waste of time?" Viera asked, looking to the boys.

"I get that feeling about a lot of things, actually," Dib admitted, "Come on, let's get out of here."

With that the three of them left the Mall, already putting the night's bizarre events behind them.

 _Somewhere Outside Doomsville, Same Time_

The rocket had flown for quite a distance before its limited fuel gave out, leaving it crash land in a field several miles outside the city. It had broken up upon the fall, leaving the dome containing the stage to roll away from the initial crash site by a few yards, before coming to a stop. It sat there quietly for several minutes, before a pounding sound started emerging from within it, accompanied by a series of dents forming along one side.

Finally, the metal gave way, allowing a pale fist to break through. It and its counterpart then grabbed the edges of the hole and pulled it further open, until Norlock was able to squeeze through. Once out of the dome, he brushed himself off, and looked around to take in his surroundings.

"Well, this evening has just been a _total_ wash, hasn't it?" he muttered, shaking his head, "I really need to learn to reign in my temper. All this could have been avoided if I'd only controlled myself a bit better."

Sighing, Norlock decided to call it a night, shifting to bat form and flying off back towards Zim's base.

He was just going to pretend this whole night had never happened.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 12**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: Phew, finally done.**

 **Wow, this chapter kicked my ass. Why are filler chapters so hard? If anything, they should be easier than the actually important ones. But this one just wouldn't come to me.**

 **Still, it's done, and I sincerely hope it was worth the wait. If not, I apologize, and will try harder in the future.**

 **Next time: Back to the main plot, as Tenn finally arrives on Earth.**

 **Until then, read and review!**


	13. It Came From The Sky

**A/N: Okay, everybody, sorry for how long this took. This chapter had some development problems, but I hope you find it worth the wait. It's a big one, one I've been looking forward to for a while. We finally finish rounding out the main cast for the remainder of the season, and take a major step forward in the story arc. This is going to be fun!**

 **On a side note, we've recently passed 5000 views, and are well on the way to 6000. I'm riding high right now.**

 **But, let's move on.**

 **Last time on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Norlock, disgruntled following a date with Miss Bitters gone bad, was enraged to find out the City Mall was hosting a fan convention for a cheesy vampire movie franchise. He attacked it, and subsequently got into a mostly one-sided fight with Slab Rankle, all while Zim and Team Save Earth looked on. Ultimately, Norlock surprisingly lost, and everyone ended up walking away feeling that this had all been a waste of time compared to the big picture.**

 **And that picture is about to get even bigger…**

 **Disclaimer: Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Oni Press are the real owners of Invader Zim. I only own the plot of this story and the OCs within.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 13: It Came From The Sky**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

The Earth slowly spun its way through the void of space, its beautiful visage presenting a calm and peaceful facade that completely belied the chaos and insanity that all so often occurred on its surface. And as it spun on, no one living amongst that insanity was aware of what was approaching from beyond the stars, a catalyst that would trigger more chaos than any of them had ever experienced before.

Just a few thousand kilometers beyond the Moon, a very short distance relatively, space seemed to distort, before ripping open in a wormhole, which shut back closed almost immediately. But not before it spat out a ship. A very familiar, heavily modified Spittle Runner, in fact.

Aboard the ship, Tenn was lying reclined in a recharge hibernation (in other words, she was taking a nap), only to awaken in response to a signal from the control panel in front of her. Sitting up, she yawned and stretched, working the kinks out of her neck and limbs, before looking to see what had caught the ship's attention. She took in the sight of the planet she was approaching, before snorting dismissively.

"Ugh, who needs a planet with that much blue?" she muttered, before shaking her head and turning her gaze to the control panel. She quickly pulled up the sensors and had them scan the planet for other Irken technology. A few minutes later, a response came back, showing two large concentrations within a city in the northern hemisphere of the planet, indicating Zim and Tak's bases. Oddly, there was also a third, weaker signal, which was separate from either of them. Had one of them misplaced some of their tech somehow?

"Well, I suppose it doesn't matter," she mused, "Whatever it is, it's not at either base, so it's not my concern. Right now, I just need to figure out which of those bases is Tak's, so I can drop off the crystal and finally head home."

With that, Tenn sent the ship flying down towards the planet's surface, in the general area of the tech signals. Once she was close enough, she'd be able to pick up transponder codes and use them to tell which base was whose.

The thought of codes brought Tenn's mind back to her precious cargo. Keeping one hand on the controls, she reached over and opened a small compartment, revealing the Meekrob data crystal. She'd tried to retrieve the transponder codes for the Project Domination container from it, only to find they were heavily encrypted. Her ship didn't have enough processing power to decrypt it all; hopefully Tak's base would have sufficient resources at its disposal.

As the ship entered the lower atmosphere, an alert suddenly sounded from the control panel. Snapping to attention, Tenn snapped the compartment shut and turned her full focus to the console, which was telling her that an unidentified object was flying towards her.

"Damnit. Did the humans detect me? I knew I should have double-checked if the stealth runners were working," she cursed. She quickly brought up the scanners to try and get some detail on her apparent attacker, expecting to see some kind of Earth aircraft… and blinked in confusion. Rather than a vehicle or even a projectile of some kind, the only thing heading towards her ship was a small, tiny even, insect. A bee, in fact.

"Are you kidding me?" Tenn asked, leveling a glare at the console, " _That_ thing is being registered as a threat? Stupid scanners must be malfunctioning."

As Tenn began to calm down and made a mental note to more closely examine the console for faults after she landed, she stopped paying attention to the bee. As such, it was able to continue flying towards her ship unmolested, and ended up gently landing on the canopy.

Two seconds later, one of the Spittle Runner's engines exploded.

"What the _flirk?!_ " Tenn exclaimed, as she was knocked out of her seat, the ship now falling uncontrollably towards the ground. She clambered back up and grabbed the controls, trying desperately to regain control of the ship. However, with only one engine responding, and poorly at that, all she managed to do was turn her direct free-fall into a steep, rapidly descending glide. The ship was going to hit the ground no matter what.

Swearing a blue streak, Tenn cursed herself as she suddenly remembered that the emergency ejection mechanism was one of the things she'd never had a chance to repair before her sudden departure from Meekrob. Which meant there was easy way out of this; she was going down with the ship.

Slamming her fist onto a nearby button, she triggered the ship's emergency beacon, sending out a distress call on all Irken military frequencies, even as she fell quickly over a city.

 _Zim's Base, Same Time_

"GIR! How many times have I told you not to bring that filthy animal in here?!" Zim screamed.

The source of his ire was the pig sitting in a seat across the table from his SIR Unit, who was stuffing his face with cupcakes, while Minimoose sat on the table itself, calmly sipping from a cup of tea. For its part, the pig didn't even seem to know where it was, blinking stupidly and sniffing at the table.

"Pig came over to play!" GIR replied, spraying crumbs everywhere and making Zim shudder in disgust.

"Now we'll have to disinfect the entire base! Again!" Zim screeched, "GIR, your master is giving you a direct order to get rid of that mud-cow, or I'll feed him to the wolf-beast!"

"Phil's not here, Norlock took him for a walk," Skoodge said unhelpfully from where he was watching things from the kitchen doorway.

"Must Zim do everything himself?!" Zim demanded. Before Skoodge could reply, several panels opened in the ceiling, lowering a series of red lights, which all began flashing, in unison with a suddenly blaring alarm siren. The Irkens winced at the sudden onslaught of light and noise, instinctively grabbing at their antennae.

"Gah! Computer, what is the meaning of this?!" Zim demanded, glaring at the ceiling.

"I am picking up an Irken distress signal," the Computer replied, catching both Invaders by surprise.

"From where? And turn off those _flirking_ alarms!" Zim ordered. The alarms shut off and retreated back into the ceiling, while a screen emerged from a wall. It showed a radar display of Doomsville, and zoomed in on a flashing dot moving across the northern sector of the city. And according to the information listed, it was rapidly loosing altitude.

"Do you think it's Tak?" Skoodge asked, watching the dot continue to fall.

"Doubtful. She has far too much pride to call for help, especially when she knows I'd just show up to laugh in her face at her obvious inferiority," Zim said, "And it can't be Dib — he hasn't been able to get Tak's old ship up and running again yet; I know, I've been monitoring it. Computer! Check transponder codes, find out who that is."

"Processing," the Computer stated. A few seconds later the screen split, the new section displaying the image of the Irken piloting the ship. The result further surprised both onlookers.

"What's Tenn doing here?" Skoodge asked, blinking in confusion.

"She must also be here to steal my mission!" Zim exclaimed, eyes widening in panic.

"But, wasn't she on Meekrob? That's kind of a more important assignment than Earth."

"Nonsense! The Tallest wouldn't have sent Zim here if it wasn't the most important assignment in all of Impending Doom II!" Zim snapped, "Well, I wasn't going to let Tak steal it, and I'm not about to roll over for Miss 'Look At Me, I Think I'm So Important Because I've Got The Best Grades In The Class', either!"

"…You're seriously still jealous that Tenn did that much better at the Academy than you?" Skoodge asked, squinting an eye.

"Zim is jealous of no one! Shut your noise hole!" Zim said defensively, "Computer, track Tenn's ship's current flight path and estimate where it's going to crash. We need to reach her before the filthy humans do. _Then_ I can destroy her for trying to steal my mission."

Skoodge made a mental note that he'd have to try extra hard to reign Zim in when they found Tenn, so he didn't destroy her before they found out why she was really on Earth. In the meantime, he set about grabbing his disguise and preparing to head out for the crash site.

However, even as he and Zim prepared, they both overlooked the fact that they weren't the only ones with the tech to pick up the distress signal.

 _Tak's Base, Same Time_

Tak stared up at the screens surrounding her, as they displayed the source of the distress signal her computer had picked up. Specifically, she was looking at the confirmed identity of the Irken piloting the ship in question.

"Hmm, interesting," she mused, "What brings you so far from Meekrob, Tenn?"

Of course Tak knew who Tenn was, by reputation if not personally. They'd been in the same class of up and coming Elites back on Devastis. They'd even been in the same percentile. So, honestly, Tak was a little peeved by the fact that Tenn had ended up rewarded with one of the plumiest assignments in Impending Doom II, while she was stuck sweeping garbage on Dirt. That would have been her assignment if Zim hadn't screwed her over!

" _Breathe,_ " she thought, taking a calming breath, " _Focus on the now. Why is she here? Well, I suppose I'll just have to find her and ask._ "

"MIMI!" she called. The SIR Unit zoomed down from another level and stopped by her mistress' side, standing at attention.

"Let's go," Tak continued, "I've got a estimate lock on where her ship's going to land. If we hurry, we can get there before anyone else does."

With that, the two flicked on their holographic disguises and took off, leaving the base and heading towards the coordinates that the computer had predicted.

 _Membrane Household, Several Minutes Earlier_

Team Save Earth was in Dib's garage. Dib himself was in the Spittle Runner's cockpit, under the control panel, fiddling with the wiring. The twins, meanwhile, were standing nearby, ready to pass tools from the workbench.

"You said you got this thing to fly before, right?" Steve asked, leaning over the cockpit's edge to look down at Dib, "So, remind me why you don't just repeat what you did then?"

"I've tried," Dib replied, crossing a few wires, "But the damage looks like it's completely different than last time, so it hasn't worked. Socket wrench."

Viera grabbed the wrench from where it was lying and handed it to Steve, who handed it to Dib.

"And honestly?" Dib continued, as he worked another panel open, "I'm halfway convinced that this ship just plain hates me."

"It's a hunk of metal," Steve said, eyebrow arched, "I mean, yeah, _alien_ metal. But still, it's an inanimate object. It can't hate anyone."

"And yet, every time I think I've got it close to working again, something else goes wrong," Dib said, "I mean, Gaz was able to get it flying once, with no effort whatsoever. I think. I mean, she won't tell me what she actually did…"

"Big surprise," Viera muttered with an eye roll. Then she and the boys jumped as an alarm suddenly began ringing.

"Gah!" Dib yelped, as he shot up and slammed his head against the underside of the console, before crawling out from under it.

"What happened?" he asked, rubbing his sore head.

"Hey it's your ship, you tell me," Steve said, hands clasped over his ears while the alarm blared.

Getting up and leaning over the console, Dib hit a mute button, before pulling up a holographic screen. It displayed a 3-D map of the city, a flashing dot on a downwards trajectory towards the ground, while a red icon flashed on the side of the screen.

"Uh, guys?" Dib said nervously, "Not to panic, but I think that's an Irken ship crashing."

"What?!" The twins exclaimed, clamoring over the sides of the cockpit to get a better look at the screen.

"Any chance that's Zim?" Viera asked, "Or, I guess it could be Tak? I mean, we have her ship, but she had to get back to Earth somehow, right?"

"I have no idea," Dib responded, "It could be either of them, it could be someone else."

"So, wait, _another_ alien?" Steve asked, exasperated, "Are we sitting in some big sign that says 'Please Invade Here'?"

"Let's worry about that later," Viera said, "What do we do now?"

"Well, it looks like it's going to crash somewhere in the City Park," Dib said, reading the information scrolling across the screen, "If we hurry, we can get there before anyone else can. This might finally be a chance for proof!"

The twins barely had a chance to process their friend's excited statement before he jumped out of the ship, grabbed a camera sitting on a nearby table, and ran out of the garage. They shared a look, and then took off after him.

 _Downtown Doomsville, Same Time_

The nighttime quietude of an alley behind a Chicky Licky restaurant was suddenly broken as the backdoor was kicked open, revealing the manager. He was holding a hobo by the back of his coat, and threw him out into the alley, to land in a heap against a dumpster.

"And stay out!" the manager shouted.

"You can't throw me out!" the hobo shouted back from where he was still lying on the ground and shaking a fist at the manager, "I want my slaw!"

"You've _had_ your slaw, sir," the manager replied, "You've had _several_ customers' slaw, making them all walk out. Don't come back and cost me more business."

With that, the manager walked back inside and shut the door behind him. The hobo got to his feet and shook his fist angrily at the door again.

"You ain't seen the last of me! I'll be back! I'm gonna get my slaw!" he shouted. He then turned to walk away… and was suddenly whacked upside the head by a brick.

Norlock watched the hobo he'd snuck up on collapse on the ground, unconscious and bleeding from a gash on his forehead. He then held up the brick in his hand, which had a bit of the hobo's blood on it, and licked it. He grimaced slightly at the taste, before shrugging and tossing the brick away.

"Well, a meal's a meal, I suppose," he said. He then leaned down, fangs bared, prepared to pierce the hobo's throat…

 _BOOM!_

And snapped back, looking up to the sky as an object went zooming by high above, smoke and flame trailing behind it, before it quickly disappeared over the cityscape's horizon.

"…Well, that's different," Norlock commented, blinking as he watched the smoke trail slowly dissipate in the air. Then a ringing emitted from his pocket; reaching into it, he pulled out his phone. Checking the number to confirm his suspicions as to the caller's identity, he hit the answer button and brought it to his ear.

"Yes?" he asked politely.

" _Where are you?!_ " Zim screeched on the other end of the line. Norlock winced slightly at the noise and pulled the phone away slightly for a moment.

"I can hear you fine, thank you," he replied, readjusting the phone, "And I was just about to get a bite to eat. Why?"

" _Get your filthy undead self back here right now!_ " Zim demanded, " _We have an important new mission, and we cannot waste a second!_ "

"Would this have anything to do with the ship I just saw crashing?" Norlock asked, before quickly moving the phone away again in anticipation.

" _WHAT?!_ " Zim exclaimed, " _You saw it?! Where?!_ "

"Well, it was still crashing, not crashed yet, but at best guess it looks like it's going to come down somewhere in the City Park."

" _Hmph, that does match with our estimates,_ " Zim muttered, " _Alright, get moving, we'll meet you there. And if any humans show up, eat them._ "

"With pleasure," Norlock said, hanging up the phone. He then walked out of the alley, to where Phil was patiently waiting, leashed to a lamppost, panting happily.

"Let's go, boy," Norlock said, taking the leash in hand, before taking off in the direction of the crashing ship, Phil obediently keeping pace.

XXXXXXX

Aboard her crashing ship, Tenn found herself struggling to breathe, as the cockpit filled with smoke. One of the main power couplings had exploded, so not only was she choking and half-blinded, but now she was barely capable of keeping the ship's remaining engine functioning. Any chance she'd had of a controlled landing had just been smashed; any moment now, she'd probably be likewise.

Seeing the ground rapidly approaching, Tenn abandoned the controls and strapped herself to her chair, bracing for impact. Just before she hit the ground, however, her gaze fell on the compartment containing the crystal. Eyes widening, she tried to reach out for the compartment, not wanting to risk the crystal being separated from her in the impending crash.

This proved to be a mistake, as this shifted her body out of a secure crash position. And so, when her ship finally hit the ground seconds later, she was thrown forward from her chair. The straps stopped her body, but caused her head to snap forward, slamming face first into the control console. Then, as the ship skidded and rolled across the ground, she was thrown backwards, the back of her head smacking hard against the chair. Already disoriented from the first blow, Tenn blacked out.

Meanwhile, the ship continued to roll and bounce across the ground of the park it had crashed in, tearing grooves in the dirt and pavement alike, knocking over trees, and smashing through benches. Finally, it slammed into a statue of President Man that happened to be sitting in a small plaza in the middle of the park. The statue was shattered, but it was solid enough to halt the ship's momentum.

The ship sat there, smoke rising from its cracked structure. For several minutes, nothing happened. Then Team Save Earth crested a nearby hill, following the trail of devastation, stopping dead in their tracks as they spotted the wreck.

"Jackpot!" Dib shouted happily, bringing his camera up and rapidly snapping pictures, "There's no way anyone will be able to deny evidence like this! We're gonna finally expose Zim and Tak for the monsters they are, and then-"

"Uh, Dib?" Viera said, eyebrow arched, "You know you've still got the lens cap on, right?"

Dib paused in his picture taking to actually look at the camera he was holding, and its lens was indeed still blocked by a cap.

"Darn it, why do I keep doing that?" Dib muttered, before practically ripping the lens cap off and tossing it aside, "Okay, _now_ we can get undeniable proof."

"Hang on," Steve spoke up, "Shouldn't we be, I don't know, trying to catch whoever's in that thing first, _then_ stop to take pictures?"

"Er, right," Dib said, sheepishly, "Come on, let's-AH!"

Dib was suddenly cut off as he and the twins were nearly run over by a jeep that went zooming by them, several more and a flatbed truck quickly following from other angles. They encircled the ship, and men and women in matching black suits emerging from the cars. Meanwhile, a squadron of large, burly men in vaguely military looking uniforms hopped off of the truck, marching out at a fast pace to form a perimeter. And all the while, Team Save Earth could only watch on in stunned silence.

"What just happened?" Viera was the first to regain her voice, blinking in confusion.

"Hey!"

The trio turned at the voice to see one of the Men in Black (they all inwardly noted the name was a cliche, but fit with the appearance) walking up to them, a stern look visible through the sunglasses he was inexplicably wearing despite it being night.

"You kids need to get out of here," he said briskly, "This is a secure area."

"Secured by who?" Dib asked, frowning, "Who are you?"

"Agent Johnson, with the Conspiracy Reaction Engagement Analysis Monitors," the MIB replied, holding up a badge with his name and picture next to an icon of an Illuminati eye inside a crossed out circle.

"…You know that spells out 'CREAM', right?" Steve asked, causing Johnson to cough awkwardly.

"We, uh, didn't really look at how it appeared written down until we'd already trademarked it," he admitted, before regaining his composure, "Anyway, like I said, this area is secured and off limits to all unauthorized personnel. So leave right now. And give me that camera!"

Johnson punctuated his last statement by grabbing the camera out of Dib's hands, before throwing it to the ground and stomping on it.

"Hey!" Dib exclaimed, glaring up at the agent.

"Sorry," Johnson said, sounding anything but, "But this is a high priority paranormal event, and we can't have amateurs mucking it up."

"We're not amateurs!" Steve protested.

"That's right, we're with the Swollen Eyeballs," Viera added, crossing her arms.

"Those hacks?" Johnson sniffed, "Please. We only accept the best of the best, personally handpicked by our Chief."

He then pointed towards the general direction of where the other CREAM agents were swarming over the ship. Specifically, towards the tall man standing in the middle of the chaos, wearing a black suit and tie, a green trench coat, and sunglasses. Dib took one look at him, then groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"Oh I don't believe this," he muttered, "You guys work for _Bill?_ "

"You know this guy?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, he was my sponsor on Career Day last year," Dib explained, "He's a total whackjob."

"How dare you?!" Johnson said, sounding scandalized, "That's it! You're out of here!"

Johnson whistled sharply, and several of the burly paramilitary soldiers marched over, to loom over the kids. Before the three of them could even try to resist, they were grabbed, and quickly thrown out of the park, ending up in a heap on the sidewalk outside its fences. They got back to their feet, brushing themselves off, and turned to glare in the direction of the CREAM agents.

"Jerks," Viera muttered.

"Guys, we've got to get that ship and whatever's on it away from these people," Dib said firmly, surprising his friends.

"Why?" Steve asked, "I mean, sure, they seem like a bunch of asses, and it sucks that they got ahold of the ship first, but-"

"This isn't about taking credit!" Dib snapped, cutting Steve off, "This is about responsible handling of alien technology! These guys have no idea what they're dealing with if they're voluntarily working for a lunatic like Bill."

"You know, everyone thinks _we're_ crazy," Viera countered, "So, shouldn't you give him the benefit of a doubt?"

"He thinks Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster are false flags designed to keep people from realizing that cereal mascots are real," Dib replied, tone totally flat.

"…I'm sorry, what?" Viera asked, blinking.

"You heard me," Dib said, "Not only that, but remember what I told you about Chickenfoot? Bill not only thought that guy was for real, but that he was an alien chicken from a planet ruled by pig demons!"

"I don't… I… what?" Steve stammered, as he tried to wrap his head around what he had just heard, "Even if the guy was an alien chicken, what do pig demons have to do with anything?"

"Exactly!" Dib said, "The guy's a total nut, who seems to believe absolutely anything, no matter how absurd it is. He's the kind of hack paranormal investigator that ensures no one believes ones like us. We can't risk leaving real samples of alien life or tech at his disposal."

"Okay, so what are we supposed to do?" Viera asked, "In case you didn't notice, there's a small army in there. We can't exactly just walk over there and grab the ship without anyone noticing."

Dib rubbed his chin as he mulled over that for several moments, before his eyes suddenly glinted, and a smirk formed on his face.

"Right. This is what we're going to do," he said, "They'll probably take the ship back to some sort of base. We'll follow them there, then we'll cause a distraction and sneak in and steal it."

"What kind of distraction?" Steve asked.

In response, Dib smirked and pulled out his phone, while the twins looked on in confusion.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the park, Zim and Skoodge sat huddled behind a tree, GIR and Minimoose nearby. Zim glared down at the group of agents, who had erected a semi-translucent tent around the crashed ship.

"Filthy maggot-apes," he hissed, "How dare they put their hands on superior Irken technology?"

"Do you think Tenn's still down there?" Skoodge asked, concerned.

"Bah, she's a halfway decent Invader," Zim said dismissively, "I'm sure she's fine. More importantly, where is Norlock? Zim ordered him to dispose of any humans who found the ship, and he isn't even here!"

"Actually, I got here ten minutes ago," Norlock said, appearing behind the Irkens, causing them to jump, "And before you start with the yelling, I would like to point out that while I probably could wipe out all these runts fairly easily, I don't know enough about them to say for sure. And I haven't lasted this long by taking unnecessary risks."

"Enough of your excuses! Now that we're all here, we can all go down there and destroy those pathetic humans!" Zim proclaimed.

"And save Tenn," Skoodge added.

"Yes, yes, that too," Zim said, waving him off.

"Well, if we're discussing strategy, perhaps the lady would care to join us?" Norlock asked, raising his voice at that last statement and turning to look up at a nearby tree. Zim and Skoodge stared at him in confusion and followed his gaze to the canopy above them, then jumped in surprise again as Tak, who had previously been hidden by the foliage, dropped down to land in a crouch a few feet away from them.

"Tak! What are you doing here?!" Zim demanded, pointing his finger at her threateningly. For her part, Tak simply crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

"Obviously, I'm here in response to Invader Tenn's distress call, the same as you morons," she replied tersely.

"We got here first! Go find your own distress call!" Zim snapped.

"If I may?" Norlock asked, stepping forward to place himself between Zim's group and Tak, "While I know you both hate each other with a passion, might I suggest a temporary truce?"

"Zim has told you before, he will not work with this mission-stealing upstart!"

"And I'd sooner go back to Dirt than willingly work with the Defective who ruined my life," Tak spat.

"You both worked together to destroy that plant monster, didn't you?" Norlock asked, eyebrow raised.

"That's a good point," Skoodge commented.

"Who asked you?" Zim asked, slapping Skoodge upside the head, before turning back to Norlock, "And as you, Zim didn't require help then, and I don't need it now!"

"You and Dib's little team would have all died if I hadn't shown up," Tak said smugly. Zim opened his mouth and hissed, about to snarl out something else, when Norlock slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Look, you accepted my offer to advise you, so shut up and listen for once," Norlock said firmly, "Often, to get what we want, we need to work with people we despise. I'm not saying you have to suddenly join hands and sing Kumbaya, but why waste time fighting over who gets the right to carry out this mission, or getting in each other's way, when you can join forces just this once to make things go smoother? _Then_ you can go back to hating each other. Agreed?"

Norlock removed his hand from Zim's mouth, but the Irken only scowled up at him. Rolling his eyes, the vampire added, "Look, you're always going on about how superior your species is, right? Then you both have a vested interest in keeping human hands off your stuff."

"…The enemy of my enemy is my friend," Tak quoted, in a bitter mutter.

"I prefer the Russian version," Norlock said with a grin, "The enemy of my enemy is an ally of convenience."

"Fine, fine, fine," Zim said, "We rescue Tenn and retrieve her technology from the worm-babies, and then I go back to proving my natural, superior Zimness to you."

"In that case, we should probably get moving," Skoodge commented. Everyone turned to look at him, and he pointed down towards the crowd of CREAM agents, who were loading the sealed off ship onto the back of their truck, "It looks like they're moving out."

"In that case, we should start following them," Tak said. She snapped her fingers, and MIMI dropped down from the trees to land beside her mistress, glaring at the others… until Phil, who'd been meandering around the trees, wandered into sight. As his crossed-eyed gaze fell on MIMI, he tensed up, beginning to growl. For her part, MIMI's own eyes widened in recognition and panic, and she immediately turned on the spot and zoomed off in the opposite direction, Phil quickly chasing after her, barking loudly.

"…Well, that happened," Norlock said after a moment of awkward silence, as the group watched the wolf chase the SIR Unit over the horizon.

 _CREAM Headquarters, Several Hours Later_

Tenn groaned as she regained consciousness, her PAK having finally managed to repair the damage she'd sustained in the crash. However, as that thought hit, she suddenly remembered just what had happened to her, and her eyes snapped open. Greeted by unfamiliar, too brightly lit surroundings, she immediately sprung up, landing in a defensive crouch.

Looking around, she saw that she was trapped inside some kind of glass cage, illuminated by a ring of spotlights, bolted to the floor of a large while room. Other than the cage, the room was empty and bare, with the only distinguishing mark being a barely visible door in one wall.

" _Great, I'm not on this planet an hour, and I get caught by the natives,_ " she thought, not daring to speak aloud in case she was being monitored, " _I am never going to live this down._ "

Just then, the door opened, and several CREAM soldiers marched in, flanking the doorway, through which Bill marched, followed by several other agents, who were all carrying boxes. Bill lowered his glasses partly to get a better look at Tenn, who glared back at him.

"I see that our guest's awake," Bill said after a moment, readjusting his glasses.

"See, I told you we should have applied some kind of sedative to keep it knocked out," one of the other agents said to another, standing next to him.

"Oh, look who's so smart," the other one replied testily, "Well, how do you even know any sedative we have would work on a space lizard?"

"Lizard? It's clearly an insect. You can see its antennae!"

"It has green skin, that makes it a lizard."

"That's ridiculous!"

"Enough," Bill said firmly, cutting off the argument, "You're both wrong. It's clearly a shapeshifting space amoeba that's taken insectoid form in order to try and commune with the underground bug people."

The crowd of agents "oooh'd" in response to that comment, looking at Bill in awe.

"Of course, it makes so much sense!"

"You're so clever, sir!"

"Can I have your autograph again, sir?"

"… _Did I crash in a mental hospital?_ " Tenn thought, eye squinted as she stared at the humans in confusion. Just then, alarms started blaring, catching everyone by surprise.

"What's happening?" Bill demanded of one of the guards, who was holding a hand up to an earpiece, listening to it intently.

"There's some kind of disturbance at the front gates, sir," the guard replied.

"Hmph," Bill muttered, "I'll see to it. Guards, come with me. The rest of you, start setting up the tests. I'll be back quickly."

With that, he swept out of the room, followed by the guards. Meanwhile, the agents put down the various boxes they'd brought in with them, and began pulling out the equipment stored within them, oblivious to the way Tenn was sizing them all up.

" _Hmm, all unarmed civilians from the looks of it,_ " she mused, " _Should be easy enough to dispose of them. Of course, that leaves the rest of the occupants of wherever I am to go through. And I can't leave without retrieving the crystal first… damn it all. Well, Irk willing, whatever the distraction is, it'll last a while longer._ "

XXXXXXX

Bill stalked through the corridors of his base of operations, a twisting labyrinth of corridors, designed to make it impossible for outside infiltrators to find their way around. The fact that it was also confusing for members of his own organization was strictly unimportant in his view.

Reaching an elevator, Bill barely gave the doors a chance to finish opening before marching through them, and likewise barely gave his soldiers a chance to follow him in before hitting the button for his destination, slamming the doors shut again. The elevator then began ascending, moving up past the various sub-levels of the facility, the bulk of which was underground, towards the surface. Upon arrival, Bill walked out of the elevator, through the small lobby of the surface level, and out through the main entrance doors.

Exiting out into the crisp night air, alarms still blaring around him, Bill looked around the fenced-in courtyard of his headquarters. A large crowd of agents and guards was gathered at the front gates, because of the even larger crowd on the other side of those gates, some of whom were waving large signs around, and all of whom were yelling at the CREAM agents. Frowning, Bill walked over to the nearest guard.

"Someone tell me what's going on," he ordered, "And turn off those damn alarms."

"Sir, this group just showed up, demanding entry," the guard explained, while another standing next to him pressed a button on a remote, shutting off the alarms, "And they somehow know about the alien we captured."

Bill's eyebrows shot up at that, and he turned to give the crowd outside the gates a closer look, as a figure in black stepped forward.

"We are the Children of the Bright and Shining Saucer!" Desmond Flapp proclaimed, "And we have come to liberate the divine cosmic messenger you have falsely imprisoned!"

"Sir, this is private property, and you're trespassing," Bill replied coolly, "Anything we may or may not be keeping here is none of your business. Leave now."

"Never!" Desmond responded, "You will conceal the wonders of the universe from us no longer!"

The rest of the Children all yelled in agreement, while the Blotch, seated on a makeshift throne in the back of the crowd, squealed in apparent agreement.

"I'm pretty sure the Blotch just said we should free the alien by force!" Yoa announced. The crowd cheered again, and then charged the gates. Said gates immediately began buckling, causing the CREAM agents to rush forward to try and brace them.

Meanwhile, while the agents' attention was all on the developing situation, no one noticed as Team Save Earth gathered near the back of the compound, cutting a hole in the fence.

"Okay, I'll admit it. Tipping off those UFO cult nuts made a decent diversion after all," Steve said, as he helped peel back the section of fence that had been cut free.

"I still say we should have told the other Swollen Eyeballs about this," Viera commented, following the boys through the hole.

"You heard how that Johnson guy felt about the Network," Dib said, "I doubt these people would bother listening to anything Darkbootie or the others would have to say. So, unless you want to risk them letting a probably dangerous alien getting away, or accidentally triggering some kind of doomsday weapon onboard that ship…"

"Alright, I get it," Viera conceded, "We'll do it your way. But in case this blows up in our faces, I'll get my 'I told you so' out of the way now."

The boys both rolled their eyes at this, and the group made their way further into the compound. Within the fenced-in area, there were a handful of cabins, surrounding a two-story concrete building that looked very much like a bunker.

"The actual facility must be underground," Dib said, looking the place over, "There's probably an elevator or stairs we can use to get down there."

"Like that, you mean?" Steve asked, pointing towards a door on the side of the main building marked by a sign that read "Authorized Access Only".

"That'll work," Dib said, "Let's go, quick, before someone actually bothers to look over here."

The trio quickly but quietly made their way over to the door. Noticing the keypad next to it, Dib and Steve pried it open; crossing a few of the wires inside, they were rewarded when the door unlocked with a click, and creaked open. The boys placed the keypad's cover back on as best they could, and then they and Viera slipped inside, carefully closing the door behind them. Once inside, they looked around, and found themselves atop a dimly-lit staircase, heading downwards.

"You know, it just occurred to me," Steve said, staring down the stairwell, "Do we have any idea where to start looking?"

"Nope," Dib replied bluntly, "But I figure if we start at the bottom level and work our way up, we're bound to find something."

"And you think we have time to do all that because…?" Viera asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Trust me, those nuts are going to keep each other busy out there for a while," Dib said with confidence.

With that, the group began their long walk towards the bottom level of the CREAM base.

XXXXXXX

Meanwhile, on the other side of the compound from where Team Save Earth had entered, the combined group of Irkens, and associates, was standing atop a hill. They had just arrived, having wasted quite some time chasing Phil and MIMI, before Norlock had convinced Tak to have MIMI drop her holographic disguise. As soon as she had, Phil had stopped dead in his tracks; as Norlock had predicted, the wolf hadn't been able to draw the connection between the robot in front of him and the cat he'd just been chasing. With that distraction out of the way, the group had made their way in the direction that the CREAM convoy had been traveling, and now found themselves staring down at the riot brewing between the CREAM agents and the Children.

"Aren't those people that weird cult we ran into when we went looking for the Meekrob ship?" Skoodge asked.

"Accursed lunatic dirt-monkeys!" Zim hissed, "Why do they keep showing up wherever Zim goes? Zim will not bless their toe-corn!"

"Toe-corn?" Norlock asked, arching an eyebrow at Zim.

"Who cares why they're here? They're providing a diversion, so at least they're useful for something," Tak said, before suddenly switching off her hologram.

"What are you doing?" Zim demanded, "Do you want the humans to see you?!"

"Once we're inside that facility, one of two things is going to happen," Tak explained in response, "Either we successfully retrieve Tenn without anyone ever realizing we were there, in which case it doesn't matter if we're in disguise or not. Or, we get seen along the way, which is bad, but if it happens, I don't have to worry about these humans coming looking for my human identity. But by all means, expose yourself. I don't mind."

Zim growled, but reluctantly took off and put away his disguise, Skoodge following suit.

"I am not doing this because I'm agreeing with you," Zim said firmly, "I simply wish for these meddlesome humans to gaze upon my magnificence and tremble in terror!"

While Tak rolled her eyes, Norlock cleared his throat to get the group's attention.

"If you're quite finished, we should probably get down there while those idiots are all keeping each other busy," he stated, gesturing to the fighting groups. The Irkens grumbled in agreement, before they all took off down the hill for the compound's fence. Reaching it, Zim and Tak quickly deployed their PAK legs and cut a whole section of the fence away, allowing the group to pass through. They then quickly ran into the lobby space of the main building, shutting the doors behind them.

Spotting an elevator nearby, the group began walking towards it. Partway towards it, however, Norlock stopped and turned on his heel to face Phil, who was trailing behind them.

"Stay," he ordered, "Don't let anyone follow us."

Phil blinked for a moment, but seemed to process the order. He turned around and sat back on his haunches, staring at the doors intently.

"Hmm, good idea, glad I thought of it," Zim said, "GIR! Minimoose! Stay here with the dog-monster. If any humans come through here, vaporize them."

"Yes sir!" GIR said, eyes flashing red as he snapped a salute, while Minimoose squeaked in affirmation.

"No way am I leaving our rearguard in the hands of your moron sidekick brigade," Tak sneered, "MIMI, stay here and keep an eye on things."

MIMI, who had been keeping her mistress between herself and Phil, looked up at her, then over to Phil, and then back up at her. Given her lack of a real face, it was hard to say for sure, but she seemed to be giving Tak a pleading look.

"Just keep your disguise off, and he'll leave you alone," Tak said with a sigh, "Now, do as I've ordered."

Reluctantly, MIMI nodded and saluted, accepting the command. Tak nodded back at her, then turned back to the rest of the group, who had pressed the elevator call button and were waiting for it to arrive. Seconds after she joined them, there was a chime, and the elevator's doors opened. The group entered, and as the doors shut, turned to look at the control panel.

"…Do we know where we're supposed to go?" Skoodge asked, after a moment of silence, during which no one pressed any of the floor buttons.

Zim and Tak both growled in frustration at this oversight, only for one of the buttons partway down the panel to light up, and the elevator started moving downwards.

"I guess we're starting with wherever this is going," Norlock commented calmly. The elevator moved for several minutes, before slowing to a stop. The group tensed into battle poses as the doors opened, and relaxed into confusion as Agent Johnson entered the elevator, gaze focused entirely on the clipboard in his hands. He didn't look up from it as he reached out to press the bottommost floor button, sending the elevator further down.

"Do this, Johnson, do that, Johnson," he muttered, flipping through the pages, "We've got a riot of cult nuts on our hands, and Chief sends me to check on the new alien, even when we already have a team working on it. I'm second-in-command around here, and I still get no respect."

"Tell me about it," Skoodge said, nodding in sympathy.

"Yeah, I- wait, what?" Johnson started to say, only to blink in surprise as he finally registered that he wasn't alone in the elevator. He started to turn around, only for Norlock to lash out with an open palm strike. The blow caused him to go flying forward, slamming into the elevator doors with a hard smack, before sliding to the floor, totally knocked out.

"Well, at least we know where she is now," Tak commented, nonchalant to what had just happened, "But what do we do with this one? We can't risk him waking up and alerting the other humans."

"I can handle that," Norlock said, grinning like a shark, "As it happens, I was forced to skip dinner earlier. So…"

The vampire then grinned even wider, mouth opening enough to fully expose his teeth, and then lunged downward. And as the elevator continued towards the bottom floor, it was filled with the sound of fluid being sucked and drained.

 _CREAM Holding Cell, Same Time_

Tenn sat on the floor of her cell, arms crossed and a totally bored expression on her face as she stared out at the agents who were trying to examine her. She'd been worried at first, but she'd quickly determined that they were no real threat to her. The cell was barely reinforced, and since the guards had left with their leader to deal with the security situation elsewhere, all that was left was the scientists, none of whom were armed. So, she figured she'd easily be able to break out of the cell and disable all of them.

The main reason she hadn't so far was because she didn't know anything about the facility she was being kept in. She had no idea where her ship — and thus the crystal — was being kept, how to get there, or how to escape once she did. She needed information. Only then could she make her move.

Besides which, it was almost humorous watching the humans scurry about, arguing over the best course of action to take regarding her.

"Obviously, the best means of communicating with it is a high-frequency pulse blast!" One of the scientists argued, gesturing to an oversized speaker system.

"That's ridiculous!" Another said, standing against an array of spotlights, "We should used a coded sequence of lights!"

"How's it supposed to understand Morse code?" the first scientist asked.

"Well, how do you know that it would understand the pulse signal?" the second scientist countered.

"You know I can already understand you all, right?" Tenn asked, having reached the end of her patience with the pointless argument.

The scientists all turned to look at her, their faces all bearing the same look of shock.

"I-it can already speak our language?" one of them asked, in a small voice.

"It must be reading our thoughts!" another one shouted.

"It's the psychic ghost potatoes all over again!" screamed another, a man with a purple shirt and a bowl cut, as he grabbed at his head, "Get out of my head!"

The scientists all screamed and ran out of the room, leaving Tenn to stare after them.

"Huh, that was even easier than I'd thought it'd be," she commented. Shrugging, she got to her feet and deployed her PAK legs. She quickly cut through the nearest wall of the cell and stepped out.

Looking around the room, she spotted a computer that one of the scientists had dropped. Picking it up, she extended a cable from her PAK and attached it to the computer; quickly hacking into its primitive programming, she confirmed that it was connected to the facility's main network, and accessed that. After a few minutes of searching, she found what she was looking for — the location of where her ship was being held, and a helpful map leading to it.

Downloading the relative information into her PAK, Tenn tossed the computer aside. She then crept out of the room, quickly glancing down both sides of the corridor she emerged into, confirming that it was empty.

"Right then," she said, "Just a quick run to the storage room, and hopefully the ship is still operational enough to get me out of here. With any luck, everyone will stay distracted by whatever drew away the leader and his security drones until I can get this done."

Almost as soon as that sentence left Tenn's mouth, red lights started flashing, followed by even louder sirens than earlier.

"Oh, come on! Now what?" she demanded. She then bolted down the hallway, as blast doors began sliding closed.

 _Elsewhere In The Facility, Several Minutes Earlier_

Team Save Earth wondered through the hallways of the facility. Needless to say, their plan hadn't worked out so well so far.

"Who designed this place?" Viera complained, "It's like a maze. And I haven't even seen a single room, just hallways."

"You'd think they'd at least have a map up somewhere," Steve commented, "Ten bucks says that their own agents get lost down here too."

"Just keep looking," Dib said, "We're bound to find something sooner or later."

The group then turned a corner… and promptly found themselves right in front of Bill. They froze in mid-step, staring up at the older investigator, while he stared down at them in surprise.

"Hey, what are you kids doing… wait a minute, I recognize you. You're that wannabe investigator I guided around for that skool's Career Day," Bill said, pointing at Dib.

"Wannabe?" Dib asked, glaring.

"Well obviously," Bill scoffed, "You still believe in fake nonsense like Bigfoot, and you were absolutely no help when I finally had Count Cocofang cornered."

"That was a guy in a costume!" Dib snapped.

"That's just what they want you to think!"

"And _they_ would be who?" Steve asked, trying to keep Bill talking so that he wouldn't call for backup.

"They. Them. The Man," Bill responded passionately, "The secret organizations, hiding in the shadows, keeping us from seeing the truth, by locking it away in their hidden bases. But no more — my followers and I will be the ones who expose the truth of alien and paranormal threats to the world!"

"By locking them up in your own secret base, belonging to your own secret organization?" Dib countered, raising an eyebrow, "That's kind of hypocritical, isn't it?"

"How dare you question my dedication?" Bill said sharply, "I've seen things that would give you nightmares for life! I've fought mole men living underneath the State Capital building! I've hunted were-elk across the tundra! I've faced off with eight-foot tall zombie elves!"

"Wait, hold on," Viera cut in, "How can they have been elves if they were eight feet tall?"

"It was a leap year," Bill said. Dib and the twins could only stare at him in utter confusion, but before anyone could comment on the sheer stupidity of that statement, a pinging sound caught everyone's attention. All four turned to its source, seeing an elevator nearby, the doors of which slid open… and Zim, Skoodge, and Tak came stumbling out, all three of them looking significantly greener than usual.

"Urgh, that was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen, and I've watched GIR eat his homemade burritos," Zim moaned. Then he noticed the group of humans staring at him in surprise, and went tense.

"Dib! Not-Dibs!" He shouted, though her faltered when he saw Bill, "And, uh, other human I don't know!"

"Zim!" Dib shouted back, pointing his nemesis out on instinct.

" _And_ Tak?" Steve asked, surprised to see the two rivals apparently working together.

"I'm here too," Skoodge said, waving.

"More aliens?" Bill said, looking them over, "I see, the one I have in captivity must have spread spores in the atmosphere as it crashed, siring these, which have come to free their hive queen!"

"Spores?" Tak asked incredulously, "We're not fungi, you imbecile."

"Of course you are, you're green," Bill replied, "And I will not allow you to-"

Bill was cut off as Norlock suddenly exited the elevator, using a handkerchief to wipe off the blood smeared across his face. Noting the situation, he looked back and forth between the groups of humans and non-humans, humming thoughtfully.

"Well, we probably should have seen this coming," he commented, tossing the handkerchief aside.

"Vampire!" Bill practically screamed, reaching into his jacket and whipping out a wooden stake, "I should have known one of you would come for me eventually. Well, bring it on, servant of Cocofang!"

"Servant of who?" Norlock asked, blinking in confusion.

"The cereal mascot," Dib said flatly.

"Oh. You know he's fake, right?" Norlock asked Bill.

"Don't try your mind games on me, monster," Bill said, taking a stance, "I've seen and experienced too much to fall for them."

"Hey, speaking of things you've 'seen and experienced', would you by any chance have an alien that looks like these three hanging around somewhere?" Norlock asked slowly, gesturing to the Irkens.

"Sure, down that corridor, third hallway on the left, second door on the right," Bill said offhandedly, pointing in the relevant direction, while Dib and the twins could only stare in disbelief.

"You heard the man," Norlock said smugly, looking to the Irkens, "Go and find your comrade. I'll handle things here."

The Irkens shared a look, and then took off down the corridor.

"Quick, after them!" Dib said, running after the aliens, his friends following behind. Norlock watched them disappear down the hall, then turned his attention back to the waiting Bill.

"Well, now that that's out of the way, let's begin," he said, spreading his arms.

Bill gave what was probably supposed to be a battlecry and charged forward. Norlock prepared to intercept the blow, but was caught by surprise as Bill suddenly dropped to his knees, sliding across the remaining distance between the two of them, before bringing the stake in for the blow, sinking into pale flesh amidst a stream of black ichor. Norlock stared down at the weapon in shock for a moment, before saying the first thing that came to mind.

"…That's my stomach," he said, gesturing to the wood sticking out of his abdomen, before pointing at his chest, "This is my heart. You should really know the rules."

Bill jumped up to try and punch Norlock, but the vampire ducked the blow, then ripped the stake out of his stomach, whacking Bill upside the head with the blunt end. As Bill reeled from the hit, Norlock tossed the stake away, grabbed Bill by the collar, and threw him down the hall.

"You know, as exciting as it is to finally find someone who still treats vampires as a serious threat," Norlock said, slowly walking towards the prone Bill, "I can't help but feel a little let down. I mean, at least put a little more effort into it."

In response, Bill once again jumped up. But this time, he didn't attack. Instead, he turned and ran down the hallway. Norlock sighed in disappointment, but was cut off as Bill suddenly raised a remote and, as he ran, pressed a button. Alarms started blaring and flashing, and blast doors started dropping to seal off intersections.

"Hmm, interesting," Norlock said, before zooming off after Bill, zipping past the doors before any of them managed to finish closing.

 _Nearby, Same Time_

Team Save Earth chased after the Irkens as they ran down the corridors, the latter's PAK legs giving them an added speed boost.

"Ha! You'll never stop me, Dib-Stink!" Zim shouted, head twisted around to look over his shoulder as he ran.

"Yes we will, Zim!" Dib shouted back as he ran, "We'll stop you from doing… uh, whatever it is you're here to do!"

"Was that supposed to be threatening?" Steve asked, panting slightly from the exertion of the run. Dib shot him an annoyed look, which changed to surprise as alarms started blaring.

"What the…?" Dib started to say, only for a blast door to suddenly slam shut right in front of him. Dib tried to stop, but his momentum sent him forward to smack right into the door with a slam. The twins barely managed to skid to a stop in time to keep themselves from doing the same, and watched as Dib slowly slid to the floor.

"You alright?" Viera asked, as Dib stumbled back to his feet.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he grumbled, rubbing his head, "But now how are we supposed to catch up with them?"

"Those halls are still open," Steve pointed out, "With any luck, we can circle around to the part of the base they're heading for."

"Here's hoping," Dib said, before running off, "Let's go."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the blast door, Zim was staring at it in surprise.

"Eh? Where did that come from?" he asked, indignant, "Dib! Come back here so I can keep insulting your failure!"

"You're pathetic," Tak spat, "Are you _really_ complaining that that annoyance just got cut off from chasing us, just because you weren't done yelling at him?"

"Yes!" Zim snapped, irritated. Meanwhile, Skoodge decided to keep moving, and rounded the next corner. And, as it happened, literally bumped right into Tenn… whose instinctive reaction to slamming into someone she didn't expect while in the middle of an enemy base was to punch them hard in the gut.

As Skoodge collapsed in pain, Tenn finally registered just who she had hit, and stared down at him in surprise.

"Skoodge?" she asked, stunned.

"Hi, Tenn," Skoodge wheezed from the floor, catching the attention of Zim and Tak, who turned away from their bickering to look at the others. Tenn noted this, and turned to look at them.

"What are you all doing here?" she asked.

"Zim has come to rescue you from the humans you foolishly let yourself be captured by," Zim declared proudly, "You may now grovel in thanks at my mighty feet. Grovel!"

Zim puffed himself up in an apparent attempt to look intimidating. However, given that Tenn was a good six inches taller than he was, it failed, and she simply gave him a flat look.

"Yeah, no, that's not happening," she said, "Mostly because, as you can see, I've escaped by myself."

"Good, then let's get out of here," Tak said, "Then we can call off this stupid truce and I can go back to proving I'm superior to this moron."

"First, we find my ship," Tenn said, walking off in the same direction she'd been heading before.

"Leave it — trust me, the humans are too stupid to figure how to use it properly," Tak said, stepping in front of Tenn to halt her, "I, for one, didn't come this far to just let you get recaptured on a pointless side mission."

"I don't care about the ship, it's a scrabbled together piece of _caragash_. But I am concerned about the cargo I was carrying, and you should be too," Tenn replied.

"Why?" Skoodge asked, having gotten back to his feet.

"Remember that crashed Meekrob ship you all found on this dirt ball a while back?" she asked, instantly catching the others' attention, "Well, the Tallest had me investigate it. Turns out, it was carrying a superweapon that a rogue Meekrob scientist created that the others sent into space to get rid of. And I got ahold of a data crystal containing the transponder codes that lead right to it, which the Tallest told me to bring here."

"Of course they did!" Zim crowed, "Why wouldn't the Tallest want to gift me with such a great weapon?"

"Er, actually, they told me to give the codes to her," Tenn said, gesturing to Tak.

"Ha!" Tak laughed smugly, while Zim frowned.

"Nonsense! Clearly your inferior hearing misheard their orders."

"My hearing is fine," Tenn said, glaring at Zim, "And their orders were clear."

"Well, I guess we know who the favored Invader is here, don't we?" Tak asked, smirking.

"Silence!" Zim snarled, "Zim will retrieve this crystal himself, and prove his superiority to you all!"

With that, Zim grabbed Skoodge by the collar and ran off, dragging the chubbier Irken behind him.

"Hey, get back here!" Tak shouted, chasing after them. Tenn stared after them all as they ran, then sighed and followed.

 _Elsewhere In The Base, Same Time_

Norlock had chased Bill for some time, slipping past various barricades that sprung up in his path, but now found a particularly thick-looking blast door blocking his path. He was pretty sure Bill was behind it too, judging by the sign on it which read "Definitely Not A Vampire Panic Room"; he was sure even Zim wasn't stupid enough to go with something that obvious.

…Well, mostly sure.

Scanning the door, Norlock found a big button on the wall next to it, underneath another sign, which read "Absolutely Not The Door Open Button".

"Pathetic," he said, hitting the button and causing the door to rumble open. As it did, he stepped through, arching an eyebrow at the sight that greeted him. The room was the size of a skool gymnasium, and mostly empty. Bill was standing on the side directly opposite the entrance, standing next to a large cabinet. And, oddly enough, there was what appeared to be an artificial river running through the middle of the room.

"So you managed to get past my best security measures," Bill began to say.

"Those were your best?" Norlock cut in, sarcasm dripping off his tone.

"But," Bill continued, "This room is filled with the best anti-vampire equipment known to man, gathered from my years of hunting your kind."

"And the river is, what, a zen touch?" Norlock asked, gesturing to the water running across the room.

"No, that's my protection," Bill said haughtily, "Everyone knows vampires can't cross running water without help. Which means you can't get to me. So, you might as well just give up right now."

The smug look on Bill's lasted all of thirty seconds after that, because that's hong long it took Norlock to take a few big steps forward, stepping over the narrow waterway with ease. As Bill's eyes widened in shock, Norlock gave his own smug grin.

"You really shouldn't believe everything you read," he said, as he started walking towards the agent.

"Yeah, well, try this!" Bill said. He quickly opened the cabinet, pulled out a jar of salt, and threw it across the room to shatter on the floor. As Norlock paused to stare at the spilled salt, Bill laughed triumphantly.

"And now you have to stop and count every last grain-"

"No I don't," Norlock said, as he started moving forward again, completely ignoring the salt.

"Er, okay, here!" Bill pulled a long cord of rope, heavily knotted, out of the cabinet and tossed it at Norlock, "Now you'll have untie every knot-"

Norlock caught the rope and, without breaking stride, pulled a pair of scissors out of a pocket. He used it to quickly cut through each of the knots, and tossed the pieces of rope aside.

"I taught Alexander that trick," he said, as he put the scissors away.

Bill next pulled out a large crucifix, albeit one that also had what appeared to be religious symbols from a half-dozen other faiths welded onto it, and thrust it into Norlock's face.

"By the power of all that's holy, I command you-" Bill started to intone, only for Norlock to smack the cross out of his hands.

"Those symbols only work if you have belief in them," he explained, "And you're a man who clearly only believes in science — weird science, but science nonetheless. Anything else left before I rip your head off?"

In response, Bill's hand shot into the cabinet and threw what he pulled out as Norlock. And as it bounced harmlessly off his chest to fall to the floor, Norlock could only stare in disbelief.

"Did you just throw a piece of _cheese_ at me?" he asked, glancing at the block of gouda now resting next to his foot, "What, were you hoping I'm lactose intolerant or something?"

"Of course not, everyone knows that's dwarves," Bill said. As Norlock blinked at that, Bill added, "Just like everyone knows that vampires are weakened by the color yellow!"

"…That's the _Green Lantern_ , you idiot!" Norlock exclaimed, throwing up his hands in disgust, "You know, I was excited for a minute to be fighting someone who actually knows about real vampires, but this is pathetic. Where's the garlic, the holy water? Aren't you at least going to try flashing some ultraviolet lights at me?"

"Why would I do that?" Bill asked, frowning, "I don't want to watch you sparkle."

Norlock's eye twitched. And then the hallways were filled with Bill's agonized screams.

 _Elsewhere In The Base, Same Time_

Team Save Earth had run blindly through the maze-like layout of hallways, their path somewhat aided by the fact that most of the alternatives they could have taken were blocked off by the sealed blast doors. None of them could tell how long they were running, but finally, they reached a door.

"Any idea where this leads?" Viera asked.

"Nope," Dib said, "But we don't exactly have a lot of choices, do we?"

With that, he opened the door, and the three of them passed through into the room beyond, which appeared to be a storage warehouse of some kind. There were numerous crates and boxes of various sizes all around the large area. And there, off to one side, was the crashed Irken ship they'd come all this way to find.

"Well, we found it," Steve commented, looking it over as the group approached it, "Now, has anyone thought of how we're going to get it out of here? 'Cause it's suddenly occurring to me that that's a pretty important detail."

"Well, they had to get it _in_ here somehow, right?" Viera said, "So, we just have to find it and do it in reverse."

"You guys do that," Dib said, walking towards the ship, "I'm going to try and see if I can get this thing operational enough to fly it out of here."

"Considering your track record with Tak's ship, do we have a Plan B for this one?" Steve asked.

Any retort Dib had to that jab at his skills was preempted as another door on the side of the room was suddenly kicked open, revealing Zim, Skoodge standing behind and beside him. Spotting the humans, Zim's lips curled into a snarl.

"Step away from the ship, Dib!" he demanded, "That is Irken property!"

Meanwhile, Tak and Tenn came up behind the males, catching sight of the humans. As they did, Tak gave a glare to match Zim's, while Tenn arched an antenna in confusion.

"Why are you both so upset about a bunch of human smeets?" she asked, "And why is that one's head so-"

"My head's not big!" Dib shouted, not even letting Tenn finish the comment.

"That's the Dib-Human, and his two friends whose names I can't remember, who are always getting in the way of Zim's and Tak's plans," Skoodge explained helpfully, before turning to the humans, "And this is Tenn. She's the Invader that ship belongs to."

"Enough exposition!" Zim snapped at Skoodge, before turning back to Dib and the twins, "Like I was saying, you're not getting that ship, or the crystal leading to that lost Meekrob superweapon!"

Tak facepalmed, while Tenn stared at Zim, slack-jawed.

"Why would you tell them about the crystal?" she asked, stunned at the level of stupidity Zim was displaying.

"Please, they obviously already knew about it," he replied dismissively.

"No, no we didn't," Steve said faintly, he and the others also staring at Zim in shock.

"…Oh," Zim muttered, embarrassed. A heavy silence fell over the room for a moment, before Zim suddenly deployed his PAK legs and opened fire on the humans, who quickly ducked and jumped behind cover.

"Victory shall be Zim's! Hahaha-Urk!" Zim's maniacal laughter was cut off as Tak suddenly punched him in the side of the head and knocked him to the floor.

"You're not getting that crystal before I do. Truce over!" she declared. She took off running for the ship, only for Zim to jump up and tackle her.

"Oh no, you don't!" he shouted, grappling with her on the ground, "Skoodge! Get the crystal!"

Skoodge saluted and began running towards the ship, only for Tenn to suddenly sweep his legs out from under him with a kick, knocking him to the ground.

"Sorry, Skoodge," she said, "But the Tallest's orders were clear. Zim is _not_ getting that weapon."

She then punctuated her statement by kicking him in the face as he tried to get up, knocking him out, before running towards her ship. However, before she could reach it, she was suddenly cut off by blasts of plasma and fire. Team Save Earth had taken cover behind a row of crates when Zim had fired upon them, and now the twins were poking out, plasma gun and Eye of Fire being put to good use.

"Man, I really need to get my own weapon," Dib commented, watching his friends' attacks drive Tenn back to seek cover of her own.

"Dude, forget about that!" Viera said, deadpan, "Go find that crystal!"

Dib nodded sheepishly at the reprimand, then took off for the ship. Seeing this from where he was trying to get Tak into a headlock, Zim growled, a communicator deploying from his PAK to sit in front of his face.

"GIR! Minimoose! Get down here, now!" he ordered. He then grunted in pain as Tak managed to swing a leg up to kick him in the knee. As his grip loosened in pain, she grabbed him by the forearms and tossed him away, before deploying a communicator of her own.

"MIMI! Come to me!" she ordered, before throwing herself back into the fray.

XXXXXXX

Norlock grumbled angrily to himself as he left the panic room, wiping the blood off his hands.

"Yet another _wonderful_ experience," he muttered, "Now even the so-called professionals have zero respect for our kind. If and when Zim takes over, I need to remember to have him outlaw those movies."

A sudden banging sound cut him off and brought his attention to one end of the hallway, where a sealed blast suddenly had a hole ripped open in it, MIMI briefly becoming visible before she zoomed off down the hall in the other direction. Norlock watched her go, and then he was drawn back to the damaged blast door as it was completely broken open by Phil. GIR was sitting atop the wolf's neck, giggling happy as Phil charged down the hall after MIMI.

Norlock was too stunned by this sudden turn of events of order his pet to halt, and thus Phil disappeared down the next curve of the hall. Meanwhile, Minimoose floated through the ruined blast door at a speedier pace than normal, heading in the same direction as those who had come before him.

"What happened?" the vampire asked the moose as the latter passed by, "I thought you were all supposed to be guarding things up top?"

"Squeak!" Minimoose explained.

"Already? Damn, I was hoping they could work together at least until we were out of here," Norlock muttered with a sigh, "Well, nothing for it, I suppose. Once more unto the breach."

Norlock spun on his heel and swept down the hall after his pet and the SIR Units, the purple moose following behind him. Before long, he reached a regular door that had been knocked off its hinges by Phil's passage, and stepped through.

And walked right into a miniature war zone.

Zim and Tak were dueling each other in close combat with PAK legs and fists, while Skoodge, sporting a nasty, large bruise on his face, was being chased by MIMI. Steve and Viera were crouched behind a row of crates, exchanging blasts from their weapons with another Irken that Norlock didn't recognize (presumably the "Tenn" they'd come to rescue), the back and forth of attacks already having set several portions of the room on fire. Phil and GIR, meanwhile, were off to the side, the wolf sitting on his haunches and looking around inquisitively, while the robot ate a snow cone he'd gotten from somewhere. And of Dib, there was no sign that Norlock could see.

As Skoodge ran by, Norlock grabbed him by the shoulder, while lashing out with a leg. The powerful kick connected with MIMI, punting the robot across the room. Satisfied that she wasn't coming back for a moment, Norlock turned to where Skoodge was dangling in midair from his grip.

"What happened?" he asked, "Minimoose told me that Zim and Tak called him and the other robots down here, so I assumed they had turned on each other. But this? It's all a bit much."

"Tenn found out that that Meekrob ship we found was carrying a superweapon that was lost somewhere here on Earth," Skoodge explained, "And she brought along a crystal containing transponder codes to find it, so Zim and Tak are fighting over it, and Dib and his friends are trying to stop any of us from getting it."

"I see," Norlock said, dropping Skoodge to the floor, "Well then, we should get to work."

Norlock leapt into the air, spinning around at the apex so that he was falling with his body spread out horizontally. As he fell, he chanted in an ancient tongue, and dark energy gathered in his hands. When he landed in a crouch, he slammed that energy into the floor, sending out a shockwave that spread across the room. As it passed over them, everyone else in the room was knocked over… except for Phil, who rocked on his heels a bit before stabilizing, blinking in confusion.

Straightening up, Norlock quickly walked over to where Tak was struggling to her feet. He grabbed her by the throat, lifted her up, and tossed her aside to slam into a wall.

"Zim was handling that!" Zim snapped, as he got up off the floor.

"I'm sure," Norlock replied dryly, "But if this outing just became as important as Skoodge suggested to me, perhaps you shouldn't be wasting time?"

"Er, right," Zim said, before running towards the ship. However, he only made it a few feet before MIMI tackled him, sending him flying. She then spun around and launched her enlarged arm at Norlock. The vampire dodged to the side, avoiding the attack, before launching a fireball at the robot.

While this was going on, the twins had gotten back to their feet, and were looking over the brawl unfolding around them.

"Wow, this is getting complicated," Steve commented.

"Yeah, it- hey, where'd Tenn go?!" Viera said, suddenly looking around in a panic. Indeed, the latest arrival to Earth had seemingly disappeared.

"Crap! Quick, she's probably going after Dib!" Steve said, turning to run towards the ship.

"Squeak!"

The twins both skid to a stop, and looked up to see Minimoose floating above them, trying to look as threatening as a floating purple moose could.

"Um, hi?" Viera said, before waving dismissively at the robot, "Shoo! Go away!"

"Squeak!" Minimoose responded, his antlers glowing before firing off a blast of electricity at the twins, who barely dodged it in time.

"Oh, come on!" Steve exclaimed, as Minimoose started chasing the twins around.

Meanwhile, inside the ship, Dib was prying apart every panel, trying to find the Meekrob crystal.

"Come on, come on," he muttered, "Where is it? I'm not seeing anything crystalline here."

A few more minutes of grabbing and shoving things around, however, rewarded Dib with results. His hand brushed against part of the console, causing a hidden panel to open up, revealing the crystal cylinder. Dib's eyes widened as he drank it in.

"Wow," he muttered. He reached out, movement slowed by awe, to take hold of the crystal… and just before his fingers could brush against it, a three-fingered hand latched onto his wrist like a vice. Head snapping to the side, Dib was greeted by an angry-looking Tenn.

"That's mine," she said, before flipping Dib out of the ship, sending him flying. Without even pausing to see where he ended up, she turned back to the interior of the ship and grabbed the crystal. She then turned to run off, only to find herself confronted with a pair of bright red eyes. GIR, in duty mode, was standing atop the cockpit, and before Tenn could react, he grabbed ahold of the crystal.

"Hey! Let go!" she demanded, tightening her grip on the crystal and wrestling GIR for it. Noticing this, GIR suddenly switched back to his normal blue-eyed mode and started giggling.

"Hee-hee, tug of war!" he said cheerfully, dancing in place even as he kept trying to pull the crystal away.

Anyone else would have taken advantage of GIR's sudden switch to randomness to distract him and take the crystal for themselves. But none of those people were Tenn, who had more than her fair share of traumatic memories from the rampage the last insane SIR Units she'd encountered had gone on. As such, her reaction was to stare at GIR in wide-eyed panic, before shoving him away as hard as she could, sending him tumbling out of the ship to hit the floor.

"AHGETAWAY!" she yelled near-incoherently, spinning around to run away, leaving GIR holding the crystal.

"Yay, I win!" GIR said happily. Seeing this from where she was beating up Skoodge, Tak could only stare in shock, before looking over to where Tenn was now cowering behind a crate.

"What is wrong with you?" she demanded, while dropping a near-unconscious Skoodge to the floor.

"Robots, laughing, fire, so much fire!" Tenn whimpered, clearly too out of it to hear what was being said to her.

"Oh, for Irk's sake! Do I have to do everything myself?" Tak demanded rhetorically, before running in GIR's direction. As she did, Dib got up from where Tenn had tossed him, rubbing his sore head.

"Well, that sucked," he muttered, before his eyes fell on where GIR was now dancing around with the crystal.

"How'd that happen?" he asked, blinking, before shaking off the confusion and running over to try and grab the crystal away from GIR.

"Give me that!" he said, just as Tak suddenly appeared and grabbed the crystal as well.

"Let go!" she demanded, tugging hard on the crystal.

"You let go!" Dib shouted back, tugging back just as hard.

"Hi Bighead! Hi Angry Purple Lady!" GIR said, holding onto the crystal but not seeming to care about the fight over it. He then looked up and added, "Hi Master!"

Dib and Tak looked away from each other and yelped, barely ducking in time to avoid PAK leg strikes from Zim, who took advantage of their surprise to try and grab the crystal himself, not even caring that he kicked GIR out of the way as he skittered to a halt among the group. Instead, he managed to get ahold of the crystal, and began trying to pry it away from his rivals.

"Zim will not be denied!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, shut up!" Tak snapped back, as all three struggled and pulled back as hard as they could.

This would be the catalyst for what happened next, as several events played out across the chaotic fight scene for a one-in-a-million result.

As the three of them continued to pull on the crystal, Dib stepped backwards, to try and put more force on his end of the tugging. As he did, he slipped, and fell backwards, but didn't let go of the crystal as he fell. This threw Zim and Tak off balance, dragging them down, the three all crashing into a heap on the floor. The shock of the impact caused all three of them to let go of the crystal causing it to go flying through the air.

At the same time this was happening, Minimoose was still chasing Steve and Viera around, easily dodging their panicked counterattacks as he kept zapping at them. But then, just as he launched a particularly powerful blast, the twins suddenly threw themselves to the floor, the blast shooting over their heads towards Norlock, whom they'd been leading Minimoose in the direction of for the last several minutes.

And as it happened, Norlock was just in the middle of preparing to launch a bolt of dark magic at MIMI, with whom he was still dueling. But just as he prepared to throw it, Minimoose's attack hit him in the back. Snarling in pain and surprise, the vampire instinctively spun around and tossed the spell in the direction of the attack that had hit him. Seeing this heading towards him, Minimoose gave a panicked squeak and dodged. This left the destructive magic to continue flying, right in the direction of Zim, Tak, and Dib, just as they tumbled and the crystal went flying in the air.

The bolt of magic hit the crystal, which promptly exploded.

Everyone — even Tenn, who was finally snapped out of her PTSD episode by the sound of the explosion — froze in shock, watching as dozens of crystal shards were scattered around the room, glinting as they fell to the floor.

"What did you just do, you fool?!" Zim screeched, being the first to recover his wits.

"Don't blame me! This wouldn't have happened if your moose hadn't electrocuted me!" Norlock said defensively, before blinking as he registered what he'd just said, "Wow, that's a sentence even _I've_ never had a reason to say before."

Tenn, meanwhile, was the next to snap out of her shock, and she bolted out from her cover. She began dashing around the room, picking up as many crystal shards as she could carry.

"What are you doing?" Skoodge asked, sitting up and rubbing at the bruises Tak had given him.

"It's Meekrob crystal! It regenerates!" Tenn replied. As if on cue, the pieces in her hands started glowing, the crystal seeming to liquify, before shifting around and merging together. After a few moments, the glowing stopped, revealing a single large chunk of crystal.

Everyone else stared in surprise at that and looked around the room, before suddenly running around in a mad scramble, everyone except Zim's robots, Phil, and a nonplussed Norlock grabbing as many pieces of the crystal as they could.

"That seems oddly convenient?" the vampire commented, as Minimoose floated over to him.

"Squeak!"

"No, no, it's alright, I know it's not your fault," Norlock said, waving a hand dismissively, "In the heat of battle, mistakes happen. Still, perhaps we should deal with the children and Tak and the newbie before-"

The remaining door to the room was suddenly kicked open, drawing everyone's attention. To their surprise, a bloody and bruised Bill was standing in the doorway, holding a large oblong device and glaring at Norlock through cracked sunglasses.

"You again?" Norlock asked, quirking an eyebrow, "Thought I finished you off before. Hmm, I suppose I'll have to rip your head off to be sure."

"You're not going to get a chance!" Bill replied sharply through broken teeth, "You've forced my hand. Now, behold the power of the Holy Bomb!"

That last statement was punctuated by Bill holding up the object in his hands, which was covered in religious symbols.

"And that's different from a normal bomb, how?" Viera asked nervously.

"It's holy!" Bill said, sounding as if it should have been obvious, "That means it can hurt undead monsters!"

"Okay," Dib said, as he and the others all started quickly backing away, "But what's to stop it from hurting the rest of us?"

"Er, well," Bill stuttered, apparently caught off guard by the question, "I-it's holy! That's all that… what?"

While Bill had been ranting, Phil had finally left the spot he'd been inhabiting during the whole fight, and had walked over to investigate the strange newcomer. Seeing the giant wolf approach him, the already frazzled Bill panicked. One hand left go of his bomb to reach into his coat and pull out a crowbar, which he swung wildly at Phil. The blow connected… and instantly rebounded without leaving a mark, the momentum causing it to smack into Bill's face. Bill collapsed, unconscious, the bomb dropping from his grip to bounce and roll across the floor, coming to a rest against the ship.

And then it started beeping.

"Run!" Dib yelled, everyone quickly bolting for the various exits. The entire group had barely made it out of the room before the bomb detonated, destroying the ship, which then went off in a massive explosion of its own, mixing with the initial blast. The blast spread out and up, obliterating the storage room, bouncing off the reinforced walls, and bursting through the less secure ceiling.

On the surface, the ongoing riot/fight between the CREAM agents and the Children of the Bright and Shining Saucer came to a sudden halt as the explosion tore through the main building of the compound, leaving half of it a smoking crater, the other half looking about ready to collapse. The crowd watched in shock, and then awe as some of the rubble suddenly exploded outward, Norlock's bat form emerging and shooting into the air, Zim and Skoodge in his claws, before swooping off into the distance. Seconds later, Phil also came bursting out of the ruined building, carrying GIR in his mouth and Minimoose on his back, and quickly went running after his master, knocking over the compound's security fence without even noticing, quickly disappearing over the horizon.

"No! You fools!" Desmond Flapp exclaimed, angrily pointing at the CREAM agents, "You see what you've done? By confining the alien messengers, you have offended them, and now they've summoned the animal spirits of the Earth to carry them and their cosmic knowledge away from us all!"

As the Blotch squealed in response to Desmond's statement, Yoa said, "The Blotch says we must pray for the alien messengers' return in a sacred spot! I think!"

"To Roswell!" Desmond declared, the Children rushing off en mass, even as the air was filled with the sounds of approaching emergency sirens.

Meanwhile, the staircase doorway that Team Save Earth had infiltrated the facility through was kicked open, the three of them stumbling out and coughing harshly amongst the thick smoke billowing after them. Aside from that and some scruffs and bruises, they had all come away from the explosion remarkably intact. The reinforced walls of the base had shielded them from the bulk of the blast, and the explosion must have triggered emergency protocols, because all the blast doors had opened, allowing them a relatively clear run through the collapsing base back to their initial entry point.

"You guys alright?" Dib asked, coughing a little. The twins made noises of confirmation, dusting themselves off, before all three of them turned to look at the devastated compound, emergency services already arriving on the scene.

"Well, at least they're not going to have that ship now," Steve said, trying to look on the bright side.

" _And_ we made sure Zim or Tak didn't get ahold of this thing," Viera added, holding up the group's chunk of the Meekrob crystal, which had congealed on the way up the stairs from the pieces they'd managed to grab during the fight.

"Yeah, but we didn't get the whole thing," Dib replied, taking the crystal from her to examine it, "Still, that means no one else did either, which means no one's going to be able to find that weapon any time soon."

"So, what do we do with our piece?" Steve asked, "We obviously can't destroy it, but we can't just leave it lying around."

"I've got a mini-safe in my room," Dib said, carefully pocketing the crystal, "We can keep it there until we figure out a better plan. In the meantime, we should get going before we get blamed for this mess."

With that, Team Save Earth snuck away, unseen by the emergency personnel now scrambling all over the ruined CREAM facility.

"And so this bastion of truth and righteousness has fallen," Bill monologued, as he looked over his destroyed base, "But the fight shall continue. For as long as a single breath remains in my body, I shall hunt down and expose Cocofang and all his minions for the monsters that they are!"

"Who's he talking to?" asked one of the paramedics loading Bill into an ambulance on a stretcher.

"Must be delusional from pain," the other said, "Better sedate him."

"Sedate me? Who are you working for?! The Illuminati? The Lizard Men? The… gurgh," Bill trailed off as a needle full of sedatives was pumped into his arm. And as he fell asleep, the ambulance carried him off into the night.

 _Zim's Base, Some Time Later_

"What do you mean you can't access the crystal's contents?!" Zim demanded. He was seated in front of his main computer console, the chunk of crystal formed from the pieces he and Skoodge had managed to grab suspended in a scanning beam off to the side.

"Master, the crystal is incomplete," the Computer said, "I _can_ access the contents this fragment contains, but I am unable to decode it. It's like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with only a portion of the pieces."

"Shame," Norlock commented from behind Zim, "And not to say 'I told you so', but perhaps if you had kept up the truce a while longer, this wouldn't have happened."

"Shut up! Tak broke the stupid truce, not me!" Zim snapped, "And this is all your fault!"

"How?" Norlock asked, arching an eyebrow.

"If you had just eliminated Tak instead of talking us into teaming up, she never would have had a chance to double-cross me like this, and I'd have the whole _flirking_ crystal!" Zim said, before turning to press a button on the console. The beam containing the crystal shifted, and it lowered down to gently land atop the projector the beam was being emitted from. A glass dome popped up and into place over it, before the whole thing lowered into the floor, panels sliding shut to conceal the hole.

"That will have to stay locked away until my incredible genius can figure out what to do about it," Zim grumbled, before marching out of the room in a huff. Norlock watched him go, before glancing at the spot where the crystal had disappeared.

"Well, this should spice things up a bit going forward," he mused, before sweeping out of the room.

 _Tak's Base, Same Time_

Tak and Tenn stood in front of the base's main control console, their fragment of the crystal suspended in a containment pod off to the side, while they were looking up at the communication's screen, which was currently displaying the Tallest. And to say they were unhappy was a bit of an understatement.

"Let me see if I get this straight," Red said in a slow, angry tone, "Not only did you allow Zim to find out about that weapon, but you smashed up the only means of finding it?"

"My Tallest, it was a freak occurrence," Tenn protested, "There was no way to anticipate it. And we still have a portion of the crystal."

"Which is useless without the rest of it," Tak snapped.

"Can't we just order Zim to hand his piece over?" Purple asked, sipping a soda.

"Respectfully, my Tallest, he'd just find a way to avoid that order," Tak replied, "Besides which, the Dib-Human and his little friends have a piece of the crystal as well, and they've probably hidden it away somewhere by now. How would we get ahold of it?"

"Well, I'm sure the two of you will think of something sooner or later," Red said.

You could practically hear the sound of a record scratch as the females processed what had just been said.

"I-I'm sorry, my Tallest," Tenn said hesitantly, "Did you just say 'the two of us'?"

"Yes I did," Red replied, smirking, "Your mission was clear, Invader Tenn. You were to provide Invader Tak with the means of finding that Meekrob weapon, and you failed. Just as you failed to conquer the Meekrob planet. As such, you are now ordered to stay on Earth until either that weapon is recovered, or you have aided Tak in conquering the planet. Whichever comes first."

"My Tallest, I protest!" Tak exclaimed, "I don't need help! I can conquer this planet on my own!"

"And I'm too good to be reduced to playing servant to some washed-up hack!" Tenn added, earning a glare from Tak.

"Well, if you're both so good, then working together should only make it easier for you, right?" Purple said, catching his partner's smugness, "So, good luck. Bye!"

With that, the signal was cut off, leaving the pair of Invaders staring at the screen.

"This is all your fault!" Tenn shouted, turning to glare at Tak.

"Excuse me?" Tak demanded.

"If you had upheld your truce with Zim until after we escaped that facility with the crystal, it probably wouldn't have ended up breaking!" Tenn said, "But _no_ , you had to let some stupid grudge get in the way! And now I'm stuck on this miserable little planet, ordered to play second fiddle to some wannabe Invader-URK!"

Tenn's rant was cut off as Tak suddenly grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against a wall.

"Listen carefully, Miss Top Of The Class," Tak hissed, "This is _my_ mission, my chance to claim what's rightfully mine, and you will _not_ ruin this for me. So, like it or not, we're now stuck working together. Which means you will do what I say, and you will respect me. Understand?"

Tenn weakly nodded, at which point Tak dropped her to the floor and stormed off. Breathing heavily and rubbing her sore neck, Tenn glared after Tak's retreating back.

Well, this was just lovely, wasn't it? Finest Invader of her generation, stuck taking orders from someone who never even took the exams. And one with a bad attitude, on top of that.

She was just going to have to make the most of the situation. She'd help Tak take over this dirt ball, and make it clear to the Tallest that she was the one who did all the hard work. And as for Project Domination… Tenn's gaze fell on where the crystal fragment was floating.

" _With Irk as my witness, that will be one part of my mission to Meekrob which will not have been a failure,_ " she swore to herself. She'd find that weapon no matter what she had to do, no matter what it took to reunite the crystal and track it down. And in the meantime, she'd take her frustrations out on anything foolish enough to get in her way.

Look out Earth, here came Invader Tenn.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 13**

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 **A/N: And we are done. Whew! This turned out a lot longer than I thought it would. In fact, this is not only the longest chapter in the story, but the longest thing I've ever written. Hope you all enjoyed it.**

 **So, our final team play has reluctantly joined the playing field, and we've got a dismantled MacGuffin on our hands. The stage is now set for the rest of the season, barring one major twist I have planned down the road (and that's all I'm saying on that).**

 **Next time: Tenn adjusts to life on Earth, and the three factions adjust to her.**

 **Until then, read and review!**


	14. Tenn Meets World

**A/N: Hello, boys and girls, and welcome back to New Adventures. Sorry for such a long wait, but I did have a bunch of other projects that needed all my focus, so I couldn't work on this story, no matter how much I would have preferred it. Speaking of which, I have a message for the anonymous Guest reviewer whose "reviews" are just demands that I update — please stop doing that, it's annoying. I will write when time and energy allow, and nagging me about it won't help.**

 **Anyway, on a more positive note, I'm happy to announce that the brief hiatus doesn't appear to have hurt interest in the story any. Last chapter, I announced that the view count was well on its way to 6000. Now, not only has it surpassed that, it's also passed 7000, and as of this writing is almost at 8000. It constantly amazes me how popular this story is.**

 **All that out of the way, let's move on!**

 **Last time, on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Tenn crash landed on Earth, and was captured by a fringe conspiracy theorist group led by Dib's career day mentor Bill. Zim's team allied with Tak to rescue her, while Team Save Earth also showed up to prevent Bill's nutjobs from getting their hands on dangerous technology. This culminated in a three-way fight for the Meekrob crystal leading to the lost Project Domination weapon. This fight ended inconclusively, with the crystal shattered into pieces held by Team Save Earth and the two Irken factions, while the angered Tallest punished Tenn for her failure by assigning her to aid Tak in conquering Earth, something neither female was pleased with.**

 **Now, we see how Tenn fits in on Earth.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim or any related characters. I own only the OCs (except Senior; he belongs to SaintHeartwing).**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 14: Tenn Meets World**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Within the heart of the Deelishus Weenie building, Tenn stood in front of the main computer console. She tapped her fingers impatiently against the console's surface, while she waited for her communications signal to connect. She was pretty sure she already knew that the outcome of this wouldn't be what she wanted, but she had to try. She could _not_ just stay on this backwater forever…

She was pulled from her inner frustrations by the sound of the console pinging. Looking up, she watched as the screen switched from standby to a familiar visage. It was a medium-height Irken with spiky antennae, wearing a face-concealing Communications officer's uniform which was, instead of the usual maroon, colored the same green as his eyes. This was Senior Communications Officer Nick, known simply as "Senior" to just about everyone who knew him.

"Yes, how may I direct- oh, hey Tenn," he said, smiling at her cheerfully, "What's up?"

"No time for pleasantries," she replied, "I need you to put me through to the Tallest."

"Uh, okay?" he said with a confused blink, "But, you're an Invader. You have authorization to contact them directly."

"I have been, all week," Tenn said with a frown, "After the first couple of days, they stopped answering altogether. Now every time I try to get a signal through, I get this."

She directed his attention to another screen, depicting a sign that read "Please Stand By", over which were cartoonish copies of both Tallest, dancing cheerfully along to the obnoxious elevator music playing over the picture.

"Right, the Call Screening protocol," Senior said with a nod, "I hear they came up with that to use on Zim, but he just kept hacking around it, so they gave up on it. You must have really annoyed them if they decided to use it on you."

"It's not my fault!" she protested, "They simply won't listen to me! I'm the best Invader they've got, and because of incidents completely outside my control, they decide to just ignore that and stick me on this mudball to play second fiddle to a washout who treats me like a servant? You tell me how that's in the Empire's best interests."

"I admit, I think they're overreacting with regards to that too," Senior said with a shrug, "But, they're the Tallest. Like it or not, what they say goes. And you _know_ they're not going to change their minds, no matter how much you plead, or how much of a good word I put in for you."

"I know, I just… argh!" Tenn groaned incoherently, massaging her face, "I just cannot believe this is happening to me, after all the _caragash_ I've already been through."

"Well, try and look on the bright side," Senior said, "Things cannot possibly be worse than how they turned out on Meekrob, and I'm sure once you and Tak settle into your working arrangement, things will liven up between the two of you."

"I highly doubt that," Tenn drawled, "But then, I don't inject myself with high-octane optimism every morning like you do."

Senior snorted at that, before looking at something that Tenn couldn't see offscreen.

"Look, I've got to go," he said, "I'll speak to the Tallest for you, but no promises. Just remember, try and make the most of it, and things will work out."

"We'll see," was all Tenn said. Senior gave her a casual salute, and then cut the signal. For her part, Tenn frowned and crossed her arms, staring at the blank screen in quiet contemplation. This last for several minutes, until the sound of the door opening broke her out of it. Looking up, Tenn saw Tak entering the room with an annoyed look on her face.

"I thought I told you to stop trying to pester the Tallest," the purple-eyed female snapped, "They're not going to change their minds, and all you're doing is annoying them to the point they probably won't take any of my calls when I actually have something important to report."

"Well excuse me for trying to get out of this situation that neither of us wants to be in," Tenn shot back, matching Tak's glare with one of her own, "And just so we're clear, I don't _have_ to do what you say, I'm not your minion. In fact, in anything, as the only certified Invader here, _I_ should be the one in charge."

"Like hell!" Tak snarled, "This is _my_ mission, and in case you missed it, the Tallest said that you to assist me. Assistance means that I'm in charge, and you do what I say! Got it?"

Tenn grit her teeth, but swallowed any response. She knew from experience that this argument was going to go nowhere, and bearing Senior's advice in mind, decided to not press the issue. Maybe if she let it drop for now, Tak would become less of an overbearing control freak.

She doubted it, but she could hope, right?

For her part, Tak seemed to take Tenn's silence as submission, and she smirked in satisfaction.

"Glad that we understand each other," she said, smirk widening at the glare Tenn sent her way in response, "Now then, it took most of the week, but I've managed to put together the last necessary details for your cover identity."

"Cover identity?" Tenn echoed, blinking in confusion.

"Of course," Tak said, condescendingly, "This isn't some cushy assignment like you had on Meekrob, where you can just sit in the base all day and observe things remotely. You have to actually go out among the humans to properly study and undermine them."

"I would _not_ call Meekrob 'cushy'," Tenn muttered, before shaking it off, "Fine. What's my cover."

In response, Tak tossed Tenn a datapad, which she caught easily.

"I expect you to have that memorized by the time we leave tomorrow," Tak said, as she turned to leave the room, "And I think it should go without saying, if you screw up my mission in any way, I'll kill you myself."

With that, she exited the room, leaving Tenn to glare after her. A glare which only intensified as she read the pad and realized just what her cover actually was.

"Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me."

 _Doomsville Middle Skool, Mr. Elliot's Classroom, Next Day_

Gaz sat at her desk, focus entirely on her Game Slave. Since her teacher was in the middle of giving a lesson, she probably should have been focusing on that, but it didn't matter. It wasn't as if anyone would dare call her out on what she was doing — while her dominance of the skool had been briefly damaged by those humiliating pranks of Viera's, a few doomings here and there against those who had dared to challenge her had quickly reestablished the natural order of things. Besides, she'd long since learned and mastered the art of taking in any important information spoken around her without having to actively listen to it.

As such, even though she was blocking out Mr. Elliot's far-too-cheerful ramblings, she still perfectly heard the conversation he had when he answered the suddenly ringing phone on his desk.

"Hello?" he said, listening in confusion to the person on the other end spoke, in what sounded to everyone listening like indecipherable gibberish, "Er, okay, but I don't know if we really have room to add another student… okay, okay, I get it, no reason to get nasty about it."

Gaz arched an eyebrow at that, and actually paused her game to pay closer attention. A new student? Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't care, but given that the last slew of new students — Zim, Tak, Skoodge, the twins — had all ended up being part of Dib's stupid "save the world" obsession… well, she still didn't _care,_ per se. But she just knew this was going to further complicate things, which would only make the whole situation more annoying for her.

"Okay, students," Mr. Elliot said brightly, "It seems we have a new student transferring to the skool, and she'll be joining our class. So, I want everyone to give her a great big welcome, alright?"

The children's response was an apathetic silence, though that didn't seem to damper Mr. Elliot's attitude any. And then the door opened and everyone looked up to take in the new student.

It was girl of medium height, wearing a red-and-pink stripped dress, with pale skin, brown eyes, and long red hair tied into a ponytail. She also had a very serious expression on her face as her rather stern eyes roamed over the room for a few moments. Seemingly satisfied, or at least not alarmed, by what she saw, she nodded, and then gave a somewhat forced smile.

"Hello, everyone," she said with a falsely sweet tone, "It's so… _nice_ to meet you all. My name is Tenn, I think some of you might know my big sister Tak."

That last statement earned a few surprised mutters from the class.

"If you're Tak's sister, why are you just transferring to this skool now?" one of the students asked.

"Oh, I was attending a boarding skool out of state," Tenn replied, "But our father thought it might be a better experience for me to attend a public institute like my sister, and this way we'd be able to spend more time together."

This seemed to satisfy the students' curiosity, as they all quieted down. As they did, Mr. Elliot clapped his hands to get everyone's attention again.

"Okay, thank you for that, Tenn," he said, "Now, let's see, where can we sit you? Hmm, I suppose we can just reshuffle the seats around, stagger the rows. That should give us some room…"

A few minutes later, the reorganized classroom was settled, and Tenn was seated off to the side of the room. She still had a cheerful smile plastered on her holographic face, but inside, she was fuming.

Of all the stupid cover identities that Tak could have come up with, why did it have to be this? Just because she had already locked herself into an identity that required attending this human smeetery, why did she have to drag Tenn into it? Especially since she'd only started attending this filthy place because of her stupid obsession with beating Zim, which Tenn honestly had no interest in.

And why, in the name of all things tall, did she have to present Tenn as her _younger_ sibling? It was bad enough that Tak was setting herself up as the dominant member of their partnership, was it really necessary to make her alias subordinate as well?

Tenn continued to fume for the remainder of the class, which she tuned out for the most part. After all, anything of consequence she needed to learn about this planet, she could gather from its information networks; she didn't need to listen to the preppy human teacher prattle on. And before she knew it, the bell was ringing to indicate the lunch break. Tenn joined the rest of the class in filing out of the room, only for someone to suddenly spoke up from right behind her.

"Hey, you," the voice said, with such an undercurrent of malice that Tenn couldn't help but heed its unspoken order for her attention. She spun around practically on reflex, and was surprised to find that the speaker was a girl no older than she was pretending to be. Yet the look on the purple-haired child's face still managed to send an instinctive shiver of warning down Tenn's back, as much as any Meekrob super-predator could.

"So, you're the new alien, right?" Gaz asked, one eye cracking partly open to give Tenn a closer look.

"Er, what?" Tenn asked, her confusion only partly faked, "I don't know what you-"

"Save it," Gaz cut her off, "My brother's the idiot with the big head. I heard him and his two stupid friends talking about their fight with Zim and Tak the other day, and how there was another Irken involved. So I assume if you're Tak's 'sister', that was probably you."

"…How many people actually know about this?" Tenn asked, frowning in annoyance. She'd already known from the fight at the human base that at least a handful of people knew about the Irkens' presence on Earth, but it was annoying to find out that the mission might be even more compromised than she'd realized.

"Just the four of us. Everyone else around here is too stupid to realize there are aliens around them, even with Zim and Skoodge's awful disguises," Gaz replied. As Tenn arched a holographic eyebrow at that, Gaz snorted, "Haven't seen them yet? Yeah, trust me, you'll be shocked at how oblivious people must be to get fooled by them."

"Hmph," Tenn muttered as she mused over the conversation so far, before asking, "So, is you letting me know that you know some kind of threat?"

"More like a warning," the Goth replied, narrowing her gaze at the Irken, "I really couldn't care less who manages to take over the world, as long as they leave me alone. Dib and Zim have both figured that out by now, and I'm sure that their hanger-ons have caught on too. But I'm not sure if Tak's gotten the message yet, and you just got here, so you get one free warning you can share with her — leave me out of all this stupidity, or I will plunge you into a nightmare world so terrible you will _beg_ death to release you from."

As she was speaking, all the light in the hallway seemed to be drained away, save for an aura of unearthly light emanating from Gaz, whose eyes Tenn could swear were filling with hellfire.

"Do we understand each other?" Gaz asked, with steel in her voice.

"Y-yes, we do," Tenn replied, shuddering at the unnatural chill that had surrounded the two of them.

"Good," Gaz said, as she and their surroundings suddenly returned to normal, "Glad to hear it. Now, get out of my way."

With that, Gaz shoved the Irken aside, and started walking down the hallway, leaving the stunned Tenn slumped against the wall, mind reeling.

" _What the_ flirk _just happened?_ " Tenn thought, as she tried to slow down the frantic beating of her squeedlyspooch, " _How could a human smeet be that terrifying? I felt like I was tied up and weaponless in a deep pit full of Digestors._ "

Tenn stood there for several more minutes, composing herself. As she did, she tried to process events as logically as possible. Before long, she'd come to the conclusion that Gaz was clearly some sort of living bioweapon.

" _Hmm, we could make use of that,_ " Tenn silently mused, " _If we could capture and study her… or, you know, politely ask her for help so that she doesn't rip our skulls out through our mouths._ "

Deciding to shelve that idea for the foreseeable future, until she could access Gaz's apparent abilities without serious risk of personal harm, Tenn started making her way towards the cafeteria. Before long, she'd entered the large room and gotten onto the food line. Tak had warned her about the food they served here, but after months of scavenging from the Meekrob wilderness, anything would be an upgrade. And how bad could it be, really?

A few minutes later, Tenn was cursing herself for tempting fate like that. Sitting at a table across from Tak, she looked down in disgust at the tray before her. She had been told that what she'd been served was some kind of meat, but she rather doubted that, seeing how it was mostly liquified. Snorting derisively, she pushed the tray away and looked around the room.

Across from her, Tak was pushing the food on her tray around, making it appear as though she was eating it but avoiding having to actually touch the stuff. Gaze shifting, she saw Gaz sitting at another table nearby (and she most certainly did _not_ repress a shudder at that), playing a Game Slave and taking occasional bites of her own food. Sitting near to her were Dib and the twins, who had, judging by the hushed conversation they were having with each other and the furtive glances in her direction, noticed her and seen through her disguise. Hmm, if that was the case, they were cleverer than she had initially given them credit for. And sitting a few tables down from them…

"Oh, I don't believe this," Tenn said, as she took in the sight of Zim and Skoodge, each with only a wig and a pair of contacts to hide their true forms. Gaz, as terrifying as she was, hadn't been wrong about the stupidity of those disguises.

"How has no one noticed them yet?" she asked Tak, who followed her gaze, before rolling her eyes.

"I think you'll find that most humans are utter morons of the highest order," she said, "Either that or selectively oblivious to that which threatens their preconceived notions of the world around them. As such, they're either unwilling or unable to notice anything unusual, even if it's right in front of their eyes."

"You think the food has anything to do with it?" Tenn asked, gesturing to the mush on their trays. This actually earned a snort of amusement from Tak.

"I wouldn't be surprised if it actually does cause some brain damage, given how inedible it is," she admitted, before smirking, "Though it _does_ have some upsides."

"Like what?" Tenn asked, incredulously. In response, the still smirking Tak scooped some of the mush up with her spoon, and used it to promptly fling the food across the room, where it smacked square into the side of Zim's face. As he fell screaming to the floor, writhing in pain, many in the room started laughing, Tak chief amongst them. Tenn, however, merely looked between the two of them for a moment, before rolling her eyes.

"That was just pointlessly petty," she said. Tak's laughter cut off at that, and she glared at her erstwhile partner.

"Really? You're actually standing up for _Zim?_ " she asked, sounding shocked and disgusted.

"Of course not!" Tenn said defensively, "I'm just disappointed that someone who claims to be a true Invader would act so unprofessionally."

"Excuse me?" Tak demanded.

"Invaders are the cream of the crop of the Empire's military. We are meant to operate not just with skill, but with a degree of dignity. Something I really don't see in your obsession with going out of your way to hurt Zim just for the sake of getting your revenge," Tenn stated with a frown.

"That had nothing to do with getting revenge!" Tak snapped.

"Aha! So it _is_ about revenge!"

That annoyingly familiar voice brought the females' attention away from each other and to the side of the table. Zim was standing there, flesh still burned and smoking, scowling at the pair of them, while Skoodge stood nervously behind him.

"I knew that was all you really wanted!" Zim continued, "Well, you're not getting any, even with the help of this human, whoever she is!"

"I just said it's _not_ about revenge!" Tak said, glaring at Zim, "And that's Tenn, you idiot."

Both male Irkens blinked at that, looking to Tenn in surprise.

"Really?" Skoodge asked, "Wow, that's a great disguise, Tenn! I couldn't even tell it was you."

"That's generally how disguises work, Skoodge," she replied dryly, "Perhaps you should consider upgrading yours."

"Skoodge doesn't need an upgrade!" Zim cut off any response from Skoodge, "His disguise is only slightly less ingenious than mine. Anyway, what are you still doing on Earth? Are you trying to steal my mission too?!"

"I have no more desire to be here than you are to have me here," Tenn replied, "But the Tallest were displeased with what happened with the Meekrob crystal, so they've reassigned me to partner with Tak in conquering this disgusting planet."

There was a stunned silence for a moment, and then Zim suddenly burst out laughing, clutching his abdomen as he practically kneeled over from the hysterics.

"Did you _have_ to tell him that?" Tak asked with a frown.

"He was going to find out anyway," Tenn countered, as Zim continued to laugh, "There was really no point in hiding it."

Tak looked ready to argue that point, but was cut off as Zim finally composed himself and smirked at them.

"Ha! This is perfect! Miss 'I'm The Best In Class' gets demoted to minion, to help the washout who's been strutting around like she's so much better than me," he said, "This just proves you're both inferior to me!"

"I'm not a minion!" Tenn said defensively, "I specifically just said we're partners! Did you not hear that?"

"And I don't even need a partner!" Tak said, standing up to glare at Zim at eye level, "She only got dumped on me because you screwed everything up with the crystal she was supposed to give me!"

"I think you mean the crystal she was meant to give _me_ ," Zim snorted, "After all, why wouldn't the Tallest want their best Invader to have something that important?"

"Excuse me, 'best Invader'?" Tenn asked, arching an eyebrow, "You barely passed the exam, at the bottom of the class. _I'm_ the best Invader here."

"Only because I never had a chance to take the exams," Tak said, shifting her glare down at Tenn, "Otherwise, everyone would know that I deserve that title."

"Actually, isn't Larb technically the best Invader?" Skoodge spoke up. This earned incredulous looks from the others.

"Larb? Have you the brain worms, Skoodge?" Zim asked, "Why would you think that lazy _vrik na tishanti_ could ever be considered the best?"

"Well, I mean, the Tallest officially declared it and everything," Skoodge replied with a shrug, "It was in the last Invader newsletter."

"What?!" Tak shouted.

"When?" Tenn demanded.

"We have a newsletter?" Zim blinked.

In response, Skoodge dug around in a pocket and pulled out a datapad. Pressing a button brought up an image of Larb standing on a stage, flashing both thumbs up at the viewer while confetti fluttered in the air around him. The Tallest were both off to the side, looking bored. The bottom of the image had a banner running across it which read "INVADER LARB, CONQUEROR OF VORT, DECLARED GREATEST INVADER ALIVE."

"…Seriously?" Tenn muttered, "All he did was take over Vort. I could have done that in my sleep!"

"This is an outrage!" Zim screamed, knocking aside the datapad and practically knocking Skoodge over in the process, "How dare Larb deceive the Tallest into praising him when they should be praising Zim! Zim is the best Invader who ever lived, and I'll prove it when I conquer this pathetic planet!"

Zim punctuated his statement by striking a dramatic pose, fist raised in the air and foot planted on a bench… and then shrunk down awkwardly as he noticed that everyone in the room was staring at him, having obviously heard his screamed declaration.

"Er, I mean… mind your own business! I am normal!" he shouted. That seemed to satisfy all the other students, who went back to their awful meals. Zim took the opportunity to run away, Skoodge following after him.

"Seriously, no one's going to react to that?" Steve asked, from where Team Save Earth were sitting, having observed the whole exchange among the Irkens.

"You've been here how long now?" Dib countered dryly, "I'm honestly surprised anyone even noticed him shouting at this point. Them processing what he's actually saying? That'd be a miracle."

"Moving back to the point," Viera spoke up, cutting off anything that her brother was about to say in response, "So, we're all agreed that the new girl over there is definitely Tenn?"

"Yeah, it's kinda obvious," Dib said, "There's no other logical reason that Tak would suddenly be hanging out with a new student who just happens to show up so soon after Tenn did. Besides, every other new student who suddenly transferred in ever since Zim got here has either been an alien, or in the case of you guys, still involved in the fight."

"That doesn't seem like a logical fallacy to you?" Steve asked with a raised eyebrow, "A bit of an 'If X, then Y' kind of thing?"

"Maybe, but with my luck? More than willing to bet I'm right about this."

"Okay, so what do we do about it?" Viera asked, "Because this kinda complicates things."

"Actually, it doesn't, when you think about it," Dib said, "So there's another alien around who wants to take over the world? That's just Tuesday around here."

"Yeah, but we don't really know what she can do, or how well she and Tak work together," Steve pointed out.

"Then we stay on our toes, and hope she doesn't catch us off guard," Dib said, "It's the best we can do, really."

As this discussion too place, Tenn had gone back to watching the group from across the room. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but judging by their body language, it was an intense conversation, and the continued looks in her direction made her more certain than ever that they knew who she was and were discussing her.

Well, let them. This whole situation was as much their fault as it was anyone else's, for daring to interfere in things far beyond anything a human deserved to be involved in. While she wasn't going to become as obsessed with revenge as Tak was in denial of being, it didn't mean she wasn't going to make them pay for their arrogance when the time was right.

Though she'd probably have to tread carefully. The three of them had all handled themselves fairly well in the fight over the crystal, after all. And just because Zim was incompetent didn't mean he wasn't very dangerous (quite the opposite, actually), yet this trio had survived multiple encounters with him. She should not underestimate the threat they might pose.

Yes, she was _definitely_ going to be keeping an eye on them.

 _Tak's Base, Several Hours Later_

Tenn sat slumped in a chair, barely paying attention to the screens surrounding her. They were displaying all the information Tak had on Team Save Earth, which she'd gone over so many times already that it was giving her a headache. Which might have been partly because of just how _boring_ it all was. It seemed that when the three of them weren't fighting Zim or Tak's latest plans, they lived fairly regular lives — go to skool, hang out, eat meals, rinse and repeat.

Okay, yes, there were the occasional conflicts they apparently had with various supernatural creatures, but as far as Tenn was concerned, those were just unimportant side shows compared to the real conflict. Even the most important of their work that wasn't directly related to the fight over Earth — the ship stolen from Tak — wasn't really that relevant, given that according to Tak's own reports, the ship was damaged beyond functionality, and it was highly unlikely that Dib or his friends could get it working any time soon. So, it was a potential threat, but not worth immediate concern.

Deciding to take a break from her research, Tenn got to her feet and stretched, before walking out of the room. Wandering the halls aimlessly as she mulled over the day's events and what she'd seen of Earth so far, she paused as she heard the sounds of construction from down a side corridor.

Antennae arching in confusion, she followed the noise, soon emerging in one of the base's main chambers. Most of the cavernous space, normally empty, was now filled with a complex array of machinery. In the middle of the room was a massive plinth, which rose a dozen feet into the air, capped off with a huge glass sphere. Connected to the sphere were several cables, which snaked up from the sphere towards the ceiling. And there among them was Tak, suspended by her PAK legs as she applied various tools to the machinery that the cables were connected to, which extended past her and up out of sight.

Curious, Tenn extended her own PAK legs and began climbing up the plinth. Reaching its top, she paused as she noticed MIMI sitting on the ledge surrounding the sphere, who turned her gaze from watching her mistress to stare at Tenn. The Invader shuddered as the robot stared at her lifelessly, but she brushed it off. She couldn't let herself go to pieces every time she saw a robot just because of those useless malfunctioning junk piles that had wrecked her base.

Besides, as far as she could tell, MIMI worked fine, so she had nothing to worry about.

Shaking it off, Tenn kept climbing until she was clinging to the side of one of the cables, hanging just a few feet beneath where Tak was working. The other female paused her work momentarily to glance down at her, before returning to her work.

"What is all this?" Tenn asked.

"The key to me finally getting the recognition I deserve," Tak replied, before adding under her breath, "Making _Larb_ the best Invader? What's the Empire coming to? They might as well give the title to Zim while they're at it."

"And, how exactly is this going to help in that?" Tenn asked, annoyed at the not-answer.

"You'll see," was all Tak said. Tenn growled in annoyance, but pushed it aside, trying to avoid starting a fight when unnecessary.

"You know, if you told me what it was, I might be able to help set it up faster-"

"I don't _need_ your help!" Tak snapped, glaring down at her, "I've gotten this far on my own, and I don't suddenly need assistance from anyone, let alone a failure like you! The Tallest forcing you on me is an insult, and I am going to prove just unnecessary you are!"

Tenn's face twisted up with rage, fists clenching at her side. But before she could bite back with something vicious, a sudden banging noise erupted to the side. Both Irkens turned to the source, which revealed itself to be MIMI; her eyes had turned blue, and she was banging a pair of wrenches she'd pulled from nowhere against the sphere like a drum. Watching this, Tenn's eye twitched, as she had a sudden flashback to the rampaging SIRs at her base.

"AHHH! KEEPITAWAY!" she yelled near-incoherently, leaping from her perch to fall and land ungraciously on the floor, quickly picking herself up and scrambling out of the room in a mad panic. Tak watched her go in surprise, looking between where she'd vanished and where MIMI was still banging away.

"Worthless," she muttered after a moment, not even sure herself which of them she was describing. Shaking her head, she went back to work.

 _Jhonen's Diner, A While Later_

"Give me another!" Tenn said, slamming her glass down on the counter. After she'd fled the base, barely remembering to activate her disguise as she'd done so, she'd run for several blocks before finally collapsing in an alley. As her squeedlyspooch's beating had slowed to its normal pace, she'd been gripped with shame and humiliation at her reaction to MIMI's antics. Not wanting to face the mockery she knew Tak would have waiting for her, she'd wandered around for a while, finally arriving at this greasy spoon, where she was trying to drown her sorrows.

"Miss, that's the fifth Poop Cola Deluxe you've had," the bartender said, "I think you've had enough."

"I'll tell you when I've had enough! Now get me another! And where are those doughnuts I ordered?"

"Hey Tenn!" a chipper voice suddenly said from behind her. Turning around, she was surprised to find Skoodge standing nearby.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh, I come here all the time," he replied, plopping onto the stool next to hers, before gesturing to the bartender, "Gimme the usual, Marcus."

The bartender grunted wordlessly, before placing a Diet Poop in front of Skoodge and another Deluxe in front of Tenn, before wandering off towards the kitchen.

"So, why are _you_ here?" Skoodge asked after taking a drink from his bottle, while Tenn guzzled hers.

"I'm here because life is terrible," she replied sullenly, as she put the bottle down.

"Come again?" Skoodge asked, blinking, while the bartender returned and dropped a plate of doughnuts on the counter between the two of them. Tenn turned her attention to these rather than answer Skoodge's question, grabbing one and viciously biting into it. It was only after she'd wolfed it down and followed it up with another drink that she finally turned back to her chubby counterpart.

"I was top of our class, chosen to infiltrate and destroy our people's worst enemies. I was set up to be one of the greatest heroes in Irken history," she said morosely, "Now look at me — disgraced, and being forced to play assistant to a wannabe Invader who never even qualified for the rank. And you know what? I've tried to make it work, tried to get Tak to treat me as an equal at least, and she just keeps shoving me down. And not only that, but I'm pretty sure I have PTSD that gets triggered just by seeing faulty robots, and I'm practically surrounded by them on this stupid planet! How am I supposed to deal with all that?"

"Well, I, uh, can't really help with that last bit," Skoodge replied, scratching his head, "But, I hear you for everything else. I mean, I was the first Invader in the Operation to actually conquer a planet, and what do I get for it? Shot out a cannon! Not to mention the Tallest giving Grapa the credit for Blorch when he had nothing to with it. And then I get bounced around from one lousy assignment to another until I end up here on Earth helping out Zim. Which, you know, could be worse — after all, this is an important mission and Zim's a great guy, but sometimes I feel like he just doesn't appreciate my work, you know?"

Tenn stared at Skoodge in surprise. Partly at the fact that he — who, like Senior was usually almost obnoxiously cheerful — was actually capable of being frustrated and upset at something, but also at how oblivious he was to the fact that Zim clearly didn't give a damn about him and made no illusions to the contrary. Which actually made her feel _slightly_ better, since as bad as her situation was, at least she was actually fully cognizant of the extent of it.

"So, how do you deal with it?" she asked, deciding to see if she could still get something worthwhile from this conversation.

"Oh, that's easy," Skoodge said, back to cheerful, "Just focus on all the good you're doing. It doesn't matter if anyone ever gives you the credit you deserve for your hard work, all that matters in the end is that you're doing your part to make the Empire stronger. And if things get tough, just grin and bear it, and be sure to clean up the mess afterwards!"

Once more, Tenn found herself staring at Skoodge. After a moment of silence, she downed the last of her soda and tossed it aside, before dropping some monies on the counter and hopping off of her stool.

"Okay, I think I know what I need to do now," she said.

"Glad to help!" Skoodge said, saluting her with his soda.

"No, your advice was sad and stupid," she said bluntly, "But it suddenly occurs to me that if you've survived this long working with Zim, then I can definitely survive working with Tak. So, I guess thanks for setting the bar so low."

"…You're welcome?" Skoodge said, not sure how to take that. Tenn didn't seem to notice he'd spoken, as she was already leaving the diner. He watched her go, before shrugging and deciding to help himself to some of the doughnuts she'd left behind.

 _Tak's Base, Shortly After_

As night fell, Tenn marched back into the Deelishus Weenie building. Even as the doors shut behind her, she deactivated her hologram and quickly started making her way back to the chamber where she'd last seen Tak. She was going to put her foot down and hammer out some more concrete terms to this partnership, whether Tak liked it or not.

Just as she'd thought, Tak was still where she'd left her, though she was now on the floor, looking up at her project, which was apparently complete. Seeing Tenn approach from out of the corner of her eye, she turned and gave her a smug smirk.

"Well, look who's back," she said, "Did your little panic attack wear off? Hmm, how sad to see the 'cream of the crop' fall apart _so_ easily."

Tenn bit back on her response, choosing to not rise to the bait. Instead, she took a calming breath, and schooled her face into a neutral pose.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," she said, deadpan, "Now, since this thing is apparently finished, do you mind telling me what it actually does?"

Tak frowned as Tenn failed to react to her mockery, but shrugged it off. She had more important things to focus on, after all.

"Why explain when I can show you? All I need is for MIMI to retrieve the final component…"

Even as those words left her mouth, MIMI zoomed into the room, nearly knocking Tenn over in the process. She couldn't hide her flinch at seeing the robot, but the fact that her eyes were red instead of blue did at least give her a little bit of comfort.

"Ah, there we are are," Tak said, smirking again as she took hold of what MIMI was offering to her. And Tenn's eyes widened in shock as she realized it was their shard of the Meekrob crystal.

"What are you doing with that?" she asked. Tak ignored her, deploying her PAK legs and beginning to climb the plinth towards the sphere atop it. Growling, Tenn deployed her own legs and quickly started climbing after her.

"Hey! Answer me! What are you doing with that?" she demanded as she caught up, "You know we can't find Project Domination with what we have. Without the other shards, it's useless!"

"Precisely," Tak said, coming to a stop to shoot Tenn a smug look, "Which is why I've built this amplifier. It will enhance the crystal's natural energies, turning it into a magnet for the other pieces. They'll be drawn here from wherever Zim and Dib are hiding them, then I'll be able to reunite them, and use the full crystal to find the weapon and conquer this pathetic planet. And if I'm feeling a little generous, I might just give you passing mention for how you brought the crystal here in the first place."

"Are you crazy?!" Tenn shrieked, startling Tak and almost making her drop the crystal.

"Excuse me?" Tak asked, frowning at her.

"Meekrob crystals are pure, condensed energy. You can't just screw around with that sort of power — you could blow use both up, and the entire city with us!" Tenn exclaimed, gesturing wildly.

"Oh please, I know what I'm doing," Tak sniffed haughtily, as she began climbing again.

"No you don't," Tenn snapped, climbing after her, " _I'm_ the Meekrob expert here, I know what these things can do if mishandled, and I know that this is a moronic idea even _Zim_ isn't stupid enough to try!"

In response to that, Tak snarled, before suddenly dropping down, foot extended. The move caught Tenn off guard, and Tak's kick hit her square in the face, the blow causing her to lose her grip and tumble down to land in a heap on the floor at the foot of the plinth. Tak watched her land, before resuming her climb even as Tenn scrambled back to her feet.

"Don't you dare ever compare me to that Defective!" she said over her shoulder, "And don't you think that just because you got such a prized assignment that you're better than me! If I'd been made an Invader I'd be the best one there ever was. This is how I'm going to finally prove it, and you are not going to get in the way just because you don't want me showing you up. MIMI, restrain her!"

Tenn, who had just started to climb after Tak again, didn't have a chance to react to hearing that command before it was enacted. MIMI slammed into her, smacking her into the hard surface of the plinth. As she bounced off it, MIMI grabbed her with her enlarged hand and extended it to pin Tenn to the wall across the room.

As Tenn struggled to break free, Tak completed her climb, arriving at the sphere atop the plinth. Pressing a hand against one portion of the sphere opened a hidden hatch, into which she inserted the shard. As she shut the hatch, the interior of the sphere lit up, and the shard floated up to hover in midair in the exact center of the sphere. Giving a nod, Tak pulled out a datapad and entered a command. The plinth lit up, lights running up from its base to the sphere, which flared as the shard began glowing with a gentle pulse. Blue-white energy shot out of the shard, quickly being channelled through the connecting cables into the machinery above, which likewise lit up as the energy moved through it. Out of sight, on the roof of the building, the antenna array that Tak had erected whirred to life, the energy being transmitted out from it, spreading through the sky across Doomsville in waves.

"Yes, just as planned," Tak said, observing the whole thing on her pad, "Now it's a matter of wait… what?"

Tak could only stare in shock as the readings on her pad suddenly shot off the charts. The pulsing glow of the shard became erratic, and before Tak could react, it suddenly flared, turning the sphere into a miniature sun. This was accompanied by a sudden shockwave that shot out of it, slamming into Tak and sending her flying through the air to collide with a wall, which she slid down to land in an unconscious slump on the floor.

Meanwhile, the energy cascade flowing out of the shard continued on its path to the transmitters on the roof, everything along the way glowing brightly as it was all supercharged. As the energy hit the antenna array, the waves being produced wavered and cut off for a moment. Then a massive beam of light shot up out of the array, straight up into the night sky. An aurora appeared as the ionosphere was agitated, but it was quickly hidden as angry storm clouds formed from nowhere, rapidly blocking out the whole sky. Those clouds rolled and boiled, flashing with lightning, which was soon rapidly striking down at the city below.

 _Zim's Base, Same Time_

Norlock opened the front door to the base, intent to go out and hunt for fresh blood, only to pause and arch an eyebrow at the sight that greeted. A massive storm had consumed what he knew was supposed to be a mild night, and titanic lightning bolts were repeatedly striking everything in sight. Even as he watched several struck a house down the street, turning it into a flaming wreck, from which emerged several people, running around in a desperate attempt to put out the odd blue flames consuming them.

"Well, this is different," the vampire said casually. He then calmly stepped back inside and shut the door, and then walked over to take the side elevator down to the lab levels. Upon reaching his destination, he walked the corridors until he found Zim ensconced in his "scheming nook", and cleared his throat to get the Irken's attention.

"Not now!" Zim snapped, "Can't you see I'm trying to come up with another brilliant plan to destroy this filthy planet?"

"Yes, but I thought you'd like to know that it seems to be doing a pretty good job of destroying itself," Norlock replied.

"Eh?" Zim blinked. Tapping a command on a panel, he brought up a screen displaying a security feed of the cul-de-sac. Most of which was currently in flaming ruins from the countless lightning bolts that were still raining down on it.

"What? What is this?!" Zim screeched, "What is daring to destroy this city before I can? Who dares upstage Zim?!"

Zim furiously typed away at a console, and soon brought up a full spectrum aerial scan of the entire city, showing a virtual whirlpool of energy swirling about the city. Zooming in at its source revealed, to their surprise, the Deelishus Weenie building.

"Tak! How dare she carry out this mildly impressive destructive act which I could do a million times better!" Zim shouted, "I will-"

Whatever Zim was planning to was cut off as, on the screen, several dozen lighting bolts hit the Weenie building in rapid succession. Being Irken built, it was sturdier than human construction and thus wasn't destroyed by the massive amounts of energy, but the building was quite clearly heavily damaged.

"…Either she's into extreme renovation, or she doesn't have any control over what's happening," Norlock said after a moment of surprised silence. Zim, meanwhile, merely stared at the screen for a few seconds more, and then burst out into laughter.

"Ha! This is perfect! That fool is destroying herself!" he crowed, "This is a win-win situation, and I don't even need to do anything — either she gets this storm under control, which doesn't affect me either way, or it destroys her, thus eliminating my competition!"

"And the city along with her," Norlock pointed out.

"Bah, who cares? The base is secure, so as long as we stay inside, we'll be fine," Zim said, waving off his ally's concerns, "I couldn't care less about what happens to all the worm-babies in this city. Them being destroyed is an acceptable loss. The only one I'd be upset about losing would be Dib before I can defeat that pig-stink myself, but my surveillance shows that he and the two Not-Dibs are at a meeting of their little paranormal club. So they'll probably be safe too."

"So, just to be clear — your plan is to just sit here and do nothing?" Norlock asked, giving Zim an unimpressed look.

"Of course not. I also intend to enjoy myself!" Zim said with a smirk, before activating an intercom, "GIR! Bring me some popcorn!"

Norlock rolled his eyes and wandered out of the room, deciding that if Zim wasn't going to do anything situation, he might as well ride it out himself. So, with that in mind, he made his way back to the room holding his coffin, intending to break into his backup blood supply and hunker down for the evening.

And silently, he wished Tak a bit of luck. Things would be just a little boring without a third faction in play.

 _Tak's Base, Same Time_

Tenn groaned as she got back to her feet, the shockwave having knocked her and MIMI aside as well. Though unlike the robot and Tak, she at least was still conscious; ironically, being pinned to the wall had braced her enough that the wave hadn't been able to send her far.

Getting to her feet and looking around, she immediately had to avert her eyes in order to avoid being blinded by the light coming from the containment sphere. Pulling a pair of goggles out of her PAK and slipping them on, she took another look. And what she saw did not fill her with much joy.

A corona of energy was spinning around the sphere, while bolts of it danced along the cables. Or those which hadn't been busted loose to dance around like snakes, at least. All this energy was crackling wildly in the air around the plinth, though fortunately right now it was only hitting the walls around it, and not the floor Tenn and Tak were on. But that could only last so long.

Seeing no other option, Tenn charged straight at the problem. Deploying her PAK legs as she approached the plinth, she didn't even slow down before launching herself at the tower, thus ending up already several feet in the air by the time she made contact with it, sparks of energy bursting forth from the points of contact between the legs and plinth's surface. Tenn winced as some of that energy coursed into her, but pushed on, scrambling up the plinth, sparks raining around her as she went.

After several minutes that felt like hours, Tenn reached the top of the plinth, clambering to a stop just outside the containment sphere. Being this close to the center of all this energy was giving her a feeling like her bones were quivering, but she didn't allow herself to feel the pain. Instead, she looked around for the pad Tak had been using to control the amplifier, only to curse as she saw that it was lying smashed on the side of the ledge where Tak had dropped it when she'd been flung away by the the initial shockwave. Without that to shut the amplifier down with, there was only one option available to her, and she wasn't looking forward to it.

Raising her PAK legs, Tenn fired a concentrated beam of plasma. It didn't immediately blast through the glass, but keeping up the attack after several minutes caused it to shatter. The resulting hole unleashed a fresh wave of energy, but Tenn had anticipated this, and by the time it hit her, she had already braced herself with the PAK legs, so she wasn't knocked over by it.

Taking a good look at the newly created hole for a quick analysis, Tenn nodded to herself, before extending a cable from her PAK and securing it to the side of the ledge. Upon testing her makeshift anchor and making sure it was secure, Tenn took a steadying breath and lowered into a crouch. She then launched herself forward, through the hole and into the containment sphere.

Tenn would later admit that this was a surreal experience. The suspension field within the sphere had her floating weightlessly, while the intensity of the energy being generated meant that even with her goggles, she was still practically blind. Not to mention that it was making her feel like she burning all over even as every inch of her body was heavily vibrating. It was incredibly disorienting, but Tenn wasn't going to let that stop her.

Straining her eyes against the glow of the energy, Tenn was just barely able to make out the sight of the crystal shard floating in the middle of the sphere. With a bit of effort, she was able to force her body in its direction, and seconds later practically tackled it. Clutching the shard tightly in her hands and curling up into a ball around it, Tenn sent a mental command to her PAK, retracting the cable which was still stretching back to outside the amplifier — which, secured as it was, had the desired result of pulling her back. It felt like an eternity, but after what was really just a few seconds, Tenn came flying out of the containment sphere, bouncing across the surrounding ledge and going over the edge, though thankfully the PAK cable was strong enough to support her, leaving her dangling in midair, crystal still clutched tightly to her chest.

Meanwhile, with its power source removed, the amplifier surged for a moment, before shutting down. The energy swirling and crackling around it dispersed, and on the roof of the building, the column of light shooting into the sky sputtered out of existence. With its source vanishing, the storm raining destruction down on Doomsville vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared, returning the night sky to its normal state.

Back inside the building, a somewhat charred Tenn yanked off her goggles and tossed them aside, rapidly blinking her eyes to try and restore her eyesight to normal. Looking around to confirm that everything was back to normal, and that she still firmly had a hold of the shard, she breathed a sigh of relief. Then she let the cable release, allowing her to drop to the floor, PAK legs breaking her fall. Once back on solid ground, her gaze fell on where Tak was stumbling back to her feet, and a deep frown crossed her face. She shifted the shard into a pocket, and then stomped over to where Tak was rubbing at her head.

"Gah, what happened?" she asked groggily. In response, Tenn lashed out with her free hand, punching Tak square in the jaw, hard enough to knock her back to the ground. Seeing this, MIMI — who had recovered at some point along the way — launched herself at Tenn. However, if she had been expecting Tenn to freeze up in phobia-induced shock at her approach, she was sorely disappointed. For the second Tenn saw the robot coming, she spun on her heel, a PAK leg deploying as she did so, so that the swing smacked MIMI head on. The impact, combined with her own momentum, sent MIMI flying across the room. Satisfied that she wouldn't be coming back for the moment, Tenn turned back to Tak, who had once again gotten back to her feet.

"What the _flirk_ was that for?" Tak demanded, glaring at her.

"Are you serious?" Tenn asked, returning the glare in full, " _That_ was for almost getting us killed! I _told_ you that this was an awful idea, but did you listen to me? No! You completely ignored the advice of the one person around here who actually understands how Meekrob technology works, so that you could blunder away at it like an idiot! You know what, I'm glad you never had a chance to become an Invader — you'd have been a disgrace to the whole position!"

That seemed to be the exact wrong thing to say, as Tak's eyes bulged out in fury, before she snarled wordlessly and threw herself at Tenn, who caught the attack and spun around to redirect it, sending Tak stumbling away. Tak wasn't caught off guard for long, however, as she spun around as well, lashing out with a kick that caught Tenn in the abdomen. Tenn folded over from the blow, and Tak attempted to follow up with a punch, only for Tenn to recover and catch Tak's arm, using it to flip her over, crashing her onto the floor. Before she could get up, Tenn dove down on her, elbow first, which slammed into Tak's throat. As she gagged, Tenn's PAK legs shot out, piercing Tak's sleeves and pant legs, while shifted her actual legs so that her knees were pressing into Tak's chest, in turn pressing Tak's own PAK against the floor so she couldn't use it, fully pinning her.

"Now that I have your attention," Tenn said, leaning down to stare Tak directly in the face as she struggled, "Allow me to make myself perfectly clear here. I am not your minion, or your assistant. I am your partner. Whether either of us like it or not, the Tallest want us working together to retrieve the weapon, and you rushing ahead in trying to do it just to soothe your ego is not going to help. Now, you have more experience with this planet, but I've experienced more about the Meekrob than you'll ever even imagine. We _need_ each other if we're going to do this."

Tak didn't respond to that, but she had stopped struggling, and was glaring at her stoically. Taking this as a sign of progress, Tenn withdrew the PAK legs and got off of Tak and stepped back, letting her gingerly get back to her feet. When Tak still didn't say anything and just kept glaring at her, Tenn decided to keep talking.

"Look, I get the need to prove yourself — Irk knows I feel cheated by how my mission turned out," she said, "But we need to be smart about this. If we work together, we can find Project Domination, use it to conquer Earth, and then we can share in the glory that comes with the victory. So, what do you say? Partners?"

She held out her hand. Tak directed her glare at it for a moment, before reluctantly putting her own out and shaking it.

"Partners," she said begrudgingly, "But just so we're clear, I still don't like you, and if I think for a moment that you're more a liability for my mission than an asset, then I'll just have to deal with the Tallest being upset at me for eliminating you."

"Understood… and the feeling is definitely mutual," Tenn responded, breaking the handshake to pull the shard back out, "Now, let's put this back into containment and discuss a better plan, shall we?"

Tak nodded, and the two of them started walking out of the room, MIMI shadowing them out. As they walked, Tenn thought over what Senior had said, and had to admit he had been at least partly right. Now that she and Tak had hashed out a proper working relationship, things could only get better going forward. They were both going to get what they deserved, she just knew it.

This was going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 14**

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 **A/N: And done. Gotta say, this was a lot harder than I thought it'd be. But I hope everyone likes what came of my attempt to carve out Tenn's niche on Earth.**

 **And I especially hope my buddy SaintHeartwing liked my use of his OC — he requested that I make use his characters in my work, and I thought, why settle for just oneshots when he's got at least one that can fit in a mainstream story? Here's hoping you liked it, SH.**

 **Next time: Another mandatory skool trip leads to trouble for everyone.**

 **Until then, please review!**


	15. Beach Trip of Doom

**A/N: What's this, another update so soon? Well, think of this as my way of trying to make up for the long hiatus between the last two chapters.**

 **For this particular chapter, I'd like to extend thanks to The Cowardly Christian, who suggested the outline. That said, CC, I'm afraid that after much consideration, I had to cut quite a lot from what you sent me. While I loved the outline as a whole, there were things that were just too M-rated to fit in this story, so they had to go. I'm sorry, and I hope you still enjoy it anyway.**

 **Oh, and on another note, this story recently passed 8000 views. Whoo!**

 **Last time on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Tenn adjusted to life on Earth, including having to go to skool as Tak's younger sister. The two females butted heads quite a bit, culminating in Tak trying to enhance the power of their shard of the Meekrob crystal to attract the other pieces, which instead just created a massive storm that almost destroyed the city. After nearly killing herself to stop the storm, Tenn then fought Tak, forcing her to reluctantly accept Tenn as an equal.**

 **And now that the third faction of this war has stabilized, let's see what happens.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own any canon Invader Zim characters. They all belong to Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Oni Press.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 15: Beach Trip of Doom**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

It was yet another average day at Doomsville Middle Skool. Which was to say that, despite the huge freak storm that had inexplicably torn through the city only a few days before, the skool was totally untouched, so everyone was going about their routine as normal. For Miss Bitters' class, that meant listening to yet another rant about the meaningless nature of life.

"…And after the asteroid impact, the world underwent a long winter," the crone droned on, "Plant life withered away, and without it, the herbivorous dinosaurs died, and with their population gone, the carnivores soon followed. Thus proving that even the mightiest of species is doomed to eventual extinction, no matter what."

"But didn't some dinosaurs survive by evolving into birds?" Steve pointed out.

"That doesn't count," Miss Bitters snapped. But before she could continue with the lecture, the phone on her desk rang. Eye twitching behind her glasses, she growled like a rabid dog and picked up the receiver.

"Are you _trying_ to anger me at this point?" she demanded. The person on the other end responded with noises that were incoherent to anyone trying to eavesdrop on the conversation, but Miss Bitters seemed to understand it just fine, judging by how her permanent frown deepened.

"Fine, but you will all suffer for this later," she snarled, before slamming the receiver back into its cradle, shattering it into a million pieces. She then turned her attention back to the class.

"Students, it would appear that over the objections of myself and the other teachers, the Skool Board has decided take the excess money in this year's budget and, rather than use it to give us all a raise, is using it to fund another mandatory field trip," she said.

"Again?" Viera asked, eyebrow raised, "Why are all field trips at this skool mandatory?"

"Apparently the more students go, the bigger a tax write-off we can claim it as," Miss Bitters replied, before pulling out a stack of permission slips, "You all know the routine. Everyone takes a slip, and if you don't get it signed by a parent or guardian, you spend the trip in detention."

"Zim has better things to do than go to another plant house!" Zim protested, smacking his hand on his desk empathically.

"It's _not_ another trip to the botanical gardens, Zim," Miss Bitters said, glaring at him, "Instead, out of some misguided celebration of the sudden upswing in warm weather we've had ever since that freak storm, this will instead be a trip to the beach."

That sparked some positive murmurings from most of the class. However, all the Irkens were, understandably, clearly unsettled by this — after all, a beach meant water. _Lots_ of water.

"Zim cannot go to the beach!" the Invader screeched.

"Why not? Scared of a little water?" Dib asked his enemy with a smirk.

"O-of course not!" Zim snapped, glaring back at Dib, "I just, uh… have an allergy to sand!"

"That's not a thing," Dib said with a frown.

"Is too!"

"Yeah!" Skoodge added nervously, "I have it too! It, um, runs in the family!"

"You're both obviously lying," Miss Bitters said, "And you will both get your permission slips signed or I will personally send you to the Underground Classrooms. Any other poor excuses?"

A hand went up, and Miss Bitters sighed in annoyance.

"Yes, Tak?" she asked.

"Unlike those two, I have a legitimate medical condition, wherein I can't be out in the sun too much," Tak lied smoothly.

"Is that why you're so pale?" Sara asked, a little smugly, "Because you burn a little too easily? Oh, boo-hoo."

"You shouldn't make fun of people's medical problems," Tak said, turning to glare at Sara, a blue light sparking across her eyes as her hypnotic implant activated, "You should apologize… and jump out the window."

"Yes, Tak. I'm sorry," Sara said dully, eyes glazed over, before she got up and jumped through the nearest window, smashing right through the glass.

"Anyway," Tak said, as everyone else stared at where Sara had just defenestrated herself, "Since going to the beach would clearly overexpose me to sunlight and pose a health risk, I will-"

"Still be going on the trip," Miss Bitters cut her off, "As I said, it's mandatory. And your health problems don't matter, as the skool is not liable for any harm that comes to its students."

"That… doesn't sound right," Dib commented, arching an eyebrow.

"Be quiet, Dib, no one cares what you think!" Miss Bitters snarled, as the bell rang, ending the day, "Now all of you take a permission slip and get out of my sight!"

The class quickly obeyed, everyone rapidly filing past her desk to retrieve a slip before making their way out of the room. Once in the hallway and safely out of the demonic teacher's gaze, they all allowed themselves to properly react to the news. In the case of Zim, this naturally involved a lot of yelling.

"This is intolerable!" he screamed, nearly deafening everyone around him, "Zim refuses to be forced to go on another pointless journey, least of all to a filthy beach!"

"Would you shut up?" Tak asked as she walked past him, "I'm not happy about it either, but you don't hear me whining about it."

"Zim does not whine! You whine!" Zim countered lamely. Tak only rolled her eyes, before shoving him aside and making her way down the hall, letting Zim's screamed insults and protests fade into the distance. As she reached the main hallway and joined the main stream of students exiting the building, Tenn fell into step beside her.

"So, I see your class is going on this pointless exercise too?" Tenn noted, gesturing to the permission slip in Tak's hand and holding up one of her own.

"Yours too? Hmph, you know, despite that old crone claiming this is for monetary reasons, I can't help but wonder if the Skool Board just wants to get all of the students out of the building for the day," Tak said, scratching her chin in thought, before shrugging it off, "Well, regardless, it doesn't change anything, except that now both of us have to attend this waste of time."

"So, no chance of finding an excuse out of it?" Tenn asked, frowning, "Because I don't know about you, but I have no desire to go anywhere near what's essentially a giant pool of acid."

"Nor do I, but it's been made clear that no excuses will be accepted. And I have no intention of being sent to the Underground Classrooms over something as petty as this," Tak replied, "No, we'll just have to grin and bear it. Hmm, you know, this might be a good way to experiment with improved means of protection from water."

"Oh joy," Tenn said with an eye roll as the pair exited the skool and made their way back to their base.

 _Zim's Base, That Night_

"What's all this?" Norlock asked with an arched eyebrow as he stood in the living room, watching as Skoodge packed a couple of duffel bags full of beach supplies, while Zim sat slumped on the couch, head resting on a palm as he glared into the middle distance.

"The skool's making us all go on a field trip to the beach," Skoodge replied, as he struggled to fit a collapsable beach umbrella into a bag.

"And you guys are burned by water," Norlock nodded in understanding, "No wonder Zim's pouting."

"Zim does not pout!" Zim snapped, glaring at the vampire, "I am merely frustrated by being forced to waste my precious Invader time by going to a stupid human recreational location that I won't even be able to joy. It's a complete and total insult!"

"Yeah, that's not overreacting at all," Norlock muttered, shaking his head, before speaking up, "You know, complaining isn't going to get you anywhere, so you should at least try to make the most of it."

"Oh, Zim _is_ going to make the most of it," Zim smirked, "And the most I shall make will be bringing you along to destroy all the filthy humans who have gathered in one place!"

"…You want me to go with you. To the beach. In the middle of the day. Am I hearing that right?" Norlock asked, utterly deadpan.

"Yes! Now listen, once we arrive, you will-"

"Right, cutting you off right there," Norlock said, holding up a hand to make his point, "What part of 'I literally burst into flames when exposed to sunlight' have you forgotten, exactly?"

"Zim forgets nothing!" Zim shouted, jumping to his feet, "I have already taken steps to provide you with a _brilliant_ means of protection from this planet's pitiful sun."

"We bought you a ton of high-intensity sunblock," Skoodge added helpfully.

"You mean _that_ sunblock?" Norlock asked, pointing towards the giant tub of sunblock… which GIR was currently chugging from like a stereotypical hillbilly with a moonshine jug.

"GIR! Put that down!" Zim yelled, groaning in frustration as GIR belched and did so, revealing that he'd drained the entire thing.

"If it's any consolation," Norlock said as Zim facepalmed, "That wouldn't have worked anyway. A vampire's weakness to sunlight is a metaphysical thing. Sunblock would have had no effective way of protecting me. So, I'm afraid I won't be able to join you on your trip."

"Fine! Zim doesn't need you! I'll destroy that whole beach by myself!"

"That's the spirit!" Norlock said cheerfully, before walking away. Zim glared after his back, before settling down to decide what exactly he was going to do on this trip.

 _Doomsville Beach, Next Day_

It was a bright sunny day as the skool buses pulled up at the rest stop sitting atop a small hill leading down to the shore. Students streamed out of them into the nearby locker rooms to change into their swimwear, emerging singularly and in groups to head down to the beach proper.

Dib and Steve emerged from the boys' locker room, the former wearing blue swim trunks, the latter green, and both of them carrying large bags slung over their shoulders which contained all their supplies. They walked over towards the benches set up midway between the locker rooms, where Viera was waiting for them, wearing a black and red two-piece and carrying only a small toke bag. She arched an eyebrow as she watched the boys walk up.

"Remind me why you guys needed to bring all that stuff?" she asked, gesturing to their bags while she patted her own, "I've got all I need right here."

"Hey, I'm not taking any chances in case Zim or Tak or the others try anything," Dib replied.

"You really think they'd try anything when we're right next to the world's largest supply of the thing they're most vulnerable to?"

"Maybe, maybe not," Steve spoke up, "But you know the expression — better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it. If they _do_ try anything, we'll be prepared, but if they don't, well, it's not that much of an effort to carry this all around."

"Fair enough," Viera said with a shrug, "Just don't blame me if everyone thinks you're weirdos for dragging all that down here."

"Too late, everyone already thinks you're all freaks," Gaz said as she walked by, wearing a black one-piece with a white skull design on the chest and with a backpack slung over one shoulder. Ignoring the dirty look Viera shot her for her comment, she walked over to a nearby small table with a large umbrella in its center providing shade, she sat down, pulled her Game Slave out of her bag, and started playing.

"Uh, Gaz?" Dib asked, blinking in surprise, "Er, you know there's plenty of places to sit down on the actual beach, right?"

"I don't _do_ beaches," she replied testily, "The only reason I didn't force the skool to not make me come is because there's a new Bloaty's that just opened down the street from here. Now I just need to kill time until it opens up for the day."

"Then why even bother changing into a swimsuit?" Viera asked, with an unimpressed look.

"It's the beach. Sand gets _everywhere_ , even if you're not doing anything," Gaz grunted out, "This way, I can shower and change here without having to deal with being covered in the stuff all the way home. Now scram, all of you, you're ruining my concentration."

The trio took the hint and quickly took off towards the beach, Viera pausing to give Gaz another dirty look as she went. However, after a moment she shrugged it off, deciding to not let the brat ruin her good mood, and followed after her brother and friend.

Meanwhile, Zim and Skoodge emerged from the locker room. Zim was wearing red swim shorts and a matching red tank top, while Skoodge was wearing an old-fashioned full-bodied swimsuit colored with alternating red and white stripes. Neither it nor Zim's shirt were hiding their PAKs, which were forming noticeable lumps on their backs.

"So, why did we bother to change again?" Skoodge asked, "I mean, I don't think even all that paste we bathed in will be enough to protect us if we go swimming."

"Of course we're not swimming, you idiot!" Zim snapped, smacking Skoodge upside the head, "But we can't wander around the beach dressed normally, or the pig-smellies will get suspicious. Now, did you remember to bring all the supplies I told you to?"

Skoodge answered by saluting and dragging over a large duffel bag. Zim grabbed it, and began unzipping it as he kept monologuing.

"Once we find a suitable vantage point, we can set up the Doom Missiles and rain them down on-"

"Surf's up!" GIR shouted as he jumped out of the bag in full dog disguise, causing Zim to yelp in surprise and fall backwards, the SIR unit falling on top of him. Skoodge blinked, only able to stare in confusion at the sight.

"Wha- GIR! What are you doing here?! Human skoolchildren don't bring their dogs on field trips!" Zim screamed.

"D'aw, I missed you," GIR cooed, hugging Zim's neck and nuzzling him. Zim growled and tried to pry his robot away, but his grip was like a metal anaconda.

"Well, isn't that just _sweet_ ," a familiar mocking voice said. Zim looked up to see Tak and Tenn approaching, the former wearing a dark purple one-piece, the latter a pink two-piece. Tak was smirking nastily, while Tenn was giving GIR a wary look — but she wasn't running away screaming, so she could claim that as a minor victory, at least.

"Shut your noise tube!" Zim snapped at his rival, as he finally broke GIR's hold on him and tossed him aside, before scrambling to his feet, "You expect me to believe that your inferior robot never smothers you with filthy affection?"

"No, because despite the corruption she caught from _your_ idiotic bot, MIMI is still top of the line," Tak sniffed haughtily, "Just like all my tech is superior to yours. For example…"

She then turned around, revealing that her PAK was seemingly missing. As Zim and Skoodge stared in shock, Tak continued smugly.

"As you can see, I've managed to modify our holographic disguises in order to cloak our PAKs, thus not having to deal with covering them up the way you two are," she said, "Seriously, you both look like hunchbacks."

"Is pointing out yet again how inferior their disguises are really necessary?" Tenn asked, arms crossed in annoyance, "And what do you mean, _you_ modified our holograms? That was my idea!"

"Details," Tak said, waving a hand dismissively, "And yes, I did need to point it out. A failure like him should be constantly reminded of how inferior they are."

"Bah! We'll see who the inferior one is soon enough!" Zim said, pointing at Tak dramatically, "For soon, I will blow up this whole beach and everything on it, and then… uh, I dunno, flood the city? Haven't really thought that part through, but it will be incredible in its Zimness, and then-"

"Uh, actually, Zim?" Skoodge spoke up, "It looks like the Doom Missiles aren't here."

"WHAT?!" Zim screeched, tearing the duffle bag away from Skoodge. Opening it and peering inside, one of his eyes twitched as he saw that it was full solely of jars of jam, several of them open and partly empty.

"GIR! What did you do with the Doom Missiles!"

"Oh, I left the 'splodey-things back home to make room for the jellies!" GIR responded happily, as he grabbed one jar and started sloppily eating directly from it. Watching this, and Zim's frustration at it, Tak opened her mouth to giving another bitingly smug comment, only to be preempted.

"Would you idiots all take this somewhere else?" Gaz demanded, glancing up from her game to glare at all of them. Shadowed by the shade from her table's umbrella, her eyes seemed to glow with an unholy light, and the Irkens all suddenly felt the need to be anywhere else. Zim tossed the bag aside, grabbed Skoodge and GIR by their collars, and marched off towards the beach. Tak and Tenn, meanwhile, quickly walked off it the opposite direction. Gaz watched them all go until she was sure that they weren't gong to stupidly come back to try and get the last word, then turned back to her game.

She didn't know what any of them were going to do on the beach that day, and she frankly didn't care.

 _Down On The Beach, A Short While Later_

Team Save Earth had set themselves up on the beach just above the tideline, blankets spread out and sharing the shade of a single large umbrella. The bags of other supplies were off to the side, but for now, Viera had managed to convince the boys that they could all afford to actually relax a little. Thus, the three of them were in the surf, water lapping around their ankles as they played a three-way game of frisbee.

A more cynical part of Dib's mind was complaining about how he wasn't keeping an eye on Zim or Tak. A rational part was arguing back that this was a good team-building exercise, and that none of the Irkens would try anything with this much water around. And there was the rather large part of him that was just plain enjoying having an actual day of fun at the beach with his first real friends.

Perhaps not too surprisingly, the fun and rational sides jointly won out over the cynical side, and Dib found himself in the rare position of actually being perfectly happy for a change. Though his opinion of that fell somewhat when a particular throw of the frisbee caused it to go wide, smacking off of his head and flying off towards a nearby ridge line of rocks.

"Oops," Steve said sheepishly, "Sorry about that. My bad."

"It's fine, I got it," Dib said, rubbing the new bump on his head as he walked over to the rocks. Grabbing the frisbee from where it had landed, he turned to head back over to his friends when he heard a voice speaking loudly from the other side of the ridge.

"Beware, friends! For the end is coming, rising from the depths!"

Dib arched an eyebrow at that, and climbed atop the short ridge to take a look on the other side. And what he saw made him blink in surprise.

"Hey, guys?" he called out, "Come check this out."

The twins curiously wandered over to join Dib, and like him, ended up staring in confusion. Standing in the middle of the stretch of beach beyond the ridge, atop of a random boulder was a man wearing what appeared to be a shroud made of seaweed and driftwood. This bizarre outfit covered everything except his hands and feet, which were a sickly pale, almost purple color. Even his head was completely covered by a hood, with only the vague outline of a face visible within its shadows.

"The great snake waits beneath the waves, preparing to emerge and devour us all!" the man proclaimed, gesturing wildly with his arms, while the throng of beachgoers he was preaching to all tried very hard to ignore him.

"Uh, excuse me?" Viera asked a passing lifeguard, "Who is that?"

"Just some crazy beach hermit," the lifeguard responded with a shrug, "He's been hanging around here for months, but he's harmless so we tell everyone to just ignore him. Though the ranting about sea monsters is new."

"The mighty sea serpent slumbers now," the hermit said, pointing towards a small cliff jutting out into the ocean, "There, in the cove beyond that hill. But soon it will awake to consume all that lies upon this beach. Flee! Flee while you still can!"

"Aw, getta job, ya bum!" someone shouted, tossing soda can at the hermit's head.

"Did he say sea serpent?" Dib asked, while the others on the beach pelted the hermit with garbage and rocks.

"Do you have to sound so excited about that?" Viera asked flatly, causing Dib to cough awkwardly.

"You know this guy is probably just nuts, right?" Steve said skeptically.

"People think _we're_ nuts," Dib countered.

"Touche."

"So, to be clear, we're checking this out?" Viera sighed, "So much for a day at the beach."

With that, the three ran off back to where their supplies were. Meanwhile, the hermit was still being pelted by the crowd, finally collapsing off his boulder perch.

"You fools! You'll see soon enough! Doom comes for you all!" he exclaimed, before running off. As he disappeared among the beach's curving sand dunes, the crowd all went back to what they had been doing before… including Skoodge, who had witnessed the whole thing while buying ice cream cones from a snack stand. He watched the hermit run off, then shrugged and walked back down the beach to Zim and GIR.

"Gah! Filthy flying chickens!" Zim screamed as he waved a stick around to ward off a flock of seagulls that were all attempting to swarm at GIR, "Begone from here! GIR, this is your fault! Why did you fill your head with fish?!"

"I dunno, I just do," GIR said cheerfully from his spot sitting on the sand, head unzipped and open, live salmon flapping about in the empty cavity. As Zim finally shooed off the remaining birds, he looked up to see Skoodge walking up.

"Where have you been?!" he demanded, tossing aside the stick.

"You sent me to get snacks," Skoodge pointed out, handing Zim one of the ice cream cones. As Zim snatched one of them and started eating it, Skoodge continued, "I would have been back sooner, but there was some crazy human ranting about how the beach was going to be destroyed."

"Eh?" Zim asked, pausing in his snack to stare at Skoodge, "How did this human know of Zim's plans?!"

"Er, he didn't? He seemed to think some big sea snake was going to show up and eat everyone."

"What?! How dare some aquatic lizard try to upstage Zim? This is unacceptable! Where is it?!"

"Uh, I think he said it was over in that cove. But maybe you should think this over-GAH!" Skoodge's protests were cut off as Zim grabbed him by the collar and started dragging him off, casually tossing aside both their ice creams as he did so.

"Zim doesn't need to think about anything!" he shouted, "Except how I'm going to make this beast suffer for challenging me. GIR, come! …And leave the fish!"

"Aw, my fish," GIR pouted. However, he obeyed his master, tossing the fish aside to roast on the sand. He then paused momentarily to quickly gobble up the tossed aside ice cream, before following after Zim and Skoodge.

XXXXXXX

Team Save Earth walked around the base of the cliff and into the cove, each carrying a piece of equipment. Steve was carrying a net launcher and Viera had a remote-controlled underwater drone, while Dib was holding a large camera.

"And you couldn't just use your phone to take pictures because…?" Steve asked, as he and his sister set their stuff down on the sand.

"Analog photos are harder to fake than digital ones," Dib explained, "Trust me, I learned that the hard way on all the forums. This is something I don't trust higher tech for."

"Speaking of higher tech, _why_ did you guys even bring all this stuff in the first place?" Viera asked, nudging the drone with her foot, "What exactly did you think Zim was going to do?"

"Again, better safe than sorry," Steve said, "And, hey, it's paying off, isn't it?"

"Fair enough," Viera admitted. Flipping on the remote, the video screen on it came to life, depicting what the camera attached to the drone saw. After a few moments fiddling with the controls to make sure she understood how everything worked, she sent the drone forward into the water and soon had it under the waves.

"Okay," Dib said, as he and Steve looked over her shoulder at the screen, "This cove isn't that big, and it doesn't look that deep. So if there _is_ something here, it shouldn't be too hard to find it and drive it to the surface, so we can catch and document it."

For the next several minutes, the three watched the screen as the drone explored the sand-and-rock covered floor of the cove… and found nothing, except for sand and rocks. Oh, and fish, lots of fish. And not much else.

"See, this is what we get for listening to a crazy beach hermit," Viera said, disgruntled, "Can we go back to just enjoying ourselves now?"

"Wait, what's that?" Steve asked, pointing to something on the side of the screen.

"Seriously? Steve, I swear, if you're just messing with me…"

"No, I saw it too," Dib said, peering closer at the screen, "There, off to the right. There's something weird about that rock reef."

Viera turned the drone to face the line of the rocks, and realized the guys were right. There was definitely something off about the shape and contour of these particular rocks, but she couldn't place what it was.

And then one of the larger "rocks" rolled away to reveal a large, pale gold-colored reptilian eye. Then the "ridge" burst open to reveal a large, serpentine shape, which moved rapidly, giving the trio only enough time to see a glimpse of _very_ large teeth, before the screen suddenly went to static.

The three of them could only stare at the screen in silent shock for a moment, which was broken as the cove's waterline suddenly started foaming, before bursting in a geyser as a massive dark shape emerged from beneath. The water dispersed seconds later, revealing the sea serpent in all its glory — a green-black snake as tall as the skool and at least as long as two back-to-back city buses, though its length disappeared into the water, so it was hard to say for sure.

Plus, the mouthful of cabinet-sized teeth it was currently displaying as it roared down at them was rather distracting.

"…I think we're going to need a bigger net," Steve said meekly.

"Run!" Dib shouted. He and the twins dropped their equipment and immediately bolted back the way they came, barely managing to avoid being devoured as its head slammed into the space they'd just been inhabiting, inadvertently consuming everything they'd dropped. Rearing back and spitting out a mouthful of sand and smashed machinery, the sea serpent roared again and started slithering across the shoreline after them.

"Should we really be leading it back towards everyone else?" Viera panted as they reached the cliff's base.

"No choice, we need the heavier equipment we brought," Dib replied as they started to round the cliff.

"See, this is why we brought everything," Steve pointed out to his sister, "Always pre-huh?"

The trio skidded to a stop as they emerged on the other side of the cliff. Standing in front of them, Tenn was holding up a bucket filled with crabs, while Tak was holding some kind of scanner over them. The Irkens and humans stared at each other in awkward silence for a moment, before Dib broke it.

"You know what? I don't even care what this is," he said, gesturing to the crabs, "We have bigger problems than the two of you right now."

"That's mildly insulting," Tak said dryly, "What, did Zim come up with yet another moronic plan?"

"EEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHH!" the sea serpent roared as it rounded the cliff, smashing some of the rock face away as it did so, not even noticing it as it reared up over the group.

"Nope, we're just worried about that," Dib said hurriedly, as he and the twins dove out of the way of the serpent's swinging body.

"What the Irk is that?!" Tenn exclaimed.

"Who cares? Kill it!" Tak screamed as she tossed her scanner aside and deployed her PAK legs. Tenn did likewise, dropping the bucket and bringing out her PAK legs as well. As the serpent reared back and prepared to strike, the Irkens dove in separate directions, confusing it. And as it paused to try and determine which of them to follow, they both fired concentrated beams of plasma from the points of their PAK legs, which met at the base of the serpent's neck and burn-cut their way right through.

There was a moment of silence as the serpent stood there perfectly still, a look of almost comical surprise of its face, before its head slid clean off its body and slammed into the beach, its body spasming wildly.

"Well, that surprisingly easy," Viera commented from where she and the boys had taken cover behind a sand dune.

"And of course, absolutely nobody noticed any of this," Dib said with a disgruntled sigh, as he looked around and saw that this section of base had become deserted, "Where'd everybody go, anyway?"

"Well, it's about lunchtime," Viera commented, glancing at her watch, "Maybe they all went to that Bloaty's that Gaz mentioned before?"

"Yes, that's very interesting," Tak cut into the conversation, walking over to glare down at them, "Now, let's discuss the fact that you all now owe me your lives."

"Seriously?" Dib deadpanned.

"Since I just saved you by killing that thing-"

" _We_ killed it," Tenn said, testily.

"-I'd say that, yes, I am quite serious," Tak continued, ignoring Tenn and stroking her chin, "Hmm, yes, I think you all owe quite a bit here."

"Uh, guys?" Steve spoke, cutting off the brewing argument, "Is it supposed to be doing that?"

This question brought everyone's attention back to the sea serpent's decapitated body, which was still thrashing around. But it was clear these weren't death spasms, as the neck stump had become coated with a green goo, which was bubbling and frothing. And just as everyone had a chance to process that, the goo suddenly exploded outward, the organic geyser splitting in two after a few feet. These separate streams of the goo spread for a bit longer, before stopping and solidifying into large lumps, which quickly gained definition.

Within seconds, two new heads identical to the one that had been cut off had grown into place, and were glaring down at the assembled group.

"A hydra!" Dib exclaimed.

"A _sea_ hydra?" Viera asked, arching an eyebrow, "Is that even a thing?"

"Apparently," Steve said, "Might I suggest we go back to running now?"

Dib and Viera evidently agreed with his suggestion, as all three of them were soon bolting down the beach again. Tak and Tenn, however, found themselves each by snarled and snapped at by the hydra's heads, desperately trying to fend it off. And while all this was going on, up on top of the cliff separating the cove from the rest of the beach, Zim and Skoodge were perched, watching everything. They'd climbed up there as a long way around the cliff to the cove beyond, as going around the base would have taken them into the water, and this had given them a vantage point of the whole sequence of events.

"It's magnificent, isn't it Skoodge?" Zim said, grinning in joy as he watched his rivals being chased around and almost devoured by the hydra, "It's almost as fierce a beast as something I could have created. I mean, obviously not _as_ impressive, since I am Zim and therefore everything I make is superior, of course, but still, not bad."

"Yeah, it's definitely giving the girls a run for their monies," Skoodge said, watching the female Irkens scurry about to stay ahead of the hydra's mouths, "So, should we go and help them?"

"Zim will not help his enemies! Although, hmm…" Zim trailed off as he scratched at his chin in thought for a moment, before smirking, "You know what? Yes, we will go down there, but not to save those wannabes. Instead, we will capture that beast and take it back to base, so that I may learn how to master it and use it to destroy all the humans!"

"…How are we supposed to get it back to base?" Skoodge asked, looking down at the massive beast.

"Details! We'll figure it out later, but first we capture it," Zim ordered, as he began shuffling back down the cliff, passing by GIR, who was sitting on a ledge with a fishing pole extended down towards the surf. Zim paused just long enough to grab the insane robot, then kept climbing, "Come on, Skoodge, move it!"

"Yes, sir!" Skoodge saluted, swallowing his protests as he started following.

Meanwhile, Tenn was clamoring over the hydra's back, trying to find a vulnerable spot, but all the wounds she inflicted were doing little more than anger it.

"This isn't working!" she called out to Tak, who was attempting to keep the hydra's heads busy, "It's like it doesn't even _have_ organs! Either that or they're regenerating as fast as the heads do."

"You know, if this thing wasn't trying to kill us, I'd be incredibly impressed by thing thing's healing abilities," Tak said, as she nimbly dodged out of the way of both sets of snapping jaws, "In fact, you know what? I still am, actually. Once we actually manage to kill it, remind me to take some tissue samples for study."

"Right, I'll make a note of that," Tenn said dryly, dodging away as one of the hydra's heads turned around and snapped down at her, leaving it to bite itself. As it roared in pain, she dashed across the sand to stand beside Tak and continued, "But first we actually do have to kill it. Any ideas?"

"Well, obviously just blasting or slashing isn't going to work," Tak said, as the pair backpedaled to stay ahead of the hydra, "Hmm, perhaps a simpler solution is called for? Maybe if we can lure it into a confined space and drop something heavy on it, that will-"

 _ZAP_

Tak was cut off a large plasma blast suddenly burst threw the top half of one of the hydra's heads, cutting it clean in half. As that head went limp and the other one roared in pain, the females looked to where the blast had comes from, and saw Zim standing a little way down the beach, grinning triumphantly and PAK legs deployed with their tips still glowing and smoking from the attack, while GIR and Skoodge flanked him from behind.

"Quickly, Skoodge!" Zim ordered, "While the beast is distracted by pain, restrain it!"

"With what?" Skoodge asked, honestly puzzled.

"Uh…" Zim stuttered as he realized that he hadn't thought this through.

"You idiot! What did you do that for?!" Tenn demanded, "Now it's just going to grow more heads!"

"Nonsense! That's only if you cut its heads off," Zim said dismissively, "Shooting them doesn't count."

Naturally, Zim was immediately proven wrong. The bottom half of the destroyed head suddenly dissolved into that same green goo, which bubbled and frothed, before spawning two new heads. All three roared, before one turned back to glare at Zim's group while the other two loomed over Tak and Tenn.

"Insolent sea beast! How dare you contradict Zim?! Now people will think that Zim is wrong about stuff!"

"Right, because that's never happened before," Dib said from the side of the scene. The Irkens turned to see that Team Save Earth had returned, Dib and Steve armed with two of the latter's plasma guns, and Viera wielding her Eye of Fire.

"And you said I was over-prepared?" Steve asked his sister.

"Hey, at least mine fits in a small bag," she replied, hoisting her amulet, which started to glow.

"And what are you going to do, Dib-Stink?" Zim scoffed, "You think you can fight better than an Irken Invader?"

"Maybe, but I've actually studied hydras, and I know _how_ to fight them," Dib replied, "Namely, that you have to burn the heads' stumps to stop them from growing back. Like so."

Almost the second those words finished leaving Dib's mouth, he and Steve lifted their guns and fired. The twins streams of plasma hit one of the hydra's heads dead on, vaporizing it almost entirely. As the remainder dissolved into goo, Viera launched a bolt of fire, which hit the neck stump and ignited the goo, causing the whole thing to burst into flame and the hydra's other heads to roar in pain.

"And that's how you do it," Dib said with a smug smile. Which slid off his face seconds later as something strange happened — the flames flared up and changed to an unnatural green color, before seemingly being sucked into the flesh of the hydra's wound. Said wound was quickly recovered with the goo, which once more spat forth two new heads.

But these were different. For starters, each had a pair of curved horns, their golden reptilian eyes were now a solid shade of red, and flames licked out of their open mouths. The hydra's body shuddered, and its other two heads underwent a rapid metamorphosis, horns bursting out and eyes changing to match those of the new heads.

"What the…?" Viera summed up everyone's feelings on what they'd just witnessed.

"Ah! It's a _demon_ sea hydra!" Zim exclaimed.

"Oh, come on!" Dib shouted, throwing up his hands in disgust, "That's ridiculous even by our standards!"

"Now what do we do?" Steve asked.

Before anyone could propose anything, the hydra roared, and its heads lashed out. One shot towards Tak and Tenn, one towards Zim's group, and the other two towards Team Save Earth.

"Move!" Dib yelled. He and the twins dove out of the way, the Irkens doing likewise. They all barely dove out of the way in time, the heads eating nothing but sand. As the teams ran to get out of the hydra's way, it twisted to follow them, its heads comically smacking into each other and momentarily stunned it.

"Hee-hee, he's got too many heads," GIR giggled, "He can't decide where to go!"

"Shut up, GIR! That's not helpful!" Zim snapped.

"Wait, 'too many heads'?" Dib repeated, a thoughtful look on his face, before he suddenly lit up in realization, "That's it! Everyone! Blow off as many of its heads as you can!"

"What? Have you lost it?" Viera asked, looking at him in shock.

"Just, trust me, alright?" Dib said, "We need to give it more heads than it can handle."

The twins and most of the Irkens looked skeptical, but Tak's eyes widened as she apparently reached the same conclusion. She then charged her PAK legs' weapons and started firing, blasting one of the hydra's heads clean off.

"Seriously? You're doing what the human says?" Tenn asked.

"Just do it!" Tak said tersely. Tenn frowned, but shrugged and followed her partner's lead.

"Should we?" Skoodge asked Zim.

"Fool! Zim will never do something just because the Dib-Monkey says so!"

"Yeah, that's okay, Zim," Dib said with a condescending smirk, "You probably couldn't do it, anyway."

"What?! How dare you?!" Zim snarled, glaring at Dib, "Zim can destroy more snake heads than you, pig-smelly!"

With that, Zim started firing on the hydra, Skoodge following suit, while GIR's hood unzipped to reveal his eyes had gone red and weapons had emerged from his head, which soon launched at the hydra as well.

"Yep, knew that would work," Dib chuckled, before he started shooting at the hydra as well. Steve joined in, while Viera fired concentrated flame bolts to incinerate several heads.

For several minutes, this continued, until finally, the hydra had dozens of heads, looking like a living balloon stand. The heads roared, but it sounded wobbly, and the heads themselves looked drowsy and confused. As its attackers let up the assault, the hydra swayed drunkenly for a moment, before suddenly collapsing in a heap. Everyone could only stare in surprise at the fallen monster, the dilating of its many nostrils as it breathed being the only sign that it was still alive.

"Uh, what just happened?" Skoodge asked, scratching his head in confusion, while a back to "normal" GIR picked up a stick and started poking the hydra and giggling.

"Too many heads," Dib explained, "And not enough blood to get to all of them. After a certain point-"

"There was no way to get a proper amount of oxygen to all its brains so it lost consciousness," Steve finished, catching on and flashing his friend a thumb's up, "Nicely done."

"Yes, that was almost clever, for a human," Tak said, crossing her arms, "And I suppose you helping to subdue this prize for me cancels out me and Tenn saving you earlier, so…"

" _Your_ prize? Zim saw it first!" Zim said, glaring at her.

"No you didn't," Tenn said, standing by her partner's side.

"Well, I thought of catching it first, so there!" he countered.

"Yeah, you know we're not going to let any of you guys keep this thing, right?" Viera said, frowning.

"Try and stop us!" Tak challenged her. The three groups tensed up, prepared to fight it out, when suddenly, a new voice joined the fray.

"Behold! The great beast is felled, and now it may be cleansed from the shore!"

Everyone turned to face the source of the voice, and found the beach hermit standing nearby, a sack at his feet.

"This guy again?" Viera asked.

"Who's he?" Tenn asked, blinking in confusion.

"That's the crazy beach hermit we all heard about the serpent-hydra-thing from," Skoodge explained.

"Ah, you're only half-right, strange fat green child. But I'm not just _any_ beach hermit," the strange man said, before suddenly grabbing his seaweed shroud and tearing it away, revealing his true appearance. He was a hunchbacked man with sickly purple skin, golden eyes, and a tuff of grey hair, wearing the tattered remains of a police uniform. Everyone stared at him in confusion, except for Zim, who gasped in recognition and surprise.

"Squidman! You're alive?!"

"Squidman?" Dib asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yes, he was a human police officer who discovered the truth about me because of GIR," Zim explained, "So I swapped his brain with a squid so he couldn't tell anyone."

"Why didn't you just wipe his memory?" Skoodge asked.

"Eh?" Zim asked, blinking. As Tak and Tenn facepalmed, Zim shrugged and continued, "Anyway, then I dumped him in the ocean to get rid of him. But I saw you get eaten by a shark!"

"I was, but I survived," Squidman explained, "And thus was I reborn to my true purpose, as sacred defender of the ocean. And now that you have all laid low this foul beast, I can strike him down for good!"

He then reached into the sack, and pulled out a large spear, the head made of some kind of rock.

"Behold, the Seastone Spear! The only thing capable of killing a demon sea hydra!"

"…Deus Ex Machina, much?" Viera muttered, before adding, "And if you had that thing the whole time, why didn't you just use it? Why did we have to do all the fighting?"

There was an awkward silence as Squidman processed that question, before he shrugged.

"Yeah, I kinda dropped the ball on that one," he admitted, "But now I end it!"

He then hefted the spear over his head and, making a noise just a little too shrill to be a battle cry, charged forward towards the unconscious hydra. Before any of the Irkens could try to stop him, he stabbed the spear right into its side.

At first, nothing seemed to happen… but then the hydra's whole body started shuddering, and then started rapidly swelling up like an overinflated balloon.

"I know this has been said a lot, today," Steve commented as everyone stared at the swelling hydra, "But maybe we should consider running again?"

"Good idea," Dib replied, before everyone turned and ran for cover, except for Zim.

"Squidman! I created you, and thus you must obey me!" he shouted, "Stop this at once! Zim has claimed this beast, and I order you not to destroy it!"

"Too late!" Squidman said cheerfully. Seconds later, the hydra's body apparently hit its breaking point, as it suddenly exploded in a flash of green light and a virtual flood of green goo and scaled flesh. One of the larger pieces slammed into Zim, and carried him up into the air, vanishing with a scream over the horizon.

As the rest of the hydra's remains finished raining down on the surrounding section of beach, the others came out from where they'd sheltered, and looked around. Skoodge was the first to break the silence, chuckling nervously.

"Well, uh, I'm just going to go now, bye!" he said quickly, before grabbing GIR, who was trying to lick up some of the hydra goo, and ran off. Tak and Tenn shared disgusted looks and silently left as well, heading in a different direction.

"Well, I guess that's done, then," Dib commented, watching them go.

"Anyone else feel like this was a waste of time?" Steve asked, "I mean, I know we got to fight a monster, and all, but I still feel like this all could have been avoided and we wouldn't have missed anything."

"Yeah, pretty much," Viera said, "But it's done now, and we have some time left. I say we try and enjoy what's left of the trip."

"Yes, go and enjoy yourselves, brave warriors!" Squidman preached from atop a nearby rock, "For now the beach has been purified, and can be enjoyed in all its pure beach… pureness? Wait, that's not right. What was I going to say? Darn it, I had a whole speech planned out!"

As Squidman struggled to remember what he was going to say, Team Save Earth all rolled their eyes and started walking down the beach.

"So, where do you think Zim ended up landing?" Steve asked, peering at the direction Zim had disappeared in.

"With any luck? No place good for him," Dib said with a light laugh, as he and his friends went on to indeed enjoy the remainder of their day on the beach.

 _Bloaty's Seaside Pizza Parlor, Same Time_

Gaz sighed in satisfaction as she sat in her booth, tray full of pizza in front of her. She'd underestimated how long the line would be once the restaurant opened, and since Bloaty's Rules of Customer Conduct were among the few laws she didn't see herself as above, she couldn't just force herself to the front of the line. But now, the wait was over, and she had her pizza.

Taking a deep breath to absorb the delicious aroma, she sighed again, before pulling a slice free. She raised it towards her mouth, ready to take the first bite…

 _CRASH!_

When something suddenly smashed through the roof of the restaurant, crashing right into her table. The pizza on her plate was immediately crushed into a useless paste as the table collapsed, while the slice in her hands was sent flying to splatter against a wall.

Gaz froze, eye twitching in shock as she attempted to process what had just happened. Then her face twisted into a demonic snarl, and she glared down at what had just cost her her lunch.

"Gah, what hit me?" Zim groaned as he sat up. Then he realized who was looming over him.

"You. Will. _**Pay.**_ " Gaz growled, causing Zim's eyes to widen in primal fear.

His screams could be heard across the beach for the rest of the day.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 15**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: And done.**

 **I'll be honest, only the last portion of this chapter flowed easily. The rest was tough to get together. Which is a shame, because I had hoped to get it done soon enough to be able to write up a Halloween-based chapter for Halloween. I mean, next chapter is still going to be Halloween-based, but it probably won't be out until into November, now.**

 **Still, back to this chapter. Squidman wasn't in CC's outline, but it just occurred to me that, hey, it's the beach, what IZ character is likely to be there. So I rewrote things to fit him in there. Again, CC, sorry about the big changes to your outline, but I hope you liked it anyway. And I hope everyone else did as well.**

 **Next time: As Halloween falls on Doomsville, Norlock unleashes Hell on the city.**

 **Until then, please review!**


	16. Halloween Horror Spectacular

**A/N: And here we go, the Halloween chapter. Again, I apologize for it being so late past the actual date, but writer's block once again reared its ugly head. And even if it hadn't, the only way to I would have gotten this all out on that schedule would have been to cut last chapter, which I really didn't want to do. And yes, it would have had to be cut, since not only am I trying to maintain an (admittedly loose) timeline, but for other reasons which will become apparent in time.**

 **But, enough about that, let's move on. This is a chapter I have been looking forward to for a long time, and I hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it. Carry on!**

 **Last time on The New Adventures of Invader Zim: The skool mandated a field trip to the beach. Tipped off by a crazed beach hermit, the three teams separately came across a demonic sea hydra inhabiting the shoreline and reluctantly allied to defeat it. And after the hydra was finished off by the hermit — in fact Zim's old experiment victim Squidman — they all went their separate ways, deciding the whole thing had been a waste of time.**

 **But time passes, and now a new threat is on the horizon…**

 **Disclaimer: I only own the OCs and plot. All canon Invader Zim characters are the intellectual property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Oni Press.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The New Adventures of Invader Zim**

 **Season 1**

 **Episode 16: Halloween Horror Spectacular**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

A crisp Autumn breeze blew through Doomsville, plucking dead leaves from trees and carrying them through the air. Many of these found their way to Doomsville Middle Skool, the exterior of which looked, for the most part, the same as it always did, minus the banner that read "Happy Halloween" stretched across the wall above the front doors.

The interior of the building was more heavily decorated. Orange and black banners and streamers were tacked to the walls and hanging from the ceiling up and down the hallways, and Jack-O-Lanterns in front of every classroom door, along with the standards of fake spiders, bats, snakes, ghosts, and cobwebs. Though the latter might have just been the result of Nny not bothering to clean the halls' corners.

In Miss Bitters' classroom, the holiday mood was in full swing. The same decorations spread out among the halls were fully stacked on the desks and window ledges, and there was a feeling of dread hanging over everyone's head… but that was just because Miss Bitters was glowering at them all, so that was normal.

And in any case, despite the gloom that the withered corpse of a teacher was emanating, the class was still in an excellent mood. Most of the students were running around, happily chatting about what costumes they all had planned for that night's trick-or-treating.

"I'm going as a werewolf!" said Torque.

"I'm gonna be a mummy!" said Gretchen.

"I'm going to be a zombie!" said Jessica, before turning to look at Tak, "What are you going as?"

"Nothing," she replied dryly, "If I want candy, I just buy it like a normal person, I don't put on a ridiculous costume and beg for it from strangers."

"Wow, you're boring, you know that?" Jessica said, "And weird, too. What kind of freak doesn't like Halloween?"

"Well, that was rude," Tak said with a frown, hypnosis implant sparking, "Kick yourself in the face."

Jessica's eyes glazed over, before she stood up and performed a truly impressive acrobatic display, jumping up and bending her leg back to land a kick square in between her eyes. As she fell to a crumpled heap on the floor, the rest of the class stared for a moment, before going back to their various conversations.

"I'm going as a clown!" Melvin said, before turning to Skoodge and Zim, "What about you guys?"

Skoodge, who looked confused about this whole exchange, opened his mouth to say something, but was preempted by Zim.

"What we are doing for this filthy terror-festival is none of your business, leave us alone, we are normal, go away!" he said rapidly, making it hard to discern what exactly he was saying.

"Actually, _all_ of you go away," Miss Bitters spoke up as the bell rang, "And if you're going to gorge yourselves on candy tonight, at least do me the courtesy of making yourselves so sick you can't come in tomorrow. I could use the break from looking at you all."

As everyone started getting up to leave the room, Zim surprisingly shot to his feet and all but ran out, not even bothering to grab Skoodge as he did so. The heavier Irken blinked in confusion, before shrugging and following after at a quick pace.

"Is it just me, or is Zim acting weirder than usual?" Viera asked, as she and Steve joined Dib in walking out of the room.

"It's not you," Dib chuckled, "I think Zim's just a little on edge around Halloween ever since last year, when we got sucked into that nightmare dimension inside my head."

"The what in your where now?" Steve asked, he and his twin giving Dib matching stares of confusion.

"Long story. Don't really really feel like talking about it," he replied, shuddering slightly as he remembered the twisted mockery of reality he'd been forced to endure. Shaking it off, he continued, "Point is, I kinda doubt he's going to try anything if he's too busy hiding out in his base all night. And Tak doesn't seem to interested in doing anything either way. So we might actually have the night free to enjoy ourselves."

The twins both perked up at that. The three of them had discussed plans to go trick-or-treating, and maybe check out some of the city's other festivities, but had put them on the back burner pending seeing if any of the Irkens were plotting anything. Now, it seemed their night was open.

"Sweet," Steve said, "So, we'll meet you at your place around seven, right?"

"Right," Dib confirmed with a nod, "That should give us plenty of time to hit all the decent neighborhoods before they run out of candy, then we can see what's happening with those street fairs."

With that settled, the trio left the skool, prepared to have a fun night.

If only they knew what was coming…

 _Zim's Base, Hours Later_

As night fell, Norlock emerged from his coffin. Stretching the kinks out of his ancient limbs, the vampire walked out into the hallway, whistling a jaunty tune and with a slight spring in his step.

"You're in a good mood," the Computer noted.

"Ah, and why shouldn't I be, my digital friend?" Norlock replied, "All Hallow's Eve is upon us! The night when the line between the natural and supernatural worlds is at its thinest, where I can openly walk the streets amongst my prey. I mean, with the generally oblivious nature of this city I can do that anyway, but that's a recent development."

"Yeah, well, don't get your hopes up for enjoying yourself too much this year," the Computer commented, "The master gets a little… off, regarding this holiday."

"How so?" Norlock asked, arching an eyebrow as he stepped into the elevator.

"See for yourself," was all the Computer said in response.

Curious but deciding not to push it, Norlock rode the elevator in silence for the several minutes it took to reach the surface level. And when he emerged into the living room, his curiosity piqued. Thick metal bars had been welded over all the windows, while heavy planks had been boarded over the door. Said door also had a pile of what appeared to be every piece of furniture in the house had been stacked in front of it, along with the Robo-Parents, who had been chained to the pile. And on top of all that, a makeshift fort of sandbags had been created in the middle of the room, within which Zim, Skoodge, and GIR were huddled down.

Well, Zim was, complete with military helmet on his head and plasma rifle in his hands as he glared at the barricaded door. Skoodge and GIR were busy helping themselves to a bowl of candy that a floating Minimoose was carrying on his back, apparently not caring about Zim's obviously panicked state.

"Okay," Norlock said after a moment of silently contemplating the view, "I'll admit it. I have _no_ idea what any of this is about."

"Norlock! Excellent!" Zim said frantically as he turned around to face him, "You can aid in the defenses!"

"Against what?"

"The Halloweenies!" Zim exclaimed, "They're going to come, just like last time! They think Zim has forgotten, but Zim forgets nothing! I know they'll come, but I'm ready. They'll get none of my blood-candies!"

"Blood-candies? Zim, I've tasted your blood. Trust me, no one's going to try and take any of it," Norlock said dryly, before turning to the others, "What's up with him?"

"Apparently last Halloween, he and Dib got sucked into some kind of nightmare dimension full of monsters," Skoodge explained, "I think he's a little nervous something like that might happen again."

"Zim doesn't get nervous!" Zim said defensively, "This is a tactical fortification. Nothing shall threaten me in own base, not today!"

"I really think you're overreacting a bit," Norlock said, "That sounds like it was a totally freak accident, unlikely to repeat itself. As for monsters that actually live in this dimension? These days, even on Halloween, they tend to avoid major cities. I think that most of them are too set in their ways to willingly enter a large settlement, even if there's no longer any druids or shamans or the like around to drive them off. Not at all like in olden times, when a strong enough monster could bypass the protective wards under the moonlight of Samhain and slaughter an entire village. Oh, how I miss the good old days."

"Bah, you and your good old days," Zim spat, "All you do is talk about your past conquests, yet contribute nothing to Zim's plans!"

"He helped rescue Tenn, didn't he?" Skoodge pointed out.

"And smashed the Meekrob crystal into useless pieces in the process!"

"Again, that was a freak accident," Norlock said with a frown, "And remember when I psychologically tormented Dib?"

"Which you stopped doing after the Dib-Monkey and Tak kicked your _c'horta!_ " Zim snapped, glaring up at the vampire, "In fact, you know what I just realized? You haven't actually been useful in months! All you do is sit around, commenting on everything that everyone else does, but you do nothing to contribute in any meaningful way! Zim is starting to think you're useless!"

The room seemed to go suddenly still and silent at that, as Norlock's frown deepened into a glare of his own. He snarled for a moment, before taking an unnecessary breath to calm himself. He then glared down at Zim for a moment, before reaching into a pocket and pulling out a pad and pen. He scribbled something down on the pad, then ripped the sheet off and held it out to the Invader.

"Eh? What's this?" Zim asked, taking the offered paper.

"Meet me at that location in an hour," Norlock replied tersely, before marching over to the barricaded door, the Robo-Parents turning their oblivious gazes on him.

"This is a great family-building exercise!" Robo-Mom said, "Didn't our son build a great family pile?"

"He sure did dear, no one makes family piles like our boy," Robo-Dad replied.

Norlock grabbed the robots by the necks and effortlessly threw them aside, the stack of furniture they were chained to flying out of the room with them. He then yanked the door open, easily snapping the boards nailing it shut loose from the wall in the process. He then turned and whistled sharply, causing Phil to emerge from another room and join him in the doorway.

"Where are you going?" Zim demanded.

"Setting the stage to prove just how far I am from useless," the vampire stated, "You want 'Halloweenies'? I'll show you Halloweenies. Unless you're too afraid to leave the house?"

"Zim fears nothing! I accept your challenge, and will see you in an hour at this place!" Zim shouted, waving the written instructions around.

"Glad to hear it," Norlock said with a smirk, before turning and marching out of the house, Phil following after him.

"You don't think that you overdid it a bit there?" Skoodge asked, as he watched Norlock and Phil disappear into the horizon, "I mean, he does help out a lot around here."

"I stand by what I said," Zim sniffed haughtily back at him, "If one is going to serve Zim, they need to be effective at it. It's bad enough I have to deal with this!"

Zim punctuated his statement by gesturing at GIR, who had tuned out the entire exchange to gorge himself on all the candy, and was now wearing the empty bowl as a hat.

"I've tried making GIR function better, and he tried to kill me, so I have no choice but to leave him as an insane pest," Zim continued, "And at least you and Minimoose are moderately competent minions. But Norlock has contributed practically nothing! He might as well still be back at that filthy castle of his. No, Skoodge, I did not overreact. In fact, honestly? If whatever he has planned tonight isn't impressive enough, I might just kick him out!"

"I really don't think you-"

"Zim doesn't care what you think! I have spoken!" Zim snapped, "Now, clean up this mess while I check out where this meeting place is supposed to be. Then grab your disguise and get ready to leave."

"Why bother with disguises?" the Computer asked, "I mean, you could literally just walk outside as yourself, and everyone will just think you're in costume."

"Eh, really?" Zim blinked in surprise at that, "Well, I suppose that's an upside, at least. Those contacts are _so_ scratchy, and the wig so itchy, it'll be nice to be able to go out among the worm-babies without needing them just once. But anyway, like I said, clean this all up and get ready to leave."

With that, Zim descended down into the lab, leaving his minions to clean up the barricades he'd ordered them to build in the first place.

 _Outside The Membrane Household, Same Time_

The twins were walking up the sidewalk towards Dib's house, both of them in costume and carrying bags. Viera was dressed as an elf, wearing fake pointy ears, a green shirt, brown fake-leather pants and matching vest, and hiking boots, with her hair out of her normal side ponytails and tied into a single one down the back of her neck. Steve, on the other hand, was dressed as a cyborg soldier, wearing fatigues and combat boots, with fake body armor spray-painted silver covering his chest, silver felt gloves, and goggles with red-tinted lenses. He also had one of his blaster guns in a holster strapped to one hip.

"You don't think packing a real weapon might be a tad too much?" Viera asked, giving her brother a side eye as they approached the door.

"I'm not planning on using it, it just completes the look. Besides, look who's talking," he replied, gesturing to where the Eye of Fire dangled around her neck.

"Fair enough," she said with a shrug, acquiescing the point as they reached the door. Before they could knock, however, it opened and Gaz walked out, dressed as the Vampire Piggy Hunter. She paused momentarily to glare at them, before huffing and stomping past them, shoving them aside.

"If you idiots are looking for Dib, he's upstairs changing into his stupid costume," she threw over her shoulder as she walked off.

"Hey, if you really wanted a scary costume, you can just go as yourself," Viera called after her, causing the younger Goth to flip her off without bothering to turn around.

"You know, one of these days, you two are going to have to try and get along, or one day things are going to get ugly," Steve commented.

"This _is_ us getting along. Trust me, if we were getting ugly, you'd know it," Viera said as they walked into the house, before calling out, "Hey, Dib! We're here!"

"I'll be right down!" he called back from up the stairs. The twins waited patiently for a few more minutes before their friend descended. And when he did, they took one look at him and burst out laughing.

The reason for this was his choice of costume. He was wearing black boots and gloves, a red striped shirt, green face paint, fake antennae, and a backpack designed to look like a PAK. In short, he was dressed up like Zim.

"S-Seriously?" Steve managed to ask through his laughs. In response, Dib grinned a little smugly.

"I figured, on the off chance that Zim actually bothers to come out of hiding in his house tonight, this would really freak him out… or just annoy him. Either way really works for me," he said, "Now come on, let's get going."

With that, the three of them exited the house and started walking down the street, intent on having a fun-filled night. And completely unaware of the events that had been set in motion that were going to make this night as far from "fun" as humanely possible.

 _Mystic Hill, An Hour Later_

Zim led his minions up the pathway that led from the country road towards the crest of Mystic Hill. He looked around, trying to hide his nervousness; despite his earlier bravado, it just felt _weird_ to be walking around in the open without a disguise on. But the few humans they'd passed on the way here had barely glanced at them, and the few who had had complimented them on their "costumes".

Now, they approached the top of the hill, and were greeted with an interesting sight. Norlock was within a large circle of large, unlit blood-red candles, Phil at his side, as he stood in front of an altar that sat at the exact center of the circle. The altar was a large plinth of pitch-black rock, topped by an ivory statue of several skulls — not all of them human — stacked on top of each other, flanked by two more candles. And for some reason, Norlock was wearing long red robes trimmed with gold, with a ridiculously-large golden collar that rose up over his head.

"Well, here we are!" Zim announced the group as they approached, "Now, tell Zim _why_ we are here, what all this is, and why you're wearing a dress!"

Norlock had begun to open his mouth to respond, but it slammed shut at that last question as he glared at Zim.

"It's not a dress, it's a sorcerer's ceremonial gown!" he snapped.

"Isn't a gown a dress?" Skoodge asked, scratching his head.

"No!" Norlock snarled, before pinching the space between his eyes and sighing deeply, "Look, just get in the circle. And for your own sakes, stay in it until I say otherwise."

Zim grumbled, but did as he was bid, followed by the others.

"Good," Norlock said, "Now, if someone would be so kind as to light the candles for me?"

"Squeak!" Minimoose responded, antlers sparking with electricity and zapping all the candles in the circle and on the altar.

"Thank you," the vampire said, turning to the altar. Reaching into a fold of the robe and pulling out a ceremonial dagger, he slashed the palm of his free hand with it. He then clenched it into a fist, squeezing drops of his ichor blood onto the foreheads of each of the statue skulls in turn. This done, he put the dagger away, then raised his arms out wide, palms angled up towards the sky.

"Ack'sm wpok l'heo," he began chanting. Neither of the Irkens could understand the words, but they resonated with a power that made their skin crawl, "Giowo klwq fopw, ia ia f'gtan. Diowij meleck!"

As Norlock chanted, the effects of the magic he was conjuring became immediately apparent. Red lights began glowing in the empty eye sockets of each of the skulls, and the candle flames all flared up to a greater intensity, turning icy-blue in color. A wind picked up from nowhere, yet didn't disturb any of the flames, while clouds gathered in the previously clear night sky.

"Osiris, Hades, Hel," Norlock called out, switching back to English and not breaking his pose, "Xolotl, Nergal, Baron Samedi, Jiang Ziwen, Chernobog, Yama, Izanami, and Great Satan himself. I call upon all of thee, and thine fellow lords of the dead. On this night of Samhain, when the world is both alive and dead at once, I bid thee, turn away from thine sacred duties. Unlock the chains of those thou keep imprisoned, and open wide thine gates to them, so they may walk this plane once more."

By this point, the clouds had grown thick and roiling with lightning, thunder thumping almost rhythmically through the air. The moon and stars had all been totally blocked out, leaving the only light being that coming from the candles. And silhouetted by those oddly-colored flames with his back to his audience, Norlock's form seemed to warp and twist into an utterly inhuman form as he continued his obscene prayer.

"I summon up all the children of darkness, chaos, and evil. All ye unclean dead, ye devils and demons, ye forgotten beasts of myth and lore, ye nameless eldritch things of the void. Heed my call and rise up! Shake the dirt from thine bones, let thine hearts beat once more. As in days of yore, stalk these lands, and feast upon the mortals of this place. Gorge thineselves on their blood and flesh. Rise up, and consume all in thine path! Rise! _Rise!_ _**Rise!**_ "

On that final word, Norlock brought his hands down and slammed them onto the altar, into the spaces between the statue and the candles. As the sound of that impact echoed out, a massive bolt of lightning shot down from the sky above, impacting into the ground a few yards away from where the group stood within the circle of candles, it and the accompanying crack of thunder nearly blinding and deafening the onlookers.

For several minutes, as sight and sound slowly returned, nothing happened. The spot struck by the lightning smoked, the candles continued to burn blue, and the clouds overhead broke, restoring the nighttime light, but nothing else occurred.

Zim, who realized with a start that at some point he'd shoved Skoodge and the robots in front of himself as a living shield, scowled as he regained his composure. Shoving them aside, he marched up to Norlock and opened his mouth to demand an explanation of what that whole thing was about-

 _BOOM_

-When the spot struck by the lightning exploded. The ground burst open, cracks spreading across the ground, until the whole hill had split apart into a giant crevasse, the bottom of which was a swirling vortex of crimson light. The vortex convulsed, and began firing what appeared to be miniature comets upwards and out, like a volcano of energy. They rained down on the hillside, and everywhere they impacted, there was a miniature explosion.

And as the smoke cleared, they revealed a virtual parade of monsters. Zombies, cyclopses, giant spiders, ghouls, goblins, shoggoths, nagas, wolf men, tengu, banshees, ifrits… on and on the list went, monsters and demons of every shape and size emerged and assembled before the group within the candle circle. Before long, there was a virtual army gathered atop the hill, and the vortex was still spitting more out every minute.

"…I think I need to change my pants," Skoodge said faintly.

"It's alright, being inside the circle when I performed the ceremony means we're recognized as their masters. They won't hurt us," Norlock reassured him, "But I can understand the reaction. What else could you expect from encountering such a grand gathering of the most fearful beings in all the realms?"

"Hee-hee, his head's bigger than Big Head Boy's," GIR said cheerfully, pointing to a… _thing_ which was little more than a giant head with vestigial limbs growing out of it. Norlock arched an eyebrow as he took that in.

"Right, okay, so some of them are just random bits and pieces of negative cosmic energy that have been haphazardly pieced together, but I still stand by what I just said," he said. Zim, meanwhile, was looking on in wide-eyed shock at all the monsters, before his mouth twitched, and he was soon breaking out in maniacal laughter.

"My own monster army! I've always wanted my own monster army!" he said ecstatically, rubbing his hands together gleefully, "Yes, with this I can conquer this whole filthy planet!"

"Actually, this whole thing will only last until sunrise," Norlock interjected, "When Samhain ends, the veil between worlds goes back up, and all these bad boys go back to where they came from."

Zim frowned at that, but shrugged it off.

"Well, nonetheless, at the very least I can destroy this horrible city, and rub the Dib-Stink's ugly face in it," he said, before deploying his PAK legs so he could tower above the monsters, "Go forth, my Halloweenie minions! Go and destroy all the humans!"

The monsters roared and howled, before turning and beginning to march down the hill, instinctively being drawn towards the lights of the nearby city. Watching this, Norlock smirked, before snapping his fingers, causing his ceremonial gown to dissolve into smoke, which dissipated to reveal his normal outfit beneath it.

"Well now, I believe someone is owed an apology," he said, glancing smugly at Zim.

"Yes, yes, Zim accepts your apology," Zim said halfheartedly, waving him off. Norlock blinked.

"You accept- what do _I_ have to apologize for? You called me useless!"

"Because you were," Zim said, as if it should have been obvious, "But now you've proven that you're somewhat more useful than I thought you were, and have therefore made up for being so useless before."

Norlock's eye twitched in annoyance for a minute, before he shook it off.

"That's going to be the best I can expect, isn't it?" he muttered, "Well, fine, never mind then. Let's just get going — I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't want to miss any of this."

"Uh, is it safe?" Skoodge said, nervously peering past the candles at the large number of vicious monsters still surrounding them.

"Don't worry. Like I said, being within the candles at the moment of summoning marked us their masters," Norlock said, "Even the monsters that come through the portal after we leave will recognize that and obey us. Nothing to worry about."

With that settled, he led the way, leaving the circle with Phil trotting along after him. Zim huffed and followed, GIR and Minimoose right behind him and Skoodge reluctantly following. Before long, the whole group had left Mystic Hill along with most of the monster horde.

Even as they left, more fireballs continued to be spat out of the vortex, spawning more monsters. A particularly large smashed into the base of the hill, and dispersed to reveal a large figure. It was a tall, fat man with green-grey skin, long black hair, red eyes, fangs, and clawed hands, wearing a tattered black coat.

"I AM MORTOS!" Mortos der Soulstealer dramatically declared… before blinking and looking around awkwardly at his surroundings, "Uh, hello? How did Mortos get here? Mortos only supposed to be on this plane every thousand years; I don't think it's been that long. Anybody?"

Mortos looked around at the crowd of monsters emerging from the portal and making their way down towards the city, but none of them answered him. Realizing that he wouldn't be receiving an answer anytime soon, Mortos shrugged and decided to go with the flow, following the other monsters.

 _Downtown Doomsville, Some Time Later_

A semi-formal Halloween street party had been set up along the street, food stands and game booths open to the throngs of people in costume milling about. Team Save Earth were walking down the street, helping themselves to some of the candy they'd gotten so far this night.

"Ergh," Steve said in disgust, spitting out the mouthful he'd just taken of his Poop Candy Bar, "Why are these things so successful? They taste like sawdust!"

"I'm more concerned about some of the stuff in these booths," Viera said, holding up a candy apple that looked rather sickly beneath its coating. Mouth twitching in disgust, she tossed it into a nearby trashcan.

"Yeah, never trust street fair food," Dib said, chewing on some gummy worms he'd gotten earlier, "I think a lot of them get their supplies from wherever the skool cafeteria does."

"That makes me sick just thinking about it," Steve commented. He then paused, cocking his head to the side.

"You alright?" his sister asked.

"Do you guys hear that?" he asked back. Dib and Viera also turned their heads to listen, and both were able to make out the sounds of screaming, explosions, and sirens.

"…That's just people really getting in the spirit of the holiday, right?" Viera asked with a forced smile.

"Probably not, with our luck," Dib sighed, "Come on, let's check it out."

The twins reluctantly followed after Dib as he ran down the street towards the sounds. Their charge was cut short, however, as they rounded a corner and slammed into something large and firm, knocking them all to the ground.

"Sorry, we weren't watching where we- what the…?" Dib's automatic apology trailed off into shock as he realized just who he'd bumped into. Namely, Mortos der Soulstealer, who was standing on line for a cotton candy stand.

"Mortos?" Dib asked, stunned.

"I am Mortos!" Mortos yelled, turning around. Blinking, he looked down at Dib with one eye squinted shut and hummed in thought as he looked him over closely. Finally, his eye lit up in recognition and he exclaimed, "Oh, it's you! Mortos remembers you, big-headed boy!"

"My head's not big!" Dib shouted, "And what are you even doing here? _How_ are you here?"

"I'm sorry, who is this?" Steve asked, eyebrow raised as the group got to their feet.

"I am Mortos! Mortos der Soulstealer!" the demon answered. He seemed about to exposit his origins and nature, when Viera beat him to it with a gasp.

"Mortos der Soulstealer? I've read about you!" she exclaimed, "You rise up from the underworld to walk the Earth once every thousand years and then grant a wish to a single mortal before returning to where you came from."

"Yes he does," Dib said, "But that's the point — the last time he rose up was last year. I know, because I met him then. I was going to use that wish to have him steal Zim's soul, but all he did was mooch off of me."

"You call Mortos mooch?" Mortos demanded angrily, glaring down at Dib.

"Yeah, I do, because you are!" Dib said, old frustrations bubbling to the surface, "All you did last time was get me to pay for drinks and leather pants and amusement park rides for you, then granted some random other guy's wish for ice cream and went back to the underworld, leaving me with nothing but getting arrested for all those puppies you bothered in the pet store!"

"Is bothering puppies even a crime?" Steve asked, sounding honestly confused, "That doesn't sound like it's really a thing."

"Apparently it is in this city. Man, am I glad my dad has such good lawyers," Dib grumbled, before focusing back on the matter at hand, "But that's besides the point. Seriously, Mortos, how can you be here sooner than another thousand years?"

"Mortos don't know," Mortos shrugged, "Mortos got sucked through a portal here into Overworld. And then I just followed the others to this city."

"What others?" Viera asked, suddenly nervous. In response, Mortos pointed down the street. Dib and the twins followed his finger… and saw dozens, if not more, of monsters running around, smashing into and out of every building, many of which were burning, and attacking anyone who happened to get in their way.

"…Well, shit," Steve said in the stunned silence that followed.

"Why isn't anyone reacting to this?!" Dib exclaimed frantically.

"Great costumes!" A random bystander shouted cheerfully, from where they and a group of others were admiring the rampage, filming it with their phones.

"Of course," Dib sighed, facepalming.

"Okay, you're the magic expert, what's causing this?" Steve asked, turning to his sister. In response, she shook off her shock at the monstrous rampage and scrunched her face up in thought.

"Mortos said they all came through a portal," she said, "Which means someone must have opened it. If we can find them and figure out how they did it, maybe we can shut it down and get rid of all of them. Meanwhile-"

There was a sudden roar that cut her off, and a large creature that looked like a giant Komodo dragon with bright plumage around its head came charging towards them. The group screamed, and Steve instinctively ripped his ray gun out of its holster and started firing. The bolts of plasma tore through the monster's body and head, and it collapsed. Screaming for a second, it then burst into red smoke, which then coalesced into a ball of energy, which then zoomed off through the air. The trio watched it fly off in surprise, before turning to look at each other.

"Told you carrying this around was a good idea," Steve said to his sister smugly.

"Right," Viera rolled her eyes, "Like I was about to say, summoned monsters can be destroyed and banished back to where they came from. So until we can reverse or seal the portal they came from, we have to destroy them individually."

"Glad there's not a million of them, then," Dib said dryly, before turning to Mortos, "I don't suppose you can help any?"

"Mortos would like to help, but Mortos' powers very weak, need to recharge," the demon replied, gesturing to the cotton candy before giving a too-wide-to-be-genuine smile, "Maybe if you help me-"

"Nope, not happening," Dib waved him off, "I've got more important things to do than be your ATM."

The three of them ran off, heading deeper into the horde of monsters, leaving Mortos standing there. He watched them go, then shrugged and got back into line for his treat.

XXXXXXX

Zim grinned wickedly as he stood perched atop an overturned car, watching as the monster horde tore the city apart around him. He would have preferred a little more human suffering, but the few who'd been present in this part of the city seemed to have either already been dealt with or driven off. Well, no matter, as far as he was concerned.

"Yes, now _this_ is a horror holiday, Skoodge," he said to the other Irken, who was helping himself to some candy that had been left behind by a few trick-or-treaters who had been scared away by the rampage, "This city will soon be a burning wreck, and then the rest of Earth will surrender lest I do the same to more cities!"

"Didn't Norlock say he could only do this on Halloween, though?" Skoodge asked.

"The humans won't know that!" Zim snapped, "Their fear will consume them, and they'll give into it. Right, GIR?"

"' _Cause this is thriller, thriller night!_ " GIR sang as he danced nearby. He was wearing a red leather jacket and a long black wig, and for some reason a group of zombies had lined up behind him, copying his dance moves.

"Er, okay?" Zim said, blinking in confusion at the sight. Shaking it off, he turned to his other side, where Norlock was also dancing. In his case, it was a waltz, with his partner being a rather attractive young woman in a cat costume… who was also quite dead, judging by the glazed look in her eyes and the pair of bite marks on her neck.

"Zim admits it, this was a wonderful idea," he said, "I'm glad I inspired you to do it."

"Sure, let's say that's what happened," Norlock replied with a roll of his eyes. Finishing his dance, he spun his "partner" away; her corpse was promptly grabbed by a group of what looked like the Creature from the Black Lagoon's angry love children, who began devouring it. Norlock paid no attention to this, as he continued, "And to respond to what I overheard you saying to Skoodge, he's right, this is just a one night only sort of deal. While fear is a useful tool, I'd suggest you think of other means to capitalize on all this, just in case it's not enough."

Zim huffed, but couldn't think of a good counter to that, so went back to observing the horde with a frown. As he did, he noticed something, and that frown deepened.

"Didn't we have more of them?" he asked, gesturing to the horde, "The numbers seem lower than I remember."

"Oh, I dispatched a few groups to other points of interest elsewhere in the city," Norlock responded with a smirk, "Like the Deelishus Weenie building, for instance."

Zim snorted in amusement at that, as he tried to picture the look on Tak's face as his monsters started assaulting her base. However, his amusement was quickly stilled as there were a series of screeches and explosions in the distance, and a series of energy balls flew by them, heading back in the direction of Mystic Hill.

"What was that?" Skoodge asked, turning around to follow the spheres with his gaze. Norlock, meanwhile, frowned and leapt up into the air, landing in a perch atop a streetlamp. Peering down the street, he could just make out a spot where a large group of the monsters had congregated, which was being lit up by flashes of light, each followed by a sphere of light carrying a monster's essence flying off back towards the portal.

"Well, what is it? What's happening?!" Zim demanded up at Norlock.

"From the look of things, we have some party crashers," he replied, "And I think you can guess who."

Zim growled as he realized just what Norlock meant. Deploying his PAK legs, he hopped off of his seat atop the car and started scuttling down the street towards the fight.

"Come, my Halloweenie minions! Battle awaits!" he commanded as he ran. The monsters roared in excitement and followed after him, Skoodge running quickly to catch up.

Watching this, Norlock looked down and spotted Phil sitting nearby, casually eating one of GIR's backup dancer zombies, which was weakly struggling in his jaws. Bringing two fingers up to his mouth, the vampire whistled sharply to get the wolf's attention.

"Grab the others and follow," Norlock ordered. Phil spat out the partly-devoured zombie and barked in agreement. He then got to his feet and walked over to the still-dancing GIR. Grabbing the robot by the scruff of his jacket, Phil threw him into the air; as the jacket and wig went flying, he landed on Phil's back.

"Let's go, puppy!" GIR said happily. The wolf barked again and trotted off after Zim and the monsters. Meanwhile, Minimoose — who had been silently floating around and observing everything this whole time — started floating after them, only his slightly faster speed of movement showing any eagerness on his part.

Norlock watched them, and after a moment to appreciate the sight, hopped down to the street and followed after them, whistling happily.

XXXXXXX

Team Save Earth stood at a street corner, backed against the side of a building as enraged monsters circled them. But any that got too close found themselves incinerated by the Eye of Fire, blasted by Steve's blaster, or smashed away by a pipe that Dib had found somewhere along the way.

"I know you guys are probably as sick of hearing me say this as I am saying it," Dib said tersely, as he bashed in the head of a ghoul woman, "But I really, _really_ need to get my own weapon!"

"Put it on your to-do list!" Viera shouted back, incinerating a manticore, "Complaining about it right now isn't helping!"

"He's got a point, though," Steve commented, as he blasted what appeared to be a literal wolf spider (as in, a wolf with spider legs in its torso and mandibles in its mouth) until it disintegrated, "We make it through this, we really need to make some upgrades."

Any further conversation on the subject was cut short as the monsters all suddenly stopped attacking, and pulled back to a moderate distance. The trio could only stare in surprise at that.

"What just happened?" Dib asked.

"Dib-Stink! Not-Dibs!" Zim shouted, as he stomped over, the monsters parting to let him pass, "How dare you defy my monster army?"

"Zim! You did this?" Dib asked, glaring at him, "Why am I not surprised?"

"Yes, this is Zim's doing, and you should cower in fear at it!" Zim said with a sneer, before looking Dib over with confusion, "And what are you supposed to be dressed up as?"

"Uh, I think he's dressed as you, Zim," Skoodge commented as he walked up. Zim blinked, and gave Dib's costume another look.

"What? No he's not," he said with a frown, "Zim is not that ugly!"

"Debatable," Dib snarked back. Zim growled, and was about to say something else, when he was suddenly cut off.

"Little big-headed friend!" Mortos called out, walking past the monsters and up to the group, holding a large ice cream cone, "Do you any money for ice cream? Mortos sorta left candy man waiting."

To say that the mood was killed by this would be an understatement, as even the monsters were staring at Mortos in confusion. Finally, Dib snapped out of the collective shock and glared at the demon.

"Are you kidding me? I specifically said that I wasn't going to pay for things for you this time!" he exclaimed, throwing up his hands in disgust.

"I thought you just meant cotton candy?" Mortos asked, licking at the ice cream.

"I meant anything! Now scram, we're in the middle of something here!"

"Who's this guy?" Skoodge asked, turning from the bizarre scene to Zim, who scratched his head in confusion.

"I'm not sure," he admitted, "He looks familiar, but I can't place it."

"I remembers him!" GIR chimed in cheerfully, "He's that guy who was hanging around with Dib dat time we were throwing dem mutant rat things around the city, but he didn't do nothing to help, and I shot a sandwich at Dib outta mah head!"

The Irkens stared at the robot, then shrugged and turned back to where Dib was still arguing with the quite oblivious Mortos.

"Enough of this!" Zim shouted after a moment, marching up to the pair of them, "Begone with you, fat demon man! Dib is not here for you to annoy, he's for me to destroy!"

"Hmm?" Mortos mused, looking down at Zim in surprise, "Oh, hello, little green space bug man."

"Bug?! You dare insult Zim? I should make you eat your own legs!"

"I've actually made people do that," Norlock commented as he strolled up, taking in the scene with a raised eyebrow.

"Norlock! Dispose of this stink-pig!" Zim commanded, pointing at Mortos, who was still licking his ice cream.

"And you would be?" Norlock asked, looking Mortos up and down.

"I am Mortos!" the demon exclaimed.

"Does he _have_ to keep saying that?" Viera muttered, warily eyeing the monsters, which were still keeping their distance. Norlock, meanwhile, scratched his chin in thought, before his eyes lit up in recognition.

"Oh yes, Mortos der Soulstealer. I've heard of you," he said. Mortos puffed up in pride in response to that.

"Yes, Mortos is very well known across all the worlds," he said, egotistically.

"Well known for being a mooch and a hack, you mean," Norlock said, which immediately killed Mortos' high and had him glaring at the vampire.

"What you just call Mortos?" he demanded harshly, the threatening image he was trying to present diminished somewhat by the fact he was holding out his ice cream as an impromptu weapon.

"I called you an overrated fraud who gets other people to pay for his hedonistic thrills in exchange for him doing parlor tricks for them," Norlock replied evenly, knocking aside Mortos' ice cream and sending it crashing to the ground, "So why don't you get out of here and let the professionals-"

 _BAM!_

Mortos punched Norlock square in the face. It was such a powerful blow that the vampire went flying through the air, actually smashing through several monsters, who dissolved into their energy spheres and went zipping back towards the portal, while Norlock kept flying. He finally came to a crashing stop, in the wall of a nearby building, which caved in around him.

Everyone, even the monsters, stared slack-jawed at this display of power. Mortos, meanwhile, was surrounded by an aura of green fire, eyes burning with fury as he marched over to the pile of rubble he'd just created.

"You call Mortos mooch? You call Mortos hack and fraud? You ruin Mortos' ice cream?!" the demon shouted, "I will tear you apart, and feast on your soul!"

Just as he reached the rubble, however, it suddenly exploded in a blast of black flames, the debris hitting Mortos and driving him back. The resulting smoke quickly cleared, revealing Norlock standing tall and uninjured, but looking rather angry.

"Right, now I'm ticked," the vampire said, "I'm not about to let myself get kicked around by a nuisance like you."

Norlock threw his hands forward, and a torrent of black fire shot at Mortos. The demon braced himself and crossed his arms over his face, and the flames flowed over him. The intensity of them actually drove him back a few feet, grinding up the sidewalk beneath him as he went, before the fires finally extinguished themselves after several minutes.

As the flames dispersed, Norlock didn't waste any time charging forward, pulling his arms back and preparing to strike. Before he could get close to Mortos, however, the demon responded throwing his arms out, sending out a wave of green fire. Norlock jumped into the air to avoid it, spinning around in the air so that his landing allowed him to kick Mortos in the head.

Mortos was knocked to the ground, while Norlock hit it and rolled, before coming to a stop in a crouch. He then charged at Mortos again, only for Mortos to reach out from where he was lying on the ground to grab the leg of a nearby monster, which looked like a giant Komodo dragon, and threw the whole thing at Norlock. This caught the vampire off guard, and he was unable to dodge in time before the monster hit him, bowling him over and knocking him to the ground.

As Norlock struggled to get out from under the unconscious monster pinning him to the sidewalk, Mortos got to his feet and started stomping over towards him. But he only made it a few feet before a snarling Phil suddenly tackled him in an attempt to defend his master. Mortos yelped in pain as he flailed around, trying to dislodge the wolf who was doing his best to rip his throat out.

"So, should we help, or…?" Skoodge said, being the first person present to find his voice. His words seemed to snap Zim out of his own engrossing shock.

"No," he responded, "If Norlock can't beat this thing, it's his own fault for picking a fight in the first place."

Even as he said that, Zim continued to watch the fight intently. Meanwhile, Team Save Earth were also totally engrossed in the battle.

"Wow," Steve commented at last, "Gotta say, he's a lot tougher than he looks."

"Yeah," Dib agreed, stunned, "I think he's shown more power in the last couple of minutes than he did the whole time he was around last time."

"Uh, guys? You think maybe we should stop gawking and figure out what we're supposed to do about all this?" Viera asked, gesturing to the army of monsters still surrounding them, silently watching the fight as well. This snapped the boys out of their grim fascination with the fight, and they also started looking around nervously.

"Okay, so, just attacking them isn't going to work in the long run," Dib said, "There's a lot more of them than we thought there were, and we don't have the weaponry to deal with them all."

"And we still have no idea where the portal is, so we can't even try to close it and send them back where they came from," Viera added, biting back a curse, "So what do we do?"

"The way I see it, we really only have one choice," Steve said, resignedly, "We need to find a place we can fortify and hold up. Then with a little luck we can pick off enough of them to try and even the odds a little."

Any further conversation was cut off as Mortos gave a cry of rage, finally managing to grab ahold of Phil. Ripping the wolf free, Mortos threw him aside, sending him bouncing down the street. Seeing this, Norlock's eyes widened in shock, which quickly turned to fury. Giving a primal cry of his own, he unleashed an explosion of black fire, which destroyed the monster still on top of him, before launching himself once more at Mortos. This time he collided, and the two rolled across the street in a ball of mixed green and black flames, which burst as they came to a crashing halt against a streetlamp. As the flames and smoke dissipated, Mortos was revealed to be on top, one leg pinning Norlock in a heap against the base of the streetlamp.

"Now, Mortos destroy you!" Mortos exclaimed, flames rising up in an aura around him as he raised his fists above his head. Struggling futilely against the foot pressed against, Norlock finally lashed out in one final move of total, pure desperation.

 _CRACK!_

Namely, he punched Mortos square in the crotch.

As every other male present — human, Irken, and even monster — winced in sympathetic pain, Mortos' flames extinguished, leaving him standing there, arms still over his head, face frozen in stunned shock. After a moment, his face scrunched up in agony, and he collapsed, curling up into a ball on the street, whimpering. Norlock, meanwhile, slowly got to his feet and brushed himself off. Glaring down at Mortos, he then turned to the streetlamp and, with minimal effort, ripped it out of the ground. Giving a few experimental swings, he then slammed it into Mortos' side, sending him flying across the street to smash through a glass storefront.

"Ha! Hole in one!" Norlock laughed, tossing the lamp aside.

"You don't think that was a bit… much?" Skoodge asked, legs crossed protectively. Seeing this, Norlock rolled his eyes.

"Oh, grow up. All's fair in battle," he said, before turning to Zim while simultaneously gesturing at Team Save Earth, "Now then. Shall we continue?"

"Er, right, yes," Zim said, coughing awkwardly, before regaining his usual smug arrogance and turning back to Dib, "Where was I, Dib-Stink? Hmm, yes, now I remember. I was about to order your des-AH!"

Zim didn't get a chance to finish his threat, as Dib suddenly threw his pipe through the air, smacking Zim directly in the face. As the Invader fell to the ground, his allies looking on in surprise, the twins also sprang into action; Viera swept the Eye around in an arc, creating a semicircular wall of fire that drove back most of the monsters, while Steve rapidly fired at the ones still with a clear line on the group, destroying them and clearing a path.

"Move!" Dib shouted. The three of them bolted for it through the opening that Steve had created, rushing down the street as fast as they could. Zim, meanwhile, got back to his feet, rubbing at his sore face.

"Grrr, get them!" he growled, pointing down the street at the fleeing humans. In response, Norlock slashed a hand, causing the flames to disperse and allowing the monsters to chase after them, roars and howls echoing through the night air.

As the group followed after the monsters, Norlock paused to glare in disgust at the store he'd knocked Mortos into, while Phil trotted up and nuzzled him. Petting the wolf to soothe them both, Norlock stood there a moment longer before shaking it off and turning to follow the others, choosing to ignore that hiccup and focus on everything else going right.

Yes, overall, things were going perfectly to plan.

 _Deelishus Weenie Building, Same Time_

Tak stood in the central control room, Tenn and MIMI besides her as all three stared up at the monitor screens. The security feed from the exterior cameras showed a horde of monsters encircling and attacking the building, barely being held back by the laser cannons firing on them from the upper levels.

"I still say we should go down there and deal with these things personally," Tenn said, watching the screens warily.

"The defenses are holding," Tak replied, watching as several more monsters were blasted and reduced to those strange orbs, which flew off, "No need to put ourselves in harm's way when the work can be done for us."

Tenn grunted noncommittally and continued to watch the screens before asking, "What _are_ they, anyway? I haven't seen anything like them in my research of Earth's native lifeforms."

"I'm not sure myself," Tak admitted, "Could be they migrated from some other climate, but my monies are on this all somehow being Zim's fault. It usually is."

Tenn was about to comment on how Tak's obsession with Zim (which was definitely a thing, even if she denied it) meant she probably blamed him for everything even if it wasn't actually his fault, but before she could think of a way to say it without getting punched, something suddenly changed with the monsters. They pulled back, staying outside the range of the defenses, and just sat there, glaring at the building.

"What are they doing?" Tenn asked, frowning in suspicion.

"It's probably just their primitive brains finally realizing that they can't get past the perimeter," Tak said with a smug smile, which was quickly wiped off her face by surprise, "What the…?"

The source of her confusion was the creature emerging from the horde, the monsters surrounding it parting to let it pass. It was a massive troll, easily as tall as an old-fashioned phone booth and packed with more muscles than a professional wrestler. But the oddest part of its appearance was its truly massive head, which was roughly the size of a dining room table, and completely flat on top, making it look like some kind of giant hammer.

The troll roared, throwing its arms back to flex its huge muscles in a show of intimidation. Then it lowered its head and charged forward, its oddly shaped cranium extended forward like a battering ram. The defense cannons fired, but the lasers either missed as the surprisingly speedy monster dashed past where they were hitting, or even more surprisingly, hit its head and bounced right off without leaving a mark. Ignoring it all, the troll continued forward, never breaking stride as it charged towards the building. Until finally, it impacted right into the wall with a massive smashing sound… and then collapsed, unconscious, to the ground.

There was a moment of silence as the troll lay there, the fact that it wasn't dispersing into an energy sphere the only evidence that it was still alive. Then, suddenly, the wall it had rammed became riddled with cracks, before caving in completely, creating a large opening right into the interior of the building. One that the other monsters immediately took advantage of; the cannons took out many of them as they charged, but the majority of them managed to make it through the breach.

"… _Flirk_ ," Tak cursed almost dispassionately as she processed what had just happened. Tenn, meanwhile, was faster to react, jumping forward to slap a button on the console and trigger the internal defenses. As alarms blared throughout the building, Tak snapped out of her shock and bolted towards the central corridor, Tenn and MIMI following behind her.

Reaching the pit that had once been the heart of the magma pump, the group looked down. Monsters were swarming through the building, running up stairways and ramps, crawling up the walls, and in some cases flying right up the open space towards the upper levels, and all them seemingly dedicated to smashing everything in sight. Floating security drones and wall-mounted laser cannons picked off all that they could, but were clearly having a minimal effect.

"Well, this should be fun," Tenn muttered sarcastically. Sharing a look with Tak, they nodded, before simultaneously deploying their PAK legs and leaping into the fray below, MIMI zooming in after them.

The air was soon filled with the energy spheres of many dispersed monsters as the Irkens and the SIR unit hacked, slashed, and blasted their way through the horde, even as more of it spread out to the rest of the building, destroying everything they could get their hand, paws, and claws on.

 _Across Town, Several Hours Later_

Norlock stood at the mouth of an alleyway, gaze fixated on the sight across the street. A massive portion of the monsters had surrounded a cafe which Team Save Earth had barricaded themselves in, turning it into a surprisingly effective makeshift fortress. Zim was yelling orders at the monsters and driving them to attack, but any time any of them got close, plasma blasts or streams of fire drove them back.

Their side had the numerical upper hand, Norlock knew that. But the humans' weapons gave them range and an effective way of whittling down the monsters' numbers before they could fully press any attack enough to break through their defenses and overwhelm them. It was a stalemate, one slanted towards the humans' favor, since — though Norlock doubted they knew this yet — the monsters would all be driven away once the sun rose, an event that was getting closer by the moment.

The vampire was pulled from his musings by sounds behind him. Turning around, Norlock watched as two monsters emerged from the darkness and approached him. One was a giant slug with a mouth-like opening full of razor-sharp teeth, and the other a skeletal figure whose head was a mass of tentacles and eyes. The latter was holding a small pouch in its hand, which it held out to Norlock, while the slug extended a tongue with a similar pouch on it.

Norlock took these pouches, ignoring the slime on the slug's, and carefully opened them both just enough to check their contents. Smirking widely as he confirmed that they contained what he wanted, he waved the monsters away to join the rest of the besieging horde. Once they were gone, he securely slipped the pouches into an inner pocket of his suit, then cracked his neck to relieve some of the stress he'd been feeling this whole night.

"Right then. Let's wrap things up," he said, stalking towards the siege.

XXXXXXX

Within the cafe, Steve and Viera stood behind their makeshift barricade of stacked chairs and tables, glancing nervously out at the horde of the monsters encircling their safe haven. Right now the attacks had paused, giving them a respite, but they both knew it was only temporary. And given that they were both exhausted from the long night of fighting, they also knew that they didn't have the energy to keep going indefinitely.

"Any luck back there?" Steve called out. Dib was in the cafe manager's office, on the desktop computer, having used it to log onto the Swollen Eyeball Network's online archives in search of anything that might tell them how to combat the monsters more efficiently.

"Well, I've got good news and bad news," Dib replied, looking at the screen carefully, "The good news is I'm pretty sure I figured out how these things all got summoned up. The bad news, if I'm reading this right, is that the only way to get rid of them all at once other than the summoner undoing the spell is for it to be cancelled out naturally by sunrise."

"Terrific," Steve said dryly, "So, how long until-"

"Incoming!" Viera shouted, tackling her brother aside just before the entire front of the cafe exploded in black flames. When the dust and smoke cleared, Norlock was revealed to be standing in front of the hole now in the side of the building, the monsters milling about behind him.

"Forgive the cliche," he said, "But it seems if you want something done right, you truly do have to do it yourself."

"You can do what you want with the Not-Dibs," Zim said firmly, walking over to Norlock and glaring up at him, "But the Dib-Smell is mine to destroy, remember that."

"Yes, I know," Norlock replied, waving Zim off, before turning back to the twins, "Now then, who's first?"

 _SMACK!_

To everyone's surprise, a computer suddenly flew through the air and slammed into Norlock's head, shattering from the force of the impact and knocking Norlock back on his heels, though he didn't fall over. Everyone turned to see Dib standing not far behind the twins, clearly being the one who had thrown the computer.

The sight snapped the twins out of their surprise, and they turned back to Norlock, Steve's blaster and Viera's amulet firing full blast. Slightly stunned by Dib's unexpected attack, Norlock barely dodged in time, leaping into the air. He landed behind the twins and promptly swept their legs out from under them, knocking them to the floor. But before he could capitalize on this, Dib ran up and broke a chair over his head. And as Norlock reeled away from the blow, Dib then stabbed the broken ends of the chair into the vampire's side.

"GARRGGHH!" Norlock yelled in pain, black ichor gushing from his wounds. Ripping the broken pieces of chair out of his body, he swung them like a club at Dib, knocking him to the floor.

"I hope you realize that, while that hurt like Satan's bleeding ulcers, you didn't come close to staking me properly," he growled, tossing away the wood, "So what did you think you were going to accomplish?"

"Distracting you seemed like it'd be worth it," Dib replied smugly. Norlock's eyes widened, and then he screamed again as he was engulfed in flames. Shrieking, he leapt away, clearing the way for Steve and Viera to run over to their friend, Viera helping him up while Steve fired repeatedly at Norlock.

Impressively, despite being on fire and writhing in pain, Norlock still managed to avoid every shot sent his way. And after only a few minutes, he had managed to extinguish the flames, the burns on his exposed flesh already healing. And to say he looked pissed off would be a vast understatement.

"Enough!" he snarled. Holding his hands over his head, he gathered dark energy into a sphere, before throwing it forward. It burst out in a wave, washing out towards the trio, who all threw themselves flat on the floor. The wave of destruction passed over them, smashing through the interior of the cafe, obliterating everything in its path. By the end, it had even burst through the walls, causing the roof to collapse and disintegrate as it was caught in the tail of the wave. Before long, the whole building was gone, leaving Team Save Earth sitting in the middle of a vacant lot full of debris, which was quickly surrounded by the monsters.

"Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide," Norlock chuckled, looking them over and taking in their looks of exhaustion, "And from the look of things, not much fight left in any of you. Pity, really — this was so thrilling my heart almost started beating again."

"Stop with the bantering, no one wants to hear it!" Zim snapped, still standing on the sidelines.

"So it's only okay when you do it?" Norlock asked, looking at Zim over his shoulder.

"Zim does not banter! Does Zim banter?" the irate Irken asked Skoodge, who was standing next to him.

"Well, I guess technically-" Skoodge started to say, only to be cut off.

"See! Zim doesn't banter, I just point out my natural superiority that everyone should know about because I am Zim! Now stop wasting time with this already and finish them so I can go back to destroying this city!"

Norlock rolled his eyes at that and turned back to the humans, who had managed to get back to their feet and were glaring defiantly at him.

"Well, on that note, any last witty remarks before we wrap things up?" he asked. To his surprise, after taking a quick look around, the trio shared a look before they all smirked at him.

"Just this," Dib said, pointing to the side, "Good morning."

Norlock's head snapped to look where Dib was pointing, and his eyes widened in horror as the eastern horizon started lighting up. And as the first beams of sunlight streamed across the city, the effect was immediate. A tremor seemed to run through all the monsters, and with a chorus of shrieks and roars, they all began reverting to energy spheres and shooting off through the air back towards the portal.

This was repeated all across the city — in the quiet neighborhoods the monsters had begun to spill into, in the Deelishus Weenie building where Tak and Tenn looked on in surprise as their enemies all vaporized before them, and in the downtown streets they had previously overrun. Though in the case of the latter, the shrieks were joined by a loud cry of "I am Mortos!" as the demon in question regained consciousness from his beating just long enough to notice what was happening before he was dragged off.

The countless spheres of demonic energy streamed across the sky back towards Mystic Hill, disappearing into the portal from whence they came. And as the last of them returned to the depths, the portal closed, the crevasse surrounding it slamming shut. As it did, a shockwave was sent out, which slammed into Norlock's still active array, shattering the skulls statue to dust and extinguishing the candles, which were then scattered through the air.

Meanwhile, back in the city, while Zim and the rest of his allies watched the monsters all vanish in shock (except for GIR, who cheerfully waved them all goodbye), Norlock was too busy trying to cover himself with his arms and cape, smoke already rising from his flesh as the sunlight began to pass over him. Snarling in pain, he turned to glare at the smugly triumphant Team Save Earth… and to their surprise, gave a smug smirk of his own.

Before they could even try to understand that, however, he turned on the spot and shifted into his demon bat form, taking to the sky and zooming off towards Zim's base. Phil barked and ran off after his master, leaving the Irkens and their robots standing there awkwardly.

"Uhm…" Skoodge said after a moment of uncomfortable silence, "Call it even?"

"You win nothing, humans!" Zim exclaimed, "This is just a setback! Minimoose! Escape cover!"

"Squeak!" Minimoose responded, before launching a blast of energy from his antlers at the ground between their group and the humans, sending up a cloud of dust. By the time it cleared, Zim and the others had all disappeared.

Team Save Earth stood there for a moment, processing all that had just happened. Then as one, they slumped to the ground, all three of them leaning against each other for support.

"So, that all happened," Steve said after a few moments, "Anyone mind if I sleep 'til Christmas?"

That earned a tired snort from both of the others. However, they quickly sobered, Viera in particular frowning hard in thought.

"Was it just me, or did Norlock not seem nearly as upset about losing as he should have?" she asked.

"No, I saw it too," Dib said, "Maybe he was just trying to mess with us? I don't know, I'm too tired to think straight. You guys wanna crash at my place?"

The twins muttered agreements, and with groans of exhaustion, the trio got to their feet and started trudging off down the street.

 _Zim's Base, A Short Time Later_

Norlock had pulled all the blinds, shutting out the sun entirely, and was now sitting in a chair in a darkened corner of the room. He was covered in burns from the sunlight, but despite that seemed to be in a good mood, smirking as he sipped from a wine glass full of blood, the ingestion accelerating the healing of his wounds.

His peaceful moment was interrupted as the door was kicked open, allowing Zim and the other entry to the base. Norlock flinched at the light and instinctively raised a shielding hand, though he was too far from the door for any of the light to hit him.

"You useless sack of undead stink-meat!" Zim yelled, glaring at Norlock, "This whole night has a total waste!"

"I wouldn't say that," Norlock replied, taking another sip. The casual nature of this act seemed to only further enrage Zim, who stalked over and smacked the glass out of Norlock's hand.

"Oh no? You didn't destroy Dib's allies, we saw on the way here that the damage to the city was superficial at best, and it didn't even look like all that many humans even died during this whole onslaught!" Zim said, "You completely failed!"

Norlock frowned at the spot on the floor where his glass had shattered and spilled its contents, but smiled as he turned back to Zim.

"Did I?" he asked. Reaching into a pocket, he pulled out the pouches that the monsters had delivered to him earlier and tossed them to Zim. The Invader caught them instinctively, and curiously opened one to peer inside… and his eyes widened in shock. He then quickly opened up the other pouch and checked it as well.

"Wha… how?" was all he managed to say.

"I told you I dispatched groups of the monsters to other parts of the city," Norlock replied, "You never asked if I gave them any additional orders on top of the devastation. You, like everyone else I assume, only saw the attack, without once assuming there was anything more."

"But, why? Why do it like this? And why not just tell me?" Zim demanded, even as he clutched the pouches closer.

"Consider it a lesson," Norlock said, clasping his hands behind his back, "Let me tell you a story. Long ago, in the glory days of Rome, I watched a fight between two gladiators. For the sake of the story, let's call them Maximus and Commodus. Maximus was the warrior in better shape and with greater skill, so Commodus tried to counter this by means of wielding a larger weapon, a massive sword designed to give him greater reach and striking power. And oh, how that battle raged, for hours on end. Maximus practically danced around Commodus, never able to get close enough to do any real damage with his shorter blades because of the great sword's larger range. Commodus, meanwhile, struck many wounds with his sword, but with its weight dragging him down and sapping his stamina. Eventually, this allowed Maximus to pin him against a wall, putting all his power into pressing Commodus' own sword against him… at which point Commodus took a hidden dagger from his belt and stabbed it into Maximus' heart."

XXXXXXX

At the Deelishus Weenie building, Tak and Tenn, both of them roughed up and with various wounds, stumbled back into the main control room, a slightly damaged MIMI trailing after them. While both wanted nothing more than to grab a Vortian firewhiskey to wind down after the unexpected battle, they found themselves coming to a sudden stop in shock.

The control room was torn apart, claw marks covering everything. But most importantly, the container holding the Meekrob crystal shard was shattered. And the shard itself was nowhere to be seen.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened.

"ZIIIIMMMM!" Tak screamed in rage.

XXXXXXX

"You see, Commodus' strategy was never to defeat Maximus with the sword, it was just to make him _think_ it was, so he'd put all his focus on countering it, blinding him to all other threats. Now, Commodus _could_ have killed Maximus with the sword, and if he had, all the better. But ultimately, it was just a decoy, designed to give that dagger its opening. Just like this whole spectacle with the monsters was just a diversion, to keep Dib and Tak and their hangers-on busy and their attention away from my real goal."

XXXXXXX

Team Save Earth slowly made their way into Dib's neighborhood, all of them intent on getting into his house and collapsing onto the first comfortable surface any of them could find. But their exhaustion was soon washed away by surprise as the house finally came into view.

A trail of odd slime trailed up the sidewalk, up to the Membrane's front door, which was knocked off of its hinges. And another trail was running down the side of the house from Dib's smashed bedroom window, disappearing back into the original trail.

Dib could only stare in shock and confusion, before his eyes widened in sudden panic. He bolted for the house, the twins chasing after him, but he barely noticed. He ran up the stairs to his room, the door of which was also knocked down, and the interior of which was wrecked.

But one thing in particular caught his attention. The secret safe in the wall next to his closet, where he'd been keeping his team's shard of the Meekrob crystal, had been torn out of its setting, and its steel door ripped off. And worst of all, the interior of the slime-coated thing was now totally empty.

"Oh, no," was all he could say, as the twins came in and also realized what had happened.

XXXXXXX

"And let that be one of the most important things I ever teach you, my alien friend. If you want victory, chart more than one path to it. Build plans on top of plans. Let your enemies think that one thing you want is the _only_ thing you want, and they'll never see your true endgame coming until it's too late," Norlock finished his lecture as he and the Irkens entered the lab.

Zim wasn't listening, as usual. But this time, at least, he had a reason. Namely, the two crystal shards in his hands, glowing brightly due to their proximity to each other. A glow that only intensified as he approached the container holding his own shard, which was likewise glowing. As Zim approached, the container slid open, and he held the shards in his hands out to the one within. All three glowed even brighter, before liquifying and flowing together. Within seconds, the fluid had re-solidified, reforming the crystal cylinder that the three teams had all first fought over back in the CREAM facility.

"Wow, it's actually kind of beautiful," Skoodge commented in awe.

"Yes, beautiful. And all _mine_ ," Zim hissed in glee, before throwing his head back in a maniacal laugh, "MWAHAHAHAHAHA! You hear that Tak, Tenn, Dib-Stink? Zim wins! Zim _always_ wins!"

"Don't thank me all at once," Norlock dryly cut into the gloating. Zim paused, annoyed, and almost looked like he was going to snap at the vampire. But to everyone's surprise, he didn't.

"Yes, I suppose Zim owes you thanks," Zim said, "Obviously, I could have done this without you eventually, but you've saved me some time with all this, I suppose."

"I guess that's the best I'm going to get from you," Norlock said with an eye roll. Then he yawned, and cracked his neck, "Well, I'll leave you too it. I need sleep."

He gave a dramatic bow, before turning on his heel and stalking off in the direction of his coffin. But Zim didn't notice, his attention once more solely on the crystal.

"Computer," he practically purred, "Begin decoding."

"Yes, master," the Computer replied. The console began whirring as all processing power was diverted to cracking the intense coding of the restored Meekrob encryption. As it did, Zim started laughing again, in anticipation of the glory awaiting him once he found Project Domination, now so close to being in his grasp.

And the universe itself seemed to tremble at the sound.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **End Episode 16**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: Boom, mic drop! Bet you weren't all expecting what started out as what seemed to be another standalone episode to be such a game changer, did you?**

 **So, yeah, this is why I had to do the beach chapter first. Aside from the fact that I can't see anyone going to the beach after Halloween, even if I could justify that, such a (relatively) light chapter would have killed the momentum I'm building here. Because let me be honest folks, this season is in the home stretch — next chapter builds off this one, there's one last filler chapter as a final breather episode after that, and then it's a straight run to the seasonal climax.**

 **And on that note, I'm gonna sign off now and let you all digest all of this.**

 **Next time: The fight over the Meekrob crystal hits a boiling point. And the status quo gets a hammer to the face.**

 **Until then, read and review!**


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